k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe
Senior Member
I'm sorry, Jimmy. This sounds like a very tough situation. I'll keep your family in my prayers.
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My wife thinks she can't be happy with me
- Thread starter jimmyl
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sdmsanjose
Regular Member
Jimmy
Make yourself start doing everything you can to strengthen yourself body, mind, and spirit. Not even God is getting through to your wife because of your wifes free will choice.
Do you have family, friends, anyone that can give you some strength? Use every resource and DO NOT waste anymore time trying to get your wife to love you. I know it is very hard but the sooner you face reality the better for you.
Your emotional needs will try and make you concentrate on your loss but it will pass. Many have gone through with what you are going through and have come out OK, some much better. If your wife remains against God and not trustworthy you will be better off without her.
Follow Gods directions and you will defiantly be better in the future. Rejection is very hard to take but when you are strong it does not break you and will pass in due time. If done correctly, in a year or two, you will be much happier than you are now.
Take care my brother
Stan
Make yourself start doing everything you can to strengthen yourself body, mind, and spirit. Not even God is getting through to your wife because of your wifes free will choice.
Do you have family, friends, anyone that can give you some strength? Use every resource and DO NOT waste anymore time trying to get your wife to love you. I know it is very hard but the sooner you face reality the better for you.
Your emotional needs will try and make you concentrate on your loss but it will pass. Many have gone through with what you are going through and have come out OK, some much better. If your wife remains against God and not trustworthy you will be better off without her.
Follow Gods directions and you will defiantly be better in the future. Rejection is very hard to take but when you are strong it does not break you and will pass in due time. If done correctly, in a year or two, you will be much happier than you are now.
Take care my brother
Stan
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[FONT="]Though your post is long, I tried to read it from top to bottom
Knowing that your wife is "in love' with another guy is really painful. I know the pain you're sufferingright now coz we share the same problem. [/FONT]
[FONT="]Based from your post, I assume that you really love your spouse and you are ready to forgive her no matter what. Infidelity is often the cause of divorce. If I were you, I wouldnt cajole my wife or beg her to stay, rather Ill do the reverse psychology. Do you know that the more you show how hopeless you are from losing her is overwhelming for her? She might play it safe and she might assume that you cant get off your life on her. The best tactic is back off and slow down. [/FONT]
[FONT="]Backing off doesnt mean that you have no intention of winning her back, but its the best thing to do to solve the issues. You have to give her space and time. Let her reflect on the things that confuse her and let her weigh the options. Allow her to reminisce the good times you have had together. Dont beg her to stay, but give her the reasons to stay.[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT]
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So nevermind about her not seeing the guy anymore. That apparently lasted about 2 weeks. She has actually met him and had sex with him. He is moving here so that she can live with him. She says that she has always felt that only one guy is not enough for her, and this new guy is willing to have an open relationship with her. I found all this out this morning. This is so contrary to everything I ever thought I knew about her that I'm in shock. I feel physically ill. She is going to move out as soon as she has a job. In the meantime, we are trying to keep the home happy for the kids.
This woman was more than my wife. She's been my friend since we were about 14. I grew up with her. How do I process this? I've been trying to not think about it, but I have a pretty good imagination.
This woman was more than my wife. She's been my friend since we were about 14. I grew up with her. How do I process this? I've been trying to not think about it, but I have a pretty good imagination.
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My heart goes out to you jimmyl. The best thing you can do right now is stay close to God. Your wife has apparently given up on him at the moment. But please remember always that your relationship with God is not only the most important one, but will be what gets you through these trying times. I will lift you up in my prayers.
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JimmyL, I am very sorry for you, for your kids, and the stupid choices this female is making. You need to concentrate on protecting you and the kids, and not enabling her vile behavior. Change locks, delete access to accounts, tell her parents so that she will have someplace to go, and so that they know it isn't just a whim. Then do what is necesssary to prevent her from opening accounts in your name and runnig up debt that you have to pay. Act NOW, brother. Start the separation process and don't allow her to damage your kids. Keep her and the jerk away from them except when supervised. Record all calls, and all your interactions with her and the children.
Be the warrior for what is left of your family.
Be the warrior for what is left of your family.
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Romanseight2005
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You may have some issues that you should bring before the Lord to make sure that you are not contributing to anything she is doing. That said, she is the one who is in sin, and sin blinds us. She is not seeing things clearly. Whatever you decide to do, remember that God can bring truth to her heart, but she's not there now.
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Romanseight2005
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Oh I am so sorry! It almost sounds like an early midlife crisis or something. Wow! Do you have a good church that can support you? I will be praying for you and your family.
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Romanseight2005
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Jimmy,
How are you doing? You and your family have been on my heart all night, and day. I believe that God is raising up prayer warriors on your behalf. Whatever happens, know that He will never leave you or forsake you.
This may be a lot to process right now, but do you think that she would try to get custody of the children if she leaves? It sounds to me like she is really living in some kind of fantasy world, and if she leaves, she will likely be forced to face reality. It might not hit her right away, but it will at some point. The point is, with her living in this fantasy, she might be quite unsafe for the children, at least insofar as raising them, even part time. You are dealing with so much hurt right now, so it's probably hard to think about these things, but you will have to be your childrens' advocate. Again my heart goes out to you, and I am praying, along with all of the other people that God has raised up to pray for you. Be comforted in His mighty ability to do miracles, as well at to strengthen, comfort, and provide. May God bless you Brother.
