My Marriage is in trouble

Tinkerbells

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I am in counseling for myself. Our couples workshop thru our church will begin on Sunday and run each Sunday for 10 weeks. My feiends are not going anywhere. He has not pushed his friends to the side and I am sure they have commented on his looks. This is all this man said to me as my friend of over 8 yrs. Again, he makes tge situation that much worse by withholding. I am not a perfect person, nor do I display to be but I desire attention, compliments in particular from my husband. He refused to do anything and everything is mu fault. He does nothing wrong. Right nlw we have gone days with no touching, kissimg, Nothing! bcuz he gets mad about whatever and this is what he does. I attempted to talk to him and give him a hug. He wouldnt even put his phone down so I said forget it. I dont have to beg for something I feel should come naturally. Needless. to say, another night of the same.
I am glad you are in counseling for yourself. I still see you poininting the blame and putting another man ahead of your husband. I get that your husband has friends as well, but unless you have proof they are sending inappropriate comments about his appearance, you can't just use that as justification to remain friends with the guy you called you sexy.
I wish you two the best, but honestly, I think you both need to work on yourselves; asking God for humility.
 
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Jul 5, 2015
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I am glad you are in counseling for yourself. I still see you poininting the blame and putting another man ahead of your husband. I get that your husband has friends as well, but unless you have proof they are sending inappropriate comments about his appearance, you can't just use that as justification to remain friends with the guy you called you sexy.
I wish you two the best, but honestly, I think you both need to work on yourselves; asking God for humility.
No, I am not pointing blame. Just stating facts. On a different note, things have since escalated. we have now gotten physical. the drinking is absolutely out of control now. he has since left the house as of yesterday. he took some clothes. i just dont know anymore. all i can do is continue to trust God. I have no clue where my husband is. but he said a long time ago that if he has to ever get physical with me he is leaving. he is different and the drinking makes him that more different. spoke with a minister that is a friend of our family. he said that my husband needs me to save him. not salvation but to guide him from destruction. because this is where he is slowly heading. i have prayed and at this point all i can do is continue to pray and allow God to tell me what I should do. I dont know if we are going to the workshop that begins tomorrow. things are bad but I know God prepares us. I really need advice or guidance from a Christian perspective. My heart is hurting.
 
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sdmsanjose

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all i can do is continue to trust God

i have prayed and at this point all i can do is continue to pray and allow God to tell me what I should do

You probably have most of your answer in your posts above




I really need advice or guidance from a Christian perspective. My heart is hurting

My Christian perspective is that you focus on you getting even closer to God. That means that you concentrate on YOU conforming to God in all ways. I remember when I was somewhat in your position many years ago and I ordered the cassette tape from In Touch Ministries that was titled “Broken Intimacy”. I was sure that this would point out what my spouse had to do. To my great surprise the message said that I need to focus on MY relationship with God! I am not saying that you or I were bad I am saying that we can always get better at conforming to God and get closer in relationship with Him.


If God leads you to get involved with your husband’s free-will and correction He will let you clearly know. I am sure you know that you cannot over rule your husband’s free-will and neither will God. God can overrule his will but He will not. You really cannot change other people you can only change yourself. When you get closer to God then you will not be as fearful and your negative positions will get better (Philippians 4:6-7).

I know that you want your marriage to get a lot better quickly but that may not happen. By you getting yourself stronger and closer to God you will get through this with or without your husband. Your number one security and contentment is not your husband but God and then you.
 
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Thank u so much for your reply sdmsanjose...I agree. I have get closer to God. I have been fasting since this morning at 8am. I will end at 4pm. I really am trusting God. I dont know the path my life will take but God does and Im not gonna fight him on this. It has been said that if someone wants to leave, let them. If they return then it was meant to be and if not then oh well. I dont know what tomorrow will bring. But if i continue to pray and trust God i will be ok. i have really felt God's presence alot today. I know he carries me when im in pain...
 
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sdmsanjose

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I dont know what tomorrow will bring. But if i continue to pray and trust God i will be ok. i have really felt God's presence alot today. I know he carries me when im in pain...


GSMH
When you boil it all down, God is the only one that you can trust 100% and He is the only one that always has your best interest at heart. In addition, He is the only one that can always have the power to perform what He promises and He always keeps His promises.

I am not trying to bad mouth spouses or anyone else but when things get real tough mankind is limited even if they want to make everything alright for you.
 
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I agree. Putting all my faith in Him. There is a reason why we go thru tough times. In the end we are better because of it and it ultimately is part of God's will for our lives. My husband and I have been communicating and we have decided to do a love hit to each other if the other is doing something that isnt good for our marriage. There have been hiccups but it was only God that got us thru this last episode.
 
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Grizzly

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I agree. Putting all my faith in Him. There is a reason why we go thru tough times. In the end we are better because of it and it ultimately is part of God's will for our lives. My husband and I have been communicating and we have decided to do a love hit to each other if the other is doing something that isnt good for our marriage. There have been hiccups but it was only God that got us thru this last episode.

Can I ask what a "love hit" is?
 
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Avniel

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Thank u so much for your reply sdmsanjose...I agree. I have get closer to God. I have been fasting since this morning at 8am. I will end at 4pm. I really am trusting God. I dont know the path my life will take but God does and Im not gonna fight him on this. It has been said that if someone wants to leave, let them. If they return then it was meant to be and if not then oh well. I dont know what tomorrow will bring. But if i continue to pray and trust God i will be ok. i have really felt God's presence alot today. I know he carries me when im in pain...
Picture perfect Christian attitude on going through something like this. Commendable
 
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