More than I can handle

[iamjcs]

Put the whole situation & outcome into God's big, compitant, capable, loving hands &
He will bring about the best for you - whether that's staying together & reconnecting spiritually or seperating physically what's already seperated spiritually.

Praying for you both.

 

[HoseaMan]

Thankyou iamjcs, I am totally amazed and blessed by my friends in Christ.It brings tears to my eyes that total strangers would take time out of their lives to pray for my wife and I. Gods people are so amazing. I was saying to God where are the real christians. Those around me are not following Gods word. They are not even showing Gods love. They sit in service and after cannot even sa hello. They turn there heads away. Where is Gods love and mercy. That is not my wife and I, that is her sister who will not say high to my sister, God has to be hurting. I know I will get through this. It is the getting there that is hard. I am learning to totally trust God. My hands are off there is nothing I can do but trust him. It is hard letting go of the steering wheel.I know I will look back on this some day and wonder why the worry. The only thing it does is give you gray hair. It does not help anything. THANKYOU FOR THE PRAYERS!!!!!!

 

[HoseaMan]

I thought I would come here to write my feelings. I have no one in my innerr circle that I trust at the moment. I can not speak to my sisters, I have no brothers. My sisters are both christians but they are dealing with emotions right now and there eyes are clouded. My sister who's husband is the one involved with my wife wants me to go holler at both of them. I told her that I could not do that. Christ would not want me to do that. As upset as I am with what is happening I see no good coming of that. My other sister is of the same feeling, she calls it righthous (sp) anger. I believe Jesus taught us to love our enemies, pray for them. It would be easy to tell them what I think about what they are doing.I passed my brother-in-law (BIL) driving yesterday and it was tempting. I asked God to foregive me. My wife is still in denial about what is happening. I feel guilty like I do not have faith when I say that but it is her own " Free will " that is the problem, not God. It is still hard for me to understand all that. I have come to expect when I pray for something it is done. I have to understand that God hears my prayer and he will work it out for my good. Even tho I do not see how it could be for my good to get divorced. I hate that word and I am embarassed to say it. I still believe God puy us together but if he knew this was going to happen after 16 years I wish I had never been married. this rejection hurts more than I can say. Please remember me in prayer this is worse than death. I know God will bring me through this. Getting there is so hard.I am sorry if I am whining to much, please forgive me.

 

[Life2Christ]

this is worse than death.

It truly is. This is a never -ending pain. There is a website that deals with this topic 24/7 where the people are very supportive and all going through the same thing: www.survivinginfidelity.com But warning it is not a Christian site. The people there are very supportive and knowledgable and experienced but all believe in different ways of handling. Regardless, I'm reading and your posts and am supportive of your journey.

 

[homeofmew]

Sometimes it seems the challenges we go through are more then what we can handle. Sometimes we a pushed though to better ourselves for future instances.

 

[Catherineanne]

That is why I read Hosea. I tell myself, what would God have me do. None of us is without sin.

The time for reading Hosea is over. You have done that, over and over.

Now is the time for reading Ecclesiastes.

There are stages to any bereavement. Even though your wife has not died, you will go through the same stages as if she had; denial, guilt, anger, acceptance; all sorts of feelings, which will cause you a lot of confusion.

I don't think Hosea will help any more. You have not been unfaithful to your wife and reading about harlots and unfaithfulness will just make you feel worse, imo. This is why I suggest Ecclesiastes; it presents the world that most of us face; one which is unpredictable, which seems to encourage those without morals, and punish the virtuous, one where evil men thrive and good men suffer. This is the reality of life.

My own marriage fell apart many years ago, and it was endlessly painful and difficult, and I wrestled with God as you are doing, to try to prevent it. Sadly, none of us can win when wrestling with God. In the end we have to accept that life is not always going to treat us well, and those we love are not always going to love us in return.

Take your time, be good to yourself while you are grieving, but accept that your wife has gone, and will not return. Even if she now sought a reconciliation, she is not the person you thought she was. Your wife - the one you thought you were married to - is gone. Allow yourself time to grieve for her, and then rebuild what you can from your life. You do not have to punish yourself, or feel guilty. You did your best, but the simple fact is, sometimes even our best will not work.

I am very sorry. God be with you.

 

[Catherineanne]

I have to understand that God hears my prayer and he will work it out for my good.

Consider it this way. Maybe God does not want you to be married to a woman who is capable of going off and having an affair with a married man.

In which case, can you blame him for not changing his mind?

Years ago, he did not want me to remain married to an alcoholic who was becoming increasingly violent towards me and our daughter. It took a long time for me to understand that he was not going to allow the marriage to continue, no matter how much I prayed.

Certainly God will do what is right for you, as he did for me. But it may not feel right at the time.