How are you doing? You and your family have been on my heart all night, and day. I believe that God is raising up prayer warriors on your behalf. Whatever happens, know that He will never leave you or forsake you.
This may be a lot to process right now, but do you think that she would try to get custody of the children if she leaves? It sounds to me like she is really living in some kind of fantasy world, and if she leaves, she will likely be forced to face reality. It might not hit her right away, but it will at some point. The point is, with her living in this fantasy, she might be quite unsafe for the children, at least insofar as raising them, even part time. You are dealing with so much hurt right now, so it's probably hard to think about these things, but you will have to be your childrens' advocate. Again my heart goes out to you, and I am praying, along with all of the other people that God has raised up to pray for you. Be comforted in His mighty ability to do miracles, as well at to strengthen, comfort, and provide. May God bless you Brother.
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She wants joint custody of the kids, with each of us having equal time. Her parents are both strong Christians, her dad is a pastor, and they are both appalled at what she is doing. They will certainly be very involved with the kids as well. Honestly though, right now she is only concerned with doing what she wants and making herself happy, and I think she is going to see that it's difficult with the kids around all the time. I think it will probably start out with us getting even time, but I'm betting that as time goes on I will end up with the kids more often. Which, honestly, is just fine with me. It looks like she's going to be ready to move out soon. She's got a place to go and some promising job leads. Right now my biggest struggles are with loneliness and self-esteem. It's hard after giving yourself completely to a relationship to come second place to someone who didn't even have to try.
I know God is supposed to give me strength and comfort in these hard times, but I'm not feeling it. What I'd really like is a hug and a shoulder to cry on, but the arms and shoulders that should be there for me aren't, and God is conspicuously non-corporeal at times like this. I want someone to care for me but instead I have to be strong and care for my kids. No rest for me. I guess I should be thankful that I will be stronger from this experience, but the world just feels cold and callous right now.
I know God is supposed to give me strength and comfort in these hard times, but I'm not feeling it. What I'd really like is a hug and a shoulder to cry on, but the arms and shoulders that should be there for me aren't, and God is conspicuously non-corporeal at times like this. I want someone to care for me but instead I have to be strong and care for my kids. No rest for me. I guess I should be thankful that I will be stronger from this experience, but the world just feels cold and callous right now.
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Oh brother that just breaks my heart to hear how you are feeling. Have you told the folks at your church of what is going on? Do you have a life group? I pray that your heart will be healed and you will have someone very soon who loves you as you love them.
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I'm currently going to church at a church my father is starting. There are about 30 members so far. Many of them know about it and I have people praying for me. While prayer is good and I know that God will use this situation for good if I trust him, it doesn't change how I feel right now.
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Romanseight2005
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It's really ok to feel the way you do. When Lazarus died, and Mary and Martha were hurting, Jesus could have told them to buck up and be strong. Afterall, He was about to bring Lazarus back from the dead. He knew He was about to do this. What did He do though? He cried. He was so moved by their pain, that He cried. In moments, there would be cause for incredible joy, but now, He weeps.
All I can tell you is to keep going to Him with all of your feelings, and be open to Him showing you His love through channels you hadn't considered before. His love is what comforts and frees us. Our mates are usually the vessel for His love to flow through. It makes sense for obvious reasons. His love can however touch us through other means. Something as simple as a child at the grocery store playing peekaboo can cause His love to overwhelm us with peace, comfort, and well being, if that is the vessel He chooses in that moment. In short, it's ok to feel what your feeling, but know, that God is faithful, and try to hold on to that, no matter what your feelings tell you. I know this isn't the same, but I am sending you a virtual hug.
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Romanseight2005
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Jimmy,
I want to respond to the bolded part. Remember that the reason she wants to be with that guy, is so that she can see other people. It really doesn't sound like it has anything to do with anything else. There will be virtually no security with her relationship. I am highly doubting that this man will love her, and she will also likely find that her chosen life isn't nearly as fulfilling as she thinks it will be. I know I don't know you, but I have no doubt that you have been a wonderful husband, and this has nothing to do with any lack in you.
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I know all that, except, you know, at 3 in the morning when I can't sleep.
I need to stop dwelling on all the ways she's hurt me. I made that my goal today; to just not think about it, and it was hard. I had to keep redirecting my thoughts, but it was ok. I have forgiven her, and I need to remember that, for my sake. Picking at my sores only hurts me.
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Praying for you!
I was just reading through this thread again. I don't know what made me do that. It makes me feel sick and stupid to remember how much I trusted her. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Which makes it easy for others to take advantage of you.
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Ok, I know that not everyone is like her, and I know that I've let people down before too. I know that she did it because she was buying into a lie and that ultimately I should pity her, not feel defeated by her. I'm just having a bad day. One of those days when it feels like nobody cares and I'll feel like this forever, regardless of what I know in my head. On days like this God seems like a coach or a drill sergeant pushing you on when you don't want to keep going. You just want something nice or good to happen for you, but it won't, either because you are being taught to wait and trust in God, or because there's just nothing good waiting for you.
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