I think you need to take an honest, fearless and unflinching look at your life and your choices. You are still talking about the married youth pastor you have a crush on, and now you're seizing on an offhanded and inappropriate comment he made, probably not even to you, and twisting it calling his godliness and journey into question and somehow making it about yourself. I don't know what you are looking for, validation maybe? You want us to pounce on the married man who rejected you because he said something callous in frustration? If the 87 in your name refers to the year in which you were born, than you are too old for this childish nonsense. This isn't cute or funny anymore. It's sick and it's sad, sweetheart. And you need to grow up and get some perspective