Non-Christian husband with autism

[muichimotsu]

Religious beliefs are not always based on warm and fuzzy feelings. I came to my faith through critical thought as an adult. I was baptized as a child of course, but I was not raised in anything but a nominally religious home.

But even then, feelings have their place, and they are just as valid a way to experience reality.

Experiencing reality requires both thought and sentiment, balanced as much as possible.

That's OK but don't neglect holistic thinking also. Things are more than the sum of their parts.

A great intellect should always serve a great good. That's one way to keep it from becoming a curse

Holistic thinking is what I'm using here in noting an interconnectedness. You're advocating more reductionistic thought, considering the individuals apart from the whole, which is valid depending on circumstance. Taking Christians as individuals is fair-minded and logical. But considering Christianity as a whole in terms of the interrelated teachings, etc, is a part of the consideration of it as false or true.

In my experience there are quite a few Aspies openly contemptuous of religious beliefs, and insensitive to what they mean to other people. A little compassion goes a long ways there, since the person with Asperger's often has trouble understanding the social implications of contempt.

For the OP, truly it is a cross to bear and something to pray to God about, and have faith that he will not let you bear more than you can handle. Divorce should be the last option, one only used if you find yourself attacked emotionally and spiritually and unable to cope. Sometimes people that deride Christian do so from a place of insecurity about their own beliefs- the sincerity in something they themselves cannot verify offends them.

You aren't wrong in that regard, but I'm not saying that's right. Compassion isn't something absolutely foreign to Aspies and you can nonetheless disagree without being callous. Golden rule makes logical sense, even if you don't necessarily have the capacity to purely empathize.

Mere sincerity is hollow and childish: I've already pointed this out. I can believe ridiculous things and persist in it despite objections, but that isn't admirable or to be encouraged, because it's logically unsound and intellectually lazy.

Perhaps the husband feels trapped moreso than the wife, since he was drawn into the relationship and bond by sentiment instead of looking at it rationally, perhaps pressured by social conformity to get married because it was "true love". Christians tend to regard shacking up and such as sinful, when it's by far one of the better ways to determine compatibility for future marriage. It's as if preachers don't even contribute their thoughts to couples planning to get married: pray and think hard about such a thing, because it's meant to be almost impregnable in terms of the strength.

If they had thought about this beforehand, perhaps this problem wouldn't have happened. It sounds cruel of me, but this is something they have to acknowledge is more their fault than society's.

 

[FireDragon76]

You really are over-generalizing. I guarantee that you do not understand everything there is to know about Christianity. Even I do not. So how can you make broad, sweeping generalizations about a religious movement based on limited experience? How about just again, rest in the mystery and keeping an open mind?

If it doesn't appeal to you, that's fine. But that's not the same as what you are doing, which is judging us based on limited experiences.

Yes, some churches are horrible abusive places to be. Some are wonderful, if imperfect places. There is no perfect place here on this earth, truly. This is why we believe in original sin. "Put not your trust in princes or sons of men, in who there is no salvation", said the Psalmist. Christians should never put their ultimate trust in anything earthly, but only the things in heaven that we only see by faith.

 

[muichimotsu]

You really are over-generalizing. I guarantee that you do not understand everything there is to know about Christianity. Even I do not. So how can you make broad, sweeping generalizations about a religious movement based on limited experience? How about just again, rest in the mystery and keeping an open mind?

If it doesn't appeal to you, that's fine. But that's not the same as what you are doing, which is judging us based on limited experiences.

Yes, some churches are horrible abusive places to be. Some are wonderful, if imperfect places. There is no perfect place here on this earth, truly. This is why we believe in original sin. "Put not your trust in princes or sons of men, in who there is no salvation", said the Psalmist. Christians should never put their ultimate trust in anything earthly, but only the things in heaven that we only see by faith.

Where did I make a broad sweeping generalization? Pretty sure I said some, not all

I'm judging you in a provisional sense. I'm not saying it as if I know absolutely. I didn't say it was unappealing so much as unconvincing and unfulfilling, which aren't nearly as much about sentiment as logic tempering it.

You're appealing based on sentiment and magical thinking, that's the issue. Seeing something by faith is nebulous in what it can cover. Acknowledging that nothing is perfect is a starting point, but concluding there must be something perfect is unrealistic, therein lies a major fault.

 

[FireDragon76]

You've thrown around words like "childish", "unsound", "easily swayed". It's not too hard to read between the lines. You seem to have a very good grasp of language, too, and use it in a very precise way. So I either assume you are mind-blind and unaware of how contemptuous those words are, or you are here to troll.

 

[muichimotsu]

You've thrown around words like "childish", "unsound", "easily swayed". It's not too hard to read between the lines. You seem to have a very good grasp of language, too, and use it in a very precise way. So I either assume you are mind-blind and unaware of how contemptuous those words are, or you are here to troll.

I mean it in a specific manner: taking it as if it's a personal slight to you is more immature than you imply I am. People can use those words, but speaking in generalities only refers to tendencies, not an absolute judgment of all.

Perception of a word as such is not necessarily based in a rational consideration so much as an excuse to feel offended as if someone's targeting you when they're talking about a group in a sense of tendencies observed. I fully admit there are Christians who aren't these things, but it's rarer to find that compared to laypeople who don't necessarily care about nuanced thinking, but conforming to a community that they feel happy in, even if deep down they don't feel that joy they used to.

 

[grandvizier1006]

I mean it in a specific manner: taking it as if it's a personal slight to you is more immature than you imply I am. People can use those words, but speaking in generalities only refers to tendencies, not an absolute judgment of all.

Perception of a word as such is not necessarily based in a rational consideration so much as an excuse to feel offended as if someone's targeting you when they're talking about a group in a sense of tendencies observed. I fully admit there are Christians who aren't these things, but it's rarer to find that compared to laypeople who don't necessarily care about nuanced thinking, but conforming to a community that they feel happy in, even if deep down they don't feel that joy they used to.

Yeah, you are kind of generalizing. You know what? Nobody here cares what you think about Christianity. This isn't the section of the forums to debate how it affects a person psychologically. Like fire dragon said, you're generalizing us and rather than owning up you're just justifying your views and hiding them with articulate speech.

This is supposed to be a place where the op gets some practical advice, not contempt. That's yahoo answers.

Your perceptions of us don't reflect reality, and in typical Aspie fashion you can't see beyond your world and your experiences.

If you don't have anything helpful to say to the op, then either continue your talk with Fire dragon elsewhere or just go somewhere else on the forums.

 

[muichimotsu]

Yeah, you are kind of generalizing. You know what? Nobody here cares what you think about Christianity. This isn't the section of the forums to debate how it affects a person psychologically. Like fire dragon said, you're generalizing us and rather than owning up you're just justifying your views and hiding them with articulate speech.

This is supposed to be a place where the op gets some practical advice, not contempt. That's yahoo answers.

Your perceptions of us don't reflect reality, and in typical Aspie fashion you can't see beyond your world and your experiences.

If you don't have anything helpful to say to the op, then either continue your talk with Fire dragon elsewhere or just go somewhere else on the forums.

First off, I never said my perceptions affected reality to the extent you're suggesting.

I don't have to talk about my opinions on Christianity: here's my practical advice, deal with it in a way that isn't forcing your opinion on him, but being understanding that his perspective is not yours. If they really tried their best, perhaps a divorce is in both of their best interests

 

[FireDragon76]

I didn't take anything you said personally. I'm just stating a fact. Christians are not selling perfection, we are not perfect people... just forgiven. Until you can understand that difference, your criticisms mean nothing. We are just like one beggar telling another beggar where to get food. As Jesus corrected the Rich Young Ruler, "... There is no one good but God".

 

[muichimotsu]

I didn't take anything you said personally. I'm just stating a fact. Christians are not selling perfection, we are not perfect people... just forgiven. Until you can understand that difference, your criticisms mean nothing. We are just like one beggar telling another beggar where to get food. As Jesus corrected the Rich Young Ruler, "... There is no one good but God".

By all means quote me in implying or outright stating you were selling perfection. At most, you're selling something unrealistic, even if it's based in some pretense of humility.

Your comparison only suggests that you're maintaining the status quo: use another analogy or that's the basic conclusion I reach. Beggars showing other beggars where to get food isn't solving that problem of them being beggars

 

[FireDragon76]

In the eyes of God, we are all beggars.

 

[FireDragon76]

BTW, I think what we are giving away is very realistic. I know my own brain is addled by the mysteries of life that I can't possibly sort it out. I need to trust in God to be in charge. So, I just take a leap of faith. It's very simple really, and yet it seems so difficult, some people don't even want to try.

My guess is that your contact with Christianity has been very legalistic, what some might call "works righteousness", where they go around measuring other people and themselves by what they can do or can't do, instead of trusting in God to sort it all out. All the while measuring people by an unrealistic ideal.

 

[muichimotsu]

You're just invoking a mystery to solve mysteries, that's not solving the issue, it's compounding it.

My contact with Christianity hasn't been purely legalistic (not sure how you're getting that), I'm well aware of general variations in liturgy and the like. My alma mater was an Episcopalian based university, my original denomination I grew up with was Presbyterian. The sheer difference there is pretty strong, not to mention my general study of theology has exposed me to Christianity in a variety of manifestations.

The unrealistic aspect to me is not just the ideal in legalistic circles, but the idea that we need to be saved from outside instead of improving ourselves with our own effort. That's my primary issue, I'd say.

 

[Bookmaker]

It's sad that the OP came here looking for help and advice from fellow Christians and her thread has degraded into petty arguments and oneupmanship.

 

[grandvizier1006]

First off, I never said my perceptions affected reality to the extent you're suggesting.

I don't have to talk about my opinions on Christianity: here's my practical advice, deal with it in a way that isn't forcing your opinion on him, but being understanding that his perspective is not yours. If they really tried their best, perhaps a divorce is in both of their best interests

Could you at the very least take the conversation elsewhere? You really ought not to be messing up this thread anymore. I go to the recovery section to get away from people like you.