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My teenage son hates his father

Discussion in 'Parenting Teens and Young Adults' started by kat69, Jul 6, 2010.

  1. kat69

    kat69 Guest

    What do you do when your teenager son (almost 16) seems to literally hate his father?? I'm not talking about the "so-called" hate that teenagers proclaim towards their parents when they get angry and say things they don't mean. I'm talking about never having a good thing to say about them, not believing they are loved by this parent and stuff along this line. See, the men on my husband's side of the family are all alike temperant wise and all have a terrible relationship with one another. I thought it would get better but it seems to get worse. I always try and tell our son all the good things about his father and how much he loves him but he doesn't want to hear about it at all. My husband and I have had marital issues over the years and have tried counseling but it only works for a short bit and then its back to where its currently at. Also, there is the fact that our husband got angry at his mother and our oldest son last September and has literally cut them out of his life. Prayers and advice would be greatly appreciated.

  2. Blue sapphire

    Blue sapphire Newbie

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    Difficult situations....often mired in spiritual darkness.

    Unless the father in this case sees the trend and is willing to identify the causes....nothing will change. Forgivness and longsuffering are great virtues....yet it is the individual who must come to this realisation.

    This is part of the problem and even though you cannot change his thinking....there is much you can do by the way you handle the situations as they transpire.

    Understand that God has a plan for your family and it could well be that that plan involves you coming to a greater understanding of the issues at hand and acquiring the wisdom to unravel the spiritual darkness that is surrounding you.

    This will take years and the way forward most challenging.....yet with Jesus on your side and leaning on the wisdom from above....your path forward can be most rewarding.

    To be a part of and contribute to the breaking up of spiritual darkness in your family will be a most satisfying experience.

    Your relationship with your Saviour will grow in depth and breath and your relationship with God will come to a new realisation.

    This could not have been achieved in the same way unless these set of circumstances had of prevailed.

    So there is a challenge before you.....it is what you wish to do with this challenge that counts.

    May God be with you as you seek to serve Him.
  3. PolarBear3

    PolarBear3 Newbie

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    I don't have any experience with this kind of situation, but along with pointing out the good things about his dad, do you also acknowledge your son's hurt, sadness, anger, etc. about his dad? I think there is a difference between hating someone and being angry or hurt by someone. Helping your son distinguish those feelings might be helpful. Also, helping your son remember that we all have our flaws and that God loves every one of us (including his dad) despite our flaws might also be helpful. It doesn't sound like his dad or the men in his dad's family are good role models for relating to others ... Are there other men in your son's life who show him how to have good relationships?

    I hope something that I've said is helpful. You will be in my prayers.
  4. Johnnz

    Johnnz Senior Veteran Supporter

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    If your husband behave in such a way that he does not earn the respect of his son there a real problems. If he gets angry then why can't son get angry too - your son is simply modelling dad's behaviour at something he does not like.

    It seems there are long term relationship issues within your husband's family. They will continue spiritually and within your family until and unless he changes. All you can do then is to build as strong a relationship with your son as you can, and don't feel the need to protect your husband's faults. That can make your son angry at you for just taking all the **** from him that he dishes out.

    Last edited: Oct 2, 2010
  5. mcorton

    mcorton Newbie

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    Did your son's attitude begin when his dad had the fight with his mother and your oldest son? If so there may be some unforgiveness if the boy loves his brother and grandmother.

    It could also be that the boy has some sins in his life that his father's good traits may bring conviction. He may not hate his father but may feel inferior because inside he feels he can't meet expectations.(even if the expectations are only in the boy's mind) Not sure I'm making clear what I mean. If not please ask for clarification.

    Watch carefully and see if there are any situations that seem to feed the fire. Is the father in his life evryday? You might suggest the boy start a journal where he can write out his feelings. Doing so can help him vent and possibly get a better understanding himself why he feels the way he does.
  6. visionary

    visionary Your God is my God... Ruth said, so say I. Supporter

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    Sit down with your son and see if you can dig deep enough to truly understand his point of view with you defending your hubby. You may be not helping with your allowances for your husband's behavior.

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