Over protective husband?

[caresforthebirds]

One of my cousins was angry her boyfriend would not allow her to wear a bikini in the yard. My relatives told her to leave her boyfriend, she should wear what she wants. My husband in the other hand said they were wrong, wearing a bikini in public asks for trouble and I am not allowed to do that.

So is my husband controlling? I said today I wanted to walk somewhere tomorrow to save bus fare and he said "no! Will be too hot!" And I used to go birdwatching in the park alone all the time and my husband has so thoroughly drilled it in my head that is dangerous now I can't even bring myself to!

Is this a problem?

 

[snoochface]

Is it a problem for you? I suspect so, since you're asking.

For what it's worth, your backyard isn't "in public" so I don't see how wearing a bikini there is improper. Nor would it be at a pool party, a beach, a water park, etc. It would be in church. It might be at a store unless you were on a boardwalk. Where would you consider it to be inappropriate?

There's a lot to be said for respecting your spouse's wishes when it comes to propriety. But it's something you two need to agree on between yourselves, not by committee of friends and family.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

 

[LinkH]

One of my cousins was angry her boyfriend would not allow her to wear a bikini in the yard. My relatives told her to leave her boyfriend, she should wear what she wants. My husband in the other hand said they were wrong, wearing a bikini in public asks for trouble and I am not allowed to do that.

So is my husband controlling? I said today I wanted to walk somewhere tomorrow to save bus fare and he said "no! Will be too hot!" And I used to go birdwatching in the park alone all the time and my husband has so thoroughly drilled it in my head that is dangerous now I can't even bring myself to!

Is this a problem?

I'd say go along with the safety concerns.

Also, why do Christian women need to be walking around in public 90% naked? Isn't the purpose of a bikini to look sexy and entice?

A boyfriend is basically nothing as far as relationships go, and has no say over what his girlfriend wears beyond what any other friend or acquaintance would say. But one of your Christian friends could advise you not to walk around practically naked.

 

[ValleyGal]

The purpose of a bikini is that it is too hot and the less clothes, the cooler a woman will be. No, the bikini is not always about looking sexy.

Why is it that men seem to think any problems that might occur regarding female safety has to do with what she is wearing rather than whether a man has self control? A woman can wear whatever she wants; men need to learn self control. Otherwise, it's victim-blaming.

Yes, your husband is controlling. Is it is right to tell you where you can and can't go? It's not up to him what you are and are not "allowed" to do. You are not a child who needs permission.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

Why is it that men seem to think any problems that might occur regarding female safety has to do with what she is wearing rather than whether a man has self control? A woman can wear whatever she wants; men need to learn self control. Otherwise, it's victim-blaming.

A woman should be able to walk around stark naked and not be concerned for her safety. Men, it's time to learn self-control instead of going back to Adam's excuse "the woman made me". It was lame then, it's lame now.

So is my husband controlling? I said today I wanted to walk somewhere tomorrow to save bus fare and he said "no! Will be too hot!"

If you're like me and react badly to heat, then maybe he's in the right.

My husband in the other hand said they were wrong, wearing a bikini in public asks for trouble and I am not allowed to do that.

No...it's not "asking for trouble"...see above. If you're "not allowed" to do something, then I'd seriously be looking at why my husband is treating me like a child.

 

[ValleyGal]

A woman should be able to walk around stark naked and not be concerned for her safety. Men, it's time to learn self-control instead of going back to Adam's excuse "the woman made me". It was lame then, it's lame now.

Yep. Here is one way to look at it. A woman is drunk, wearing only a bikini, and is dancing on the coffee table at an all-male party. The attendees are rapists. Will she be raped? Yes. A woman is drunk, wearing only a bikini, and is dancing on the coffee table at an all-male party. The attendees are decent, upright men, even if they are drunk. Will she be raped? No. Chances are, when the woman in the second scenario passes out, the men will cover her up and let her sleep it off.

 

[LinkH]

The purpose of a bikini is that it is too hot and the less clothes, the cooler a woman will be. No, the bikini is not always about looking sexy.

