PLEASE HELP! I need advice and Prayer

[Cait4jc]

My boyfriend has bouts of depression. He can't find any christian friends. He thinks that God hasn't blessed him with any gifts or talents. I can see how much God has blessed him, but he can't see for himself. He professes to be a Christian. I can definately see the change in him as well. He used to party every night and get drunk with his friends, including his own brother. He started dating me. I brought him to church. He, thank the Lord, became a Christian. He got baptized. His family, including his brother, persecutes him almost every day for being a Christian. His brother and his old drinking buddies make fun of him and try to make him drink every time they see him. They also treat me horribly because they think I did this to him. My boyfriend tells me that partying was the only thing he was good at. (which i don't believe!) I would say to my boyfriend to just forget about all his friends, BUT, it's his brother, and sometimes his own father, that makes him stumble the most. How can i help my boyfriend? How can i encourage him. PLEASE I NEED HELP! I feel like if i don't help him soon, he'll do something horrible

 

[fm107]

Hi Cait,

Continue to be there for him. So many people put him down, try to counter it with positive comments.

Jesus told us that men will mistreat us, even our close friends will betray us. This is because we are not of this world. They treated Jesus the same way. But Jesus said if we endure this, we will be rewarded.

Luke 6:22-23
Blessed are you when men hate you,
when they exclude you and insult you
and reject your name as evil,
because of the Son of Man.
“Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets.

Why don't you show him this verse and these too:

Romans 8:31
If God is for us, who can be against us?

Matthew 28:20
And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

I hope this helps, feel free to message me at anytime that goes for your boyfriend too.

 

[Cait4jc]

thank you so much! Also, what are some options or ideas to show my boyfriend that he DOES have God's blessings and gifts?

 

[srjoanna]

the fact that he is trying to lead a new life...that is a blessing on its own.

We all have been blessed with some kind of gift or talent. We just need to search for it and pray that God will show them to us. It could be many things like...simple things..
like keeping someone company
cooking
talking nice to others ( lets face it, thats hard to do)
helping someone that is in need.
It could be a million and one things..
And Im sure your boyfriend has many of these...and more...
Im sure you can see great qualities in him. Find them and show them to him.
They are his gifts and talents.

 

[razzelflabben]

I wish we could sit down and talk with him...we often deal with people who are struggling to find their place in the body...anyway, what spiritual gifts do you see in him? what do you think God has gifted him to do? Another thing that might help, people need "folded" into a body, is there someone who can and will mentor/disciple him. A male friend to hang out with that can talk with him about spiritual things. It is important to have a discipler/mentor and it is also important to use the gifts God has given. Find a ministry he can do, or better one you can do together. It doesn't have to be fancy. Our daughter has just come into her personal walk, she was dieing for a ministry (she's 13) so she is starting by encouraging more youth to participate in youth group, maybe not impressive, but a satisfying ministry just the same.

I'd love to throw some ideas around with you, if you would fill us in on what gifts God seems to have given him....

 

[GaryP]

Not to be a party pooper, I would think long and hard about your relationship with
your boyfriend.When someone says they are only
good at partying, there is a problem. I would point him to A. A. Trying to rescue a person with a drinking problem, usually ends up bad.
Do you see yourself in this same situation in 5 years?
Youl have to watch out for your own emotions and protect yourself.
I have read so many posts in the forum about mistakes women made with
husbands and boyfriends.
He also needs a professional to treat his depression.
The keywords you used are Party every Night, It is very hard to come down from that lifestyle.
Sugar coating this type of problem by talking about gifts or talents is not the solution.
You did not say how old you or he is. But this is an acute adult problem.
Talk to a pastor and find out what is the best course for you.

 

[Peripatetic]

Every couple has a different dynamic, so it's hard to go by just a few words in forum posts, but I would offer this one caution: be careful in how much you expect of him. It is not uncommon for people to "catch fire", especially if they are discovering God and a new love at the same time. It can be just as intoxicating as a partying lifestyle at first, but it will eventually fade. For some, it can flame out altogether, but others are able to settle into their new lives and face their struggles head on.

That's where you come in. Support him and encourage him to seek out his own sanctification through the Holy Spirit. Don't assume that it will be the same as yours, or what you expect it to be. This is very important! If you try to take everything from his past away from him, he will likely run back to it. It is more likely that some of his old friends and some of he past interests can still carry forward in a Christian life.

Alcohol is a tricky subject, so I can't pretend to know in your case, but plenty of Christians can enjoy a drink or two on the weekend while watching sports or whatever you do for fun. I do... and I've been a committed Christian all of my life. If he's an alcoholic, then he shouldn't drink. But just make sure that he still has space for some fun in his life. Even if it isn't exactly your thing, it may not all be sinful!

Even if you do everything right, he still may have a shallow faith that eventually flames out, finding him back to all his old habits. If that happens, you probably need to let him go (and don't blame yourself).

 

[Cait4jc]

the sad this about it is...he's ONLY 20! Drinking was illegal! i can totally see where you're coming from! thanks so much for the advice.

 

[pilgrimgal]

Keep encouraging him to trust in the Lord and to pray each day. Maybe some time together reading some scriptures (especially the Psalms) will help. Many new Christians have to face the dismay and negative treatment dished out to them by others like those you mention. But, most of all, having done what you think is right..you can't rescue him..He needs to stand strong (even at 20). I became a Christian when I was 17 -- more years ago than I want to mention..lets just say 35+ and I remember the opposition and ridicule I received from members of my own family who went so far as to try to convince me something was really wrong with me and that religion was my crutch. Not easy..in time I did see some of them turn to Christ and others, who didn't, lived unfulfilled and somewhat sad lives. But back when I was young I had to distance myself from some friends who just didn't understand nor accept my decision to follow Jesus. And I have never regreted that because God provided new and much better friends in time. And He still does..

