Marriage Changes You

[redblue22]

Sometimes people change after they marry. They treat dates and relationships one way, but they get married and they become someone else.

How do you think you would change if you married?

.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

I'd most likely be less selfish.

 

[JaapAap]

Dating and marriage doesn't make a difference, but just being friends and married can be totally different. I never was just friends first, but like since I'm just friends with my ex oh I'm a lovely forgiving person who has no expectations at all. Should have seen me when I was married, lol.

 

[MiniEmu]

I do not think there would be much change in who I am, just in the exposure someone else may have to my less than lovely traits.

Which means I'd become far more irritating. Not because I have changed, but because there's no escape...

 

[KitKatMatt]

I would probably be a little more focused, but there wouldn't be much of a change I don't think.

When I'm alone, I am bit confused and unfocused. When someone's there (whether friends or family) I can focus a lot better.

 

[DabriaShae]

I definitely think I would become selfless to an unhealthy point. I'd get to the point where I stop caring about myself and only care for my husband and my family. I love hard, so finding a balance is a great challenge for me.

 

[quietpraiyze]

Sometimes people change after they marry. They treat dates and relationships one way, but they get married and they become someone else.

How do you think you would change if you married?

.

I don't think people change when they get married. I think it's just who they really are. Now that you're with them 24/7 it takes too much work to hide the real you.

 

[JaapAap]

I don't think people change when they get married. I think it's just who they really are. Now that you're with them 24/7 it takes too much work to hide the real you.

But it's not honest to hide the real you when you're dating. My second ex was totally different all of a sudden when we married. He had adapted behaviour because he was autistic he told me later, to fit in he learned to copy the behaviour of others. Then all of a sudden when I couldn't leave him anymore he became himself. He'd do the effort once a year for a week when we went on a holiday with the kids and he was the sweetest nicest guy ever. Then we came home and he was exhausted and could only lay on his bed for days and complain. Lol really weird. He'd say for instance: oh I'm so sorry baby and he didn't mean it at all, his ex girlfriend taught him that he had to do that. He also just told me that.

 

[quietpraiyze]

But it's not honest to hide the real you when you're dating. My second ex was totally different all of a sudden when we married. He had adapted behaviour because he was autistic he told me later, to fit in he learned to copy the behaviour of others. Then all of a sudden when I couldn't leave him anymore he became himself. He'd do the effort once a year for a week when we went on a holiday with the kids and he was the sweetest nicest guy ever. Then we came home and he was exhausted and could only lay on his bed for days and complain. Lol really weird. He'd say for instance: oh I'm so sorry baby and he didn't mean it at all, his ex girlfriend taught him that he had to do that. He also just told me that.

No it's not honest but people do it all the time. Just look at online dating and how many people lie in their profiles OR just look at regular dating. Things were fine until there was an argument and in my case I found out that the person was passive aggressive or tit for tat ughhh. Then I'm like, "why couldn't you just tell me you were upset with me?"...ughhh

 

[Gnarwhal]

Sometimes people change after they marry. They treat dates and relationships one way, but they get married and they become someone else.

How do you think you would change if you married?

.

People are bound to change when they get married and in many ways they should change. What mitigates this (or neutralizes it) is being in the relationship for a long time before getting married. Marrying someone when you've known them less than two years is just plain dumb.

It's a long story, but my ex-wife always told me that she thought I changed the day after our wedding. I always felt like I was being myself in the moments that described, but whatever. If anything, I think I wasn't being myself prior to that, which is more likely to happen when the grand total of a relationship's length (prior to marriage) is only nine months.

There were ways my ex-changed to, and also ways my ex should've changed but didn't. She focused more on the external appearance of change in that she started wearing different clothes, wearing her hair differently, and even driving a different car so that somehow she visually transitioned from "young single adult" to "married adult". The ways she should've changed are she should've recognized us as our own nuclear family, but I don't believe she ever emotionally or psychologically left her parents home. At every critical juncture, when it should've been she and I making decisions together, or her coming to me for advice/insight/a decision, she went to her family instead.

