Lusting ex-boyfriend

[princessA]

I really need help.

I have a good husband(17 years) and am truly blessed with a beautiful family....
Still yet, my husband is so consumed by the ministry that I am missing his loving attention. I spoke with him but he told me that sometimes that we have to make sacrifices to do what God will have us to do.

In the meantime my ex-boyfriend, very first boyfriend, and I are communicating more and more.

I don't want to live like this. Receiving the attention from an ex-boyfriend when I should be getting it at home.

I am praying so much....requesting advice from anyone.

 

[paulus7]

I would strongly suggest that you set a clear boundary with your boyfriend and cease any and all communication with him. You may be fueling a fire you don't want lit.

I would suggest you seek marital counseling with your husband. Marriage must be a balanced entity to survive, and this includes your needs being met in the relationship as well as his.

This is only my opinion and I hope it's helpful to you in some way.

With prayerful blessings to you,
Paulus7

 

[jthree78]

Paulus7 is correct! You MUST stop all communication with your ex-boyfriend. You have a commitment to your husband and there is no way you can keep the relationship going with your ex now that he has started to fill a need your husband is not meeting. You will end up taking it further that you might think. And you need to get your husbands attention, maybe DEMAND he put his ministry on hold. He is no use to others when there is ripples in the water at home. I made this mistake myself and it took my wife and i down a path that is long and hard to forget.

And remember affairs start with talking, there need be no physical contact to qualify as an affair.

My God be with you, and I shall pray for your family!

 

[StammerA]

My main question to you would be.....

If you were to die tonight....and stood before GOD ALMIGHTY......
How do YOU think GOD would feel about your activities?
How do YOU think GOD would want you to handle it?
Do YOU think that God would want you to continue talking to this ex boyfriend?

I would suggest that you first ask God to forgive you for your activities....
Pray for your husband. He may be doing the work of God, but ONLY GOD can speak to the heart of your husband. If you pray for him....that he will ACTUALLY DO THE WILL OF GOD....(which according to God's word, he is to love his wife as Christ loved the church.... that means that taking care of your needs should be one of his top priorities) Don't nag him, I've learned the hard way, that it doesn't work.

I read the book "Praying Wives" by Stormie O....? I learned that If I pray for my husband in a loving manner, that God can change his life....by my loving and non nagging ways. Just as Christ changed the heart of Pharough (SP?), he CAN change the heart of your husband.

Don't tell God how to change him, Allow God to change him, according to God's will....not yours.

I'll say a prayer for you....as well. I'll say a prayer for him, too.

I've been married for 18 years....and We're still learning how to be a married couple according to God's will.

 

[chilibowl]

Looks like most of the post already deal with lover boy, so I guess this will be more directed to the hubby...

"I have a good husband(17 years) and am truly blessed with a beautiful family....
Still yet, my husband is so consumed by the ministry that I am missing his loving attention. I spoke with him but he told me that sometimes that we have to make sacrifices to do what God will have us to do."

He is 100% correct when he says: "that sometimes that we have to make sacrifices to do what God will have us to do." But what I think he's missing is now since your marriage that you and the rest of your faimly is his Primary minstry... there is no other calling that out weighs this one for a married man!! this princapal is stress to the people of corinth in pauls first letter to them saying that those who are singal cares for the things of the lord and those who are married cares for his wife... and later he says that is why he suggests the if we can stay singal to do so, but if you with burn with desire then get married... he's not saying caring for your wife is ungodly, or that your not caring for gods "things" by spiritually nourshing your house hold of all there needs, because scripture says that caring for your family is a mandate! paul is simply saying that your not able to devote the time effort or resources that a singal person would to gods things outside the family...
that's why inorder to be an effective member of the body (Out side the family) paul urges us to stay singal..


So with love and kindness reread corinthians and bring your husband his new "ministry" and tell him why it's so important "What you wrote not what paul said" So not to anger him but to reinforce the princapal of the lord that he gave you...
"that sometimes that we have to make sacrifices to do what God will have us to do."

If you weren't sucessful then go to him with another brother (Proably a good christian marriage consolor) and rediscuss it, and still no effect then goto your elders..

Goodluck and godbless

 

[fairyshyone]

I also think you need to stop talking to the ex. I know the attention feels nice. Please try to get your husband to understand your feelings. See if you can go to some counsiling together. Above all else keep praying.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Your husband needs to understand that marriage is a role he has chosen. Paul even admits that marriage will require one to sacrifice some of their ministry rather than marriage having to be sacrificed for the ministry.

This is the beginning of what happens when a marriage is neglected.

 

[chilibowl]

Well said mr cheese!

 

[perfection]

You should tell him that Love is a 2 way road, it's about giving and receiving. If you are the only one giving love to him, then it's a dead end for you. You have to complain you are not getting any love. That you feel like a flower who isn't getting any water, and that without love your life is meaningless(which is true for all of us)

I would tell your husband that God made you as Man and woman, and that the two of them become a bond of 1 flesh. Tell him that the two of you aren't bonding together, and although we need to make sacrifices for God , we also need to invest into our marriage. Complain that you never get to see him, nor that he is making the effort he needed to do, to satisfy a lady. Tell him you are having second thoughts on your marriage, and that if he isn't coming home right now , that he is going to pay the price eventually of depriving you due to a lack of love for the wife. You don't have to put up with this. I think your husband is doing a wonderfull job for the monestary, however if he isn't doing a wonderfull job for you, you might consider divorcing him.