Losing my "Virginity"

[Miles]

MrKguy, Alexander1982, and all the others who are frustrated with waiting with no forseeable end in sight, I'm right there with you.

This thread, and the responses in it, are just the kind of encouragement I needed to read. Thanks.

Hey, thanks. I wasn't sure about starting a thread like this. Glad to hear the result isn't completely discouraging. That was my worst fear about sharing my concerns on the topic.

To those who've spoken up so far... I will respond in greater detail tomorrow. I'm very tired right now, and not in the best frame of mind to digest all that's been said here. Thank you for your patience.

 

[porterross]

My SO is 50 who's only experience has been a couple of meaningless, impersonal encounters that he does not speak favorably of and seems to indicate that there was not much point in them. There is nothing effeminate about him whatsoever, I can assure you, but had I met him a few years ago, I'd probably have not given him a second look because he is such a nice man. Go figure.

As much as I am more than a little anxious about his lack of experience and our future physical relationship, it is amazing to me to have found a man at this point in my life who did not spend the greater part of his adult life taking every opportunity to get laid as if it were some sort of sport or an activity to be taken for granted.

Have you heard of HPV? It is a very easily transmitted STD that is not prevented by condoms. It is normally undetected, especially in men. Certain strains of it cause cervical cancer. Do you want to subject your future wife to this?

Have faith in yourself and what's right for your heart. You'll have a harder time forgiving yourself than anyone else will.

 

[Babymine]

Reading this thread i'm surprised everyone's offering advice rather than just pointing out that you're amazing - I mean how many other guys past 25 on this forum can claim to be virgins..... I've said it but i'll say it again: you're a rarety, a gem that the dozens of waiting women that i know would love to meet. I don't think you grasp just how happy you can make someone, someone your age who has probably lost all hope of meeting a virgin. If God has kept you this way it's for someone extra special - i don't usually say the "don't worry you're going to meet someone " thing because i know i can not work out that way but here, well, i just feel led to say it. Because you are a great encouragement to me and the proof that God does have a "special reserve" of special men for those waiting women.

I agree with this post whole heartedly.

Hang in there OP.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

a couple things:

people talk a lot about stds and unwanted pregnancies as negative circumstances of prematarital sex. What about the emotional damage of yur heart and emotions and the spiritual damage of your soul and spirit? What about the soul ties that will connect you to the person you have sex with, and if their soul isn't in a good place, you will regardless, take a piece of that with you. Because sex is created in part, to assist in making 2 people one; in body, mind, and spirit.

I have a few guy friends all in their early-mid 30's who are virgins. They are all pretty great guys and I'm sure they will be a huge blessing to their future wives' one day as will you. I think the innoncence of virginity is extremely attractive and what woman wouldn't love to know a guy waited his whole life and resisted temptation until married to her?

Though I'm a female, and still a few weeks shy of 24, I have hormones and a sex drive and am also a virgin. Of course the thought has crossed my mind to just give it up but you know God promises he won't give us more to handle than he knows we are able to bear. So he really does know what we can and can't handle even if it feels like you can't handle it.

Don't forget that not all rewards are on earth. All that is unrewarded here is made up for 100 fold in heaven.

Hang in there and lean on God with all your might. Be honest with him about how you feel. He can handle it.

Oh, the other thing I wanted to say. For all you know, God might very well have just the right woman out there for you, but perhaps even if you are ready, she's not ready for you yet. I'm sure it would be worth it in the end if God was keeping you from the wrong relationships until you and the right person are ready for eachother.

God bless you and thanks for being honest, but please, please don't throw away such a precious gift. Please!

B4A

 

[septemberskies]

I think everyone whose a virgin thought about trashing the idea all the together as each year passed. I know your feelings because as of these days i've been wrestling back and forth with the flesh.

...we can learn alot from those who didn't wait. I always hear a common theme " I didn't wait and now I regret it!".

Sure, i've entertain the idea of "getting it over with" but it's not worth it. I have enough spiritual mess to deal with without adding another thing to my plate.

You'll get married. The time will come for you and when it does it will be blessed.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

As for the verse, I feel that being a male virgin is perhaps more effeminate than having sex once in 30 years would make me a fornicator. When I think about it, I feel like less of a man. For some reason, my confidence is foundering in the face of that.
.

Nothing but satan's lies, dude. Paul says both "I wish that all men were as I am" and "It is good for a man not to marry". Was Paul sinning by being "effeminate" because he was a virgin for life? Nope. Pray against satan's lies and pray for God to bring the truth into your heart.

 

[englishrayne]

Because if you give it up no "good Christian woman" would have you. You become in their eyes, an impure, weak heathen. Or so I'm told.