 

[HoseaMan]

Thankyou to all for your prayers, wisdom and support. This is a very confusing time in my life. I am in love with the woman I married and it is obvious she is no longer there.Letting go of that wonderful woman is very hard. I tell myself if I keep praying there is hope for her return. But it is true do I want a woman back who has had an affair. There has been times when I would be of the mindset " good riddence " how could I take her back. I would then happen on an article about someone who had gone through the same thing and they accepted their spouse back. I may not have that choice anyways, so only time will tell. My kids are praying their parents reconcile. My one son who is a very strong christian is praying and believing. I do not have the heart to tell him that I am loosing the desire to reconcile. But, that to goes up and down.I know that I want to do whatever God would have me do. If it be a divorce, then God will take care of me. If it be a reconciliation, then God will give me the strength and foregiveness to do that. As always it is the unknown that makes it so hard. T he good news is I have his blessed assurance he will walk with me hand in hand through this. I do not know how anyone would do this without God. Thankyou for your patience with me. It helps that Ican come here and talk with my christian friends. I get very lonely sitting alone and I need to talk to someone. I look forward to turning on the computer and going to Christian Forums to see if someone has left a comment. GOD BLESS

 

[wayfaring man]

Seems the only way one could take back their unfaithful spouse, would be if he/she had experienced a miraculous transformation.
And while praying and hoping for such to occur is indeed godly and good, we should also have consideration for finding peace and comfort for as long as things stay the same, even if that means they never change.

As I think I've mentioned previously, my past intense grief fueled my determination to undergo extended fasting, which has greatly helped to bring healing, not only in the areas of being grieved, but also in many others, which came as a sweet bonus, and made the getting through the grieving, so much easier. Praise God !

wm

 

[Catherineanne]

I would then happen on an article about someone who had gone through the same thing and they accepted their spouse back.

Your wife cannot come back. Your wife was the person who was as faithful to you, as you were to her. Whether she ever existed or not, she does not now exist.

Either you accept 'back' a woman who has betrayed your trust, but who you do not really know, and will find hard to trust, or else you do not. This may happen, and she may return, but it is not very likely, and the chances of her doing the same again in the near future are very high. But either way, the wife you are mourning cannot come back.

I am really, really sorry. I hope you know I am not saying this to hurt you, but to help you to see what you are facing. God be with you.

 

[Kaitlin08]

I think the real difficulty in taking her back is that if she cheats a second time, it would be a very hard thing to go through. Taking her back would depend on her acting in a way that suggests she was a changed person.

I hope the best for you.

 

[artisancorp]

Quote - "I do not know how anyone would do this without God"

I went through a similar break up when God wasn't in my life like he is now. I used alcohol as a coping mechanism. Big mistake!!. Keep on the path and do not faulter. I am sometimes amazed that at some of the darkest points in my life when I could see no good reason for such suffering that when I look back on those times I saw God doing amazing things with my life that makes me who I am today.

 

[HoseaMan]

Thankyou wayfaring man and Catherineanne, I look so forward to checking my in box to see if someone has replied to my request. I have no one I trust in my life at the moment that I can talk to. I do not have many friends and I do not like to talk about this situation with them. They are good friends but it is so embarassing going through a divorce. It goes against everything I believe in. My wife has told everone that I am a good man and she does not want to hurt me. I am a good provider and took care of her. I was injured on the job and have become disabled. She feels she only has ten good years left and feels left out because of my disabilities. I am not bedridden or in a wheel chair. I just cannot do alot of physical activity like we use to. In all the research I have done I think she is in a midlife crisis.I know to take her back at this point will be hard. I do not know how far they have gone. The woman I married would not do anything before marriage. She is not that woman at the moment and never will be again.I know God is about foregivness and mercy. How could I ever trust her, I do not know.My pastor has said from the start it is going to take a miracle. He has known my wife since she was a little girl and he knows her well. I want to say the woman I married was a very kind loving careing person, who loved the Lord with all her heart. If that woman came back, I think I would take her back. I will do whatever God would have me do. If he wants me to take her back he will give me the ability to trust her. Thankyou for allowing me to come to this forum and talk with everyone and for replying back. It gives me something to look forward to. I cannot imagine how hard it would be without you brothers and sisters in CHRIST. You are special people.

 

[kellyc]

hoseaman i am so sorry you are going through all this. you are right to be willing to take your wife back if she will come, and i hope she sees your heart in all of this and does come back. are you able to get counseling from a pastor maybe? i am praying for you that this situation glorifies God in a way you never imagined and that your marriage is restored.

 

[Azureknight 773]

Now hold on just a minute there brother, relax and do not panic. It appears that these problems after problems came to you in order to test your very faith and trust in the Master, Lord and Saviour God Almighty in the same fashion as gold is tested in the furnace. What you need is to pray to the loving God that He will guide you along the way of these trials so that when you succeed, it is like seeing daylight after a dark moonless and starless night passes.

 

[Catherineanne]

I want to say the woman I married was a very kind loving careing person, who loved the Lord with all her heart. If that woman came back, I think I would take her back. I will do whatever God would have me do. If he wants me to take her back he will give me the ability to trust her.

I have to say, your love for your wife is most touching. I find myself hoping for a miracle in this situation, and that your wife will realise what she is throwing away.

God's will be done.

Lord, have mercy,
Christ, have mercy,
Lord, have mercy.

