My "Voices" my disorder...

[Neogaia777]

I posted this on Facebook...

I'm tired of being bullied and tormented in my mind with these voices...

I'm tired of being paranoid, the feeling that someone or something is constantly watching me. Or, in conversations with others, or something that I hear or see on the T.V. or radio, thinking it is somehow about and directed at me, perhaps something the angel that trails me, good or bad (I don't know) is trying to communicate to me, and then getting paralyzed with fear, at which time I just want to hide in my room and curl up in the fetal position and just die, but sometimes I don't have the liberty to do that, so I have to "be strong", well, I'm tired of being strong, I don't have the strength... and when I do get isolated and in silence, unable to handle the T.V. radio, or peoples conversations, when I do isolate in silence, then the voices come and terrify me some more, so that, I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't...

I'm tired of multiple personalities in my head warring with each other...

In short, I'm tired... and sick of it all and I want it to stop, but it/they wont...

I don't know if I can live this way anymore...

I love you all!, thanks for listening...God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

The voices (multiples) outside of me, used to get close enough for me to hear them, about ten yards and they tried to possess my body back then, but I fought them and when I finally broke down and called on Christ (about 3 years ago) name for help, I heard a voice right next to me, it startled me, and all it said was "Go!" and I believe it was speaking to the other voices that were bulling me, and the voices disappeared for about three months, but, then they came back, but they wouldn't get close enough to me anymore for me to hear what they are saying, but I can hear them conversing like a T.V. a little too loud in another room....

When I hear them it keeps me from sleeping since their favorite time to attack is bedtime, when all else is silent, when I hear them now, they won't get close to unless I ignore and don't pay any attention to it, then they start to draw in a little bit closer and a little bit louder, so I focus my attention on it and it retreats into the distance again, and I hear laughs among them when they do this, without medication, I can't sleep, I'm an insomniac because of this stupid little game they like to play... Maybe Jesus conditions when he commanded to "Go!" was that if they return they were to keep their distance, I don't know...

 

[Neogaia777]

When the voices used to come close to me, instead of the game their playing on me now, when they used to get close to me, it was usually at night, and I like to study before I go to bed, and while I couldn't make out what the brood was saying to each other I could hear them whispering in each others ears, when I could hear them they would call me all kinds of bad names, as I was trying to study, when I put down my books and notepads one night and was going to try to get some sleep, They would say "Who do you think you are?" "your nothing" "you can't do anything along with the name calling during my studies.

I heard one of them say to another one night as I put down the books to lay down, "Watch This!" to another one, and I felt a headache, then chest pains, then pains and cramps all over my body as it moved from place to place (in my body) but I fought them and they were unsuccessful...

And one time I was in the middle of waking up, and I heard a voice say to another "Watch this" we had blinds but no curtains in our bedroom window, and when they said "watch this" the sun came out and shone very brightly through the blinds so that I could not sleep, so, I got up and I heard laughter among them...

God Bless!

 

[katerinah1947]

Hi,

One day, much much much before I was to be told that I am a real Mystic, a medical one, is what I was called by a Ph.D. Psycholgist, wanting to be like my mother, all of a sudden I could hear voices 24X7, and they were nasty.

That is not what mother had. I noticed that every time, that I would go into a certain kind of building that the voices would stop.

They would resume as soon as I exited that building. The building was a Roman Catholic Church.

In about 18 months with constantly wanting them to go away, and not listening to them, they eventually left.

However, a Schizophrenic Acquaintance of mine, has to take Modafinil from his doctor to get rid of similar kinds of events, even though he too is mystical.

In his case, he gets Night Time Dreams during The Day.

My voices, that said nothing in The Roman Catholic Church, started because I wanted to be able to have those white dreams my mother had that always came true.

When I got some ability to predict the future in accuracy also, the voices came along with that ability, and mine were not the white dream kind my mother got.

They were something else, and I was very happy to see them go.

For years, I always thought I had some form of Schizophrenia, and for me I have been assured that I do not, rather it is Real Mysticism in my case, and I have paperwork supporting only that in me, from a Ph.D. Psychologist.

I don't know what yours is yet.

