Parenting a teenage daughter. Help!!!

ToBeLoved

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Jan 3, 2014
18,705
5,790
✟322,365.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
I hope I am not that mom too! I have worked hard for 16 years to try and not be!!
RE getting BC info from a Dr, I had actually considered that as a possibility as I thought about "the talk" we need to have, but I was not sure if was a good idea or not.
I am curious about what others think.
I did not have a lot of parenting by my parents as a pre-teen/teenager, and never ever a sex talk, so this is new territory for me! Everything I learned was from friends; that did not work out well, so I work at doing it differently.
What I would do is to talk to her doctor and tell him that if she comes to him asking about birth control that he should help her. Then tell her that if she needs to have birth control that you would like her to talk to the doctor. He can then keep a file and keep up on her female health. If she wants birth control he can help educate her.

That kind of takes you out of the equation, but you know if she chooses to do it she will be well cared for.

Sometimes you want to know and other time you wish you didn't know. At least that's how I felt when my daughter was that age.
 
Upvote 0

Poppyseed78

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Sep 13, 2016
3,099
3,339
US
✟275,982.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
@jericha I'll pray for you and your daughter. Getting perspectives from so many people can be overwhelming. I hope that you and your husband decide on a course of action that works well for you, and I hope that you are able to strengthen your relationship with your daughter.
 
  • Like
Reactions: faroukfarouk
Upvote 0

TheresaC.

Active Member
May 26, 2016
25
13
45
europe
✟18,126.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Am I the only one to think the big issue is not boyfriend, sex, sex talk, that boy's parents, ...but the bad daughter behaviors? Still good arguments, I would have sex talk, be supportive, let the relationship to continue, but what about discipline, obedience, respect?

Ephesians 6:1 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."
Colossians 3:20 "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."
Commandment "Honor your father and your mother."


Despite nowadays it seems the right society standard is to move up everything, 17yo yet is not an adult. Phones, car, going out,... are privileges. IMO the main issue is the daughter needs to come back in line, regain respect and obedience to her parents, following rules and acting in a reasonable way. Without this how can respect law in the future? She needs to understand just only kids have tantrums and act like "I can do all that I want", adults just follow rules and respect the others, if she really wishes to be an adult she should just do that. She is acting as a young kid and I think she just need a step back in discipline, strict rules, consequences and punishments, in addiction to talks, support and unconditional parents love. So, talks, but in addiction to loss of privileges, phone, going out, car, and in the main things for more adult people, spending time reading the Bible and good godly teens book, until she will show genuine obedience and respect. She is 17yo acting like younger, not a 20, 22 or 24yo. As someone already told in this thread, she will thank parents in the future for not letting her to do mistakes now.
 
Upvote 0

ToBeLoved

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Jan 3, 2014
18,705
5,790
✟322,365.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
Am I the only one to think the big issue is not boyfriend, sex, sex talk, that boy's parents, ...but the bad daughter behaviors? Still good arguments, I would have sex talk, be supportive, let the relationship to continue, but what about discipline, obedience, respect?

Ephesians 6:1 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."
Colossians 3:20 "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."
Commandment "Honor your father and your mother."


Despite nowadays it seems the right society standard is to move up everything, 17yo yet is not an adult. Phones, car, going out,... are privileges. IMO the main issue is the daughter needs to come back in line, regain respect and obedience to her parents, following rules and acting in a reasonable way. Without this how can respect law in the future? She needs to understand just only kids have tantrums and act like "I can do all that I want", adults just follow rules and respect the others, if she really wishes to be an adult she should just do that. She is acting as a young kid and I think she just need a step back in discipline, strict rules, consequences and punishments, in addiction to talks, support and unconditional parents love. So, talks, but in addiction to loss of privileges, phone, going out, car, and in the main things for more adult people, spending time reading the Bible and good godly teens book, until she will show genuine obedience and respect. She is 17yo acting like younger, not a 20, 22 or 24yo. As someone already told in this thread, she will thank parents in the future for not letting her to do mistakes now.
Have you ever tried to pull a 17 yo back in line? They are at the most one year away from becomming an adult and can pretty much do what they want. I don't think she can call the police on her. Have you had a 17 yo daughter?

No disrespect, but you have to work with them at 17 because they are pretty much able to do what they want. So to treat them like they will be an adult soon is really the only way. Have you read statistics on the number of run aways or the number of young adults who stay with friends or leave their parents house to live elsewhere? It is a great theory, but doesn't work that way in real life.

It is a natural part of preparing for adulthood that teens start wanting to make their own decisions. It is a part of them finding their own identity. Everyone does it unless they have real issues with becoming adults and taking on responsibility for themselves.

I'm really not understanding practicly how your scenario works at 17. Maybe 15, but not 17
 
Upvote 0

ToBeLoved

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Jan 3, 2014
18,705
5,790
✟322,365.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
Some sensible comments. I really do agree about Philippians 4.6; prayer is a wonderful resource, right?
What is really wonderful about prayer and children is when your children know that you pray. I share with my children that I pray and pray for them. Many times we think telling our children things is what makes a huge impact, and it does. But showing our children by doing and explaining why we do it is the 'action' that shows them we are not just talking about it, but we are doing it. Sometimes we forget that they look at what we do as much as what we say. And they see when the two do not match up. They look for it. So what we say must be balanced by what we do. To remind and let our children know that we pray and that we pray often for them is just wonderful for all of us. It shows our kids that God is not all about saying or telling, but that God in our lives is reflected in every aspect of our lives, in who we are as people. In every fiber of our being. When we wake up, until when we go to sleep.

