Pre-Marriage Question?

[AMONA]

Hello. I wanted some advice on this.

We have been dating for 1.5 yrs. As the relationship is extremely serious, we are at a stage where we NEED to decide if the relationship should end, or pursue marriage. The ONLY red flags that i see is that:
1. our parents are not fully comfortable with us getting married due to culture
2. Although he reads the bible and attends church and obeys the commandments, he does not believe that Jesus is God.

What do you think about this situation?

 

[miamited]

Hi amona,

Well, you'll get a lively discussion going with the last issue. I am also a firm believer in God. I also know that He exists, that His word is true and that His Son died for my sin. I also am usually in disagreement over the 'Jesus is God' issue.

God spoke to the prophets and called Jesus His servant. God called Jesus His Son and Jesus called God His Father. I'm satisfied with that understanding. The Revelation of Jesus opens:

The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show his servants what must soon take place.

Clearly there seems to be a separation of some sort between the identities of God and Jesus.

Paul opens his writing to the Romans thus:

Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel of God-- the gospel he promised beforehand through his prophets in the Holy Scriptures regarding his Son, who as to his human nature was a descendant of David, and who through the Spirit of holiness was declared with power to be the Son of God by his resurrection from the dead: Jesus Christ our Lord

Clearly Paul thought of Jesus as God's Son.

I'm afraid that many of the 'Jesus is God' crowd are a lot like the 'KJV only' crowd. It's what they've been taught and it is such a scary subject to bring up among a group of 'christians' and so just agreeing that Jesus is God is the easier way to find acceptance.

I believe in the trinity of God, but that each part of the trinity has a separate and unique identity. So, if I were you, I wouldn't write someone off just because they don't agree that Jesus is God, but that's up to you.

Now, as far as your parents, well, you'll have to decide if the two of you will be able to bear that burden for the rest of your lives. I'd just make real sure that he is willing to put you before them in his desire of who he wants to please from now on. If he is strong enough to sit them down and say something like:

"Look, I love you both dearly, but we are going to get married. I want you to know up front that if that's going to cause a problem in our relationship, then I'm going to be on my wife's side because in marriage God commands that I forsake all others and cling only to her. It is my hope that no matter what differences you have can be set aside and that you will accept her as my wife, be it good or bad, and I as her husband, be it good or bad."

If he is not willing to forsake all others if that's what it comes down to, then I'd hold off on any marriage plans.

God bless you.
In Christ, Ted.

 

[phydaux]

How old are you?

and

What do you mean by "culture?"


And just to cut to the chase, I know a LOT of young girls whose sole criteria in picking a boyfriend is how much that guy will P-off their parents.

I'm not saying that YOU would ever do such a thing, I'm just saying that a LOT of young girls do it.

 

[Neogaia777]

Premarital sex, (or sex before a serious commitment or oath toward God to be with that one and that one only, forever) should not be allowed, one should have to abstain until after marriage in my opinion...

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

Hello. I wanted some advice on this.

We have been dating for 1.5 yrs. As the relationship is extremely serious, we are at a stage where we NEED to decide if the relationship should end, or pursue marriage. The ONLY red flags that i see is that:
1. our parents are not fully comfortable with us getting married due to culture
2. Although he reads the bible and attends church and obeys the commandments, he does not believe that Jesus is God.

What do you think about this situation?

Is the relationship so serious, that you consider each other your significant other, you one and only true love, and have you both made an oath before God to be committed to each other forever?

What's the culture problem?

What Christian denomination is he that he doesn't believe Jesus is God?

Need more info, before I can advise?

Praying

God Bless!

 

[AMONA]

Premarital sex, (or sex before a serious commitment or oath toward God to be with that one and that one only, forever) should not be allowed, one should have to abstain until after marriage in my opinion...

God Bless!

Not sure where this came from, but you are absolutely correct. Thanks!

How old are you?

and

What do you mean by "culture?"


And just to cut to the chase, I know a LOT of young girls whose sole criteria in picking a boyfriend is how much that guy will P-off their parents.

I'm not saying that YOU would ever do such a thing, I'm just saying that a LOT of young girls do it.

Is the relationship so serious, that you consider each other your significant other, you one and only true love, and have you both made an oath before God to be committed to each other forever?

What's the culture problem?

What Christian denomination is he that he doesn't believe Jesus is God?

Need more info, before I can advise?

Praying

God Bless!

Thanks for replying. To answer your questions, i am 24. about him, actually, he was raised in a Muslim household. He was always a "seeker" of wisdom, and has sought wisdom from the Bible. While he reads it, he finds a different message than what is taught in traditional christian doctrine. The reason i labeled him Christian, is because he does follow Christ. Hope this answered your questions!