That was not the only time the insides of a Roman Catholic Church has bailed me out demon wise.

Once, a man always knew when I was coming over.

One day though he told me of a conversation that I had with a woman outside of the church, and he was correct. Yet, I had two conversations with two separate women, all on the same subject.

He only knew if the one outside, The Roman Catholic Church, not the one inside the church. That alerted me, that maybe his information was not from God.

I suspected more, with that man as he was better in a horribly insulting verbal way, and insightfully so, the drunker he was.

One day he and the owner of the building, he was rooming in, allowed Holy Water, from The Roman Catholic Church to be sprinkled, in the corners of each room of that house.

The man was never again verbally abusive, brilliantly, hurt fully, the more drunk that he became. All the relatives and friends noticed, but could not believe that for him, Holy Water changed things, I think, they did not talk much about that.


Yes he was still a Sociopath and one of the most severe cases I have ever worked with, but that item never ever bothered him again. And, his skin bumps all burst later, changing him from grotesque, to a normal looking human. They were from a sticky form of bacteria, that could keep the body from recognizing it.

With, the impacts he suffered bursting one or two of them, soon his body took care if the rest, naturally, I think.

And, he also never ever knew when I was coming over again.

LOVE,

 

[Neogaia777]

Hi,

One day, much much much before I was to be told that I am a real Mystic, a medical one, is what I was called by a Ph.D. Psycholgist, wanting to be like my mother, all of a sudden I could hear voices 24X7, and they were nasty.

That is not what mother had. I noticed that every time, that I would go into a certain kind of building that the voices would stop.

They would resume as soon as I exited that building. The building was a Roman Catholic Church.

In about 18 months with constantly wanting them to go away, and not listening to them, they eventually left.

However, a Schizophrenic Acquaintance of mine, has to take Modafinil from his doctor to get rid of similar kinds of events, even though he too is mystical.

In his case, he gets Night Time Dreams during The Day.

My voices, that said nothing in The Roman Catholic Church, started because I wanted to be able to have those white dreams my mother had that always came true.

When I got some ability to predict the future in accuracy also, the voices came along with that ability, and mine were not the white dream kind my mother got.

They were something else, and I was very happy to see them go.

For years, I always thought I had some form of Schizophrenia, and for me I have been assured that I do not, rather it is Real Mysticism in my case, and I have paperwork supporting only that in me, from a Ph.D. Psychologist.

I don't know what yours is yet.

That was not the only time the insides of a Roman Catholic Church has bailed me out demon wise.

Once, a man always knew when I was coming over.

One day though he told me of a conversation that I had with a woman outside of the church, and he was correct. Yet, I had two conversations with two separate women, all on the same subject.

He only knew if the one outside, The Roman Catholic Church, not the one inside the church. That alerted me, that maybe his information was not from God.

I suspected more, with that man as he was better in a horribly insulting verbal way, and insightfully so, the drunker he was.

One day he and the owner of the building, he was rooming in, allowed Holy Water, from The Roman Catholic Church to be sprinkled, in the corners of each room of that house.

The man was never again verbally abusive, brilliantly, hurt fully, the more drunk that he became. All the relatives and friends noticed, but could not believe that for him, Holy Water changed things, I think, they did not talk much about that.


Yes he was still a Sociopath and one of the most severe cases I have ever worked with, but that item never ever bothered him again. And, his skin bumps all burst later, changing him from grotesque, to a normal looking human. They were from a sticky form of bacteria, that could keep the body from recognizing it.

With, the impacts he suffered bursting one or two of them, soon his body took care if the rest, naturally, I think.

And, he also never ever knew when I was coming over again.

LOVE,

Thanks for your time and response, insightful... How does one know if their a "true mystic"? My voices also accompanied signs and wonders, see this thread: and maybe you can tell me whether I'm a "true mystic" or not please?

http://www.christianforums.com/thre...periencing-part-of-a-pm-conversation.7843548/

God Bless!

 

[katerinah1947]

Thanks for your time and response, insightful... How does one know if their a "true mystic"? My voices also accompanied signs and wonders, see this thread: and maybe you can tell me whether I'm a "true mystic" or not please?

http://www.christianforums.com/thre...periencing-part-of-a-pm-conversation.7843548/

God Bless!

