I have a friend. Known him for 25+ years. He's been youth minister to my children. He's been my roommate. He's been my friend for a LONG time. He is even in my will.
He's been in youth ministry for 20+ years. He's influenced a TON of people FOR the Kingdom. He's lead youth, over the years, in a GREAT way. He's loves teens. He loves families. He loves ministry. He loves people. He loves God.
He has had a marriage situation that probably wouldn't even be labeled "problems" on the outside. However, it IS a problem. It IS a problem because of what happened. It IS a problem because of the possibility of what it could lead to.
For YEARS he's not felt like his wife has wanted to "be with" him. He thirsted for hearing that she loved him. Apparently, he has been dealing with this for years.
NOTE: In NO WAY am I saying that the following is the wife's fault. 100% what follows is HIS fault because of his choices. I'm merely suggesting that if this would have been brought up earlier in their marriage where it could have been talked out and dealt with and maybe prevented what happened.
One day, after returning from a youth retreat, my friend and a parent were waiting for the rest of the teens parents show up to get their kids. While waiting, somehow, my friend leaned over and kissed the married lady who was waiting with him. That was just the beginning.
What happened over the next few weeks, the choices he made, changed the lives of a LOT of people. From here, they had sex a few times. And as if that was not bad enough, the woman is now pregnant with his child. Consequently, he has lost his marriage. She has lost her marriage. Both have children from their spouses. They are both currently going through the divorce process.
In the meantime, there are others, friends of his AND hers that have a ton of opinions. There are people coming to him telling him that they believe that God is telling them to tell him certain things. This is mildly comical because he has 4 or 5 different people coming to him with a "Word from God". This is funny because all of these "Words from God" are all different and opposing views.
My thought is that they really don't have a "word from God" to tell him as much as they have something they want to tell him personally. At the same time, his wife is dealing with anger like you would not believe. She feels betrayed, humiliated, and scared. She's got people "handling" her because of that. No one, including her current husband (my friend) to discuss anything with her.
At the same time, I have another friend who is like a mother to me. She helped me in some of my most trying times in life. She's been an encourager and an advocate for me in all times and events. She's literally my children's "granmama".
Well, as it just so happens, this particular lady had her husband cheat on her and leave her YEARS ago when her children (like brother and sister to me) were teens. Now, in my opinion, based on what I've seen from her because of this situation, she has never "gotten over" this situation.
She ("Mother-like-lady") has taken a huge stance against my friend. She is good friends with my friend's wife's mother. She she gets information from her. Anyway, she calls me every so often asking me what's going on with my friend lately. Basically, she's fishing for more info on what's going on, on his end.
She gets really upset, festered, and even angry by stirring on what has happened. Specifically, she'll say things like, "He is just justifying what he's done." or "He is so arrogant, thinking he can just do this and get away with what he's doing." or "I know he'll end up getting with her when they're divorced." or "He has NO RIGHT to that girl he has been with." And obviously, she has NOT spoken to him since any of this has gone down. So she has nothing to base her accusation of his current state on.
And that LAST ONE, that's in bold, is what I want to focus on.
So you've got couple 1 and couple 2. Man from couple 1 and girl from couple 2 have participated in an adulterous relationship. They have gotten pregnant from said relationship. True. They had NO RIGHT to each other's bodies in their current relationships while married. Nor do they have "rights" to each other while they are NOT married to one another.
QUESTION: Once divorced (not desired by God - but forgivable) do you believe they would have a "right" to be with one another, have their daughter born, raise their child, and live a life together? Do you believe that this couple, with the way they started, would/could be blessed by God?
Obviously, I have my opinions and thoughts from my studies from reading the Bible. But I thought this would be a great discussion and thought provoking topic. Plus it may help someone!
Side Note: My friend knows what he has done is wrong. He is broken about it. He has gone through and is currently going through depression, thoughts of suicide, and shame. He understands forgiveness and knows he can be. He has not necessarily forgiven himself yet though. If he had it to do over again, I know he would not have chosen this course.
Side Note 2: I love both of these people and it breaks my heart to see them splitting. The wife/victim of this situation was in my youth group when I was in ministry and I have seen her grow up through the years. I keep in contact with both of them. I side with no one and, like I said, love them both.
