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More than I can handle

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by HoseaMan, Jan 2, 2011.

  1. HoseaMan

    HoseaMan Newbie

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    I thought God would not give you more than you can handle. I think I am there. I want to thank all those who have prayed for me in the past. I am so blessed that God directed me to this forum. It is such a blessing to be able to come to the prayer warriors in this forum. I have never been in a postion that I cannot count on my faith in God to change the outcome. For those who may not know my trial, my wife and my sisters husband are involved in an affair.They have both filed for a divorce. My wife and sister and I are christians. I do not think my sisters husband is. What has made it tuff today is I seen him drop my wife off after they went to church. How can they be going to church and carrying on an affair. How can you listen to God's word an be doing what they are. I found out he is at my house everyday for supper. I sit alone everynight eating TV dinners.I have kept my vows and it seems like I am the one being punished. I cry out to God every night and nothing chages. Now she has turned two of the kids against me with lies. My son who is studying to be a missionary has been a true man of GOD and he sees the lies his mother has spread.If it were not for him I would be so alone. I love my wife so much. I cannot believe what is happening and it seems like GOD is not doing anything. Then I wonder how I could take her back depending how far they have gone. My pastor told me to read Hosea. That is going to be so hard. GOD GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO GO ON.PLEASE RESTORE MY MARRIAGE AND MY SISTERS.CAUSE A RIFT BETWEEN THEM.PUT THEM IN THE BELLY OF THE WHALE AND TURN THEM AROUND. IN JESUS NAME AMEN. Thankyou for your prayers and allowing me a place to come in my time of need.
     
  2. suzybeezy

    suzybeezy Reports Manager

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    You can only be responsible for yourself before God, the others have to answer to God for themselves. Seems you are trying to be an upright man and God will honor that - maybe just not in the way you want but in a way that will be 10 times better than you can possibly imagine. Its one of those situations that is a terrible tribulation to go through but that as long as you remain faithful and keep your eyes focused on him, he will carry you through, you will not be abandoned.

    I've gone through situations where I too cried out "Lord I can't take any more" - and things would get worse and I'd wonder why? but over time I've learned that he was showing me to lean completely on him and that through the experience my faith grew and I've become even stronger. And even more interesting is the way he resolved things were ways I couldn't have imagined - and I'm in a better place because of it.

    Just keep hanging on and remain prayerful and obedient, he'll get you through this, just be open to all he has for you through this.
     
  3. iamjcs

    iamjcs Regular Member

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    God doesn't give you more than you can handle with His help.

    If God never ever gave you more than you could handle by yourself ... your faith in Him wouldn't grow & you'd begin to think you didn't need God.
     
    nathanlandon1 likes this.
  4. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest

    Your wife is turning away from God and all the church service in the world cannot cover that up. I ask you to cling to Him, the Almighty and let him give you peace and contentedness. If your wife belongs to you, truly, she will come back to you. If she doesn't, she never belonged to you anways and probably led a double life you have no idea about. One of the hardest things to accept is that people who have affairs of this nature (when there is no remorse) clock out of the marriage years before you realize it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 3, 2011
  5. Julian of York

    Julian of York Newbie

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    There was a gentleman in the Old Testament who's name was Job (rhymes with "lobe"). This man was the richest man in the eastern territories. He worshipped the true God,and was very careful to obey God in every way. He even went to the extreme of offering sacrifices to God just in case any of his children had commited some kind of sin that they did not know was sin.
    One day Satan presented himself before God and accused Job, saying that if everything went wrong in Job's life, Job would give up and curse God. God allowed Satan to attack Job with every trick in the book. Job lost his family, his cattle, and all his property. All he had left was a disgruntled wife that told him to "curse God and die".
    And then things got bad! Satan was allowed to bring grevious sickness on Job, but was not allowed to kill him.
    Now...at what point did God stop loving Job? At what point did God promise Job that He would allow nothing that Job could not bear? We know,behind the scenes, that the devil was not allowed to kill him, but everything else was fair game.
    Try convincing Job that " all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."
    All he was guarenteed of was his eternal soul. And he wanted to die,too.
    What did he do?
    Read the last chapter of the book of Job in your Bible. See what happened!