Hi, (some minor edits going on)
(Will post when complete)
(Edits are completed now.)
So as near as I can tell, you are a full blown mystic.

Let me define my use of the term.

Mystic to me means, all the bad guys and all the good guys can talk to you.

The bad guys are Slamming you, Yet God is there also.

Your life is a mix of bad and evil, which you are experiencing on a supernatural level and you are also exceedingly sane.

You are vastly hated and feared by the bad guys. God though has not let you be defeated, and also God has not yet appeared to you, but rather He, and an angel in one of your encounters, have taken care of you, but you are also allowed to battle demons, similar to Padre Pio, and a friend of mine.

"One day, a secret mystic sits across from me. Good Mystics are always a comfort.
The battle raged last night. I refused to listen. God had me lied to. I was not what I was to Him. For seven years, God allowed me to be lied to.
I will never listen to God nor feelings nor voices ever again. Just like in second, 2Kings, I had been lied to like those false prophets.
The night before, I had called up a perfect mystic of God. I was double checking on my message from God about someone else. The perfect mystic told me that I was wrong. God had given him an opposite answer than mine.
Religiously, this man was more perfect than I was. I then knew that God did not actually lie, but had me lied to and for seven years.


Somehow listening to no one ever again, I made it to my required doctor visit. I was in a full and long series of Psychiatric visits, to clear me, or convict me of mental illness on another issue, but I was getting a full Psychiatric exam to cover my entire life.
I fully expected them to arrest me and lock me up the first few weeks.
I will tell about the secret mystic later.
This day, totally destroyed but realizing God has the right to punish me, somehow I made it to the Ph.D.'s office.
Finally she opens the door, she is all a Twitter. She wants to tell me something. I am so upset over what happened, that I had to talk first, just to calm myself.
Finally calm enough, I tell her: "Okay. What did you want to tell me?"
"Last week when you left my office, my next patient comes in. She tells me how that each week when she comes into the office there is a certain healing energy. This week though, she said it is off the charts. I told her that is because I have a very special *** who was here before you. She tells me, whenever ** has an appointment I want the next one. Isn't it great,she says, that you are getting confirmations on who you are.

I then said: I have been lied to! A false mystic lied to me. "Don't you know how to tell?" No, I told her I do not.
I was not lied to like those false prophets in 2 Kings, rather I was lied to by a false mystic.
I then realized, that war that took place last night then, involved me. I was being defended.
Yes I started listening again to God, and there is more....."

I have for years felt a presence. That presence is always on my right hand side. When that presence is with me, people react differently towards me, but not to me, it is the presence they react to.

"I asked that secret mystic of God one day, do you sense anything when I come into the room. She says yes, and briefly I saw what she saw, and I felt horrible. I was never supposed to know anything about what or who that was, but she slipped and I saw what she saw. It was white with gold. White center, gold on the edges, all energy of course, all aura probably, if I ever knew what auras are, and I do not.
That was my first clue, that the woman before me was a mystic of God. I only see what other Mystics of God see. "

Seeing and feeling what other Mystics of God see, is a result of having The Virgin Mary give me a gift one day, but it took many days for me to get all parts of that gift.

"Well years and years after, that presence was felt, and even more years after people opened doors for me when the presence was with me, or ignored me as though I did not exist when that presence was not with me, one day, years again later, after I saw what I was never supposed to see, White with Gold on the outside edges was with me. I did not notice for some reason.
Earlier, months earlier in a series of day time visions, I am being asked to do something by God. I see Jesus, Mary with Him, this woman before me, God The Fathers emotions for this woman, The Holy Spirit Covering all of us and a door opening made of stone and with some damage.
I did not want to do this again. I did though. I guessed what it would take to repair that damage. I then did that. Instantly the next time, I saw more and clearer what that damage was. The door way by the way is an entrance to heaven. She leads others to God.
Part of it would not repair and it is now, but she had to do something, and I was not going to be released from that assignment until I did that..... The day came to finish my part, and I was exceedingly sick, so I did not think I could make my 5:00 PM scheduled meeting with her at the Roman Catholic Church near her work. So, I called and cancelled.
Yes, just before 5:00 PM, I started to get better rapidly, made my appointment and called her to see if she was still available. She was not, and I knew I had just failed a faith test, maybe.
One day later, it will take me three and a half hours just to be able to talk to her again.
Even though, I can block feelings from everyone, I asked her for an intimacy that I give and have with many people, I gave her then a motherly type of contact. THE LOVE OF JESUS CAME OUT OF HER.