Now, because we are sinners, we are not always the best advocates for being successful as 'the world' may see it (being like Christ), but that does not mean that we do not wake each morning to try and go to sleep each night knowing that we will try again the next day. :clap:
 
Upvote 0

ToBeLoved

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Jan 3, 2014
18,705
5,790
✟322,365.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
Yes and if the young family member or even older one knows we pray consistently, it's a least a dim picture of how also the Lord Jesus Himself 'ever lives to make intercession' (Hebrews 7.25) for His people whom He has purchased at the Cross.
Yes, exactly.

A child and especially a teenager will bust you every time your words do not match your actions and visa-versa. They are watching for it. Now I do not mind if I were ill thought of by my kids sometime, but I do not want to not represent who God is in my life to my children and not let them see that when one 'talks the talk' it's important to make it a part of their life to do what they say that they believe and not just talk about it.

I have talks with my 26 yo daughter and 20 yo son today about God in depth because they respect that I was who I said I was and am who I say I am. That shows them that God is real. And as they see me grow, they know God is real.
 
Upvote 0

jericha

Active Member
Sep 21, 2016
57
35
46
USA
✟7,867.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
@jericha I'll pray for you and your daughter. Getting perspectives from so many people can be overwhelming. I hope that you and your husband decide on a course of action that works well for you, and I hope that you are able to strengthen your relationship with your daughter.

Thank you!! Yes, so many perspectives can be very overwhelming, and it was, but was also helpful to look at things more objectively.
Please do pray for us, and thank you. : )
 
Upvote 0

Sac555

New Member
Sep 23, 2016
1
1
69
Waco, Texas
✟15,226.00
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Married
Dear Jericha,
So many good responses! I am so glad that so many have reached out to you! I read that you are "taking a break" from this forum, but when you look again I just wanted you to see that there are so many that have been in your shoes! Same things went on for our daughter from 16-17 too. Broke up with nice kid, started wanting to date some guys she wouldn't let us know about! Bells went off. Well, we walked a road with her that was hard for all of us. So much confusion for these young girls in a wayward world. Too much time secluded with boys that never used to happen! (i.e. texts, snap chat, instagram, etc.) When boys used to call on girls they might have gotten her DAD or mom first! They had to learn to have manners, etc. So, how do we parent in a new time? New rules? I felt like we had to trailblaze this road with all our kids and we didn't necessarily even know what they could do with their phones and computers! Crazy.
Since she lives at home, she has rules! She isn't paying to live there, and she is your daughter, so respect is not an option.
We tried everything! Counselors, mentors, talks, taking computer and phone, spending as much time as we could, etc. But...not, worry, but PRAYER is the best solution. God loves her more than you, and wants the best for her as well. It's so hard in a day and time where values are so watered down.
I would do as much as I could with her, invite her BF to eat with you guys, etc. If she (or he) is against it...red flag.
I don't know exactly where you are in delving out the consequences, but I would do that right away. Just tell her that is how we are to love our kids, just as God does. Now that our daughter is 23, she tells her story right and left! She says the most memorable thing for her is the slogan I said to her that she could do whatever she wanted, but she couldn't decide the consequences. Some people don't seem to receive bad consequences, but some do....
Here is an article from Focus on the Family that helps just to understand our modern day teens...
http://bit.ly/2cXNH3F
There are also phone numbers for counselors to talk to included!
"Cast your worries on Him for He cares for you"...He will know what to do! Praying for Him to prepare the path for her!
 
  • Like
Reactions: faroukfarouk
Upvote 0

TheresaC.

Active Member
May 26, 2016
25
13
45
europe
✟18,126.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Have you ever tried to pull a 17 yo back in line? They are at the most one year away from becomming an adult and can pretty much do what they want. I don't think she can call the police on her. Have you had a 17 yo daughter?

No disrespect, but you have to work with them at 17 because they are pretty much able to do what they want. So to treat them like they will be an adult soon is really the only way. Have you read statistics on the number of run aways or the number of young adults who stay with friends or leave their parents house to live elsewhere? It is a great theory, but doesn't work that way in real life.
Not yet, I've younger daughters. Maybe I'm wrong and reality of a 17yo is different from what I imagine. Anyway that was my first though, I think that is the "theoretical basis", a goal to reach and I think it would be good to reason about it, then, yes, reality of fact to reach it could be harder than what I imagine.
I've not read statistics, I'll do that.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

mnorian

Oldbie--Eternal Optimist
In Memory Of
Mar 9, 2013
36,781
10,563
✟980,332.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Mod Hat On
images

This Thread Has went
Thru A Clean
If your post has been removed, it was either in violation or quoting another post that was. Please remember the no-flaming rule of the forum and to stay on topic
Which In Christian Advice
Is
No Debates
Members Come here in need of Godly Advice
Not to be preached to
Or
Have other Members
Get in to Debates
Please Stay On Topic

Further issues with this thread may result in further cleans, a permanent shut down, and member staff actions.
Carry On.




 
Upvote 0

Goodbook

Reading the Bible
Jan 22, 2011
22,090
5,106
New Zealand
Visit site
✟78,865.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
In Relationship
I am not a parent but can give some biblical advice..you just needto look in the bible for guidance and really pray for wisdom, both you and your husband praying and agreeing together on how to discipline your daughter as God is our Father and He chastises his sons (and daughters) when they are going astray.

Your situation sounds like what happened in the OT with Dinah and that had tragic consequences.
I had a friend who wasnt given hardly any boundaries as a child and she perished because of this. Remember how shepherds look after their sheep and look to Jesus to see how he shepherded, perhaps your daughter doesnt listen to you, or her dad,if thats the case you need to ask God to get through to her.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums