My Mother is refusing medical care. I need Godly avice please

[miamited]

Hi Ted...

I appreciate you clarifying your position. I have thanked the Lord many times for medicine. I have COPD (I don't smoke, I lived in second hand smoke for 20 years)... and I have had pneumonia for the past 2 winters and the prednisone and inhalers were a blessing. I could name so many things.

My parents are doing what they feel is best and I don't begrudge them that. However, I disagree with them in love. My mindset is this: if its 20 degrees outside and windy, I reach for my coat and gloves. Does that mean I am depending on my coat and gloves more than God? No. It means I thank the Lord that He provided them for me so I don't freeze to death.
My painful issue with my parents is that my mother's life could have been saved had she agreed to medical care and accepted it as a blessing from the Lord. Personally, I could not let my sons or my husband make decision to accept death and I sit by and do nothing to help the situation. I am crushed that my father is willing to live without my mother and that he chooses to slowly let her possibly choose death.

My warning to Him was that if he does not call 911 or take her to the E.R., the authorities will see this as neglect and now my father could be put in a lot of trouble, which I shared with him. This is a situation only the Lord can handle. I have come to the point with this where He is teaching me to "cast all my anxieties on Him" and that this is too much for me to carry.

So, not only am I worried for my mother's life (which could have been helped) but now my father could be brought up on charges. It's a bit overwhelming. When I warned him of this, he became defensive, angry and said he doesn't care about the authorities. (sigh)

Anyway, I am of the personal conviction that if something can be done to save a life, it should be done. The "watchman on the wall" in Ezekiel warned people and did not remain silent (with the intent of hoping those hearing would be saved). The Lord will hold us accountable if we don't warn.

Blessings, brother.

Hi Shulamite,

Well, as long as you're willing to allow that it is merely your personal conviction, then I have no problem with it. However, when you want your personal convictions to be set above those of others, then some problems do arise. I'm saddened that you wouldn't allow your children or husband to make their own decisions about their lives as regards this issue. Of course, the chances are that you will have succumbed to your own desperate struggle for this life before it becomes an issue with your children, but I'm certainly thankful that you are not my wife.

I'm going on 60 and so this discussion has come in our lives. I have informed my wife that if I should ever go to a doctor for a check up and he tells me that I have cancer or some liver disease or some other debilitating illness, that I am satisfied to say to that doctor, "Well, thank you doctor for giving me a heads up on how I am likely going to die. We shall see what the Lord has in store for me." I will then go home and sit with my wife and explain to her what the doctor told me and it is my hope that she will respond, "I love you and I will be here with you."

You see, I'm a sinner. I know that I am going to die. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things if I give up my body today or tomorrow? Is there something I think that I will gain by fighting for more days? You see, I've dealt with quite a few elderly sick. Usually the end comes just as it would have if they had just allowed their bodies to process death without interference. It's just a matter of a few days or years added on. Again I ask: Is there some goal or greater glory that we will attain in God's eyes by struggling against death?

God bless you.
IN Christ, Ted

 

[ValleyGal]

In this instance georgiaguyinatlanta seems to have found some scriptural directive that we are not acting in the will of God if we forego food. That seems an odd thing for a born again believer to say. I have read many passages in the Scriptures that teach us that foregoing the very necessities of life to give glory to God used to be called fasting. Perhaps he'll be wise enough to show me where God's word says that we are outside of His will if we forgo food.

I agree with Ted here. In fact, I used to make a spiritual discipline of fasting and prayer. However, in the event of a sickness, I used to work with a lot of people who had stroke. If there is any facial paralysis, it becomes challenging to eat, which could easily in itself be the cause of this woman not wanting to eat - let alone appetite suppression depending on which areas of her brain are affected by the strokes. Additionally, her activity level may have decreased since the strokes, making her less hungry as well, not to mention the potential for digestive issues as a result of inactivity. There are a lot of reasons people might choose not to eat that have little to nothing to do with being in or out of God's will, but have everything to do with contributing to natural death.

However, I did not come here to argue. I just wanted to share my experiences with having to let go of someone who was dying, in spite of my own wishes. To the OP, I wish you the best as you go through such a challenging time and possibly impending loss.

 

[GeorgiaGuyinAtlanta]

I've stated that if there is a physical reason for someone not being able to eat, then that could be a part of the natural process of dying. My argument is not necessarily in those cases, but rather in cases of which a patient feels tired and ready to give up, yet they can still eat and have no problems taking in nutrients.

God gave us life. No one else is supposed to take it away. Refusing to eat if one can eat and has no problem eating is no different than suicide, in my opinion. Certainly you don't agree with suicide, do you.

For some reason, it seems increasingly over the past decade that people have this so-called idea that they're justified in doing what they feel is necessary to end life if they're not enjoying it, despite all their medical issues.

The body is the temple for the indwelling of the spirit. You are to not destroy the temple. What do you think purposeful neglect of self for basic needs of life is?

I'm also a bit taken back by your comment of "make their own decisions". The decision is God's. If this is by way of natural death, so be it, but willful neglect of nutrition without a person having a natural loss of appetite preceding death, or some other medical issue for an inability to eat, is downright wrong.

Hi Shulamite,

Well, as long as you're willing to allow that it is merely your personal conviction, then I have no problem with it. However, when you want your personal convictions to be set above those of others, then some problems do arise. I'm saddened that you wouldn't allow your children or husband to make their own decisions about their lives as regards this issue. Of course, the chances are that you will have succumbed to your own desperate struggle for this life before it becomes an issue with your children, but I'm certainly thankful that you are not my wife.

I'm going on 60 and so this discussion has come in our lives. I have informed my wife that if I should ever go to a doctor for a check up and he tells me that I have cancer or some liver disease or some other debilitating illness, that I am satisfied to say to that doctor, "Well, thank you doctor for giving me a heads up on how I am likely going to die. We shall see what the Lord has in store for me." I will then go home and sit with my wife and explain to her what the doctor told me and it is my hope that she will respond, "I love you and I will be here with you."

You see, I'm a sinner. I know that I am going to die. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things if I give up my body today or tomorrow? Is there something I think that I will gain by fighting for more days? You see, I've dealt with quite a few elderly sick. Usually the end comes just as it would have if they had just allowed their bodies to process death without interference. It's just a matter of a few days or years added on. Again I ask: Is there some goal or greater glory that we will attain in God's eyes by struggling against death?

God bless you.
IN Christ, Ted

 

[miamited]

I've stated that if there is a physical reason for someone not being able to eat, then that could be a part of the natural process of dying. My argument is not necessarily in those cases, but rather in cases of which a patient feels tired and ready to give up, yet they can still eat and have no problems taking in nutrients.

God gave us life. No one else is supposed to take it away. Refusing to eat if one can eat and has no problem eating is no different than suicide, in my opinion. Certainly you don't agree with suicide, do you.

For some reason, it seems increasingly over the past decade that people have this so-called idea that they're justified in doing what they feel is necessary to end life if they're not enjoying it, despite all their medical issues.

The body is the temple for the indwelling of the spirit. You are to not destroy the temple. What do you think purposeful neglect of self for basic needs of life is?

I'm also a bit taken back by your comment of "make their own decisions". The decision is God's. If this is by way of natural death, so be it, but willful neglect of nutrition without a person having a natural loss of appetite preceding death, or some other medical issue for an inability to eat, is downright wrong.

Hi GGIA,

Well, everyone has opinions. It's fine to offer one's opinion to others. Obviously, your opinions and mine don't seem to mesh well together. Yes, the body is the temple of the Spirit of God, if one is born again and therefore has the Spirit of God. Otherwise, it's just a body. In the directive in which Paul makes that statement he is discussing how we should not allow sin to rule over us.

In this instance, it does seem that the mother has suffered some debilitating illness and presumably has peace with God and is willing to allow God's will to be done in her life. As the previous poster pointed out, in such cases, and it is very common among older people, the desire to eat is not very strong. Further, the activity level is usually quite low and so the necessity of eating much is not there either.

I would certainly eat so long as I felt a desire to eat, but I'm not sure that I would ever feel that I was sinning against God if I didn't try to overcome my bodies natural desire to eat or not to eat. For me, if the mother is comfortable in what she is doing, then I see no reason to force medical care on her just because 'my' opinion is that she should eat or that she should be seen by a doctor. As far as I am concerned that is always the choice of the person who inhabits the body in question.

Yes, for children, I would allow that parents should make such decisions, but one of the great blessings or curses, depending on how one looks at it, is that being an adult means that we get to individually decide for ourselves how we choose to live our lives.

I'm sorry that my words take you aback, but again, these are my opinions and understandings of things and you don't have to either agree or like them. We are free to discuss them, as we have done, but I'm not one to be swayed much by other's opinions. I'm honestly more interested in what God's Scriptures actually say and what God meant to convey to us through them by delivering them to us.

So, I agree with Paul. The body that I have, now that I am a born again believer, is the temple of the living Spirit of God and I should absolutely not desire to partake in sin with my body. It is, however, a fairly constant struggle apparently. Paul also writes of doing that which he knows that he shouldn't do and not doing the things that he knows he should because of sin warring in his body.

God bless you.
In Christ, Ted

 

[iambren]

I think that there is dignity in having the authority over one's body to let it die. Your father seems to be extending that dignity to your mom and avoid heroic measures that would be unpleasant for her.