 

[AMONA]

He has very similar views as you.

 

[Neogaia777]

He has very similar views as you.

You mean "Me"?, how so?

God Bless!

 

[BryanW92]

Thanks for replying. To answer your questions, i am 24. about him, actually, he was raised in a Muslim household. He was always a "seeker" of wisdom, and has sought wisdom from the Bible. While he reads it, he finds a different message than what is taught in traditional christian doctrine. The reason i labeled him Christian, is because he does follow Christ. Hope this answered your questions!

He believes in the Muslim version of Jesus: the prophet, man of wisdom, etc, but not the real Jesus.

I could write a long post on this, but I would suggest that both of you read "Mere Christianity" by CS Lewis. Then discuss who Jesus is afterwards. Lewis was a "seeker of wisdom" too and he found it. Then he shared it with the world.

 

[phydaux]

On the off chance that you're not just trolling:

"he was raised in a Muslim household."

Allah is NOT just another name for Jehovah.

"The reason i labeled him Christian, is because he does follow Christ."

You are wrong, and he would tell you that you're wrong if you asked him. Or better yet, tell him that you intend to tell his parents that, since dating you, he has become Christian now. See how he reacts. He will not be happy with that idea, I am guessing.

To Muslims Jesus was a prophet, and a minor one. To Christians Jesus is God become man. These ideas are not the same, they are not close, they are contradictory and exclusive.

I have no idea why you would post such a question on a "Christian" internet forum (other than that you're just trolling, and you're actually an 11 year-old, or a REALLY emotional stunted 30 year-old). I'll continue to give you the benefit of the doubt for the remainder of this post, and I'll close with an exhortation.

Examine your own understanding of who Jesus is, and your own relationship with Him. See for yourself if your understanding of Him matches up with what He has revealed about Himself through the New Testament, and see if your relationship matched up with what He says His expectations are.

Mere Christianity is good, but I would recommend the Gospel of John.

 

[BryanW92]

Mere Christianity is good, but I would recommend the Gospel of John.

Reading the Gospel of John is predicated on the assumption that the person believes that Jesus is God. If they do not, then the important parts of John are just smoke.

I suggested that they both read Lewis because she needs to examine her own beliefs as much as he needs to come to know the real Jesus. I mean, I know that Jesus is God and my relationship with God is important enough that I would never yoke myself to a person who believes that he is just a man and a prophet. The youthful belief that "love conquers all" may be true, but do you really want your love for a person to conquer your love for God?

You are correct that if she thinks that he is a christian, then she should offer to tell his parents that and see how fast he denies that he is.

 

[phydaux]

Reading the Gospel of John is predicated on the assumption that the person believes that Jesus is God. If they do not, then the important parts of John are just smoke.

I suggested that they both read Lewis because she needs to examine her own beliefs as much as he needs to come to know the real Jesus. I mean, I know that Jesus is God and my relationship with God is important enough that I would never yoke myself to a person who believes that he is just a man and a prophet. The youthful belief that "love conquers all" may be true, but do you really want your love for a person to conquer your love for God?

You are correct that if she thinks that he is a christian, then she should offer to tell his parents that and see how fast he denies that he is.

John 20:30&31 (NIV)

Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.



Revealing the true nature of Jesus, from His pre-incarnate existence before the foundations of the world were set, to His interaction with sinners and the "professionally religious" during His earthly ministry, to His heart-felt teachings with his disciples in the Upper Room Discourse, to Him laying Himself bare before the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane, and the risen Lord's restoration of Peter after he denied Him three times, is the whole point of John's gospel.

That's John's stated purpose in writing that Gospel.

Isaiah 55:11 (NIV)

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Reading the Gospel of John isn't predicated on believing that Jesus is the Son of God, it is the result of reading the Gospel of John. Trust the Holy Spirit to do what He has said He will do, in our lives and in OPs.

 

[AMONA]

@phydaux

Im sorry that i have made it seem like i am trolling. I can assure you that i am not. In fact, he HAS told his parents and he attends both mosque and church every sunday. His situation is very abnormal, in a sense that i have never seen someone like this. I guess i know where you all stand on the topic, and we can divert from it if you want. I wanted to know if these things would take away from a marriage....

 

[BryanW92]

Reading the Gospel of John isn't predicated on believing that Jesus is the Son of God, it is the result of reading the Gospel of John. Trust the Holy Spirit to do what He has said He will do, in our lives and in OPs.

