So in another thread on here I posted about this guy named brian.
This is what it said:
So I was probably in middle school/freshmen in high school at this point. I was sitting at my computer one night messing around on the internet.
Before I continue I want to explain something: has anyone ever used AIM? AIM is a form of private chat where you can not send blank IM's and you can only message people you know. How do I know this? My boyfriend and I tried sending blank IM's to each other via AIM yesterday and it didn't work. We weren't even on each other's contact lists (we hadn't used AIM in years).
Ok well as I was sitting there this blank IM pops up and it's from someone I don't know. So I'm just like O_O. I looked at my contacts and he was already added in to my contacts! So I sent him a message saying, "hi" not really expecting a response. Well he responded with "hi". Turns out he was around my age, he liked the same kind of music and he was a Christian! What were the odds!
So let's look at the facts here:
-blank IM from someone I don't know
-both Christian
-both around the same age
-both like the same music
We concluded it was God. That IM launched us in to a 3 year friendship. He lived on the complete opposite end of the country unfortunately so we never go to meet. He started out really nice. He even would stay up with me so I wouldn't commit suicide on multiple occasions. He eventually turned mean and started ignoring me though. One day he stopped talking to me all together with no rhyme or reason. I was devastated.
Years past and I still missed him. It wasn't as intense but I would have days and moments where I would really miss him...I couldn't understand why I couldn't just get over him. Ya know? Let go and let God. Everyone had been telling me to move on. I got tired of people just talking at me so I just stopped talking about it and missed him silently.
One day he did message me and I was soooo happy! But then he went away again...so I changed my number and never looked back...or so I thought...I still had dreams about him and days where I missed him but that soon became a part of my normal life.
More time pButted. I graduated high school and got a boyfriend.
A few days ago I had a dream about him and this wasn't like any other dream I had before. I dreamed that he moved to a different state. I went through the normal routine that day, missing him but ignoring my feelings. That night when I sat down at my computer I felt a prompt to message him. Like something was telling me to message him and see what happens. Just to tell him about the dream of course. I went in to it thinking, "I'll tell him about the dream and we'll laugh about how that would NEVER happen and it will be so funny and then we'll go our separate ways!" So I messaged him. He responded. I told him about the dream and he said, "that's funny because I'm moving an hour away from you to go to graduate school" I literally went in to shock. I didn't mean for any of this to happen! I didn't want this!
My boyfried was furious. my parents were furous.
Let's recap here:
-blank IM from someone I don't know
-both Christian
-both around the same age
-both like the same music
-had a dream about him moving
-he's moving an hour away from me
-I never would have known he was moving if it wasn't for the dream
Brian and I talked for a few days. I tried to get answers out of him and he just dodged the questions. So it just ended up with me yelling at him which was wrong on my part. Eventually I told him I forgave him.
Well my boyfriend is absolutely just fuming at this point so I asked him if it would help him to tell Brian how he felt. He said it would. So he sent Brian some recorded Facebook messages which wound up getting me blocked. I tried to contact him again and again but it just wasn't happening.
All that pain came back. Everyone was telling me to move on and I just couldn't. Here is what I think happened:
So when I was at my high school there was a lot of bad stuff happening. This was 5 years ago (I think). Then Brian messaged me and shielded me from that bad stuff. When he left all that bad stuff he was holding back came crashing down plus all the stuff that was currently going on plus all the hurt of him leaving.
So you have past hurt, current hurt, and hurt of him leaving. That’s A LOT of hurt so I went in to a very dark time after that; in part I think because of all the unprocessed pain.
Now fast forward to today: here I am with leftover pain and PTSD wanting my shield back even though the fighting has stopped plus missing my friend plus having conflicting emotions about him coming to live an hour away from me.
On top of that I have a bunch of spiritual questions like why did God send that IM if it was God and why all these coincidences.
So there you have it!
Where am I now? I am still hurting but doing better...confused but working on it and I will probably have to continue to work on it for the rest of my life.
Anyway thanks for reading!
DISCLAIMER: Brian's and my relationship was not romantic...ok it was for like a week but that's it!
I'm having a hard time moving on from this especially since he's gonna be moving an hour away from me. I don't know how I feel about all this. Any thoughts?
