One step forward and two steps back :/

Melancholy

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Hello everybody,

I have something on my mind today I'd like some advice on.

One of my friends who helped bring me back to my Faith has always offered her views and advice (even if blunt and sometimes hurtful to a sensitive person like me), and I've appreciated it, but sometimes I don't understand what she means - and often I make her angry because it seems like I'm arguing with her when I really want to know why when I feel like I'm growing in my Faith, and I express this to her, she makes me feel like I'm doing it all wrong and I'm left cold and torn praying to God on my knees, in tears looking for direction and clarity and today this led me to these forums.

Anyway, at work, a non-christian friend of mine was challenging my views and beliefs wanting "proof" of God's existence and stuff, and I got so frustrated because I didn't want to argue with him, I don't like conflict and I don't like hurting peoples feelings or anything so I vented to to her about it. She said "you can't be weird about people arguing religion, even when people challenge your beliefs God calls us to defend them when challenged."

I said, " I'm just frustrated why everyone has to look for conflict" to which she replied that conflict exists everywhere and that it's silly I am frustrated that people seek conflict and also silly I don't want to talk about real issues happening. Also that I shouldn't live in this society with that attitude.

I said, I don't want to argue, I want to see the kindness and compassion in peoples hearts, and if they lack it, I want to help them.

And she replies I'm living in a dream world, and that being a Christian is scandalous "
od never wishes us to live our faith in silence and just pure kindness - we have to be bold in faith. You being fearful of hurting peoples feelings is living in fear. Which is what God warns us against. If you're going to live your entire Faith that way - thinking that just pure love and kindness will get you where you need to be with God, then you need to wake up because that's not at all what living by Faith looks like or feels like."

Apparently, she says I can be kind and compassionate as a person but as far as Faith is concerned I can't live that way. That God is what I am, that I am identifying with emotions and stuff and that's not WHO I am.

I'm sorry for the huge block of text. I really appreciate any feedback anyone has. Thank you :[ I just feel so lost, confused and broken.
 

com7fy8

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It is good to feel for other people. I need to be reminded of this.

People can be arguing and going after pleasures and excitements and conflict; because they want to be somewhere other than where they are now. So, yes have compassion.

"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)

Jesus does want you to share personally with people at work and with Christians. And get stronger so their ways can't get to you :) Notice, how in Ephesians 4:2, our Apostle Paul says we need "longsuffering". So, God knows how people can be :)

But if your friend is a Christian, listen to what she says; because even if she can be heavy-handed with you, still God can use her to say things which can help you.

"swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (in James 1:19-20)

People who are rough with you might be deeply suffering; and what they need is listening and perception. And however you may have problems and failures, you can use this to help you understand what others are going through, and have compassion for them. And as we grow and gain God's real correction, we get what is better than what we and other people might insist on; and then we can help others to also grow and gain real correction.
 
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Melancholy

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It is good to feel for other people. I need to be reminded of this.

People can be arguing and going after pleasures and excitements and conflict; because they want to be somewhere other than where they are now. So, yes have compassion.

"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)

Jesus does want you to share personally with people at work and with Christians. And get stronger so their ways can't get to you :) Notice, how in Ephesians 4:2, our Apostle Paul says we need "longsuffering". So, God knows how people can be :)

But if your friend is a Christian, listen to what she says; because even if she can be heavy-handed with you, still God can use her to say things which can help you.

"swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (in James 1:19-20)

People who are rough with you might be deeply suffering; and what they need is listening and perception. And however you may have problems and failures, you can use this to help you understand what others are going through, and have compassion for them. And as we grow and gain God's real correction, we get what is better than what we and other people might insist on; and then we can help others to also grow and gain real correction.

Thank you, com7fy8! You really helped put things into perspective. " ...listen to what she says; because even if she can be heavy-handed with you, still God can use her to say things which can help you."