Assume that you are both in a church with others in fellowship. If so do they have a young adults group you can join. Sounds like you need that kind of support.

peace and blessings to you and your boyfriend.

 

[oi_antz]

Maybe it would be good for you two to consider working toward a family goal, I've known a family who supported each other through study, one worked while the other studied, they both achieved degrees and had children and a 25 acre lifestyle block before age 30, on high salaries and very positive about life.

Talents are natural skills - that is the result of time and effort invested. So to identify a talent means to identify an interest, because if you focus your effort on a field of interest, you'll develop your talent in that field. It might be helpful to browse through the top-paying jobs in your online job market, see if any of the job descriptions sound like something your bf is interested in. I don't know anyone who regrets having studied and found an occupation they are naturally interested in, the hardest part as you have said is to identify the particular field interest.

 

[Samuel Coleridge]

It is possible this boyfriend of yours is not the will of God for you.It may even get a lot worse if you get married and then may even cause you and him to get divorced.My advise to you is to seek the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and let the chips fall where they may, even if it is not how and where you want them to fall.

 

[LilLamb219]

Ways to encourage your boyfriend...notice the little things that he does that show love/kindness to others and comment on them when you two are alone. When you notice that he's been a blessing to someone, let him know about it. Take extra time to really pay attention to who he is and then let him know your wonderful discoveries. I'm sure he has more talents/gifts than both of you are aware of...and it would be loving of you to help him discover those things.

 

[singpeace]

My boyfriend has bouts of depression. He can't find any christian friends. He thinks that God hasn't blessed him with any gifts or talents. I can see how much God has blessed him, but he can't see for himself. He professes to be a Christian. I can definately see the change in him as well. He used to party every night and get drunk with his friends, including his own brother. He started dating me. I brought him to church. He, thank the Lord, became a Christian. He got baptized. His family, including his brother, persecutes him almost every day for being a Christian. His brother and his old drinking buddies make fun of him and try to make him drink every time they see him. They also treat me horribly because they think I did this to him. My boyfriend tells me that partying was the only thing he was good at. (which i don't believe!) I would say to my boyfriend to just forget about all his friends, BUT, it's his brother, and sometimes his own father, that makes him stumble the most. How can i help my boyfriend? How can i encourage him. PLEASE I NEED HELP! I feel like if i don't help him soon, he'll do something horrible

Cait,

My boyfriend has bouts of depression. He can't find any christian friends.

My first question to you is: Why can't he find any Christian friends? Does he still go to church with you?

Second question: Have you thought about reaching out to some of the people in your church who can then reach out to your boyfriend?

 

[Cait4jc]

the problem is that i live in a small town...everyone knows everyone else's business and reputation. so the only youth we have are young and the only guys his age are alcoholics...this whole situation is tough!

 

[razzelflabben]

the problem is that i live in a small town...everyone knows everyone else's business and reputation. so the only youth we have are young and the only guys his age are alcoholics...this whole situation is tough!

that's where a mentor/discipler is ideal, an older mature believer, spending time with, encouraging, talking about the things of God with a younger person....Keep in mind, the great commision to go into all the world and make disciples, not converts, disciples, there is a reason why it is disciples...

 

[DoctorJosh]

My boyfriend has bouts of depression. He can't find any christian friends. He thinks that God hasn't blessed him with any gifts or talents. I can see how much God has blessed him, but he can't see for himself. He professes to be a Christian. I can definately see the change in him as well. He used to party every night and get drunk with his friends, including his own brother. He started dating me. I brought him to church. He, thank the Lord, became a Christian. He got baptized. His family, including his brother, persecutes him almost every day for being a Christian. His brother and his old drinking buddies make fun of him and try to make him drink every time they see him. They also treat me horribly because they think I did this to him. My boyfriend tells me that partying was the only thing he was good at. (which i don't believe!) I would say to my boyfriend to just forget about all his friends, BUT, it's his brother, and sometimes his own father, that makes him stumble the most. How can i help my boyfriend? How can i encourage him. PLEASE I NEED HELP! I feel like if i don't help him soon, he'll do something horrible

Yes, I agree with these others that you need to comfort him and inspire him to keep the Faith. Jesus was persecuted all the time, we all know the result of the final persecution just because He was good and the Son of God. However, we were all warned we would be persecuted, ridiculed, harassed, heckled, even beaten or tortured or killed because of our belief in Jesus. Now that he has you to help him, defend each other, protect each other, look out for one another and stand up for the Word. I always say to people who used to ridicule me, if I didn't know Jesus nobody would be safe including those who ridiculed me, for I would have already taken vengeance upon them. They usually say, yes I am glad you are a Christian then. If I wasn't a Christian I might be the worst kind of person on the planet just taking what I want any time I want like some of the drug dealers in Mexico. I thank God I am a Christian and those who think otherwise are also greatful I am a Christian. If your boyfriend was not a Christian, he may be out hurting people, maybe stealing things, maybe even robbing banks or on drugs and doing worse to get money for drugs. Tell his friends next time you see them, they should be greatful he is a Christian for he may have done some really bad things already they would have regretted. Praise be to Jesus for He has helped me live a good life and help others. Therefore, I am proud to be a Christian. God Bless.