I was so stunned I could not say anything. First off I was giving not receiving... However what came out of her was THE LOVE OF JESUS and no part of her what so ever. The strength was overpowering and I could not talk for a good twenty minutes. More later on this, maybe...

After, I finished my work with her for God, introducing her to what God wanted her to know, and in her case what The Virgin Mary wanted her to know and do, I was totally done with this girl forever I thought.

That day, when I am not startled or thinking and White with Gold is with me it came. It is there and I think nothing of it, even though never before have I had White with Gold near me before.
As the day progresses, I am sitting with two of my favorite girl friends, one of them is the one with so much LOVE OF JESUS IN HER. I watch, White with Gold leaves my side and enters her, It is Jesus. Jesus entered her. My side was cold where White with Gold was. It bothered me. He had been with me all morning, and I was used to His warmth. My arm was cold enough that eventually I spoke about what I was seeing and what you may be experiencing.
"Jesus left me. He entered you. He eventually came out. He is on your right side now touching you shoulder to shoulder. Mary is on your left side. Never have I seen them this close to you before....." "

By then everyone was used to me, the crazy person, or the true mystic and just listened and waited till I got over another day time vision with her, but outing to me finally what that presence was for all those years.
It is Jesus, the Son of God. Doors were opened for Him. He was that healing energy. He is and was White with Gold, but. But, in His Full Essence, rather than personably, and when acting as God, He is pure White, with a royal blue strip on His left side, exactly the same as God The Father and God The Holy Spirit, plus in that mode, no room lights, no sunlight can be seen, no people can be seen, even though all of them are present, as They are All That Bright. Much Much Much More, and then some, than even the sun, when it shines on us.

Some spelling edits. (Edits are done now.)

LOVE,

 

[Job8]

I'm tired of multiple personalities in my head warring with each other...

If you are affiliated with a sound Bible church, then you should meet with some of the elders and/or pastors and discuss this with them. This is a spiritual problem which needs sound, spiritual counsel, and help.

It would appear from your earlier posts that you are a genuine believer, so if you know that the Holy Spirit is within you, then you should also know that no other spirit can overpower Him. If you are under demonic attack, or Satanic attack, you may have opened the door (knowingly or inadvertently) by getting involved in things bordering on the occult, or even occultism. You should definitely seek counsel instead of falling into despair.

 

[Truthfrees]

MOD HAT ON

Moving from Apologetics to Mental Health Forum as per SOP.



MOD HAT OFF

 

[1213]

I posted this on Facebook...

I'm tired of being bullied and tormented in my mind with these voices...

I hope you learn to know Jesus better and understand that all is in God’s hands. Don’t fear those voices; they can do nothing, if God doesn’t allow that.

And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
Matt. 10:28-31

Even if the voices tell unpleasant things, don’t worry. Remain in the truth and it shall free you.

"If you remain in my word, then you are truly my disciples. You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free."
John 8:31-32

If the truth is not nice, don’t worry, God is merciful.

 

[orangeness365]