This is interesting because, one night, I was deep in prayer over something troubling me, and the next day, she sends me a powerful message from her daily devotional, and it was exactly everything I needed to hear. I know it was God who gave her the message to give to me because I never told her anything, she just said "I had a feeling you'd need this." - It was one of the most amazing things I've experienced so far.

Thanks again! God bless.
 
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NothingIsImpossible

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She needs to worry about her own life and not yours. Its fine to try and guide people. But not everyone is great at debating and all that. I don't bother with people that start out saying "Prove to me God is real!". Because they usually don't care if you have proof. They just want you to answer them so they can say things until they get you upset enough that you get mad. Then they laugh at you and say "Some christian you are getting mad! Not very christian like!". Now I will say I am open to talking with someone who legitimately wants to figure out things in life. If God is real and all that. Such as at this forum, in some sections where non-christians are, most just like to stir the pot because they get a thrill from annoying christians.

We should also remember we carry the cross to. As in because we believe in Him, people will hate us. So alot of times people, as I said, will pick on us. It doesn't mean we have to fight them constantly to prove what we believe. We live by faith. If anything tell them the burden of proof is on them to DISPROVE Gods existence. But they can't. Because its impossible to. Even with all their fancy new scientific technology and theories.

I can say some of what your friend says is right, but some is wrong. She said you shouldn't live your life in fear and should be bold to face someone who challenges you. But what else does the bible say? It says do not stir someone up into anger. So don't go on and on debating someone because they will get annoyed to. Which then turns them off even more to wanting to hear about God. Its like those who meet someone who challenges them about God and in response they say "Your going to go to hell and find out anyways!". It just forces them to be defensive and any good argument you had won't matter. The barriers are now up. Theres a time and place to defend yourself, but not every fight needs to be that place.
 
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com7fy8

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Thanks again! God bless.
You are welcome :) And thank you for the encouragement :)

I used to have a lady friend who would constantly tell me how Jesus gives her joy and she was living right and not to have fear. But then things changed for her and she was at a shelter and was smoking. So, I considered, that even though she had told me right things, still she was not perfect and needed her own correction and maturing. At first, I despised her for turning out not to be so great and right, but now I see that if I find out the truth about someone, God means for me to care for the person and do all I can to help the person grow in Jesus.

Instead of getting bent out of shape by her displaying how joyful and right she was while I wasn't, I should have prayed and sought God for real correction, but also make a point of sharing in order to edify her. But in her case, it was not clear how she really needed correction and to :clap:grow. But we are not God, anyway, to be able to know all there is, about each other.

So, we offer ourselves to You, O God our Father, that You have us doing what You know You will use, so we are helping others while they do what they do to help us. And so, we are not in some negative way about how we still are not perfect :) And when we discover how someone turns out to be imperfect or even wrong >

"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)

And be there for the person, like, oh so you aren't perfect? Well, I know the feeling lolololololol But we can pray with each other for correction and maturing in God's love >

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." (James 5:16)

Yes, it is God alone who knows all we need, plus He alone produces the real results of changing us to be perfected in His love (1 John 4:17); yet, He includes us as family with Him to help each other. We are ordained to have mutual confession and mutual healing prayer, which I understand gets us "healed" of whatever in our character makes us able to sin and fail and deeply suffer, plus "healed" together with God and one another in His love, instead. So, this is how important God has made each of us His children ! ! !

:help:

:pray::):help::):prayer:

:clap::groupray::amen:
 
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John Davidson

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Hello everybody,

I have something on my mind today I'd like some advice on.

One of my friends who helped bring me back to my Faith has always offered her views and advice (even if blunt and sometimes hurtful to a sensitive person like me), and I've appreciated it, but sometimes I don't understand what she means - and often I make her angry because it seems like I'm arguing with her when I really want to know why when I feel like I'm growing in my Faith, and I express this to her, she makes me feel like I'm doing it all wrong and I'm left cold and torn praying to God on my knees, in tears looking for direction and clarity and today this led me to these forums.