It's different to presumptuously deny medicine that has potential to cure. Being at death's door calls for palliative care as they let go of this world.

 

[Daughter of His]

There is Adult Protective Agency and they would have a lot to say about the way your mother is being cared for. You can call them and allow them to make the decision according to the law if you should chose.

I will pray for you, this is so very difficult.

 

[mmksparbud]

Mosses was bright eyed and bushy tailed when he did as God told him--walked up the mountain and lay down and die. I've said many times, if he did that today--somebody would have done CPR, slapped 20 IV's in him, put him on a respirator and on dialysis--then prayed God's will be done!!!

 

[Shulamite]

I understand that death is inevitable, but we are to strive to save a life. If the attitude on this board (for the most part) is that we should let someone die if they choose, then there should be no prohibition against abortion or someone committing suicide!

"Oh, just let them get an abortion or commit suicide, since they will die anyway!" ?????????

I may as well disregard the parable of the "Good Samaritan" then?

I feel the only person who has even tried to enter into my suffering with this issue with compassion is Georgia Guy In Atlanta and Daughter of His.

Ultimately, the Lord will direct my thoughts and actions in all of this.

 

[jermgray1]

Get the authorities to do something about it. Your mother belongs to you just as much as she does to him, if not more. You don't deserve to watch your mother die slowly like this. I am praying for you but you need to do something about this.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

p.s. when the authorities started taking control of people's lives, there quality of life went down, depression increased dramatically, and the overall length of life decreased also - besides being contrary to Yhvh's Word in todays world (i.e. authorities don't know how to increase quality or life....they are funded to do what they do, and if their funds are removed, they don't do it).

Mosses was bright eyed and bushy tailed when he did as God told him--walked up the mountain and lay down and die. I've said many times, if he did that today--somebody would have done CPR, slapped 20 IV's in him, put him on a respirator and on dialysis--then prayed God's will be done!!!

(did you know that peoples length of life actually went up when they did without doctors a few years ago, and immediately decreased when the doctors came back off strike ?)

Moses is a good analogy - and not without compassion- the bible has many many examples of compassion and death in the same context.
obedience is simple, and required.
God gives peace and joy, along with sorrow and suffering, not without it.

and , btw, suicide is never acceptable, and neither is fearing death.

Revelation 12:11 KJV - And they overcame him by the blood of ...

Revelation 12:11 King James Version (KJV) 11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto ...https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Revelation...

Revelation 12:11 - Bible Gateway - BibleGateway.com

11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they loved not their lives unto the death.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

the good samaritan obeyed God. he didn't do anything contrary to God's Word, and did not impose his help on another against their will.

free will is perhaps the greatest gift, no matter how much suffering God permits, He also provides rules to live by
and a way to provide peace and joy and when possible 'comfort' without breaking His rules....
calling on another authority instead of trusting His ... well... has never worked.

i.e. do not ever give up hope. but do always put your trust in God, trusting Him.

 

[miamited]

I understand that death is inevitable, but we are to strive to save a life. If the attitude on this board (for the most part) is that we should let someone die if they choose, then there should be no prohibition against abortion or someone committing suicide!

"Oh, just let them get an abortion or commit suicide, since they will die anyway!" ?????????

I may as well disregard the parable of the "Good Samaritan" then?

I feel the only person who has even tried to enter into my suffering with this issue with compassion is Georgia Guy In Atlanta and Daughter of His.

Ultimately, the Lord will direct my thoughts and actions in all of this.

Hi shulamite,

I'm afraid that you have confused the Hippocratic oath with God's word. No where are we ever encouraged or instructed that we are to 'strive' to save anyone's earthly life in God's word. How you are able to understand that this issue has anything to do with the good Samaritan is quite beyond me. The victim in the good Samaritan account was set upon and beaten by others. It wasn't his own body that had caused his suffering.

That's a fairly common response on these boards that posters generally don't think anyone understands except those in agreement. So be it!

You are certainly capable of pushing your own agenda on to your loved ones and if that is what you feel is right, then that is the course you should take. Perhaps before you do though, you might take some real serious time to get on your knees and ask your Father to give you wisdom. James tells us that he has plenty and delights in our asking for it and that He will give it.


God bless you.
In Christ, Ted

 

[musicalpilgrim]

Eternal Father, May the Lord bless Shalumite in her hour of need;
surround her with your healing peace, and gladden her heart with your presence,
...whatever befalls her:

Whatever anxieties come your way....you may turn with confidence to the God who cares for you and who wants to fill you with the consoling gifts of his love.
In the name of our Lord Jesus, Amen

 

[Blue Wren]

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