Needing Godly Guidance for Issue in Marriage

[tenderheart1]

I am in my mid-40's and in my second marriage. I have three children from my first marriage. My second husband and I have been together for 4-1/2 years; married 2-1/2 yrs. My husband is a fairly new Christian. I have been raised in church all my life and have always been very involved in serving within the Church. I am by no means a bible scholar, but I feel I know the scriptures fairly well. Our marriage has always been very, very good. We would rarely argue and if any cross words were spoken by either of us, we were quick to apologize. My husband is very loving, affectionate, caring, kindhearted. He's the kind of man I've always dreamed of and I value him, adore him, and love him very much. My kids also adore him. Even though they have a Father, my husband is more of a Father figure to them and they have a lot of respect for him.

So, here's the issue. When Gay Marriage passed, all hell has broken loose in my home. My husband, no knowing scripture well, is more liberal in his thinking where I choose to live my life, as best as I can, according to scripture. Previous to all the hub-bub about gay marriage, it's not something I talked about regularly with my children. We live in the midwest bible-belt and honestly we don't see much lgbt activity. But now that the law has passed, I felt that my children may indeed see more of this so I wanted to reiterate with them what GOD says about homosexuality. I made it clear to them that we are not to judge homosexuals or treat them any differently and that we are to be a "light" to them and pray for them. I have only had two discussions recently with my kids about this issue. I should point out that my son is 17 and my daughter is 11. My oldest is out of the house. I believe as a Christian Parent, it is my God-given responsibility to teach my children what God says about ALL issues; not just homosexuality. However, my husband has limited knowledge of the bible and he feels that I am to share with my children all aspects of homosexuality and let THEM choose what they believe is right; even for my 11 year old. He says I am causing them to "hate" because I tell them that God says it's wrong. He brought up the scripture where Jesus tells us to obey Man's laws and since it's a Law now, that means it's ok. I told him that God's laws are above man's laws when it comes to morality. Abortion is "legal" but as a child of God, we are not to have abortions. According to what he's saying, if pedophilia or polygamy becomes legal, that makes it ok??? I think not. I have asked my husband to not give his "opinion" on these matters to my children UNLESS it lines up with the bible. He thinks I'm being ridiculous. He told my oldest son last week that he believes the bible is full of errors and not reliable due to all the various translations.

My husband doesn't feel homosexuality is a big deal. He says he knows God says it's wrong, but because God is love, we are to love. And I agree with that. But we are to be loving towards them to show them GOD'S LOVE so that God can work through us to bring them to Christ. Everyone has a free will. God made us that way, starting back with Adam and Eve. And I believe we have to crucify our flesh, walk in the spirit, and choose the ways that God wants for us.

But I want the arguing to stop. We've NEVER experienced this kind of turmoil in our relationship and it's breaking my heart.

Can anyone on here offer some suggestions? I'm not trying to hate on anybody. I do try to love everyone. I have friends who are gay and bi-sexual and they are still my friends. But I wouldn't attend a wedding to support a gay marriage and I wouldn't shy away from telling them that their lifestyle is morally wrong, according to the bible.

 

[Tinkerbells]

I think this is simply a matter of being unequally yolked. You are both Christians but view the bible in different ways. This, in my opinion, needs to be addressed with a Christian counselor or pastor at church. It seems to me that he is set in his ways on how he views this and unfortunately, only the Holy Spirit can change that. I think speaking to a third party Christian will help immensely. For the record, I take your side regarding this topic. I think he is being way too open minded.

 

[kmrichard7]

I second the recommendation of speaking to a church leader.
I would point out the scriptures that directly relate to homosexuality, and again scriptures pointing to God being unchanging-constant.
There is a middle ground here that the two of you can find. Perhaps he has no say in how you raise your children but if you fully believe all scriptures in the Bible you should be able to submit to your husband and not fight back to aggressively. I say this because you had not one but two conversations with your children concerning this when your husband had already expressed his concern with the way you were presenting the issue.
I think your kids understood after the first talking to, certainly after the second. If I were you I would just drop it at this point. Everyone knows your stance, everyone knows Gods stance. Let your kids come to you if they have questions and leave it at that.
Pray that God help guide you and your husband and help open both of your eyes to His truth. Trust in Him and it will all be ok.

 

[HannahT]

However, my husband has limited knowledge of the bible and he feels that I am to share with my children all aspects of homosexuality and let THEM choose what they believe is right; even for my 11 year old.