How much cooler is a bikini, temperature-wise, than a swimsuit that covers a lot more of the body? I don't see this as a reason to wear a bikini. There was a song about a shy girl wearing a yellow polka dot bikini back when it was a new, racy thing to do. Nowadays, I suppose a lot of women weart it because that is the way things are done. But when we are talking about Christians, we also need to be concerned with not provoking others to sin. Sure, we should all have self control. But we shouldn't waive a whiskey bottle under the nose of someone who'd lived as a drunk for years and stopped drinking.

Why is it that men seem to think any problems that might occur regarding female safety has to do with what she is wearing rather than whether a man has self control? A woman can wear whatever she wants; men need to learn self control. Otherwise, it's victim-blaming.

Victim blaming? That's something feminists say that doesn't make sense. If you tell people lock your door sin the big city for safety, that doesn't mean you are 'victim blaming' the person who doesn't do so and gets robbed or killed. It's just good safety advice. Everyone in society should learn enough self-control not to break into apartments that aren't locked and rob, kill, and rape. But, unfortunately, some percentage of the population will do just those things. So people should lock up for safety.

For safety, it is a bad idea for a young woman to go out alone to a party or club where there are men and get drunk, especially fraternity parties, bars where college-aged men hang out, etc. Dancing on a table in a bikini, drunk while out at one of these parties is not a safe thing to do. The girl in the bikini on the table just might attract the attention of the potential rapist in the crowd.

But I agree that the rapist should have self control not to rape. But the girl in the bikini and the pepole who say, "Don't go out dressed like that" have no more control over rapists than they do over robbers.

 

[LinkH]

Discussion of certain of wives duties in marriage according to the Bible were declared off topic in the forum several years ago, but I can make reference to Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, and I Peter 3.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I think this is a two way street thing. If you are wearing a itty bitty bikini and men gawk at you who are christian. Then yes they are in sin and don't have self control. HOWEVER.... you are also to blame. Dressing with nearly nothing on. You could say "Its not my fault!", but what does the bible say about it? Does God say to wear tiny swimsuits where most of things you normally cover up are showing? Theres nothing wrong with a swimsuit, but not being modest in the slightest is bad.

Now my wife has a bikini thats a two piece. But the bottom is not small. And the top keeps the "chest" inside. Nothings hanging out. Granted I don't like that bikinis (even one pieces) have basically a small piece of cloth covering the genital region. To me it looks like underwear really. So the question is if your ok with a bikini thats smaller at a beach. Then are you ok with wearing a bra and underwear at the beach to? To me they are essentially the same thing. Granted yes, the swimwear is made differently. At least in terms of nothing can... "show" through. Usually.

I don't believe in the whole "women should wear long dresses that aren't fancy or anything!" thing. But I do believe a wife, just like a husband, should be modest. Its why even at the beach I wear a loose tank top. I don't have breasts but for many women seeing a shirtless man can be attractive. In my case I am also fat so no one wants to see my manboobs anyways lol.

Again while it comes down to mostly being the other persons fault for not having self control, we as christians are still accountable to God for what we do to. Just as we should not provoke a brother/sister to anger. Neither should we wear swimsuits that are smaller then our private "undies" we would wear at home. And even more so as a christian that just tells the world we don't care that much about what we show off.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

But I do believe a wife, just like a husband, should be modest.

Only in the USA...funny how nude beaches overseas don't have this problem.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

QUOTE="caresforthebirds, post: 69967283, member: 316058" One of my cousins was angry her boyfriend would not allow her to wear a bikini in the yard. My relatives told her to leave her boyfriend, she should wear what she wants. My husband in the other hand said they were wrong, wearing a bikini in public asks for trouble and I am not allowed to do that.

So is my husband controlling? I said today I wanted to walk somewhere tomorrow to save bus fare and he said "no! Will be too hot!" And I used to go birdwatching in the park alone all the time and my husband has so thoroughly drilled it in my head that is dangerous now I can't even bring myself to!

Is this a problem?QUOTE

You are certainly blessed with a good husband - hang on tight !

