Narcissistic Mother

[MaddieD]

Hello, I don't want to get into details on here, but in short, I'm working on recovering from being raised by a narcissistic mother. Just around the time that I officially started the recovery process (by cutting ties with her), my support forum shut down. That was months ago at this point, and I feel like I really need to connect with others who understand, from personal experience, what I am going though.

Would anyone happen to know of a good support forum for adult children of narcissistic parents? I'm ideally looking for a Christian based forum, but I doubt that one exists. Maybe a general Christian adult child abuse forum would be helpful. Anything that you think might be helpful, really. If you know anything about Narcissism, than you know that I could really use all the help that I can get.

Thank you.

 

[seeingeyes]

Reddit has a group here: raisedbynarcissists: for the children of narcissistic parents

They probably trend toward atheism (that's the demographic), but they also are probably familiar with all the online options (that's also the demographic!)

God bless

 

[Billy Bayou]

Check this out.

Out of the FOG - The Non-PD Toolbox

I am sure I am married to a women with Narcissistic Personality disorder also know as OCPD. Not OCD but OCPD....

Lot's of people at this site, which has great forums and information, who have lived the hell of living with someone like this.

It's bad enough with a wife like this but if I had not been around to protect my kids and block the insanity, my kids would not be as well adjusted as they are.

All the best. Don't forget to check out a paper called All the right stuff.

OCD ONLINE - The RIGHT Stuff - Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder: A defect of Philosophy, not Anxiety

Hope this helps

Billy

 

[oakrun]

Hi Maddie...my mother is like that and it took me years to come to grips with it and I am still struggling because she did so much damage to her family. If you want to talk, let me know...be glad to discuss if you like.

 

[MaddieD]

Reddit has a group here: raisedbynarcissists: for the children of narcissistic parents

They probably trend toward atheism (that's the demographic), but they also are probably familiar with all the online options (that's also the demographic!)

God bless

Thanks!

 

[MaddieD]

Check this out.

Out of the FOG - The Non-PD Toolbox

I am sure I am married to a women with Narcissistic Personality disorder also know as OCPD. Not OCD but OCPD....

Lot's of people at this site, which has great forums and information, who have lived the hell of living with someone like this.

It's bad enough with a wife like this but if I had not been around to protect my kids and block the insanity, my kids would not be as well adjusted as they are.

All the best. Don't forget to check out a paper called All the right stuff.

OCD ONLINE - The RIGHT Stuff - Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder: A defect of Philosophy, not Anxiety

Hope this helps

Billy

Thanks, I joined the site! It seems like it's going to be really helpful.

Your kids are so blessed to have you! I can't imagine how great it would have been to have someone around to continually validate my perceptions as a kid, especially if it were my father.

 

[MaddieD]

Hi Maddie...my mother is like that and it took me years to come to grips with it and I am still struggling because she did so much damage to her family. If you want to talk, let me know...be glad to discuss if you like.

Thank you

 

[Billy Bayou]

Thanks, I joined the site! It seems like it's going to be really helpful.

Your kids are so blessed to have you! I can't imagine how great it would have been to have someone around to continually validate my perceptions as a kid, especially if it were my father.

You're very welcome.

Until I found this site, I was lost in a swirl of confusion. Then, "light bulb", this site was a ray of hope in understanding on the condition my wife (and ultimately our whole household) suffers from.

Knowing what you are dealing with is the first step. Seeing how other people have tried to deal with it in their lives and either succeed or failed is so helpful.

Having conversations with people who suffer just like me and receiving their support and empathy was very encouraging.

Knowing that I was not crazy was paramount to getting my feet back on the ground.

Now I set boundaries and deal with the "fallout" with knowledge of the real issue.

I am not perfect for sure but now I don't believe the lie that I am the problem all the time. I now know the real issue. Truth is liberation.

 

[Life2Christ]

I have a narcissistic mother and I didn't even know there was a name for it until a few years ago. I don't want to get into too much detail because I get upset about it but Jesus has been my rock. My mother doesn't support most things I do and "punishes" me when I disagree with her. I also grew up with a lot of physical abuse and corporal punishment as a child. I have a low self esteem. But I realize this these issues are generational. My grandmother (from what I hear) was a terror to grow up with and my mom never lets me forget it.

