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Older woman younger man courtship in Christian perspective

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Scroll, Dec 18, 2009.

  1. Scroll

    Scroll Newbie

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    I see opinions/studies and what not about guys dating women way older than them in the secular perspective.

    I want to know more about this topic in a Christian perspective. What does the bible say about it?

    I learned to love with not only my heart but with my brain as well after I had a painful break up a couple of years ago. I never tried to go out with girls who drink nor smoke nor curse. It's not that I condemn them (in fact I have a lot of friends who aren't saved), but I try to walk a Christian life.

    But I recently developed this strong freaking feelings for this woman at church who is 9 years older than me. It's annoying because I have a million reasons not to ask her out, but I'm having a hard time killing these feelings.

    Your feedbacks would be greatly appreciated.

    P.S.

    I sure hope she doesn't find this thread and happens to know who/what I'm talking about. That "9 years difference" above gave it all away.
     
  2. live4grace

    live4grace Senior Member

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    So .. in scripture we have Boaz marrying Ruth (see book of Ruth), who is very likely a full generation younger. I can't think of many others, but there is absolutely no prohibition on this kind of thing either.

    That said, the life experiences of a much older person can make that person quite incompatible with a younger one. The patience required on both sides can be enormous.

    But 9 years difference? I wouldn't worry about that at all. I know fabulously happy Christian couples with 20 years difference or more.

    Hope this helps.
     
  3. замученный

    замученный In Love

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    I don't think the Bible has anything bad to say about that sort of relationship.

    A nine year difference isn't a huge gap. If you like her, I think you should ask her out. :]
     
  4. seashale76

    seashale76 Unapologetic Iconodule

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    You're both adults. If you're both compatible, then there is no issue. A nine year age gap is no big deal.

    I happen to know more than a few married couples that have slightly larger age gaps and they seemed to have happy marriages.
     
  5. Macx

    Macx New Member

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    Agreed. Scripture says nothing condemning or encouraging age gaps . . . where they occur in Scripture, there is not even a nuance provided. Age gaps are as much a sin as prefering once kind of pie over another, chocolate is NOT more Godly that blueberry banana creme, no matter how much the peopel who prefer chocolate might argue. At the end of the day it is preference utterly outside the span of things God wanted to ordain, it is an area to exercise that free will in.
     
  6. spidergains

    spidergains New Member

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    Your P.S. is the key issue, not the 9 year age difference, though that will come into play at some point if you choose to pursue this woman.

    You're a bull in a china shop--tread very carefully here. Start slow with group gatherings (Bible studies, church group outings, etc.) and find out what you can about her. A woman 9 years older than you may have complications in her life that prohibit the relationship you are looking for. Get to know this lady as a person before asking her out.

    Use the group outings to strike up conversations afterwards. When/if it feels right, ask her out for coffee or perhaps lunch after church.

    I'm guessing you're in the 18-25 demographic. Nine years is pretty huge gap, but not insurmountable. If nothing else, you will gain wisdom and patience from this experience (if you do it right).
     
  7. Autumnleaf

    Autumnleaf Legend

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    Ask her out unless she is married.
     
  8. heron

    heron Legend

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    Just make sure you're not a minor. (-;
     
  9. Scroll

    Scroll Newbie

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    haha.... I'm two years above minority. ^_^
     
  10. Forealzchola

    Forealzchola Contributor

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    The 9 year gap wont be a problem if you have " your own things"...you are a grown up technically at 20 but a 29 year old woman is really a grown up lol...do you still live with your parents do you work have solid finances...you should look into these things as a woman more older is probably looking for something more serious and for someone that has the means to do so has well.
     
  11. Connie Christian

    Connie Christian Newbie

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    I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years with a wonderful man 20 years my junior. We both have one child and both have grandchildren. He has said he loves me and yet is afraid of the age difference. His family is very content with our relationship as is my family and so are our friends. Many of my female friends date or are married to men with an even greater age difference. He is a very handsome 46, I am a very active attractive healthy 66 year old. Actually I am much more active and healthier than he is. Do I give up on this wonderful relationship or do I continue with it even with his "fear" and see where it leads. He does not seem to be seeking out younger women to take my place.
     