 

[akmom]

The way people dress is entirely cultural. In some places, it is perfectly normal for a woman to go topless. In others, it's taboo to show any skin at all. A person might "show off" by wearing more clothes than their cultural norm, or by wearing less. Or they might dress outside their cultural norms with no intent at all. It could be a matter of practicality, of comfort, or of what is available to the person at that time. I think we obsess over this too much.

But if your husband feels like you are sending a message of impropriety by dressing in a bikini, or if he fears that others will get that impression, then there is some merit in respecting that. I know I'd be a little annoyed if my husband mowed the lawn in a loin cloth. Even if it was really hot out that day. I just don't want to be the woman everyone associates with the guy who wears a loin cloth. If we lived somewhere where everyone wore loin cloths, then I wouldn't care. I don't consider myself very controlling. I probably wouldn't forbid him if he had his heart set on wearing that loin cloth, but I would cringe the whole time, and a good husband just wouldn't.

Victim blaming? That's something feminists say that doesn't make sense. If you tell people lock your door sin the big city for safety, that doesn't mean you are 'victim blaming' the person who doesn't do so and gets robbed or killed. It's just good safety advice. Everyone in society should learn enough self-control not to break into apartments that aren't locked and rob, kill, and rape. But, unfortunately, some percentage of the population will do just those things. So people should lock up for safety.

Yes!! That is a perfect analogy. I too get tired of this "men just shouldn't rape" mantra. Duh. As a society, yes, we should focus our efforts on discouraging rapist behavior (and there is some evidence this works). But as INDIVIDUALS, we have no control over who we will encounter, so it's a good idea to avoid vulnerable situations.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Only in the USA...funny how nude beaches overseas don't have this problem.

Well if the world does something does it make it ok? In the bible after Adam and Eve bit the apple they noticed they were naked and felt embarrassed and covered up. I think the human body nude is beautiful. However it doesn't mean its ok to be somewhere like a nude beach.

 

[Dave-W]

This is a situation of laying down our lives for one another.

We know love by this: that He laid down his life for us and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. 1 Jn 3.16

I attended a seminar on discipleship this past weekend; and the speaker (Scott Brown) was talking about "freedoms" we have and at times how we need to set those aside for a greater good like honoring one another.

A few weeks ago he was taking out the trash where he lives (New Zealand) to the dump and his current disciple was riding with him in the truck; and confronted Scott on his language. He had earlier used the word "gosh" in talking to someone and the disciple had been raised to understand that saying that word (and others like it) was "taking the Name of the Lord God in vain;" which is a clear breaking of the first commandment.

Scott pulled over the truck and they talked. Scott asked why he thought that and he explained how he was raised and why his family believed that. He then asked Scott if he did not believe the same; to which Scott said "No," and explained why it was NOT that way from his perspective. They both ended up crying.

So Scott has endeavored to NEVER say "gosh," "golly," "gee whiz," "jeepers" and the like in this man's presence and that man now understands that if people use those words, they are NOT swearing. He even gave Scott permission to use them at will. But that is a freedom that he gave up to honor this man's sensibilities.

Its not about us and our self-styled "freedoms."

Phil 2.4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.

 

[Gwen-is-new!]

One of my cousins was angry her boyfriend would not allow her to wear a bikini in the yard. My relatives told her to leave her boyfriend, she should wear what she wants. My husband in the other hand said they were wrong, wearing a bikini in public asks for trouble and I am not allowed to do that.

So is my husband controlling? I said today I wanted to walk somewhere tomorrow to save bus fare and he said "no! Will be too hot!" And I used to go birdwatching in the park alone all the time and my husband has so thoroughly drilled it in my head that is dangerous now I can't even bring myself to!

Is this a problem?

It seems your husband loves you and wants to protect you - not a problem, but a blessing.

 

[HannahT]

One of my cousins was angry her boyfriend would not allow her to wear a bikini in the yard. My relatives told her to leave her boyfriend, she should wear what she wants. My husband in the other hand said they were wrong, wearing a bikini in public asks for trouble and I am not allowed to do that.

