Otherthan the Otherside of Confusion

[EbonNelumbo]

So some of you know me, some of you dont.

My fiance, shall I say ex fiance Stephen that some of you heard me brag on about, yeah so we broke up and I moved out. Note that I moved out after my best friend Evelyn found out Stephen was beating the tar outta me and being mean...4 days after I moved out he hurt me and I was unconscious and stuff and now his friends have been sending me death threats, the last one was "do the world a favor and swallow a bullet so we dont have to bother to do it for you..."

He got arrested on Nov 11 for the assault on Nov 9. I love him, is that so wrong? I was to marry this man in 3 weeks and life is complete hell. I have never felt more alone and scared...

I have no home and no money, I am living with Evelyn and her husband Ryan until the 19th and then I have to move because they are leaving. I am so scared, I have NO MONEY, I had been living on some student aid from OSU and my mom was paying some of my rent because she owed me a lot of money, but because I moved out she refused to help me out anywhere else, and yes, she does know what happened. I have cancer, it is spreading quickly and I hurt a lot now, I am anemic and lethargic and I am scared. I started counseling today, a place called Pastoral Counseling Center in Corvallis, my psychologist is very....odd. I am so scared, I want to cry all the time, I have no home and I have 12 days to find one, I had to drop 17 of 21 credits this term, my FIRST term in college, and now I am a bio-premed student with a dual degree in psychology and intentions of being a medical missionary, how on earth do I do that if I cannot even find a home?!


I AM SO SCARED


I really need a hug and to cry, it is just starting to hit me that for the first time in 3 years I am alone, I have no one to just be sick to and climb up and cry and know that I will be loved, I want Stephen but he is with the underage girl who he cheated on me with...three years of dating and some engagement without sex and he cheated on me with someone I introduced him to, 16 years old and he was 18...

It hurts so bad, he knew what my last boyfriend was like, how could he hurt me like this, i want him to know how much God loves him and will forgive but I cannot be the one to lead him back to God and I cry so much, no I cry on the inside but I am scared to let it out...

 

[jenelis]

OddBeani--

I was reading your other thread and now this one. You've been struggling with your issues for quite some time. I'm so sorry that your cancer has spread. You need to seek treatment more aggressively. And I really think you need to get over Stephen. I understand how hard that seems, but you have to know that he probably never really loved you and you just can't go on wasting your love on him. Use that energy to enrich friendships and possibly a new romantic interest. And remember, God created each of us in his image. Use His strength to move on.

I'll be praying for your recovery, mental happiness and stability. Can the college help you with your living arragement dilemma?

 

[Radagast]

... My fiance, shall I say ex fiance Stephen ... I moved out after my best friend Evelyn found out Stephen was beating the tar outta me and being mean...4 days after I moved out he hurt me and I was unconscious and stuff...

So sorry to hear about all this. But a man who would do that was not the right man for you. Especially as you hint that he wasn't Christian.

... I have cancer, it is spreading quickly and I hurt a lot now...

I do hope you are seeking treatment for that.

I wish I could do more than wish you well and pray for you

But those I can do -- and remind you that God loves you even more than your friends here on CF.

And that was good advice from jenelis.

-- Radagast

 

[EbonNelumbo]

Thank you guys both so much.

Another update is that last night around this time I was sitting in the cardiac ER of Good Samaritan Hospital because my chest was hurting and I couldnt breathe. I was dignosed by carcinoma onset pleusiry and honestly something very odd happened today at church, well after church. I went up to my pastor who didnt even know my name, I have been going to that church less than 2 months and I wanted to ask him if we could arrange a meeting sometime to talk about my situation, which is knew NOTHING about, not even my name. He looked at me and asked me what was going on so I told him I was living with the bass player and choir member *husband and wife and my best friends* and told him I was leaving a violent situation and I had cancer. He asked if he could pray for me and I said sure so he and this woman named Grace who is the choir director prayed for me, not knowing more than I just said here and pastor Jef starts yelling, literally raising his voice in discernment from God about everything that was going on, it took about an hour and by the end I was really freaked out, I mean he had been told stuff I didnt even know myself! It scared me but at the same time gave me reassurance and hope that God hadnt given up on me...

thank you guys for your advice and prayers, they are greatly appreciated!

 

[EbonNelumbo]

He was a Christian until a year ago. I tried to leave him then and he beat me and srangled me until I passed out. I am kinda afraid because he has been stalking me online and I am afraid he will find out I am a member here....

 

[Radagast]

OddBeani,

I hope that amid all your troubles, you will still feel God's great love for you this Christmas.

-- Radagast

 

[EbonNelumbo]

*sigh*

I do appreciate you Radagast...

 

[TheMainException]

Oh my dear sister.....my love to you. I can understand that you love him....you started out loving him...and how can you just stop? Oh, I feel so bad about this....I wish I could reach out and hold your hand. I love you so much my dear child.....never forget that love that I send you....Jesus loves you so much...and because he loves, I love...and I love you so much....I want to show you my love...but I don't know how....just keep going....home is coming soon. It will not be much longer now. Give yourself over to God and keep your head high. Don't let Satan take your heart home to hell. You are a child of God and nothing can take you down with His help. I love you so much...stay strong my dear sister. I love you, Lauren