Ladies, when you get married do your husband a favor and don't keep going to your daddy for everything. Your husband assumes that role. If he's a total deadbeat then I get it, otherwise don't insult your husband by deferring to your dad's judgment or advice or input on a subject, and don't always go to him to fix everything (whether it's a bad day at work or a faulty spark plug in your car).

/gets down off soapbox.

I definitely think I would become selfless to an unhealthy point. I'd get to the point where I stop caring about myself and only care for my husband and my family. I love hard, so finding a balance is a great challenge for me.

Wait... did you just brag on yourself in the form of a complaint? ಠಿ_ಠ

 

[SnowyMacie]

People are bound to change when they get married and in many ways they should change. What mitigates this (or neutralizes it) is being in the relationship for a long time before getting married. Marrying someone when you've known them less than two years is just plain dumb.

Exactly. People change over time because that's simply what happens, it's usually very stable over the long run of things and is rarely ever drastic. The way I see it is that you should receive no new information about your partner when you marry them. You may not know every single one of their stories, or exact details about every little thing, but nothing should come as a surprise. In my opinion, you need to know someone a year before you think about marrying them.

 

[chuck77]

I think I would demand more sandwiches.

 

[redblue22]

I dated a girl who showed up finishing a turkey sandwich. Jokingly, I'm like, "Where's my turkey sandwich?" She's like, "I don't know how to bring a turkey sandwich!" I'm like, "You make a turkey sandwich and then you bring it!" Next date, she shows up to get me and I look open the door and I say, "Where's my turkey sandwich?" And she totally had one behind her back. True love I tell ya.

 

[Maka]

I dated a girl who showed up finishing a turkey sandwich. Jokingly, I'm like, "Where's my turkey sandwich?" She's like, "I don't know how to bring a turkey sandwich!" I'm like, "You make a turkey sandwich and then you bring it!" Next date, she shows up to get me and I look open the door and I say, "Where's my turkey sandwich?" And she totally had one behind her back. True love I tell ya.

Lol you should of married her!

 

[Hawthorne]

Never mind. Not important.

 

[redblue22]

Lol you should of married her!

I'll tell her you said so.

edit: there are so many I've dated that I would have asked 20X over to different girls. maybe I should consider the one out of state?

 

[blackribbon]

I just spent hours talking about marriage with a friend of mine. She is young and has only been married a few years. When she was first married, she catered to him out of love but when he quit reacting or responding to her the way SHE expected to be responded to, she quit catering to him....because in her mind, why would she put out so much effort if he wasn't. I quietly pointed out that he probably didn't feel very loved anymore because she stopped doing what she did in the early part of their marriage...and she actually was mad that he didn't respond like her girlfriends not because he really did anything wrong...I asked if she really wanted him to be a "girlfriend". She laughed and said I gave her a lot to think about. She really does love her husband and he is a very good husband (even in her opinion). I don't think people really change...they just stop doing the things they did when they "dated" to attract each other...and they start keeping score. I think the "keeping score" is what damages most marriages.

 

[JaapAap]

I just spent hours talking about marriage with a friend of mine. She is young and has only been married a few years. When she was first married, she catered to him out of love but when he quit reacting or responding to her the way SHE expected to be responded to, she quit catering to him....because in her mind, why would she put out so much effort if he wasn't. I quietly pointed out that he probably didn't feel very loved anymore because she stopped doing what she did in the early part of their marriage...and she actually was mad that he didn't respond like her girlfriends not because he really did anything wrong...I asked if she really wanted him to be a "girlfriend". She laughed and said I gave her a lot to think about. She really does love her husband and he is a very good husband (even in her opinion). I don't think people really change...they just stop doing the things they did when they "dated" to attract each other...and they start keeping score. I think the "keeping score" is what damages most marriages.

Oh yes horrible. I only do this if you do that. My sometimes I'm so happy I'm free.