Need some advice re: Treatment for social anxity.

[MoeJangles]

Hello,

I struggle with social anxiety. Honestly I never thought much of it. I have always been quite introverted. I am comfortable with that. Recently I have been having issues with my marriage. My wife has decided to seek council with an alcohol problem. Our marriage has kinda been just coasting along for a while now, do to this and other issues. This is a discussion for another day however.

anyway...

I have over the last few years grown more and more introverted. I have browsed other threads regarding Social anxiety. (They are awesome by the way!) It is noce to know that I am not the only one with issues. Anyway...As I look at my own issues, I find that my social anxiety most probably contibutes to our marital problems. My wife is quite social. I make many excuses to avoid social situations. I dont hang with her friends. (I have none of my own, due to my social issues I think.) I am a member of a wonderful church (shout out to Calvary Chapel South Denver), but I find it quite impossible to make freinds there... though I pray about it. I am at this point not even able to join a mens group or bible study. It's quite frustrating at times. I suppose if I were not married, I could just deal, but I feel that it is my responsibility to my wife, and myself I suppose, to address my issue. I believe upon retrospect, that if not for this issue, my life could be much more productive.

My condition baffles me. I cant even order a pizza. Heaven forbid I have to speak to the pizza guy. Im sure some of you can relate to this. Its quite funny...I work for an insurance Co. My job is to talk on the phone. No problem there! Pizza...NO WAY!!! hehehe

Anyway...enough chatter.
The questions I have are...

Is it OK to seek medication (Paxil or something)? Does it help?
Is it OK to seek help through a pill. I do pray about my issues.
Has medication helped you?

Your thoughts feelings stories and support are greatly appreciated.
God bless you all!

 

[TheMainException]

My brother...you seem to have a nice sense of humor...don't ever let that go....Yes, it is okay to seek out help through meds....It does help...I've tried it and it does help. It may take time to find the right one...but after you do so...it will be much better for you. My brother....I love you very much...I feel very connected to you through this anxiety issue. You're a good guy, and this anxiety can really grip a person. I think that something you need as much as meds...is...talk therapy. It can help sometimes more than meds...sometimes...but it can be as helpful as meds can in this and other mental disorders....I think that both of those things can completely conquer anxiety. Try it...you might not like it...but you will later....my love to you, PM me if you just want to chat or want to talk some more about this. I'm always avaliable to listen...Lauren

 

[Daughter of His]

Hi,

Yep, it's ok to seek help with medication. God works with and through doctors too ! I've found great help with zoloft which has not changed my disposition but I do have less anxiety. It gives me time to realize that these negative thoughts of what might happen, or what must they be thinking are truely myself over-reacting. If you feel you could be happier or more productive I would not think that there was any harm in getting some advice and possibly medication if your doctor thinks it's a good idea.

I benefit greatly from the women's Bible study I attend. Wonderful women, and they just accept me as quieter, and I've never even mentioned it to them. I'm so glad you pray about the issues, we need to never give up because we never know when it will be God's timing to heal us and I do believe He can instantainously heal us if He wills. Best to you ! Hope you get results that elate you and your life with your wife. Blessings--keep in touch brother ! for you

 

[TruthSetsYouFree]

Hey brother,

I would love to see if I could help. I've been through irrational feelings before, and I learned some things that have helped me out tremendously!! If you can tell me a little more about your background, I would be happy to help!

When did this start? Have you ever faced rejection growing up? How was your relationship with your parents growing up? Do you have any ancestors (parents, grandparents, etc.) that had a similar problem?

In Christ,
Bobby

 

[MoeJangles]

Hey brother,

I would love to see if I could help. I've been through irrational feelings before, and I learned some things that have helped me out tremendously!! If you can tell me a little more about your background, I would be happy to help!

When did this start? Have you ever faced rejection growing up? How was your relationship with your parents growing up? Do you have any ancestors (parents, grandparents, etc.) that had a similar problem?

In Christ,
Bobby

Well I have always been shy, and kinda closed in.(I remember when I was a kid. I used to fantasize about living on a deserted island, kinda like in that silly movie Black Beauty, ya know with the horse and the boy. I laugh when I think about it) My parents used to give me a bit of a hard time about it. They were very controlling. It was difficult to establish friendships, even in school. I was kind of a nerd in school.(wish I could go back and do it over again...Lost the glasses, and improved my fashoin sense since then hahaha) I suppose I have been at this stage in my Social Anxiety for about 10 years. It's gotten worse over the last few years. I did have a close friend up until about 5 years ago. He got married, we drifted apart, such is life. Come to think of it, my dad is very much the same way. Since I have been married, I have avoided making friends. Who knows why? Maybe its always been easier to devote all my energy to my wife...probably only an excuse. I get along with women quite well, much better than I do with guys. Not sure why. When I was single, social interaction was at least a bit easier, not much...but a little. (I suppose I had a goal then ya know) But one must put away the ways of the single life at some point. I suppose the fact that I am predisposed to being so introverted, and my bacially shutting down socially for so long (I have been with my wife almost 5 years) has caused me to be sort of paralyzed. I also struggle with very low self esteem.(maybe I'll post on that some time)

I went to art school once...Could not continue cause of the cost. I used to love to draw. I have always been told that I am creative. I have just atrophied. I am very very self critical. This I think effects me socially as well.