    Julian of York
     
  6. HoseaMan

    HoseaMan Newbie

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    This is a lot of good advice . I do not understand it all. I know there is no promise of how things go. Just that GOD will be with us. I do know that I trust GOD, I am very frustrated about the whole thing. Life can be so frustrating. I am use to praying for something and believing for the answer. I have proved GOD over and over. Thankyou everyone for your thoughts and prayers, To God be the glory
     
  7. GrayAngel

    GrayAngel Senior Member

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    I've been feeling the same way for quite some time.

    Your wife reminds me of someone in my life. We weren't married, but we were dating. She claimed to love me, and to love God, but she was nothing but a two-faced liar. People like them come to church to feel good about themselves. They put a veil over their own eyes so they can't see they're own sin, but they will find fault in the ones who really love God.

    There's no people worse than the religious. They memorize and recite scripture like pharisees, but they live as the enemies of God in sheep's clothing.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2011
  8. wayfaring man

    wayfaring man Veteran

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    It's not the "religious", it's the pseudo-religious that Christ sharply rebuked. ( See Matthew Chapter 23 )

    If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridles not his tongue, but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is vain.
    Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.
    <-----> James 1:26+27

    wm
     
  9. HoseaMan

    HoseaMan Newbie

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    Thankyou for your responses. This is a mess. I really believe my wife loves the Lord. At least at one time she did. I think somehow in a twisted and a confused way she still does. I do not understand it. I try and speak to her about divorce and what God tells about it and she refuses to listen. Her response is " I do not think God would send me to hell because of it ". She was ver flipped when she said it. I do not understand, she reads the bible every morning and goes to church and a weekly bible study her father teaches. Yet she still wants a divorce and has my brother-in-law over to the house for dinner almost everyday. She claims they are just friends. I tried to believe it as long as I could but it is so obvious. You would not do it just because of the appearence of evil. I am so confused I love this woman more than I could ever say. Yet I feel so betrayed. My family does not understand why I do not hate her. She broke up not only my marriage but my sisters too. I believe God says to hate the sin and not the sinner. My son and minister told me to read Hosea, which I have over and over. It is not going to be easy but I know I have to. God never promised us it would be easy. Just that he would be with us. Sorry if I seem to be rambling. I do not mean to. I am just a poor sinner saved by grace and trying to do Gods will for my life. I love my wife with all my heart and do not want the devil to pull apart that which God has put together. PLEASE PRAY AND THANKYOU
     
  10. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest

    I find it heartbreaking that she is saying they are just friends. She's so ashamed she can't even come right out and admit it. Because she knows she's dead wrong. This battle belongs to the Lord. Trust me when I tell you, your wife and the other man are headed for disaster.
     
  11. HoseaMan

    HoseaMan Newbie

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    Thankyou Life2Christ, it is so heartbreaking. I am devestated, I cannot believe she is doing this to me. I love this woman with all my heart. I took care of her. She never had to work, I bought her whatever she wanted. Why she became involved with my sisters husband Iwill never understand. There is so many people praying I do not understand why I see no signs of God doing anything.I had hoped God would steer her in the right direction but I see nothing, They goi on as if nothing is wrong. She even told our son that it is just a friendship. I give him credit he told her he did not believe her. That was not a goods day for my son. He is a man of God and I give him credit for standing for God.It is hard to see her going on as if nothing is wrong and I sit here alone night after night.I ask God where is his justice. Maybe she would change her ways if she became in the belly of the whale or as my son prayed sometimes the sheppard has to break the legs of the lamd to cause it to stay close, but I see nothing. Then I feel guilty about that because I do not want to see any harm come to my wife.Ilove her so much. I am so confused, my mind is going a mile a minute as I deal with this. Then I wonder do I really want her back, and IN feel guilty about that. Am I that weak that I want a woman who cheated on me back. I am so confused God what do I do
     
  12. GrayAngel

    GrayAngel Senior Member

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    I thought I wanted my ex-girlfriend back too, but after the emotions settled, I realized I was much better off without her.

    Based on what I've heard, you'd be much better off too. Someday, you'll realize that.

    You don't need to be feeling guilty. It is not your fault. She is responsible for her own actions, not you.
     
  13. HoseaMan

    HoseaMan Newbie

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    Thankyou GrayAngel for your words of encouragement. It is so hard to get there. I do not see how there can be happiness without her. I still hope everyday to hear some good news. But you are right I know who holds the future.
     
