Please help!!! with abusive 11 year old

[hufster]

A very close friend of mine has a 11 year old son who never shuts up and torments his mother endlessly. She has medical problems and he intentionally tries to irritate her especially when she is in pain like he enjoys making her miserable. He goes as far as punching her in the arm when she has abdominal pain from stomach problems and thinks its funny. When he talks sometimes he is reciting stupid rap lyrics and other times he just talks gibberish I think to hear his own voice. He is angry, doesn't listen is totally disrespectful, cuts her down in front of her friends by telling her she is stupid, he makes rude jokes even threatens to tell lies to her friends to cause her problems when he doesn't get his way. Last night was the finally when she was trying to correct him he told her screw you I hate you and then threw a coffee cup which hit her in the eye. Usually later he apologizes and says he loves her then a few hours later it all starts over again like he wasn't the least bit sorry about it. What the hell could possibly be wrong with this kid? She has tried normal disciplining by warning him first then taking away things he likes and she has gone as far as taking away everything he likes so he has nothing to do and is consistent when she does it and he still keeps it up. I'm afraid since he doesn't respect her she will soon be in physical danger due to what happened last night. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

 

[Spiritlight]

You cant reason with a young mind like you can an adult. He should have gone over the knee years ago to be taught respect. A medical condition is not an excuse for disrespect.
ADD sometimes is The Adults Discipline Deficiency. Your kids wont hate you for disciplining them in the long run but they wil thank you for their self control. He needs a guy to sort him out, a Father. Kids rarely disrespect big guys.

 

[Timahani]

I agree with the person above....this behavior did not occur overnight....we like to blame the child but she had 11 years to get this under control....i do feel sorry for your friend and her current condition ....my advice to you is to be the best friend you can be...encourage her when she is overwhelmed with his behaviors...but theres nothing more you can do except pray.

 

[Inkachu]

If the behavior has crossed over into physical violence (which it has, by your description), this family needs more than prayer and some child discipline. They need intervention, and quick. I'd advise the mom to get into family counseling ASAP. That boy needs to be evaluated.

 

[tristiannicole]

I appreciate what everyone is saying but the post above is so accurate. But since he is doing things like throwing cups at her, she may need to call the police the next time it happens, as soon as it happens. If the child was being abused, someone would have called in the mom... And since she is sick it is worse! I wouldn't want the boy to be locked up and forgotten but the mom shouldn't have to live like that. I hear what people are saying about her disciplining him from day one but nobody is perfect. I'm sure she did her best. People are so quick to blame parents for children's bad behavior but in all honesty some children are very trying. Its up to us as parents to find out what type of discipline works but some people don't know that. I am praying for your friend. Like I said I do not wish the boy to be locked up but maybe the police would come by an maybe scare him... Idk but I will pray.

 

[Elife3]

Wow. Has your friend used discipline on the 11 year old? The 11 year old is treating her mother like trash. Here's a question: has the 11 year old heard the gospel of Christ? If not, now would be the perfect time for him to receive Jesus/Yeshua and come unto repentance. Also, I think it would be worth asking the 11 year old why he treats his mother the way he does. Could there be underlying problems?

 

[JAM2b]

It sounds as if the boy has behvior problems that are beyond his control caused by a disorder. That level of intensity and frequency, especially in the face of consistant discipline is not normal for an 11 year old. The mom does need fast intervention from professionals. He needs psychiatric -medical- help and the mother and son together need psychological -counseling- services.

It disturbs me that so many are quick to say the child needs punishment, especially after the OP said the mother does. Too many are quick to pass harsh or negative judgement and attack character or parenting styles.

 

[ananda]

Could be autism. Parasites in autism can cause mind-controlling, aggressive behaviors.

 

[Dave-W]

Could be autism. Parasites in autism can cause mind-controlling, aggressive behaviors.

Very True.

IMO it is time to call in CPS to make a determinization.

 

[mikaedi881@]

Yes I agree with the above posts, this lad needs intervention to control his behaviour before it gets any worse..the mother needs to be safe especially as she has a medical condition.
Are there any other Family members that can help, this has not been mentioned by the OP.

 

[Tap]

that a tough situation. I do agree with spiritlight. If some sort of father figure could step in that would be wonderful. Counseling would also be good. Are there any youth church or big brother/sister groups he could get involved with? I would also encourage her to keep him away from rap music, unless it's Christian. Someone mentioned the authorities and as sad as it sounds I have sister in law that went to juvenile prison and it completely turned her around. I pray it doesn't come to that, but also I pray for the safety of the mother.

 

[Niffer]

If this child is THIS abusive, I cannot imagine that this is just a 'lack of discipline' issue.
He needs to be assessed by a doctor and therapist immediately.
This is not normal - even the most spoiled, undisciplined child wouldn't find pleasure in physically assulting their own mother.
This screams "disorder" all over it.

 

[Odetta]

This thread was started in 2013. I hope the child/family has been given help by now.