Pastor's wife doesn't attend church

[ZiSunka]

What do you think of a pastor whose wife attends another church? Same denomination, other side of town. She takes the kids to that church and only visits her husband's church when it is having social events involving food, like a spaghetti supper or bake sale.

 

[Crazy Liz]

My sister and her husband pastored different churches in the same area. Since both were pastors, they of course went to different churches. The kids went to dad's church, since mom was an interim specialist, so changed churches every year or so.

There were problems to the extent that I wouldn't recommend it if it could be avoided. I wish my sister had been more involved in her husband's church. If you need more details, you can PM me. I have known several couples who attended different churches, often because each spouse had a different ministry. Another couple I can think of, the wife was children's pastor at one church and the husband was music minister at another church. In most cases it worked out OK, but I think it's usually best if the whole family belongs to the same church.

IIRC, your parents belonged to different churches when you were growing up. If so, you know it can work out, but there are some disadvantages. I think the same thing applies to pastoral families.

 

[Athanasian Creed]

What do you think of a pastor whose wife attends another church? Same denomination, other side of town. She takes the kids to that church and only visits her husband's church when it is having social events involving food, like a spaghetti supper or bake sale.

Has the pastor explained to the congregation WHY his wife doesn't attend ?? If he hasn't someone should ask. Sounds kinda fishy to me !


Ray

 

[daveleau]

What do you think of a pastor whose wife attends another church? Same denomination, other side of town. She takes the kids to that church and only visits her husband's church when it is having social events involving food, like a spaghetti supper or bake sale.

One can look at it this way "If a man is unfit to lead his own household, then how can he lead a church?" I think it is Satan through his wife trying to undermine his ability to reach others. Does he teach Scripture? Does he give in to society or to traditions? These are the questions that pertain. Disregard the issue of his wife and, when you see her, tell her in a Christ-like kind manner that she should support her husband.

 

[Maeyken]

At my parents church, the pastor's husband doesn't attend church at all. I don't think he's Christian at all. To me, it's a very strange situation, and I can't figure out how she thinks it's ok that her husband isn't Christian/doesn't attend church.

My friend's parents went to different churches. My friend and her mom (and her siblings) came to my church, and her dad went to another church. From what I remember, part of it had to do with having a female pastor. When our church had a male pastor, my friend's dad came to our church sorta regularly. Otherwise, he went to his brother's church (and still does some of the time).

I think it's strange that the pastor's wife would attend a different church of the same denomination. I can understand differences in beliefs causing a couple to attend different churches (although that's not something I'd want to do), but to attend the same denomination... I'm very curious about their reasoning!

 

[ZiSunka]

My sister and her husband pastored different churches in the same area. Since both were pastors, they of course went to different churches. The kids went to dad's church, since mom was an interim specialist, so changed churches every year or so.

There were problems to the extent that I wouldn't recommend it if it could be avoided. I wish my sister had been more involved in her husband's church. If you need more details, you can PM me. I have known several couples who attended different churches, often because each spouse had a different ministry. Another couple I can think of, the wife was children's pastor at one church and the husband was music minister at another church. In most cases it worked out OK, but I think it's usually best if the whole family belongs to the same church.

IIRC, your parents belonged to different churches when you were growing up. If so, you know it can work out, but there are some disadvantages. I think the same thing applies to pastoral families.

I can see that if both are ministers in different churches, it is unavoidable for them to attend different churches. In this case, the wife is not a minister in any church, she just doesn't care for the church her husband pastors and prefers the church she goes to. There would be nothing stopping her from going to the husband's church, she says she just doesn't like the church (meaning the people, the building and the ministries). When we do see her, she's quite stand-offish with most of the members, but will talk for brief periods with some of the women her own age.

And although my parents were of different denominations, they always went to the same church together, they never split up on sundays. As long as my mom lived, my dad went to her church, but after she died, he went back to his original church.

 

[ZiSunka]

Has the pastor explained to the congregation WHY his wife doesn't attend ?? If he hasn't someone should ask. Sounds kinda fishy to me !


Ray

Yes, he explains that she doesn't care for the church and prefers to attend her own church.

 

[MbiaJc]

I can see that if both are ministers in different churches, it is unavoidable for them to attend different churches. In this case, the wife is not a minister in any church, she just doesn't care for the church her husband pastors and prefers the church she goes to. There would be nothing stopping her from going to the husband's church, she says she just doesn't like the church (meaning the people, the building and the ministries). When we do see her, she's quite stand-offish with most of the members, but will talk for brief periods with some of the women her own age.

And although my parents were of different denominations, they always went to the same church together, they never split up on sundays. As long as my mom lived, my dad went to her church, but after she died, he went back to his original church.

First when did Baptist start ordaning women as pastors. For a woman can't be the husband of one wife. There is no scripture or example in the Bible to support women pastors.

Second a divided house cannot stand.

Third even if God allowed women to be pastors do you honestly think he would put the husband at one church and his wife at another. I cannot believe God would split a family up. Again there is no scripture or example of any such thing in the Bible. God's way is that a family worship together.

Forth this and other doctrine that is being taught today is the falling away from sound dactrine Paul speaks of in Thesssalonians.

 

[MbiaJc]

What do you think of a pastor whose wife attends another church? Same denomination, other side of town. She takes the kids to that church and only visits her husband's church when it is having social events involving food, like a spaghetti supper or bake sale.

