Question about paying parents bill

[Someguy1234]

Hello,
I have an issue I need some advice on that is causing some tension in my marriage. My wife's father is a pastor of a small church and her mother does not work due to health issues. Their income is not very high at all and so for the last 5 or so years we have been paying their cell phone bill. We added them to our plan and just pay it all. About 4-6 months ago the church decided to start giving him an extra $50 a month for his cell phone. He said he would just start paying that money directly to the cell company but has only done it once even though the church has been giving him the money. I'm very upset by this not because we need the money but because I feel it is morally wrong. My wife said they need the money more than us so we just shouldn't worry about it but I feel like he is cheating the church out of money.

What do you all think? Should I just not say anything more about it or express my concerns?

 

[jacks]

Just pay the bill, you will be happier in the long run. Think of it as a donation to the church and domestic tranquility.

 

[WolfGate]

Is it just this cell phone or do you have greater concerns about his integrity or morality?

If this is the only concern you have, then I tend to think you're getting caught up a bit in when you probably should not. I would have an issue if the church gave him money so he could have a cell phone (understandable need for the congregation to reach him) and he then did not have a cellphone. If you choose not to keep him on your plan, then he has an obligation to get a new cell phone plan.

If the church wanted to be sure the money was only used for cell phone, they could set it up where he submitted a bill and proof of payment and they reimburse the exact amount as a business expense. They did not do that, so as I see it they provide him money to assure he has cell phone but are not requiring it to be used only for that. In this case someone else (you) are also donating cell service (but are not obligated to) so the money legitimately and morally can be used elsewhere as long as you have him on your plan.

 

[DZoolander]

meh, I'd just pay it. Unless they're doing something crappy with the money like sustaining a meth habit or something, when you're poor everything that comes in goes into a grand kitty of cash that goes out every month for the necessities of life. If that $50 isn't going directly to the cel phone company, but may be going toward something like food, what does it really matter?

Leave it be.

 

[macks116]

Being on both sides of the token in regards to bills. I know I was very grateful of others helping me with monthly bills. I also became frustrated when others "owed" me for what I did for them.

I see how he is not living up to his word and that erks me a bit also. I am much a person of justice.

The reality is $50 is not a lot of money with our current inflation climate. However, that $50 could be going to their utilities or something that is necessary?

I am reminded by the words of Jesus.

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'" Matthew 25:40

Remember you are storing TREASURE in heaven. That is motivation enough to keep doing what you're doing.

 

[rob_aston]

I feel it is morally wrong

correct but it's not your responsibility

 

[NicoleWilliams]

Hi, there. Your concerns are valid regarding your father-in-law’s behavior. I think I agree with what “Jacks” said – you would be happier in the long run if you helped him. I am in the exact same boat as you, and trust me – I don’t feel bad about helping my in-laws. If you think it is really bothering you then I think it would be a good idea if you can talk to him and let him know how you’re feeling about this – may be it can help you. Good luck!

 

[HannahT]

About 4-6 months ago the church decided to start giving him an extra $50 a month for his cell phone. He said he would just start paying that money directly to the cell company but has only done it once even though the church has been giving him the money. I'm very upset by this not because we need the money but because I feel it is morally wrong. My wife said they need the money more than us so we just shouldn't worry about it but I feel like he is cheating the church out of money.

Many churches aren't able to help out in ways that would help the pastor and his family out financially. Chances are pretty good that he needs that extra money for something else - medicine, food, gas, etc. It more sounds like the church isn't paying him a living wage, and so you/he is are not cheating them at all.

Yes, it would bother me to if he didn't say anything to me why he wasn't paying. It maybe that is embarrassed that he isn't able to do so himself. Not being able to pay bills that you need to can really tank your sense of self esteem. Pride could be why he isn't telling you what is going on - and I'm not making excuses. I'm just speaking of a human condition.

You could approach him with kindness, and make it clear you are going to continue to pay for his cell phone. It's your contribution towards his mission for God. Yet, you are concerned that maybe the church doesn't know how much you are struggling financially...and could use more help from them.

That might just get the conversation going as to what is truly going on while allowing the man to keep his sense of pride. Approach it with humility, because it maybe that the church doesn't know that it is they that are cheating him out of the quality of life they both deserve. $50.00 could be alot for him, and if they church can't contribute more? Look at it as a salary increase...but still not enough.

 

[RDKirk]

when you're poor everything that comes in goes into a grand kitty of cash that goes out every month for the necessities of life. If that $50 isn't going directly to the cel phone company, but may be going toward something like food, what does it really matter?

Leave it be.

No better way to explain it.