 

[Jeffreycentex]

Hey, I know exactly how you feel... I have been fighting this for the past two years with varying degrees of success... I don't have too many problems at work, but once it is a non professional, more social environment, I tend to go find the nearest rock to crawl under...

There are a lot of resources out there to help... My current support group/bible study is very helpful as we tend to encourage each other to take new steps... There are also other social anxiety specific resources out there on the net that are very helpful...

 

[TruthSetsYouFree]

Well I have always been shy, and kinda closed in.(I remember when I was a kid. I used to fantasize about living on a deserted island, kinda like in that silly movie Black Beauty, ya know with the horse and the boy. I laugh when I think about it) My parents used to give me a bit of a hard time about it. They were very controlling. It was difficult to establish friendships, even in school. I was kind of a nerd in school.(wish I could go back and do it over again...Lost the glasses, and improved my fashoin sense since then hahaha) I suppose I have been at this stage in my Social Anxiety for about 10 years. It's gotten worse over the last few years. I did have a close friend up until about 5 years ago. He got married, we drifted apart, such is life. Come to think of it, my dad is very much the same way. Since I have been married, I have avoided making friends. Who knows why? Maybe its always been easier to devote all my energy to my wife...probably only an excuse. I get along with women quite well, much better than I do with guys. Not sure why. When I was single, social interaction was at least a bit easier, not much...but a little. (I suppose I had a goal then ya know) But one must put away the ways of the single life at some point. I suppose the fact that I am predisposed to being so introverted, and my bacially shutting down socially for so long (I have been with my wife almost 5 years) has caused me to be sort of paralyzed. I also struggle with very low self esteem.(maybe I'll post on that some time)

I went to art school once...Could not continue cause of the cost. I used to love to draw. I have always been told that I am creative. I have just atrophied. I am very very self critical. This I think effects me socially as well.

Hey brother,

So you dad was shy too? Do you sense that you may have some of the controlling personality that he has had? I'm trying to see if something was handed down here. It just gives us an idea of how to go about breaking this.

I used to be very shy too (hated getting on the phone, etc.) One of the first things I'd like to point out is that you aren't seeing yourself in the right perspective. God doesn't make 2nd hand people, and you are a first class creation made by the hand of the Almighty! God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34); He doesn't make one person better then another.

From the looks of it, you've been raised to 'earn your way' up the social ladder; you feel that gaining somebody's approval is something you have to 'earn.' This has created an insecurity within you that makes you feel as if you were 'less.' When you see life looking 'up,' you struggle; when you see life as looking 'down,' (being on top of the world), you see things in a whole new light. A different perspective makes a big difference.

Did you parents ever say things to you along the lines of, "You are never going to fit in!" or "You'll never be very sociable!"? I know when parents talk like that to their children, it can actually carry weight in that child's life. A parent has authority over his or her child, and has the power to bless or curse with their words. Remember back in the Old Testament, where a father would bless his first-born son before he died? You can bless your children just by speaking the right things to them! On the flip side, you can also curse your children by speaking the wrong things to them. So be careful never to tell your children "You'll never make it! Your never amount to anything in life!" Of course, those things can be broken too. Jesus came to set us free from all sorts of bondages!

One little tip that helps is to look at that other person, and realize that they are just another person, no better then you are! The may have more money, or better looks, but you are gifted in ways that they aren't! God didn't make them any better then you!

Do you have any feelings inside against those who may have put you down in school for being nerdy? Do you have any feelings against others at all? What about feelings against your parents?

Do you feel like you have also been abused as a child? Verbally? Mentally? Physically?

How do you view your relationship with God? Do you feel his love in your life? Or do you feel like He's distant?

I just ordered a book titled Root of Rejection by Joyce Meyer. It's not that expensive, nor is it a big book (112 pages), so you may want to pick up a copy. I know I've read another book by Joyce Meyer and I loved it! I guess she was raised up abused and rejected, and the Lord has given her a wonderful ministry helping others who came from the same kind of backgrounds.

Don't give up on solving this issue with insecurity... there ARE truths in God's Word that can set you free! Jesus said that if you keep in His Word, you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free!

In Christ,
Bobby

I just asked a friend of mine to read your posts, and she said that she's been through the same thing, and she read a book titled The Bondage Breaker (Neil T. Anderson) that was very helpful! I know I've read it, and it's helped me out in a number of ways! I'd say it's like a 'must read' if you want to learn how to overcome the enemy!! It's very Bible based too, so you won't be getting a whole load of theories!