 

[wayfaring man]

We all need each other...sometimes more intensely than others, but interdependency is inherent to our being many members of one family / one body of believers. ( Which is also why divisions amongst us can cause us to miss out on much good !)

And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honored, all the members rejoice with it. <-----> 1st Corinthians 12:26

This also helps us recognize who our currently active and responsive relatives are - in Christ.

Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ:
That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: <-----> Ephesians 4:13-15

Through allowing godly compassion to flow through us, The Lord's Healing Power is wondrously disbursed. ( Sadly, most of us are too selfishly hardened for this to be a common occurrence.)

So Jesus had compassion on them, and touched their eyes: and immediately their eyes received sight, and they followed him. <-----> Matthew 20:34

And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her, and said unto her, Weep not. <-----> Luke 7:13

Jesus' healing acts were normally preceded by the stirring of compassion within His Pure Heart of Gold !

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou has enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer. <-----> Psalm 4:1

The Lord uses occasions of distress to enlarge our capacity for having compassion on others who are also going through a rough/tough time.

And one of the best ways of finding the help we seek for our own situation is to compassionately minister to another/others who are also in some kind of trouble or distress, ( especially if theirs is considerably greater than is ours).

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. <-----> 2nd Corinthians 1:3+4

Only be wary of those who abuse the charity of others in such a way that they cannot truly benefit from it. ( Like those with an evil addiction abusing well meaning aid as though corrupt enablement.)

For I mean not that other men be eased, and ye burdened: <-----> 2nd Corinthians 8:13

May The Lord Be our Source !

wm

 

[HoseaMan]

Thankyou all for your thoughts and prayers. My wife was a very special woman. I do not know what happened. Today is hard, it is my daughters birthday and there is a party at my house and I am not welcome. I am not sure if he is there. I do not think so because my wife's parents are coming and she is still denying the affair to them. If he were there it would be hard for her to explain. Her parents are finally starting to see that their daughter is involved in an affair. They had believed her when she told them they were just friends.They found out he was at the house almost everynight and they are not happy. I do not understand that they doot say anything to her about it. They are leaders in our church he a elder ans she a deaconess. They say that they are afraid they might loose their daughter if they speak up. I do not agree with that. When our daughter was doing wrong we told her she was going against God.I probably should speak more with my minister. He is a wonderful man of God. I just hate to bother him. He has so many people leaning on him it does not seem right to take more of his time. Thankyou again for responding. I was so happy when I checked my e-mail and there was some from this forum. Thankyou

 

[Catherineanne]

Thankyou all for your thoughts and prayers. My wife was a very special woman. I do not know what happened. Today is hard, it is my daughters birthday and there is a party at my house and I am not welcome.

Go anyway. It is your daughter's birthday; you don't need any more reason than that.

I am not sure if he is there. I do not think so because my wife's parents are coming and she is still denying the affair to them. If he were there it would be hard for her to explain. Her parents are finally starting to see that their daughter is involved in an affair. They had believed her when she told them they were just friends.They found out he was at the house almost everynight and they are not happy. I do not understand that they doot say anything to her about it. They are leaders in our church he a elder ans she a deaconess. They say that they are afraid they might loose their daughter if they speak up. I do not agree with that.

Sadly, you have to let everyone deal with this in their own way. But this means that you also get to choose what you do. Stay calm, stay within the law, of course, but if you want to say something, or make your opinion known, then feel free. And most importantly, if you want to see your daughter on her birthday and there is no legal constraint on you, then just do it.

You don't always have to stifle your feelings in this way.

When our daughter was doing wrong we told her she was going against God.I probably should speak more with my minister. He is a wonderful man of God. I just hate to bother him. He has so many people leaning on him it does not seem right to take more of his time. Thankyou again for responding. I was so happy when I checked my e-mail and there was some from this forum. Thankyou

You are most welcome. God be with you.

 

[HoseaMan]

Thankyou Catherineanne for your thoughts. This thing is such a mess. I am not one to cause conflict. I know my being there would be stressful for the kids. They are not little but I do not want to add stress. I found out he was not there. The more I thought about it her parents were going to be there. She would not invite him because she is still trying to hide the affair from them. My son went to lunch with her parents yesterday and they are finally seeing that their daughter is having an affair. They told him they do not want to say anything to her because they are afraid they will loose her and her sister whom she is close to. Her sister had an affair a few years ago and would not speak to trhem because they spoke out against it. I may be wrong but I would say something to my child if I were in there shoes. I told my son today I did not know if I would take his mother back.He is not a child he is in his twenties. He does not want me to give up naturally. I told him trust was a big thing and that would be a hard thing to overcome. I told him that if GOD wanted me to take her back I would. God is my all and I wilol do whatever GOD requires of me. I lnow he will give me the strength to do what ever he asks. I do not know if this is God working or not but the brother-in-law had to go to the hospital with chest pain this weekend so maybe. Thankyou again for your responses. I need to hear all the wisdom it keeps me grounded. I know this will all work nout for my good because I love God.I just wish it did not hurt so much.