I wouldn't walk across the streed to hear what he has to say, must less follow his teaching.

 

[ZiSunka]

Third even if God allowed women to be pastors do you honestly think he would put the husband at one church and his wife at another. I cannot believe God would split a family up. Again there is no scripture or example of any such thing in the Bible. God's way is that a family worship together.

No, I don't. I don't even think a man should take a pastorate position without the full consent and approval of his wife. I don't think God would call a man to the pastorate without letting the wife know, too. I know of several men that became pastors without the approval and support of their wives and I can honestly say that they are all failures as pastors.

God will not bless a pastorate of a man that doesn't accept his wife's counsel on such a life-altering event. It's not just the man's life that is changed by accepting a pastor position, it's the whole family and no man should be making important decisions like that without his wife's agreement.

 

[RED that's ME]

I would be wanting to ask the pastor/pastor wife why too. A family grows together through different situations and IMO she should be supporting her husband at the same church. The children seeing their father also in ministry should also help them in their faith and bond them closer together.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

This brings up something I read in the Dallas Morning News a while back. They did an article about single pastors, and this one young and single pastor that they interviewed said that it didn't even matter if his potential wife were an athiest. :o I would hope that a pastor would at least have a Christian mate!

One of the local UMC ministers is married to another UMC minister, but they serve at different churches. I'm not sure which church the children attend.

Diane

 

[AJ]

It's a shame... I think that it is dysfunctional that his wife would not want to attend and be a part of his church. I don't understand why she would want anything different. It leaves me thinking that there are some serious underlying problems in their relationship and marriage...

 

[Canadian75]

At my parents church, the pastor's husband doesn't attend church at all. I don't think he's Christian at all. To me, it's a very strange situation, and I can't figure out how she thinks it's ok that her husband isn't Christian/doesn't attend church.

We often don't know much about the private life of a public figure. It is possible situations changed since they married. It is one thing for a pastor to marry a non-Christian, but it is another if one spouse becomes a Christian and/or a pastor after the marriage. If the spouse is a non-Christian and has been since before they were married, the Christian spouse can only do so much to try an pursuade the non-Christian. You cannot force anyone to accept your faith. Would it be better for a pastor (or any Christian for that matter) to divorce their spouse because they have a different faith?

As for the OP, it is an odd situation. However, two things spring to mind. At least their both of the same faith (and the same denomination, which leads to less conflict) and there is always more to the story and pastor or not, some things in a marriage should remain between husband and wife and are not really for the public domain. I wouldn't worry about it too much.


Peace.

 

[White Horse]

One can look at it this way "If a man is unfit to lead his own household, then how can he lead a church?"

What would you have him do? Bound and gag her and drag her to church by the hair of the head?

 

[AJ]

What would you have him do? Bound and gag her and drag her to church by the hair of the head?

You have to admit that there is an apparent leadership problem here... Beating her into submission is not a very strong arguement... As the spiritual leader of the house (and the church!) she should be following his leadership.

 

[Sword-In-Hand]

Yes, he explains that she doesn't care for the church and prefers to attend her own church.

Wow, if she feels that way about the church he pastors, then what does she think of him and his qualities to lead a church or lead anything?

Also I agree with your statement about God will speak to the wife as well. My wife and I have been through situations that called for a step of faith and God always spoke to both of us not just one.

 

[GADave]

We often don't know much about the private life of a public figure. It is possible situations changed since they married. It is one thing for a pastor to marry a non-Christian, but it is another if one spouse becomes a Christian and/or a pastor after the marriage. If the spouse is a non-Christian and has been since before they were married, the Christian spouse can only do so much to try an pursuade the non-Christian. You cannot force anyone to accept your faith. Would it be better for a pastor (or any Christian for that matter) to divorce their spouse because they have a different faith?

As for the OP, it is an odd situation. However, two things spring to mind. At least their both of the same faith (and the same denomination, which leads to less conflict) and there is always more to the story and pastor or not, some things in a marriage should remain between husband and wife and are not really for the public domain. I wouldn't worry about it too much.


Peace.

I concur ... great post.

 

[Ginny]

What would you have him do? Bound and gag her and drag her to church by the hair of the head?

I would rather a man not be a pastor at all or serve as a minister than to do so and not have his family attending the same place of worship as himself.

It is not an even decent representation of a family to not attend church together when the husband is a pastor....how can he in a million years coucil any of his congregation about families attending church together when he and his wife can't even worship God together?

Can we not even agree in the slightest that it is strange for a leader in the church to not have his wife by his side b/c she "does not like the church"?

Somebody needs to give somewhere. I would be quite embarrassed if I were he.

As far as the joke you made, that was in regards to God's word that you were laughing. The poster gave scripture as proof.

 

[Ginny]

....and there is always more to the story and pastor or not, some things in a marriage should remain between husband and wife and are not really for the public domain.

Some things yes...but as a paid staff member representing the church community he ultimately answers to God, but also his congregation. His children not going is one thing..his wife being sick would be another....but out of total dislike of the church is not a good reason for a pastor and his wife to be divided. There is enough evidence for someone needing to second think their current employment (although temporary) or current family worship state (or lack of).

There has to be more reason than just "I don't like it"...there may be something more going on than we do not know...but if it is something so remedial as "I don't like it" then someone in that family needs to step up to the plate and play spiritual leader- as a husband and as a called minister.