I have to take meds to make the voices go away. I haven't heard them in a long time, except a couple of times right before I upped the doses of meds. When I first started taking meds, one voice claiming to be Jesus told me to take more meds and consistently and said that His voice was greater than the other voices and I'd be able to hear it even if I took the meds, but after I took 20mg of abilify a day, all the voices disappeared until about a year later. I'm not sure I really believe that voice was Jesus, but maybe God having the delusions help me to go on meds, because I know he can control all things. Then during that time I heard a voice even on the meds claiming to be Jesus reciting scripture to me all of the time, but I was really upset because by that point in time I didn't really believe any of the voices I heard were Jesus, so I upped the meds, and then the voices stopped. Recently I started hearing whispers I couldn't make out so I upped the meds again to 40mg a day. I figure if there is something that God wants to tell me, he will tell me in a dream, not during my waking life while I will question my sanity because of it. There is one dream I had that had a bunch of bible references in it and only one message about forgiving and needing forgiveness that I had overlooked at the time back when I first started hallucinating red eyes, long before I heard voices or had major hallucinations. I'm glad that when you called on the name of Jesus the voices went away and then were relatively quieter for a time. I take meds, but I still pray for the schizophrenia to go away. I know that our God is a healing God. Maybe you're a mystic, but I don't know. I don't have enough of a grip on reality to be able to tell. I just know that like, pretty much all of my voices and hallucinations were wrong or lies, so I don't want them in my life.

 

[blessedbethyname101]

I agree with orangeness365. I have to take medication to alleviate the voices. There was a time I did not want to take medication and became psychotic again and again. This occurred for a period of four years. After being hospitalized for the fourth time and threatened with electric shock therapy, I finally came to the conclusion there has to be a better way and became compliant. I have no regrets about being compliant except for a few side effects. God always was there for me even when I was ragingly psychotic for a period for four years. I was homeless during this time and by the grace of God a Rescue Mission counselor told me to return home to family. I did and it saved my life. God took care of me and kept me safe. When asked why I did not take my medication, I told a mental health worker I wanted to be closer to God. I think I wanted to die and had much angst about my illness and my life. God has not cured me of my illness. However, He has given me the strength to continue with life and to cherish what I have. I could wish for a cure, but I consider my illness to be a thorn in my side. My illness has kept me humble. I would not want to repeat my life with voices and psychosis. I am happier and have come closer to God by being compliant with medication. God bless!

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I used to hear voices, and feel demons attack my body, physically. I prayed to God for freedom, and he has given it to me. Occasionally a demon will try to attack me, but I stand on the word of God (the bible) that Christ became a curse for me that I will inherit the blessings of the law. Every time a demon gets near me I claim, Jesus you paid the price for me, that I may be blessed, demons are not blessings, so send it away. The demons now always leave, I rearely ever hear a voice now either.

 

[muarader64]

As with others, I too heard voices, with strange headaches and stomach aches. Also Akathisia on Risperdal. Mental and Physical tormet. It was only when I got on Abilify and Sertraline did my symptoms calm down. As another said, I consider them to be a thorn in my side. The Lord has not completely cured me of my illness, and I still have bouts of depression. Just taking it day by day.

 

[blessedbethyname101]

I guess Abilify works. I take it too! I have taken all of the other medications and did not have much hope until I took Abilify. I stopped Abilify and became ragingly psychotic. After the threat of electric shock therapy, I restarted Abilify and am compliant. I was wondering if these medications change one's brain chemistry. I stopped Abilify and was really impaired. I was more impaired than before I started medications, I believe. I realized that these medications make it such that once one takes the medications, one cannot do without them. May be it is just me who believes this. In any case, I take my abilify no matter what. I am doing fine and have no psychosis. I am happier taking my medications than without. I am able to socialize now. Before, it was a chore to socialize. I also am able to live on my own. This would not be possible without the medication. I am grateful to the medication's efficacy. I am not as before I became ill though. However, I am happy with what I am able to do despite the medication's side effects. I am grateful to God for what I have. For me, to have my mind clear of "voices" is a God-send. I can think on my own now. I may have a "thorn" in my side, but am glad that Abilify works. I thank God for being able to be on my own again and returning to church. God is good!

 

[Neogaia777]

...

 

[blessedbethyname101]

Neogaia 777, sorry, I hijacked your thread. I hope you are feeling better these days.

 

[Neogaia777]

Neogaia 777, sorry, I hijacked your thread. I hope you are feeling better these days.

No problem, I posted it in the hopes of getting many comments, thank you for your comments.

God Bless You!

 

[raiders47]

In your experience, how were you educated with your diagnosis?? Being able to distinguish your symptoms and being "sick of it?"