  14. soul sister

    soul sister Newbie

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    hang in there God Bless
     
  15. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest

    You are not weak, just devastated. Your first response is to save the relationship, not revenge. In my opinion, God's hands are tied. This is about her free will remember? I think God is crying right there with you and is so disappointed. But I guarantee you He is carrying you in this dark time if you let Him.
     
  16. ezeric

    ezeric HE loves me too.

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    Ah, what terrible things we do to one another.

    Many of us, including JESUS Himself, who have felt the stabbing edge of betrayal.

    Can I make 1 point, perhaps it will help us when we go through these dark times.
    I know that it helps me.

    Paul speaking:

    We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.

    Paul goes on and says: "Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death."

    I think you feel like, everything is dead, and death is close to you. (perhaps not physical death, but death to marriage, death to friends, death to what is decent and normal).

    GOD never promises that we wont be put in positions more than we can endure or handle or cope with.

    JESUS even promised that we would have trouble. John 16:33

    But there are some larger promises that we do lean on...

    We are promised not to be 'tempted' beyond what we can handle or bear. 1 Corinthians 10:13

    So, why would HE (GOD) allow us to be under great pressure, but not under great temptation?

    You, my brother (and all of us here, if we believe) have a HUGE upside!

    These are the next verses.

    But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead!

    Wow, it brings us to place, where only GOD can come through and HE does with power.

    Last verse.

    He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us

    Read the entire section in 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 if you want.

    My friend, get ready and hold on to 'resurrection power'.
    Keep your trust in JESUS, and allow HIS LOVE and forgiveness to continually flow through you (as you can't do this on your own).

    JESUS will deliver you, and that will build your faith.
    GOD using the evil to make good out of as only HE can!

    FATHER I thank you for this brother HoseaMan, thank you that you are his strength, his very life. Show them, through the way of LOVE, your power to heal, to forgive, to make new.

    Amen

    -eric

    The Exchanged Life
     
  17. HoseaMan

    HoseaMan Newbie

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    I want to thank soul sister, ezeric and Life2Christ for your prayers and your wisdom. I am so blessed to have found this forum. I have found so many friends in Christ. You do not know me yet I can bring my problems to this forum and receive prayer and encouragement. I still am having a hard time with what is happening. Ifelt God put my wife and I together. Had I known she was going to divorce me and mess up my sisters marriage I never would have married her. I did not celebrate Christmas with my family because I could not look my sisters kids in the eye knowing I brought this woman into the family that caused there parents to break-up. I know that she is not the only reason, but if my wife would not have been there would he have left. They gave each other the strength to go through with the divorce. I just could not face the kids. I felt so bad for them. I still cannot figure if GOD gave me this woman why. If I would have known what she was going to do I would never had married her. God knew what was going to happen, why would he have allowed it. I am not blameing GOD I am just thinking out loud. I love the LORD with all my heart and trust him dearly. I just do not understand. I was set for life, I had a christian life who I loved with all my heart and she loved me the same up until about 10 months ago.We were both active and serving GOD in our church. The church family is all upset. They thought we had a great marriage. In fact some of the women in the church are concerned. They said if our marriage can break up then no marriage is safe. I know she has her own free will, I just wish I could see God at work trying to point her in the right direction. I know that I win in the end through Christ. I just love this woman so much. I was raised that you stay together to the end. You do not leave just because you want something different as I have been told. She even has told the pastor that I am a good man and she does not want to hurt me, she loves me she just is not in love with me anymore. I am sorry to whine. It just hurts so bad. I sit here alone everynight and do not know why. does anyone know if there is a christian chat room you can go to anytime iof the day when you need someone to talk to? THANKYOU!!! I KNOW WE WIN 11iT IS THE GETTING THERE WHICH HURTS
     
  18. ezeric

    ezeric HE loves me too.

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    Dear brother HoseaMan,

    Can we (here in the forum) ride this thing out with you? There are brothers and sisters here 24/7 that have been through similar and other dark times, many of us have been on the forum for months/ years (so we are not going anywhere, except "up"), so simply 'ask away', we are here.

    You said: " I did not celebrate Christmas with my family because I could not look my sisters kids in the eye knowing I brought this woman into the family that caused there parents to break-up."