He's been in youth ministry for 20+ years. He's influenced a TON of people FOR the Kingdom. He's lead youth, over the years, in a GREAT way. He's loves teens. He loves families. He loves ministry. He loves people. He loves God.
He has had a marriage situation that probably wouldn't even be labeled "problems" on the outside. However, it IS a problem. It IS a problem because of what happened. It IS a problem because of the possibility of what it could lead to.
For YEARS he's not felt like his wife has wanted to "be with" him. He thirsted for hearing that she loved him. Apparently, he has been dealing with this for years.
NOTE: In NO WAY am I saying that the following is the wife's fault. 100% what follows is HIS fault because of his choices. I'm merely suggesting that if this would have been brought up earlier in their marriage where it could have been talked out and dealt with and maybe prevented what happened.
One day, after returning from a youth retreat, my friend and a parent were waiting for the rest of the teens parents show up to get their kids. While waiting, somehow, my friend leaned over and kissed the married lady who was waiting with him. That was just the beginning.
What happened over the next few weeks, the choices he made, changed the lives of a LOT of people. From here, they had sex a few times. And as if that was not bad enough, the woman is now pregnant with his child. Consequently, he has lost his marriage. She has lost her marriage. Both have children from their spouses. They are both currently going through the divorce process.
In the meantime, there are others, friends of his AND hers that have a ton of opinions. There are people coming to him telling him that they believe that God is telling them to tell him certain things. This is mildly comical because he has 4 or 5 different people coming to him with a "Word from God". This is funny because all of these "Words from God" are all different and opposing views.
My thought is that they really don't have a "word from God" to tell him as much as they have something they want to tell him personally. At the same time, his wife is dealing with anger like you would not believe. She feels betrayed, humiliated, and scared. She's got people "handling" her because of that. No one, including her current husband (my friend) to discuss anything with her.
At the same time, I have another friend who is like a mother to me. She helped me in some of my most trying times in life. She's been an encourager and an advocate for me in all times and events. She's literally my children's "granmama".
Well, as it just so happens, this particular lady had her husband cheat on her and leave her YEARS ago when her children (like brother and sister to me) were teens. Now, in my opinion, based on what I've seen from her because of this situation, she has never "gotten over" this situation.
She ("Mother-like-lady") has taken a huge stance against my friend. She is good friends with my friend's wife's mother. She she gets information from her. Anyway, she calls me every so often asking me what's going on with my friend lately. Basically, she's fishing for more info on what's going on, on his end.
She gets really upset, festered, and even angry by stirring on what has happened. Specifically, she'll say things like, "He is just justifying what he's done." or "He is so arrogant, thinking he can just do this and get away with what he's doing." or "I know he'll end up getting with her when they're divorced." or "He has NO RIGHT to that girl he has been with." And obviously, she has NOT spoken to him since any of this has gone down. So she has nothing to base her accusation of his current state on.
And that LAST ONE, that's in bold, is what I want to focus on.
So you've got couple 1 and couple 2. Man from couple 1 and girl from couple 2 have participated in an adulterous relationship. They have gotten pregnant from said relationship. True. They had NO RIGHT to each other's bodies in their current relationships while married. Nor do they have "rights" to each other while they are NOT married to one another.
QUESTION: Once divorced (not desired by God - but forgivable) do you believe they would have a "right" to be with one another, have their daughter born, raise their child, and live a life together? Do you believe that this couple, with the way they started, would/could be blessed by God?
Obviously, I have my opinions and thoughts from my studies from reading the Bible. But I thought this would be a great discussion and thought provoking topic. Plus it may help someone!
Side Note: My friend knows what he has done is wrong. He is broken about it. He has gone through and is currently going through depression, thoughts of suicide, and shame. He understands forgiveness and knows he can be. He has not necessarily forgiven himself yet though. If he had it to do over again, I know he would not have chosen this course.
Side Note 2: I love both of these people and it breaks my heart to see them splitting. The wife/victim of this situation was in my youth group when I was in ministry and I have seen her grow up through the years. I keep in contact with both of them. I side with no one and, like I said, love them both.