I'm not sure what you mean by all aspects.

I remember growing up, and the sexual revolution was on fire. My parents were pretty frank about any aspect of the discussion with us, because they wanted us to hear all the different aspects - along with the pros and cons - of all it. It was their way of keeping us prepared for things they KNEW we would encounter. We are going to face more than the BIBLE says such and such speeches after all. They had not control over that. Everyone knew they didn't 'endorse' it, but they also knew we needed to know the facts of what was going on. Some aspects of this subject - and it has many different aspects to it - they firmly agreed with together...others they differed somewhat. One parent would be more firm on the subject (an aspect that is), and the other would be more liberal on it.

Their parents (our grandparents) never in million years would EVER approach this subject with them, but my parents saw the world was changing...and they wanted to keep us prepared. While my grandparents would have a cow each and every time the subject was brought up in the media, dinner table or what have you? My parents kept pretty calm and level headed, and they didn't allow their disagreements to cause turmoil. My brother and I knew where they disagreed, and we also knew individuals in our lifes that agree or disagreed with their different prospective.

Your children are going to be approached with different ways of looking at this, and you can't hide it from them. Parent's disagree, human's disagree - that's life. Use it as a teaching tool on HOW to handle such on conflicts, and how it doesn't have to turn into mud slinging. Once they get older (and your 17 yr old may have faced this already) some of their friends will fall into this category, and you don't want them to HIDE this friend from you due to it. My son has already, and he is balancing this pretty well. His friend knows I'm a person of faith, and we have spoken about it. His friend is cool with me, and he knows I won't be one of those people telling him he is an abomination...and all that jazz that goes with it (I also figured it out a long time ago - I just wasn't sure). There are all kinds of approaches to this, and even if there comes a day that my children disagree with me? I need to keep that door open for discussion, and they won't if I give them contempt in return.

We are in hard place in history once again, and we must find our place in the discussion. It's okay to be frank, and even tell the children that even CHRISTIANS on some aspects disagree on certain aspects. Passing a law doesn't make a thing moral of course as you mentioned, but we do need to learn to live in a secular world too. It will be a hard balancing act for quite a while I would bet. Don't let differences of opinion/beliefs systems turn into turmoil - the world has enough of that. Show your children - model for your children - on how to deal with those differences in a loving way. Remember you can hide it at home if you want to, but they will face it in the world anyway. Which prospective do you want to see modeled for them?

No, it won't be easy. lol Life has a way of doing that, and I think God allows it to help us grow in his ways.

 

[mkgal1]

I agree with Hannah.....disagreement is natural and this can be a great opportunity to teach your children how to disagree with grace and respect (which I think is a very valuable lesson). This is happening in churches as well (the disagreement). In my opinion....an example of respectfully dealing with this was a Southern Baptist church in California. Here's an article about their experience: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnsh...astor-accepts-his-gay-son-changes-his-church/

The church just voted two Sundays ago, on May 18, 2014, to not dismiss me, and to instead become a Third Way church (agree to disagree and not cast judgement on one another—see Ken Wilson’s book, “A Letter to my Congregation”). This is a huge step for a Southern Baptist Church!!

We will choose to remain the body of Christ and not cast judgement. We will work towards graceful dialogue in the midst of theological differences.

 

[Farm Truck]

he feels that I am to share with my children all aspects of homosexuality and let THEM choose what they believe is right

Smile and tell him he is wrong!

Then, show him what God said in scripture and remind him that the same Bible that says he can call upon Jesus for eternal salvation also says homosexuality is a sin... and if he doesn't believe what God said about the gay thing, then on what basis does he have the right to believe Jesus for salvation?

If you cannot believe in one, you really have no right to believe the other. His acceptance of homosexuality will eventually bring things in to your house you wished were not there as it is sinful to be in agreement with sin.

ent)We will choose to remain the body of Christ and not cast judgement.

That is a GRAVE mistake... they are rejcting God's Word on this issue and they will reap what they sow, satan will see to it as they just open the door and will be bitten by a serpent!

 

[mkgal1]

they are rejcting God's Word on this issue

That's one school of thought.

 

[tenderheart1]

Thank you everyone for your responses. We did make an appointment with our Pastor and speak to him about it and felt better after sharing our hearts fully on the subject and looking at it from a biblical stance.