Im very paranoid that she could possibly hook up with a guy and that attempt to kill me. Oh mannnnn this is just too much. Maybe I should not be married at all.
It's rough being mentally ill. I was for a time when I became a Christian. I had something like the voices speaking to me. I ended up being so paranoid of voices that I'd sit there and start going catatonic to try and fight them off.
Where I was getting it wrong is I was trying to fight them.
And not trying to fight the voices seems like a very dumb idea when you're mentally ill and it is, because if you yield to them, it'll screw your life up. So you get two bad choices it seems like, fight them which drains you and for me would make me go catatonic, or you give in and be crazy and your life falls into ruin.
The solution I found that brought me out of mental illness was God's word. (I had a psychotic episode and demon possession when I came to Christ, so basically the devil's thinking was in my mind a great deal and that sort of thinking would make me crazy.)
I think this could benefit you too. I would make reading the Bible, the centerpiece of your day. It should come as a priority above your wife even. God is greater than our spouses on the list of priorities.
And when you do that, God's word will automatically begin fighting those thoughts you have. This is the 3rd option. Rather than me trying to fight them, I would fight to read God's word and focus on God, and then the mental anguish would lesson and diminish to where I could maintain myself sanely on a daily basis. I still fought and did not yield, but by focusing on scripture (God) first, it empowered me to resist those thoughts that were wrong.
What I did to get my healing was when I got home from work, I would read the bible or watch free grace-based sermons online that would edify me in Christ. I did this every day of the week, in all my spare time. No TV, no entertainment. Read scripture OR listen to sermons. After that month, since my mental illness was light I was able to stop taking my medication. I think this could work for very strong mental illness even, but I think also that might take more dedication than what I did.
When I forgot to read the Bible for a few weeks some months later, the mental illness tried to come back. Then I realized the problem and started reading again.
I have also basically given up on TV and wordily entertainment. I have found those things hurt our thinking and do not help it. If you have ever been mentally ill, I suggest not watching ungodly stuff, but only good stuff that Christ would approve of. This helps protect our mind and it's a blessing.
So that's my suggestion, more Bible reading!
And you see, what the Bible will help is that some of these thoughts you're having can be fixed by God's word. Fear that someone would spitefully use you for example, you can be free of that in God's word. While you're right, you're just having delusions about your wife, you have that delusion because you can go find news stories of wives who have done such things to their husbands. So where is the peace? If it's not that, it's something else in the world. What about a boss who thinks negatively of you?
God's word brings freedom to us, so even if you think your wife might be doing that, you would never be scared of it. And I believe if the fear of that left, so too would the delusion.
