My beloved girlfriend was raped and I'm struggling to deal with it

[Krusty]

Hi guys, this is a very heavy topic to talk about and I apologise especially since I'm new to this forums.
Was just wondering if a moderator could help move this thread to the Christian Prayers Section for me. I don't have the "privileges" to post there yet, but I figured instead of waiting until I do, I'd rather let everything off my chest while it's still fresh.


So my girlfriend and I (both 24y/o) are in a long-term relationship and are looking to settle down in the future, we are also both Christians (bonus). However, she has a very traumatic past and has been raped 3 times by 3 different men throughout her life (once when she was 12, 2013, and 2014). On top of that she's also been through a very emotionally abusive childhood. As a result, she suffers from quite a number of mental illnesses that can interfere with both our lives. This all happened prior to us meeting.
She's been seeing a therapist weekly for several years now.

The most difficult part for me is dealing with her rape experiences. She has overcome that through therapy to the point it doesn't affect her anymore. However, it's inevitable that "triggers" still exist and it just feels like it will never go away forever. I know I'm not the victim here, but I just feel so affected by this to the point it's hurting me as well. There's not a day that I do not question "why did it have to happen to the girl I may one day marry?". As much as revengeful thoughts goes against Christianity, sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with emotions that the only comfort I can get is convincing myself that these men will be severely punished for their actions.

Only recently I reached out to another guy (through mutual friends) who's girlfriend was recently sexually assaulted. I just wanted to get some insight into how they were both dealing with it. In his situation, they managed to get the offender and will be pressing charges in court. However, in my situation, none of my girlfriend's offenders were identified so there is no way of tracking them. It just hurts me so much to accept that they have hurt and contributed to my girlfriend's mental health, which has and will affect our relationship in the future, and yet they got away with ZERO consequences - like nothing happened for them.
Why is this so unfair? Why would God let something like this happen?


I know it's my responsibility to 100% supportive to my girlfriend in all aspects, but I don't know why I'm so affected by this to the point it's crippling me, including sleepless night when I think about it. Sometimes I even break out in tears because of how unfair the situation is. I don't know what to do.

 

[vinsight4u]

Praying for you both.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Your future wife is a lovely human being who can and will begin to heal spiritually and psychologically. The sorrows we carry when someone does something like this to us need to be approached as spiritual first, as it's the soul that's been effected most, not just the nervous system or brain. Pray with you future wife about these sorrows. She trusts you enough to let you help her through this, which is great, but be careful of her trauma begining to paralyze you, too. When you feel stressed, angry, or upset, turn to Christ. In His own way, He was also spitefully misused and abused by men, and is our greatest healer, Teacher, Friend, Mediator, and Loving One, in all purity and kindness.

It's a process, for you and for her.

 

[vinsight4u]

/

 

[Krusty]

2 incidents were from ex-boyfriends i believe. 1 of them was a stranger from the city who stalked her home. We both live in Sydney. However, I'm more affected by the stranger incident because that makes the world seem like such a dangerous place when I'm not with her.

I'm planning to go for 1 session of therapy this week as well to see if I can actually get anything out of it. I know that we have to move forward and support each other but it's so much more difficult than it sound when actually put in this situation.

I just cannot get over the fact that we'll both be living with something that will never fully go away in our lives, and these men (the stranger especially) aren't doing prison time, but instead will go on and live normal lives. And at the end of the day, we should both just forgive them and pray for them?
Won't God punish them for ruining someone's life and make them repent through the consequences of their actions? It would comfort me and ease my negative thoughts knowing that. Please give me some reassurance, I'm so lost.

 

[Albion]

Krusty, I'm going to tell you something here that may sound like toughlove or perhaps even come across as insensitive. You and she can never get entirely past these events. It happened. You can't undo them. What you have to do, Krusty, is deliberately push the doubting and brooding and misplaced guilt feelings or helplessness out of your mind. It's normal to feel these things, but they will impair your relationship. Rule over those feelings rather than allowing them to rule you.

Think this...She is who she is and she is tops with you. Behave as though that's what matters. Think what's at stake if you jeopardize your relationship for feelings that, after all is said and done, don't change who she is or who you are.

 

[vinsight4u]

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[vinsight4u]

/

 

[fat wee robin]

2 incidents were from ex-boyfriends i believe. 1 of them was a stranger from the city who stalked her home. We both live in Sydney. However, I'm more affected by the stranger incident because that makes the world seem like such a dangerous place when I'm not with her.

I'm planning to go for 1 session of therapy this week as well to see if I can actually get anything out of it. I know that we have to move forward and support each other but it's so much more difficult than it sound when actually put in this situation.

I just cannot get over the fact that we'll both be living with something that will never fully go away in our lives, and these men (the stranger especially) aren't doing prison time, but instead will go on and live normal lives. And at the end of the day, we should both just forgive them and pray for them?
Won't God punish them for ruining someone's life and make them repent through the consequences of their actions? It would comfort me and ease my negative thoughts knowing that. Please give me some reassurance, I'm so lost.

He will certainly punish them ,maybe has done already .
And I too was attacked when I was 13 years old by a stranger when I was on my way to school in my uniform- by the grace of God someone came into the street at that moment and he fled without violating me .
It had a traumatic effect on me, mainly because I had no one to hear me . It was a secret for many many years . If I had someone to love me and comfort me it would have gone away . The problem with men is that they have created a situation where they honour virgins but violate women .This is the height of hypocrisy,and the religious
man is the worse .A man who loves Jesus will be able to through love bring peace and
forgetfulness . All of us have had trauma ,or will have ,and we will forget with God's grace and love .

 

[Lulav]

I will move this to the prayer forum, please keep in mind the SOP of this forum and post accordingly.

Thank you~ ​

 

[LoricaLady]

Praying for guidance and wisdom and peace and healing for both of you.

 

[Krusty]

Apologies if the story is somewhat confusing because I'm somewhat confused as well. I only know fragments of the story and some of what she has told me doesn't add up together. What I've shared here is basically my interpretation of what I know. Because of her mental illnesses, she may have buried certain memories and even she herself have told me that she has certain memories that she can't even tell if they're real. But I know she was raped by a stranger in 2013 and we both get very uncomfortable whenever we talk about it so we try to avoid it as much as possible.

Oh well...

Anyway thanks for all the support, guys. I will stop myself from posting on this thread anymore as I think it might be better to stop thinking about it so much.

 

[rockytopva]

Father I pray blessings on this request and for the healing of this relationship in Jesus name I pray. Also taking these needs before God in prayer on the 1:15PM bbnradio.org Family Altar program.