Anyway, at work, a non-christian friend of mine was challenging my views and beliefs wanting "proof" of God's existence and stuff, and I got so frustrated because I didn't want to argue with him, I don't like conflict and I don't like hurting peoples feelings or anything so I vented to to her about it. She said "you can't be weird about people arguing religion, even when people challenge your beliefs God calls us to defend them when challenged."

I said, " I'm just frustrated why everyone has to look for conflict" to which she replied that conflict exists everywhere and that it's silly I am frustrated that people seek conflict and also silly I don't want to talk about real issues happening. Also that I shouldn't live in this society with that attitude.

I said, I don't want to argue, I want to see the kindness and compassion in peoples hearts, and if they lack it, I want to help them.

And she replies I'm living in a dream world, and that being a Christian is scandalous "
od never wishes us to live our faith in silence and just pure kindness - we have to be bold in faith. You being fearful of hurting peoples feelings is living in fear. Which is what God warns us against. If you're going to live your entire Faith that way - thinking that just pure love and kindness will get you where you need to be with God, then you need to wake up because that's not at all what living by Faith looks like or feels like."

Apparently, she says I can be kind and compassionate as a person but as far as Faith is concerned I can't live that way. That God is what I am, that I am identifying with emotions and stuff and that's not WHO I am.

I'm sorry for the huge block of text. I really appreciate any feedback anyone has. Thank you :[ I just feel so lost, confused and broken.

Why are you looking to this person to be an advisor?

Look to God and those who are called to the ministry for advice.

The scriptures say that there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors.

But it doesn't really seem like this person is giving good advice.
 
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Melancholy

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I can say some of what your friend says is right, but some is wrong. She said you shouldn't live your life in fear and should be bold to face someone who challenges you. But what else does the bible say? It says do not stir someone up into anger. So don't go on and on debating someone because they will get annoyed to. Which then turns them off even more to wanting to hear about God. Its like those who meet someone who challenges them about God and in response they say "Your going to go to hell and find out anyways!". It just forces them to be defensive and any good argument you had won't matter. The barriers are now up. Theres a time and place to defend yourself, but not every fight needs to be that place.


I agree! That's what I felt. I don't want to fight but I sense their conflict-mongering is a sign of some deep underlying hurt. Perhaps, they too were challenged at one point, and they fell. Thank you! :)

Yes, it is God alone who knows all we need, plus He alone produces the real results of changing us to be perfected in His love (1 John 4:17); yet, He includes us as family with Him to help each other. We are ordained to have mutual confession and mutual healing prayer, which I understand gets us "healed" of whatever in our character makes us able to sin and fail and deeply suffer, plus "healed" together with God and one another in His love, instead. So, this is how important God has made each of us His children ! ! !

:help:

:pray::):help::):prayer:

:clap::groupray::amen:

I'm really glad the Lord led me to this forum. All of this helps. You are awesome xD

The story of that girl makes sense!



Why are you looking to this person to be an advisor?

Look to God and those who are called to the ministry for advice.

The scriptures say that there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors.

But it doesn't really seem like this person is giving good advice.

Hi, John.

I feel as it is because...She helped me so much by inspiring me back to Faith (Although it was truly God through her), she helped me change so many bad things about my life. She was originally a cute crush of mine, that I couldn't gather the courage to speak to because my social anxiety - Eventually some happy coincidence brought us together, and we became friends right away and romantic interests for a time.

Her immensely strong personality inspired strength and confidence in me. She taught me to eat healthy, and got me into bodybuilding. She taught me, as you said "Look to God..." - God first, always, only then seek earthly counsel. Which is why I have prayed and now, been led here.

Honestly, I do have other Christians to seek advice from (My brother, sister-in-law, friends at work), but I think I hold such respect for her is because I still have feelings for her, though the reason we did not date was because I was "Not at the same level of Faith", I often anger her with my mis-interpretations of Scripture. We are complete opposites; she is strong, powerful, and has no time for feelings or sympathy - where as I am mostly compassionate, empathetic, nurturing and peaceful; Anyone could drive me into the dirt and stab me in the back, but I would still help them, and pray for them, tears in my eyes, heart torn apart.