Do you guys also think it is right to differentiate the symptoms of psychosis from demonic oppression/possession?? I messed up today in bringing that up to a family member going through this and it became like a volcanic explosion. Any future advice/wisdom when it comes to someone's faulty 'construct of reality' or just talking about bad angelic activity in general? The whole family could use some prayer, as well as the loved one... Thanks

Last topic of discussion: has personal reading of the Bible a good remedy for your psychosis/schizophrenia or do you think it has done more damage in your experience?? (possible better ways with coping??)

 

[orangeness365]

In your experience, how were you educated with your diagnosis?? Being able to distinguish your symptoms and being "sick of it?"

Do you guys also think it is right to differentiate the symptoms of psychosis from demonic oppression/possession?? I messed up today in bringing that up to a family member going through this and it became like a volcanic explosion. Any future advice/wisdom when it comes to someone's faulty 'construct of reality' or just talking about bad angelic activity in general? The whole family could use some prayer, as well as the loved one... Thanks

Last topic of discussion: has personal reading of the Bible a good remedy for your psychosis/schizophrenia or do you think it has done more damage in your experience?? (possible better ways with coping??)

I was educated with my diagnosis when I ended up in a mental hospital, and then told my family about my diagnosis immediately afterwards. I knew on some level that either I was right about all of my delusions or I was losing my mind. There were moments when I wondered if I was losing it, but for the most part I believed it. It was only when I thought that I had started world war III somehow and that I tried to turn myself in to the police, who had no idea who I was or what I was doing there, that I suddenly realized that something was terribly wrong. I was beyond sick of hearing voices that were telling me all sorts of weird stuff and commanding me around constantly telling me I was going to hell if I didn't do everything perfectly. I was so relieved to go on the meds, because they almost immediately reduced the number of voices I was hearing and the severity of what i did hear. I know that my dad thinks that my illness has nothing to do with demonic possession and thinks it's really bizarre and offensive that anyone would think that, whereas my brother thinks that the voices might be demons, yeah. I do wonder myself if the voices are demonic, after having had them. They knew words that I wasn't even aware of and had to look up in the dictionary, and did a really good job of destroying my life and driving me to nearly commit suicide, convincing me that it was the only way to be forgiven for my sins. I've read that the voices are meanest to americans like me, while in other cultures they can even be benevolent. For some reason I read the whole bible while I was psychotic and hearing voices and going to a university, before i dropped out. I don't think reading the Bible hurt anything for me. I thought a lot of times that God was talking to me, but I'm convinced now that God never spoke to me through voices. However, I think there was a time before all of this that God spoke to me in a dream once. I still have almost no grip on reality, even with the meds getting rid of all of the voices. I don't really know if it is demonic possession or not. I mean, the voices were so real, but then the meds make them go away, so if it's a demon, how is it that chemicals make them go away? I listen to christian music almost constantly to calm my nerves, because even on the meds, i still feel kind of stressed out. I can't make up my mind on whether it's demonic possession or not.

 

[Jaxxi]

The voices (multiples) outside of me, used to get close enough for me to hear them, about ten yards and they tried to possess my body back then, but I fought them and when I finally broke down and called on Christ (about 3 years ago) name for help, I heard a voice right next to me, it startled me, and all it said was "Go!" and I believe it was speaking to the other voices that were bulling me, and the voices disappeared for about three months, but, then they came back, but they wouldn't get close enough to me anymore for me to hear what they are saying, but I can hear them conversing like a T.V. a little too loud in another room....

When I hear them it keeps me from sleeping since their favorite time to attack is bedtime, when all else is silent, when I hear them now, they won't get close to unless I ignore and don't pay any attention to it, then they start to draw in a little bit closer and a little bit louder, so I focus my attention on it and it retreats into the distance again, and I hear laughs among them when they do this, without medication, I can't sleep, I'm an insomniac because of this stupid little game they like to play... Maybe Jesus conditions when he commanded to "Go!" was that if they return they were to keep their distance, I don't know...

Do you consider yourself psychic in any wayor have you experienced the paranormal? I believe demond are around us all the time but we cant see them. I think we all hear them say our names from time to time....