    My little question to you is; is this good for the rest of the family, and good for you? Because you didn't have anything to do with this adultery, why are you taking blame for it? Maybe, the kids need you? Maybe the rest of the family, needs you? Maybe you need more of them? I just know that the enemy likes to divide, what GOD wants together. Just wondering...

    You said: "she loves me she just is not in love with me anymore."

    Like a wayward son, leaving his parents house, after years of teaching him the way he should go, and he goes the opposite, with great lust, and pride. So, we have prodigal sons, she is just a prodigal daughter. She doesn't understand GOD'S love, which comes in us and empowers us to live the Christ Life. This Love bears all things, and does no harm to anyone, as its always looking out for the best interest of everyone else. That comment you gave is 'lust' not 'love', because love wouldn't say/do that. She is in lust and has lost (not forever mind you) what true love is. Which is JESUS who is LOVE.

    You said: "They said if our marriage can break up then no marriage is safe."

    Isn't there something wrong with Christianity, when 50% of the church ends in divorce and the kids and parents are running around living like the world? Its broken!
    The only repair is the Gospel, the Good News of GRACE and HIS Kingdom of GRACE being properly taught, so that you don't want to sin and wont sin. Sin looses its hold.
    We've seen this over and over again. You will not hurt what you are properly in love with.

    We keep trusting GOD for you brother, and we are here.

    -eric

    The Exchanged Life
     
  19. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest

    HoseaMan:
    I used to be in your shoes. I was married for 8.5 years (15 year total relationship) and one day my husband said he didn't love me anymore. He had a girlfriend who he was having an affair with. He said he loved her instead and he essentially divorced me. ( I actually filed). To make matters worse, he left me right after we had our first (only) child. He then moved in with his girlfriend (a highschool buddy he always had a crush on) and her children. I have never known pain until that ordeal. I wanted to comitt suicide then I found God (I was agnostic at the time).

    People who have affairs, they don't know what love is. They just lead with their pants. They are not humbled before the Lord. They think they have more power than God.

    I am living proof that this will NOT kill you. You can be happy again but only through the Word of Christ.

    The girlfriend ended up dumping him but he never came back to me. I'm not offended though because I believe my husband never really belonged to me. I always though we were made for each other but during the divorce I found out my husband was a totally different person. Not who I thought he was.

    WAnted to share this with you so you know that you are not alone and this happens ALL THE TIME. You will live and you will prosper. You need to go through this pain before you find the way out and trust me there is a way out. P.S. She may come back to you...how will you handle that? Think about it.
     
  20. HoseaMan

    HoseaMan Newbie

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    Thankyou for all your wisdom. I know I will get through this. My christian brothers and sisters here have been so much help. I go back through all the responses from my post over and over again to help get me through this. I have fasted and prayed and fill my mind with the word. I find when I am really down the Psalms set me straight.I know I should be around my family and to a certain extent I am. My nephews from my other sibling have been great. They make a point to come over a couple times a week to spend the evening with me. They have been great!! I believe my wife is a good person. I do think she loves the Lord, that is what is so confusing. She reads her daily bible reading and goes to church every week and goes to a bible study every week. Yet this guy is at her/my house everynight.I know she does love the Lord. How can she be so deceived. She is receiving the word but must not be listening. This is a very loving person. I know it sounds hard to believe with what she is doing.I pray she hears the word and it goes into her heart. I try and tell myself she would not cross the line and have intercourse. I am not stupid and know she could be, but this person I was married to for 16 years would not do this. I know he is capable and could be putting alot of pressure on her.He has said to a friend they became physical after they filed for divorce. I did ask her about that and her answer to me is what do you mean by physical, not the answer I wanted to hear.I thankyou all for being there for me. The love I am feeling is amazing. You do not know me yet the love of Christ is there.That question of what would I do if she came back to me is a tuff one. At one time I would have went running to her side. Now,I do not know what I will do. I love her with all my heart and think I would go back to her. The betrayal is going to take some time to overcome. That is why I read Hosea. I tell myself, what would God have me do. None of us is without sin. I hope and pray I have that choice to make. If Jesus could go to the cross and forgive me what should I do. If I forgive her does that mean I should go back with her. If I truly forgive her then I have to go back to her, am I right? I hope I am making sense here. I am so confused right now. God is not the author of confusion. Thankyou again
     
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