She has revealed to me she struggles with anger, and often being mean-spirited. I, being who I am, wants to badly to reveal the goodness I sense deep in her heart, I fear this world has made her hard, and I want to help her. I pray for her nightly. I think now however, I will no longer bother her...I will seek counsel elsewhere such as here, with other Christian friends, or at my brothers Church.
 
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John Davidson

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Hi, John.

I feel as it is because...She helped me so much by inspiring me back to Faith (Although it was truly God through her), she helped me change so many bad things about my life. She was originally a cute crush of mine, that I couldn't gather the courage to speak to because my social anxiety - Eventually some happy coincidence brought us together, and we became friends right away and romantic interests for a time.

Her immensely strong personality inspired strength and confidence in me. She taught me to eat healthy, and got me into bodybuilding. She taught me, as you said "Look to God..." - God first, always, only then seek earthly counsel. Which is why I have prayed and now, been led here.

Honestly, I do have other Christians to seek advice from (My brother, sister-in-law, friends at work), but I think I hold such respect for her is because I still have feelings for her, though the reason we did not date was because I was "Not at the same level of Faith", I often anger her with my mis-interpretations of Scripture. We are complete opposites; she is strong, powerful, and has no time for feelings or sympathy - where as I am mostly compassionate, empathetic, nurturing and peaceful; Anyone could drive me into the dirt and stab me in the back, but I would still help them, and pray for them, tears in my eyes, heart torn apart.

She has revealed to me she struggles with anger, and often being mean-spirited. I, being who I am, wants to badly to reveal the goodness I sense deep in her heart, I fear this world has made her hard, and I want to help her. I pray for her nightly. I think now however, I will no longer bother her...I will seek counsel elsewhere such as here, with other Christian friends, or at my brothers Church.

Hi Melancholy,
I recommend you find a good Pastor for advice.

Some of the advice you receive here on these forums from Christians will be really good but quite frankly a lot of what is said on these forums is suspect. So be careful what advice you get here.

As for receiving advice from your friend I would sort of look at it in the same way. Some of her advice may be good and some bad. I'm glad she helped lead you back to the Lord but just because she did this good thing doesn't mean that she will be the source of all wisdom or be able to take you into the deepest relationship with God.
 
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Melancholy

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Hi Melancholy,
I recommend you find a good Pastor for advice.

Some of the advice you receive here on these forums from Christians will be really good but quite frankly a lot of what is said on these forums is suspect. So be careful what advice you get here.

As for receiving advice from your friend I would sort of look at it in the same way. Some of her advice may be good and some bad. I'm glad she helped lead you back to the Lord but just because she did this good thing doesn't mean that she will be the source of all wisdom or be able to take you into the deepest relationship with God.


Thanks! I will definitely seek counsel from a pastor as well. I will be wary of advice given here, but what I've heard so far has been very helpful - from all of you.

Blessings be upon you and all other well-meaning Brothers and Sisters in Christ herein :)
 
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miss-a

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Defending our faith doesn't mean having all the answers. Being kind to your co-worker is as much a defense of your faith as is quoting chapter and verse. A simple, "You know, I'm kind of new to my faith. I'm glad you brought it up. That issues has not been a problem for me so I've never thought much about it, but I'll talk to some people about and let you know what I find out," is a fine response. Then talk to someone other than your friend who seems a touch over zealous. Remember Jesus' yoke is easy and His burden is light. You're his kid and he doesn't expect you to get beaten up everytime you need an answer. So go to your pastor or call a Bible group leader when you have questions. Then when you get the answers for your co-worker, buy him a muffin (preferable on healthful one) drop it by at his desk, and say, "Hey, I spoke with my paster about that and got some answers that I thought were super helpful. Let me know if you want to talk about it again." And then let it be until he approaches you. And consider your faith defended.
 
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