So is my husband controlling? I said today I wanted to walk somewhere tomorrow to save bus fare and he said "no! Will be too hot!" And I used to go birdwatching in the park alone all the time and my husband has so thoroughly drilled it in my head that is dangerous now I can't even bring myself to!

Is this a problem?

I don't have a problem with your husband's opinion on bikini's. Everyone's allowed their viewpoints.

I do have a problem with a husband telling someone they are not 'allowed' to do something. Couples can come to a resolution out of respect for each other, and don't need to act like they are some parental unit to accomplish this.

I have seen both men and women pull the 'allowed' card, and majority of the time I see it as disrespect towards your partner. If this is something that you both came to conclusion too? Then fine - your relationship has boundaries. Nothing wrong with that. There is a huge difference between the two. NOT wearing a bikini where ever out of a decision that you both made out of respect, love, etc? Nothing wrong with that. If a husband or wife want to have a discussion about a subject that makes them uncomfortable - like having a wife wearing a bikini out in the yard? It's good and healthy. Claiming they aren't allow? Completely different. It tears, cracks, and tears apart the respect, honor, and love within a relationship.

I don't know about your bird watching deal. I don't know if it is a dangerous place or not. Parks generally aren't dangerous. If you went - but on the bus due to the weather? If it makes him feel better - no skin off your nose. If he wasn't honest about his intentions, and just plain didn't want you to go period? He has some serious explaining to do.

 

[faroukfarouk]

I don't have a problem with your husband's opinion on bikini's. Everyone's allowed their viewpoints.

I do have a problem with a husband telling someone they are not 'allowed' to do something. Couples can come to a resolution out of respect for each other, and don't need to act like they are some parental unit to accomplish this.

I have seen both men and women pull the 'allowed' card, and majority of the time I see it as disrespect towards your partner. If this is something that you both came to conclusion too? Then fine - your relationship has boundaries. Nothing wrong with that. There is a huge difference between the two. NOT wearing a bikini where ever out of a decision that you both made out of respect, love, etc? Nothing wrong with that. If a husband or wife want to have a discussion about a subject that makes them uncomfortable - like having a wife wearing a bikini out in the yard? It's good and healthy. Claiming they aren't allow? Completely different. It tears, cracks, and tears apart the respect, honor, and love within a relationship.

I don't know about your bird watching deal. I don't know if it is a dangerous place or not. Parks generally aren't dangerous. If you went - but on the bus due to the weather? If it makes him feel better - no skin off your nose. If he wasn't honest about his intentions, and just plain didn't want you to go period? He has some serious explaining to do.

Interesting that in France now somewhere has banned the wearing of full body swimsuits that Muslim women sometimes wear.

So on the one hand some women may make a point of wearing bikinis in order not to be perceived as showing solidarity with those who are said to be hostile to national values, supposedly.

And then other women would or would not wear bikinis - possibly- for an entirely different set of "reasons" or "non-reasons".

In the end I think it all boils down to subjective culture and personal preference, one way or another.

Once bikinis become political statements of one description or another, then their functional quality becomes almost irrelevant.

 

[Dave-W]

Once bikinis become political statements of one description or another, then their functional quality becomes almost irrelevant.

"Once? ?"

The Bikini was created to be a political statement. It was a protest of the hydrogen bomb tests on Bikini Atol in the South Pacific. There was not much left. (hence the minimal amount of material used)

 

[faroukfarouk]

"Once? ?"

The Bikini was created to be a political statement. It was a protest of the hydrogen bomb tests on Bikini Atol in the South Pacific. There was not much left. (hence the minimal amount of material used)

Oh well.

Well, now, the fact is that some one piece suits actually are less expansive than some bikinis; some bikinis reveal less than some stringy one pieces do.

(But what do I know?)

 

[LinkH]

"Once? ?"

The Bikini was created to be a political statement. It was a protest of the hydrogen bomb tests on Bikini Atol in the South Pacific. There was not much left. (hence the minimal amount of material used)

I thought it was just named after that as some kind of attention getting name.