Pastor supporting adultery

gagthegoose

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I am an elder at our church and i feel like the pastor may have inadvertently supported adultery.

There is man and women at our church who recently started attending. The man is married but not to the woman he is with. They recently moved in together and wanted to have a house warming party. The Pastor, during announcements, called on the congregation to all go to their party and show them our love and support.

I know the pastor knows he is married because he shared it with the elders during an elder meeting as a personnel issue we should be aware of. He even said that in some meetings with the man that he told him that what he was doing was adultery.

Am i wrong to be shocked that the pastor made this announcement to go support them?

Is this OK?

How should i confront the pastor with this and back my position that this should not have been done?
 

Cactus Jack

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Forgive the sinner, but not the sin.
Sometimes a Pastor can have an ace card up his sleeve when dealing with matters like this. And really, he likely knows far more about them than you give him credit for. So with that considered, maybe go to the party and enjoy yourself? You don't know the details.
 
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gagthegoose

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Forgive the sinner, but not the sin.
Sometimes a Pastor can have an ace card up his sleeve when dealing with matters like this. And really, he likely knows far more about them than you give him credit for. So with that considered, maybe go to the party and enjoy yourself? You don't know the details.

There may be more details but i don't think that matters. The fact remains that the man is married to another woman and has moved in with the woman he had an affair with and he has asked the congregation to go and support them.
 
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Conscious Z

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I am an elder at our church and i feel like the pastor may have inadvertently supported adultery.

There is man and women at our church who recently started attending. The man is married but not to the woman he is with. They recently moved in together and wanted to have a house warming party. The Pastor, during announcements, called on the congregation to all go to their party and show them our love and support.

I know the pastor knows he is married because he shared it with the elders during an elder meeting as a personnel issue we should be aware of. He even said that in some meetings with the man that he told him that what he was doing was adultery.

Am i wrong to be shocked that the pastor made this announcement to go support them?

Is this OK?

How should i confront the pastor with this and back my position that this should not have been done?

I guess I missed it -- where did he support the adultery? Is going to a party hosted by someone supporting their way of life?
 
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Winken

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I am an elder at our church and i feel like the pastor may have inadvertently supported adultery.


How should i confront the pastor with this and back my position that this should not have been done?

Assemble the Elders. Determine a central POV. Select one Elder to approach the Pastor about meeting with them. The Senior Elder will present the POV to the Pastor. Thereafter, any Elder may ask questions and offer insights. Carefully note the Pastor's responses. Thank the Pastor for coming to the meeting. Tell him that the meeting of the Elders will be private, beginning as soon as he excuses himself. Elders then make their decision based upon the Pauline Epistles, not Hebrew Bible imperatives.
 
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gagthegoose

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Welcome gagthegoose, remember that this particular forum is open to all members of different faiths (not only Christians), so you'll probably get a wide and possibly unexpected variety of responses.
Thanks. i didn't realize that. I may repost it in another forum.
 
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Messy

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I guess I missed it -- where did he support the adultery? Is going to a party hosted by someone supporting their way of life?
No not if I go to a party of an unbelieving collegue who lives together, but as a pastor telling the congregations to come is supporting it.
 
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Open Heart

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You are not wrong, and this is pretty shocking. It's one thing to welcome them to church -- they obviously need to hear the gospel and come to repentence. What they don't need is the church pretending that everything is alright, much less that they are doing the right thing (and therefore in need of support).

The odds are overwhelming that this couple knows on some level that what they are doing is wrong. In 2012, only 1% of Americans reported that adultery was "acceptable." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/06/sex-cheating_n_7224342.htm


Something similar to this happened at my parish, where the choir director left his wife and moved in with the cantor. Because it was a high profile affair, they were barred from communion lest they create a scandal in the church. There was a choir party that they both came to as a couple, and from the way they acted, you could tell they wanted everyone to just treat them as a normal couple. I couldn't do it. Had they been seperate, I would have enjoyed talking to both of them, but together I couldn't be caught giving them the wrong message.

He eventually divorced his wife. He also ended the affair, which was a rebound relationship.
 
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Albion

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I am an elder at our church and i feel like the pastor may have inadvertently supported adultery.

There is man and women at our church who recently started attending. The man is married but not to the woman he is with. They recently moved in together and wanted to have a house warming party. The Pastor, during announcements, called on the congregation to all go to their party and show them our love and support.

I know the pastor knows he is married because he shared it with the elders during an elder meeting as a personnel issue we should be aware of. He even said that in some meetings with the man that he told him that what he was doing was adultery.

Am i wrong to be shocked that the pastor made this announcement to go support them?

Is this OK?

How should i confront the pastor with this and back my position that this should not have been done?

Offhand, I'd call the pastor's actions questionable or worse. I understand your being shocked by it. But there may be more to the story that the pastor is not revealing. I'd recommend letting it ride a little longer before stepping into the breach yourself. That, however, doesn't mean you should feel any obligation to attend the house party yourself or anything like that.
 
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Cearbhall

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There is man and women at our church who recently started attending. The man is married but not to the woman he is with. They recently moved in together and wanted to have a house warming party. The Pastor, during announcements, called on the congregation to all go to their party and show them our love and support.

I know the pastor knows he is married because he shared it with the elders during an elder meeting as a personnel issue we should be aware of. He even said that in some meetings with the man that he told him that what he was doing was adultery.
Wait, could we have a bit of clarification? If they moved in together and are letting everyone know, then I'm assuming he is separated from his wife, and the marriage you're referring to only exists because he hasn't gotten divorced (which can be a long and expensive process). Is that right? That's quite a different situation than if he were seeing two women at once.
 
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High Fidelity

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Wait, could we have a bit of clarification? If they moved in together and are letting everyone know, then I'm assuming he is separated from his wife, and the marriage you're referring to only exists because he hasn't gotten divorced (which can be a long and expensive process). Is that right? That's quite a different situation than if he were seeing two women at once.

Still technically adultery as far as I can tell.
 
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Cearbhall

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Still technically adultery as far as I can tell.
According to some, yes, but I believe it should be treated differently if no one is being deceived and betrayed. If he's no longer with his wife, then it's only adultery on paper. No one is being hurt. I don't expect everyone to stay single for years while they go through the divorce process. That seems unnecessary.
 
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