Marriage struggles

[lovinjesus31]

First I want to say Hello to everyone,I am new here..so I hope I do this right.
Here is my problem...I have been married for 12 years and it has not been the easiest to say the least but we haev made it this far.I have always believed in God ever since I can remember but have not had a real close relationship with him until about 7 months ago.I found myself needed him more and more each day due to my struggling married life.
When we first got married I found out quickly that my husband was a very jealous and controlling man.He was some what abusive with me,from mental to emotional,to physical,physical not much.The emotional I would have to say hurt the worst.I prayed constantly for God to help in my marriage and it seemed to take years for him to take action but he did.Little did I know that I had built up a very strong wall against my husband for all the things he had put me through.I later discovered that when I realized I didn't have much desire for him to be near me anymore and just wanted to find someone new.
I found myself in this affair over a year ago now and it ended 7 or so months ago.I confessed it to my husband what I had done.I know had I not been praying for God to help me out of that affair my marriage would not have lasted.I was very miserable in my affair because I knew it was wrong but at the same time it felt good for someone to really act like they cared for me.The affair became an addiction for me that I could not end alone without God's help.Indeed his help came.I spoke the words to my husband without even realizing what I was saying.
The day I told my husband he had made a visit to our neighbors house and gave his life to the lord.
Since that day it has been really tough for him to truley forgive me,he brings it up constantly to me,saying really ugly things to me that really hurt.I fear resentment could take place if it continues this way.It's so strange how one minute he is fine and the next he is sooo very angry.I tell him all the time it's the enemy who is trying to ruin this marriage,you have to let it go and give it over to the Lord.I know he is hurting and I try so hard to show him how sorry I am but at times it feels like I am wasting my time.
Their is sooo much more I could tell you about but I know it's long enough now so I should go.I guess what I am looking for is one most important prayer and two some encouragement along with advice.I feel talking to others about this is what I need most.Thanks for listening and sorry so long.God Bless you All.

 

[madison1101]

You can't make anyone forgive your, much less forget what you did. You also can't expect an abusive spouse to change just because you want him to. I strongly suggest marital therapy with a licensed therapist. If he is not willing, then you should seek therapy. You need to find out why you are staying in an abusive marriage, and why you felt you needed to go out and have an affair and then confess it to an abusive spouse. I think you probably have very low self-esteem, and need help learning ways to build it up.

Hugs,
Madison

 

[Radagast]

Madison1101 has good advice.

Will pray for you.

-- Radagast

 

[mikeforjesus]

So what his a christian and has his own struggle.. she obviously loves him. Most ppl wouldnt forgive but this man did!
I hope it all works out fine but your going to need alot of patience because he isnt God, there will be times he remembers what you did when ur fighting with him. You always have to show him that u love him more than anyone else (except God).. Some ppl actually alot, the full realisation of trajedy hits them later.. (but ofcourse with God there is complete healing for him, but it takes a while.. u cant expect things to change quickly)
... Obviously the problem in the first place with the marriage was that God wasnt the centre but now all that can change.

 

[HumbleBee]

LovinJesus31's hubby needs waaaaaaaaaaay more mercy towards her, as was his abuse that sent her searching for TLC in the first place. Jesus does not condemn her, and neither should her husband. On the contrary, he should be as unconditionally forgiving with her, as Christ was with him.

 

[mikeforjesus]

well if that was the attitude my cheating wife had with me (even if I was abusive), I couldnt live with her! that is if there was no contrite spirit and that her and her friends doesnt recognise the magnitude of the sin against him and God.
Adultery was the only thing that could split a marriage. If she was unsatisfied and going to do that she could have atleast got a divorce first and then done it.

 

[EbonNelumbo]

I have 0 expertize so I pray

 

[Jim Cross]

Forgiveness is the key to both sides...and that's not just a one time deal, but a 70 X's 7 daily deal. There is no excuse for sin, otherwise the cycle's never ending, I abuse, you cheat, you cheat, I abuse. I myself have been married for 15 years and we have faced many struggles within our marraige. As a christain man and husband, I constantly mess up, do the wrong things, but thank God I have a wife who loves the Lord as much as I.

Jesus said this: That a man should love his wife as Christ loves the church.

This is what it speaks to me... As the man (representing Christ in my home) I forgive my wife regardless of her sin. I take her sin upon myself, bare it and crucify it.

Trust me this process does not always come quickly, but when I remind myself of this awesome responsibility...marriage... it sends me to my knees requesting not how to change her, but how to change me.

Hopefully, this sends out some hope and encouragment! You're not alone. Remember Christ wants your marraige to suceed not fail!