I meant that believing the gospel of John is predicated on believing that Jesus is the Son of God. In fact, for nonbeleivers, the meaning of John is lost. The nonbeliever asks, "what is this 'Word" stuff?" and moves on to the historical narrative.

If you hand most Muslims a copy of the gospel of John and ask them to read it, they will and respond, "Jesus is a great man who is special in Allah's heart." They say that Jesus is the greatest of all prophets except for Mohammed. The gospel of John is one of the reasons why they say that.

But, they are not believers. Most of them do not have the Holy Spirit. The ones who do find Jesus and acknowlege that he is God. The rest follow their black rock named allah and think that Jesus is a man.

 

[Sammy-San]

I meant that believing the gospel of John is predicated on believing that Jesus is the Son of God. In fact, for nonbeleivers, the meaning of John is lost. The nonbeliever asks, "what is this 'Word" stuff?" and moves on to the historical narrative.

If you hand most Muslims a copy of the gospel of John and ask them to read it, they will and respond, "Jesus is a great man who is special in Allah's heart." They say that Jesus is the greatest of all prophets except for Mohammed. The gospel of John is one of the reasons why they say that.

But, they are not believers. Most of them do not have the Holy Spirit. The ones who do find Jesus and acknowlege that he is God. The rest follow their black rock named allah and think that Jesus is a man.

How do Jewish people view Jesus? I dont they dont view him as God like Christians do-but do they view him as a good man or prophet?

 

[phydaux]

@phydaux

Im sorry that i have made it seem like i am trolling. I can assure you that i am not. In fact, he HAS told his parents and he attends both mosque and church every sunday. His situation is very abnormal, in a sense that i have never seen someone like this. I guess i know where you all stand on the topic, and we can divert from it if you want. I wanted to know if these things would take away from a marriage....

Take away from a marriage? Maybe, maybe not.

Take away from a Christian marriage? Yes, and without a doubt.

I have no idea how committed you are to your walk with Christ or how secular you are, nor how committed your boyfriend is to Allah or how secular he is. I have to assume that, if you're seeking out feedback on a Christian forum, then you are at least "somewhat" committed to Christ.

I can tell you, in all honesty, that the more secular you both are then the less likely it is that these differences will matter to your marriage, because neither Christ nor Allah matter very much to either of you.

The more committed you both are, or even only either one of you is, then the more likely it will be that this will cause problems because it will be something that draws the two of you apart.

"If he LOVES ME then he will change" or "If he LOVES ME than it won't matter" is a lie. It is a pernicious lie that many young women tell themselves, and Hollywood tells them, and pop songs, and thousands young lives are ruined because of that misplaced belief every year.

My wife is a psychologist, and she calls the results of that lie co-dependency. I'm not a psychologist, I'm a Bible teacher. As it turns out the Bible has a name for it, too. The Bible calls it "Idolatry."

And again, I go back to all the young girls whose sole criteria in picking a boyfriend is how much that guy will P-off their parents.

Have a happy Thanksgiving tomorrow, Mona. At least tomorrow you won't have to worry about your boyfriend not eating pork.

 

[BryanW92]

How do Jewish people view Jesus? I dont they dont view him as God like Christians do-but do they view him as a good man or prophet?

They see him as a rabbi at best. But they also have a special purpose in God's plan.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

..... op: are you both "guys" ??? or is that a mistake in your profile or in the op ?

your profile says your a guy. and the op says "he" ..... that could never work ! and shouldn't even be talked about in ekklesia.

 

[ALEA40]

As a woman who has been married for 16 years (and a devoted Christian for only the past 1.5 years), I would not recommend an unequally-yoked marriage. It is extremely difficult and very sad at times. Just a few "possible" examples why (your situation may be different):

1) Being intimate with someone who has not been born-again in Christ is difficult over time (they are cloaked in sin & this becomes more evident over time).
2) Your goals as a Christian will be completely different than those of a non-Christian (for example, they may be more focused on acquiring wealth/goods vs. your goals as directed by the Holy Spirit - volunteer/missionary work).
3) Raising children with such divergent beliefs is not good and leads to confusion for children.
4) It's heartbreaking knowing that if your spouse passes away expectantly, he will not have eternal life.

I could go on and on but ALL of my prayers include my husband finding the joy, peace and freedom that can ONLY be found through Jesus Christ. Sending prayers to you

 

[phydaux]

..... op: are you both "guys" ??? or is that a mistake in your profile or in the op ?

your profile says your a guy. and the op says "he" ..... that could never work ! and shouldn't even be talked about in ekklesia.

Wow, I totally missed that. Good catch, Jeff.