This is what it said:
So I was probably in middle school/freshmen in high school at this point. I was sitting at my computer one night messing around on the internet.
Before I continue I want to explain something: has anyone ever used AIM? AIM is a form of private chat where you can not send blank IM's and you can only message people you know. How do I know this? My boyfriend and I tried sending blank IM's to each other via AIM yesterday and it didn't work. We weren't even on each other's contact lists (we hadn't used AIM in years).
Ok well as I was sitting there this blank IM pops up and it's from someone I don't know. So I'm just like O_O. I looked at my contacts and he was already added in to my contacts! So I sent him a message saying, "hi" not really expecting a response. Well he responded with "hi". Turns out he was around my age, he liked the same kind of music and he was a Christian! What were the odds!
So let's look at the facts here:
-blank IM from someone I don't know
-both Christian
-both around the same age
-both like the same music
We concluded it was God. That IM launched us in to a 3 year friendship. He lived on the complete opposite end of the country unfortunately so we never go to meet. He started out really nice. He even would stay up with me so I wouldn't commit suicide on multiple occasions. He eventually turned mean and started ignoring me though. One day he stopped talking to me all together with no rhyme or reason. I was devastated.
Years past and I still missed him. It wasn't as intense but I would have days and moments where I would really miss him...I couldn't understand why I couldn't just get over him. Ya know? Let go and let God. Everyone had been telling me to move on. I got tired of people just talking at me so I just stopped talking about it and missed him silently.
One day he did message me and I was soooo happy! But then he went away again...so I changed my number and never looked back...or so I thought...I still had dreams about him and days where I missed him but that soon became a part of my normal life.
More time pButted. I graduated high school and got a boyfriend.
A few days ago I had a dream about him and this wasn't like any other dream I had before. I dreamed that he moved to a different state. I went through the normal routine that day, missing him but ignoring my feelings. That night when I sat down at my computer I felt a prompt to message him. Like something was telling me to message him and see what happens. Just to tell him about the dream of course. I went in to it thinking, "I'll tell him about the dream and we'll laugh about how that would NEVER happen and it will be so funny and then we'll go our separate ways!" So I messaged him. He responded. I told him about the dream and he said, "that's funny because I'm moving an hour away from you to go to graduate school" I literally went in to shock. I didn't mean for any of this to happen! I didn't want this!
My boyfried was furious. my parents were furous.
Let's recap here:
-blank IM from someone I don't know
-both Christian
-both around the same age
-both like the same music
-had a dream about him moving
-he's moving an hour away from me
-I never would have known he was moving if it wasn't for the dream
Brian and I talked for a few days. I tried to get answers out of him and he just dodged the questions. So it just ended up with me yelling at him which was wrong on my part. Eventually I told him I forgave him.
Well my boyfriend is absolutely just fuming at this point so I asked him if it would help him to tell Brian how he felt. He said it would. So he sent Brian some recorded Facebook messages which wound up getting me blocked. I tried to contact him again and again but it just wasn't happening.
All that pain came back. Everyone was telling me to move on and I just couldn't. Here is what I think happened:
So when I was at my high school there was a lot of bad stuff happening. This was 5 years ago (I think). Then Brian messaged me and shielded me from that bad stuff. When he left all that bad stuff he was holding back came crashing down plus all the stuff that was currently going on plus all the hurt of him leaving.
So you have past hurt, current hurt, and hurt of him leaving. That’s A LOT of hurt so I went in to a very dark time after that; in part I think because of all the unprocessed pain.
Now fast forward to today: here I am with leftover pain and PTSD wanting my shield back even though the fighting has stopped plus missing my friend plus having conflicting emotions about him coming to live an hour away from me.
On top of that I have a bunch of spiritual questions like why did God send that IM if it was God and why all these coincidences.
So there you have it!
Where am I now? I am still hurting but doing better...confused but working on it and I will probably have to continue to work on it for the rest of my life.
Anyway thanks for reading!
DISCLAIMER: Brian's and my relationship was not romantic...ok it was for like a week but that's it!
I'm having a hard time moving on from this especially since he's gonna be moving an hour away from me. I don't know how I feel about all this. Any thoughts?