  12. Shebear2

    Shebear2 Newbie

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    So there is hope ... i'm battling really intense feelings for a man 17 years my junior. I have reason to believe the feelings are shared ... man this is tough!
     
  13. Goodstuff

    Goodstuff Newbie

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    This helps big time!! I am considering a lady who is 19 years older than myself. I'm 27. :D Though I do remember mention of a metaphor of a deer and doe about age though in the bible but can't remember where.
     
  14. CounselorForChrist

    CounselorForChrist Senior Veteran

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    Well when I was 29 I was with a woman who was 47. She was wonderful, sadly her mental issues wrecked the relationship.

    So to me age doesn't matter as much as compatibility does. I've said in the relationship section here that when your under 20 (for women) and 25 (for men) that you may have a problem with someone older the you because we don't really hit our peak maturity (my opinion) until those ages I mentioned.

    The same almost goes for our growth in Christ. Sure we may never be fully mature in Christ. But at some point we do understand some things better that make us mature enough to get married. Until that stage it may be hard to marry someone older because you may have different views about things.

    At one point I almost dated someone (I was 27) a woman who was 58 I believe. But I think she was looking for someone to take of more then anything else.
     
  15. ziggy29

    ziggy29 Junior Member

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    A nine-year difference is more significant when you are 18 than when you are 48.

    Besides, I always thought it was silly to insist that the men should be older. As I see it, women live about seven years longer than men on average, so wouldn't it be more practical for the woman to be seven years older than her mate? :)
     
  16. TheyCallMeDave

    TheyCallMeDave At your service....

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    You wont find any insight on this in the Bible, and, it is a neutral issue that is left to your conscience (and hers) . I see absolutely nothing wrong with the concept itself of dating a woman whos even 9 years older than the man ; but what i would do if i were you is to start out REAL slow and informal with her....like ask her to have a Starbucks coffee with you and chat. As with any fondness for another of the opposite sex, it requires great prayer, tactfulness, finesse, and sincerity. Once youre both together over coffee, you could ask her how she feels about dating younger men . You can also find out what HER idea of dating is , as compared to your motive behind dating --- some people date to hopefully find a marital partner while some date just for deepening friendships ....so, you should clear up that issue early on IF she is willing to entertain dating a younger man. Make sense ?

    But fundamentally, there is nothing wrong with dating someone older or younger than yourself ....so long as you are both adults and reasonably mature in your Christian Walks . I would not date anyone whom i thought might be an Unbeliever ... and its relatively easy to determine that by asking a few questions and by studying their behavior/actions/talk/evidences for being Born Again, etc... to give you a pretty good clue .

    Having said that...there 'may' be some things that 'could' make for some incompatibility by dating someone 9 years older ; some that come to mind MIGHT BE :

    1. Somewhat of a generational gap , but not necessarily.

    2. Differences in they kind of music you both enjoy, and simular issues.

    3. Maturity level, but again, not necessarily.

    4. Possible differences in the way you both dress.

    5. Things you like to do for activities , etc...
     
  17. Avniel

    Avniel Doing my part each day by being the best me

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    I would be careful especially if you have no family in the church.
     
  18. BFine

    BFine Seed Planter Supporter

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    My dad was 33 yrs. older than my mom.

    There's nothing biblically against it.

    Is she giving any indication that she's "interested" in you
    in a romantic type of way?
     
  19. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

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    I was reading a bio about Derek Prince and he was a lot younger than his wife Lydia, can't remember the age difference but it said she was a year older than his mother!

    A brother I know says he is getting married to his fiance who is almost half his age. I think if you are mature (not in your teens, at least) and if God approves then it's ok.
     
  20. ziggy29

    ziggy29 Junior Member

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    I haven't seen any Scriptural evidence to suggest it's sinful.

    To me the challenges are more practical than spiritual. And if you can overcome the practical challenges, so be it.
     
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