 

[lovinjesus31]

Hello,
Its been a while.I just wanted to thank everyone so much for your replies,it has been a real encouragment to me.I continue to pray daily for my husband and for myself.I ask God to change me as well,I know that I am the one who needs to be changed as well as my husband.I love him deeply and I am looking forward to the day he will forgive me and I know in time he will through God's help.
Thanks again,
lovinjesus31
God bless you all!

 

[TheMainException]

It's good you did what you did my dear sister...things would have been much worse had you not done what you did. Keep striving and loving your husband. Pray hard, love like there is no tomorrow and forgive him for not forgiving you. My love to you and yours, Lauren

 

[TruthSetsYouFree]

First I want to say Hello to everyone,I am new here..so I hope I do this right.
Here is my problem...I have been married for 12 years and it has not been the easiest to say the least but we haev made it this far.I have always believed in God ever since I can remember but have not had a real close relationship with him until about 7 months ago.I found myself needed him more and more each day due to my struggling married life.
When we first got married I found out quickly that my husband was a very jealous and controlling man.He was some what abusive with me,from mental to emotional,to physical,physical not much.The emotional I would have to say hurt the worst.I prayed constantly for God to help in my marriage and it seemed to take years for him to take action but he did.Little did I know that I had built up a very strong wall against my husband for all the things he had put me through.I later discovered that when I realized I didn't have much desire for him to be near me anymore and just wanted to find someone new.
I found myself in this affair over a year ago now and it ended 7 or so months ago.I confessed it to my husband what I had done.I know had I not been praying for God to help me out of that affair my marriage would not have lasted.I was very miserable in my affair because I knew it was wrong but at the same time it felt good for someone to really act like they cared for me.The affair became an addiction for me that I could not end alone without God's help.Indeed his help came.I spoke the words to my husband without even realizing what I was saying.
The day I told my husband he had made a visit to our neighbors house and gave his life to the lord.
Since that day it has been really tough for him to truley forgive me,he brings it up constantly to me,saying really ugly things to me that really hurt.I fear resentment could take place if it continues this way.It's so strange how one minute he is fine and the next he is sooo very angry.I tell him all the time it's the enemy who is trying to ruin this marriage,you have to let it go and give it over to the Lord.I know he is hurting and I try so hard to show him how sorry I am but at times it feels like I am wasting my time.
Their is sooo much more I could tell you about but I know it's long enough now so I should go.I guess what I am looking for is one most important prayer and two some encouragement along with advice.I feel talking to others about this is what I need most.Thanks for listening and sorry so long.God Bless you All.

Hi there,

"Since that day it has been really tough for him to truley forgive me"

It sounds like the enemy is working up your husband against you, for him to have just accepted Jesus, and then to all of a sudden not forgive you. Mark 11:26 tells us that if we don't forgive others, God won't forgive us. Matthew 18:23-35 tells us that if we don't forgive, after God's forgiven us, then we open ourselves up to being handed over to the tormentors (the enemy). It may not be easy for your husband to forgive, but it MUST be done, or it's going to eat him up inside. Be careful not to let yourself hold this against him, because then you would also be the one not forgiving. I read a book called The Bait of Satan by John Bevere, and it goes into great detail of the topic of unforgiveness, and how it's one of the devil's biggest weapons against us (it's spiritual poison). It's clear to me that the enemy is mad that your husband accepted the Lord, and now Satan wants to make things hard on your marriage!

There's something that just came to mind. Do you have any items right now that were given to you by the person who you had the affair with? Like a watch or some kind of a gift? Get rid of anything that holds you to that past sin!! If it's expensive and could be sold, then sell it. If it's personalized or couldn't be sold, then destroy it and throw it away. I've read that keeping such an item can hold us in bondage to that past sin.

When you said that your husband had a very controlling spirit. That's not "clean" in the spiritual realm. I believe it could be an iniquity. I call iniquities "Satan sponsored sin," because it's so hard to break free from sometimes. It's likely that your husband was handed this from one of his parents or grandparents. If you notice the same spirit in his ancestors, then I would guess it's a generational iniquity or curse. If you think this is the case, then I would recommend buying a book titled Free at Last by Larry Huch.

Well, I would like to say more, but I've ran outta time! My advice is to continue to show your husband your love, and be on guard with this unforgiveness issue. Maybe pick up that book I recommended; that would give you a much better idea of how Satan uses unforgiveness to tear us down spiritually. Remember, Jesus didn't condemn the adulterous woman in the Bible; so neither can your husband! He loves us dearly, and my advice is to keep your eyes on Jesus, because He is the source of our strength and wisdom!

In Christ,
Bobby