Never finished high school. No path. Can't find direction.

[WretchedUser]

Hello


I really need advice. I'm 26 and completely lost about what to do about education and choosing a career. I was a really bad student throughout all of my time at school. If something was too hard I just didn't do it. I was in special education classes for every year in elementary and high school. I have Asperger's syndrome and I think I have ADD. My reading skills are quite good. My writing skills are passable to a certain extent (I don't know how to write essays or properly format different writings for various purposes). My math skills though, are terrible for my age. I have about a grade 5's math skills. My arithmetic is extremely poor. I don't know how to multiply well and I can't divide at all. I never studied. I refused to do presentations every time and I refused to work in groups. I can't write legibly on paper. Writing is also very labourious for me and is very uncomfortable. I need to type in order to make any sense.


I want to finish high school, but I'm not sure I can do it yet. I don't know how to upgrade my skills. I went to a community learning organization in my town, but they just want me to do correspondence at their location. I don't believe I'm ready to do high school courses, it's been to long since I've studied. Grade 11 math is my next math course to take and I know I won't be able to pass it in my current state (Grade 9 and 10 credits for math were given to me without doing anything to get them years ago for some reason). Same with science, I have no science skills at all. I don't understand any of the sciences at a core level and that is another course I need to take. I may be able to do the next English course, I don't know. I've never done an English course and succeeded, but I've still got credits towards English for doing nothing.


I have very little work experience and the nature of my disability makes it extremely difficult to please any employer. I require constant direction. I can't work competently on my own. I can't deal with angry customers or co-workers and I shut down easily. I have extreme difficulty dealing with problems at work or school. Seemingly small issues and challenges can completely derail me. Any entry level manual labour type job is pretty much out of the question for me, which is unfortunately all I'm eligible to do I think. I am very weak physically in addition to the problems I mentioned above. I haven't worked in 7 years and have been living off of disability my whole adult life.


I'm a shut in and I don't have much of a support network. I don't want to waste any more of my life, but I have no idea where to begin changing. I don't think I'll be able to afford tutoring or specialized schooling. Even transportation is an issue for me, I don't have a drivers license and I'm not fit to drive anyways.


I really don't know what to do or where to focus my attention. Any advice you could give would be much appreciated.


Thank you for reading.


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I posted that on Reddit today. I thought I'd post it here with a little more added to it.


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I don't know where God wants me in life. I have no calling, no passion for study or anything in life. I have very limited interests and I'm a lukewarm Christian as well. I'm trying to begin my walk with God, but I'm so lost as what to do. I know that He wants me to do something with my life, to work and obey Him. I'm just having such a hard time understanding what it is I want and what He wants and what He wants for me. I'm very lost about it and need direction.


I've considered getting tutoring but I don't think I can afford it. I'm on disability in Canada and that will pay for some schooling (high school courses), but I'm not sure if they will help me with skill upgrading through a private tutoring company/organization.


Anyone have any thoughts as to what I should do? I pray about this and its probably one of my most prayed about things, but I don't get any response from God in my life. When I feel down about myself I tend to ask Him why He made me so rebellious and stupid. I feel like a sub-human a lot of the time.


I don't know what to do now.

 

[WretchedUser]

I have an update to post. Someone on Reddit helped me with some ideas and guidance. She suggested that I use the Khan Academy to begin growing in knowledge. The Khan Academy offers free online courses about math and some other subjects. It felt good to begin learning again. I'm going to spend 2 hours a day working on math a day and another 2 hours reading a variety of books. I hope to devote at least 30 minutes to the bible a day. I'll be starting a book collection too, with a mixture of fiction and non-fiction.

I noticed quite a few views but no responses. Does my user name scare people away? I tried to pick something that describes me as I see myself, that's all.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Hey. I commend you for your honesty and for sharing so openly about your life. As I'm sure you know, the first step to making a change is knowing you need/want to make a change in your life. Have you ever received therapy or treatment to help you with your life/social skills? We all need help in some area or another, but I realize that oftentimes stigma is attached to certain things. I think you're off to a good start. Just remember that each of us are unique and that we need to accept the imperfections but continue to strive to make them better.

 

[orangeness365]

wow you got dealt such a bad hand. I'm not sure I have advice for you either.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

wow you got dealt such a bad hand. I'm not sure I have advice for you either.

I don't think that being autistic is being dealt a bad hand. We each have challenges to overcome.

 

[WretchedUser]

Thanks for the replies.

I'm not sure what I want to do with my life, but I know I want to learn, so that is what I'm doing now. I'm trying to balance my life more and become more productive. It is going pretty well, and I'm sure I'll feel better overall if I keep at it.

I may have been dealt a bad hand, it's true. But I've been pretty rotten in my life too and my situation in life reflects that. I don't think God is out to get me, though.

I often ask God why I had to be born on the autism spectrum, and it makes me sad sometimes, but even if I wasn't and I had made all the same choices growing up I would probably be in mostly the same state.

I have had therapy and counseling throughout my teenage and adult years, but I wasn't ready to change then and I made no progress. My mental state was also difficult to work with at the time so I scared away the people who worked with me. I live in a pretty small town now so services that could counsel me are limited and I've been turned down by the majority of them. I don't worry about it too much. I've learned not to rely on mental health professionals and other counselors. I just don't mesh well with them and I'm not much of a talker in person, especially about my feelings and stuff.

I accept that we are all unique and have individual challenges, and that some of us need more help than others. I believe God helps me with what I truly need, and as long as I put in the effort to change and grow closer to Him I'll be able to improve.

 

[Jupiter Drops]

You could always take credible online college courses that could help you obtain a degree elsewhere.
You should talk to career counselors or someone in a field that particularly holds your fancy.
Lastly, I think that it's all about patience and diligence. Find someone who could train you on those.
God bless.