Classic painful moment: I told my mom I was pregnant with my husband at my side, and she changed the subject (something she does often). My father (who I do not speak to or have a relationship with) is the "head turner." Like when you see a kid getting abused and you turn the other way and ignore.

I dread family holidays becuase that means I have to be with these people but the Word of God keeps me straight and I can tolerate them. The bonus is: since I've been saved and I have the Holy Spirit on my side, my mother has mellowed out a lot. Plus, I have the inner stregth to just brush her off when I need to.

At the age of 40 I feel like, developmentally, I'm not where I should be emotionally compared to others and I think it has to do with constantly being held back by my mother. She never wanted me to drive or be independent, she mocks, she talks bad about many things, she's just all around negative. Also, my mother has a death wish: she doesn't care if she dies and tries to wish her life away.

That being said, I love her very much and ever since I had my daughter, she is ther perfect grandmother. Like Mrs. Brady or some wonderful stereotype from TV. My daughter has the childhood I never had and that is a good thing.

 

[bluegreysky]

My mom, bless her heart, can kind of be like this at times.
But I don't want to call her "narcissist" because it doesn't really match.
I don't know what you call it.
She is very opinionated, often wanting to believe she's always right.
But she is a Christian at the same time and believs God talks to her in a special way that is different from most and that she can't be wrong because she gets the intuitions or ideas directly from God.
What's scary is I don't know sometimes if this is fully accurate or if its a little of both God and something mental.
For years she struggled with a hard life, depression, hormonal imbalance, etc...

Well, she is a good mom with plenty of help and advice for me, but then sometimes she's not there to emotionally support the way I need.
I will express an idea or a feeling about something I care about...she will object to it in a bit of an extreme way or change the subject.
She will always pick out the flaws in every friend and guy, sometimes dampening my enthusiasm about that person.
If you interrupt her or don't see something on her wavelength,
she gets very upset.
If you defy her, she will stomp around the house like a child who's been told "no".
I have learned to step lightly around her to avoid setting these things off.
That isn't so hard when I live 160 miles away and she doesn't see everything i do or meet all my friends. its terribly hard when I need to get her on my page about something big...like my future with a man or my desire to try some new adventure. She has shot down many mission trips with her fear about money and foreign illnesses.
No boy has ever been "right".

So they say "oh just work with her. respect her wishes."
Did you know that if i'd done that, I'd never have gotten to move out of her house? there is a college practically in their back yard.
Even at 18 or 21 I would still be there.
I never would have had boyfriends
I never would have gotten out in the world and experience things.
Even when I was in college (over 18!) she would try to "ground" me and take things away.
I'd still be overly sheltered.
I'm glad I didn't do that.

I want a good relationship with her, but how to do it when its so easy to offend her by not doing things her way?

Maybe some of y'all would have answers?

 

[Billy Bayou]

To Bluegreysky: Check out the web site I stated earlier in this thread. Take the quiz on the "The Right Stuff" page and see what you find. The term narcissist may seem a tad harsh but may be correct.

 

[ciaomamma]

Wow thank you for this thread!
I think my mother might have ocpd, I've been trying to find a logical answer for her unbearable behaviour and I've turned to a mental disability because no sane person would act the way she and my father do...

 

[parsley]

What a great article. It clarifies a lot of things I've seen in people.

 

[Goodbook]

That is a good site. (FOG)

I can relate. I reckon there should be a special support forum on here for those that suffer this. Many people who were raised by loving christian mothers probably would be shocked by what those who didnt have to say about their childhood and current dysfunctional relationship with their mothers.

Thankfully God is good all the time and He knows and unnderstands what we have suffered. (staff edit)

My mum thinks she's God and is perfect and never has done anything wrong.

 

[Goodbook]

Luke 11:27-28

Jesus rebuking those who idolized his mother.

 

[ewq1938]