 

[Hope_0004]

Because if you give it up no "good Christian woman" would have you. You become in their eyes, an impure, weak heathen. Or so I'm told.

I wouldn't necessarily say that. No, no good woman wants a man harlot, but I know at least for myself a non-virgin isn't someone I'd automatically consider an "impure, weak heathen". Just another person who's made mistakes like all of us have.

Anyway - you shouldn't be a virgin just for your future wife. It's a nice bonus, but the real person you have to answer to for your sins is God, not man (or in this case, woman).

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Nothing but satan's lies, dude. Paul says both "I wish that all men were as I am" and "It is good for a man not to marry". Was Paul sinning by being "effeminate" because he was a virgin for life? Nope. Pray against satan's lies and pray for God to bring the truth into your heart.

This may be a question for another forum but I'm going to ask it anyway...where is the scripture does it say that Paul was virgin? In I Cor 7:7 (which is what you referenced) isn't Paul speaking about virginity. Or do you mean that Paul is talking about being celibate for life since he is called to serve God as a single man?

On another note...
I guess I don't understand why a man being a virgin late in life is "unattractive"? The first thing that popped into my mind was how is this even coming up in conversation when first meeting someone? Not that you should be ashamed of being one, but I think once a person find out your stance concerning sex (not until marriage) they would know that nothing sexual would be happening anyway - regardless if you were a virgin or not.

Mrkguy75 keep doing what you're doing (waiting). If someone isn't interested in you SOLELY for this reason (or think its weird) then she's probably not the kind of woman that you would be interested in anyway.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

This may be a question for another forum but I'm going to ask it anyway...where is the scripture does it say that Paul was virgin? In I Cor 7:7 (which is what you referenced) isn't Paul speaking about virginity. Or do you mean that Paul is talking about being celibate for life since he is called to serve God as a single man?

Celibate for life. Paul was born with no sex drive - which is why he says he wishes that all men "were as I am".

 

[Hope_0004]

Celibate for life. Paul was born with no sex drive - which is why he says he wishes that all men "were as I am".

What????

Where in the Bible does it say that Paul was born with no sex drive?

Paul was born as Saul, actually, who was a fairly rotten man. It would not at all surprise me that, in addition to stoning people, Saul might have enjoyed the occasional (or frequent) round of fornication.

I always thought that Paul meant that he thought it would be good for men to be happy being single, so that they could focus on God and on their missions and not have to worry about the work that goes into a marriage and into keeping a wife happy and satisfied.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Celibate for life. Paul was born with no sex drive - which is why he says he wishes that all men "were as I am".

I got ya! That's what I thought but I wanted to be sure. You almost gave me a topic of discussion for bible study tonite.

You can be celibate AND have a sex drive though.

 

[Princess Pea]

Paul was born as Saul, actually, who was a fairly rotten man. It would not at all surprise me that, in addition to stoning people, Saul might have enjoyed the occasional (or frequent) round of fornication.

In defense of Paul ...

He was actually a Pharisee, one of those people Jesus went after for being "whitewashed tombs" - keeping strictly to the letter of the law while ignoring its spirit. He rounded up Christians, including Stephen, and stoned them because he was so zealous about his hyper-legalistic brand of religion, not because he was a thug. Of course, stoning people was a rotten thing to do, and it's not impossible that he might have engaged in some fornication. Those Pharisees found all sorts of loopholes in the law - maybe some of them allowed for fooling around. But I don't think it would have been possible to be a Pharisee and a bad boy party animal at the same time. On the other hand, they were hypocrites ...


But you're right - the Bible says nothing about whether or not he had a sex drive, just that he was celibate.

 

[englishrayne]

The thing about all this to me is knowing how God forgives and people dont. You can be one hundred percent forgiven in Gods eyes and the minute the Christian girl you're dating finds out you're not a virgin, bam, that says something huge about you.

I truly believe it is less of a concern to males if their gf is a virgin than it is to a girl if her guy is. I believe this to be true for about 90% of single Christian women.

 

[JPPT1974]

The thing about all this to me is knowing how God forgives and people dont. You can be one hundred percent forgiven in Gods eyes and the minute the Christian girl you're dating finds out you're not a virgin, bam, that says something huge about you.

I truly believe it is less of a concern to males if their gf is a virgin than it is to a girl if her guy is. I believe this to be true for about 90% of single Christian women.

God does forgive people
And that if we ask Him
To forgive us and to be born again
In Christ Jesus, then we are forgiven
He alone can only wash us as clean
As snow if we let Him!

 

[Sketcher]

The thing about all this to me is knowing how God forgives and people dont. You can be one hundred percent forgiven in Gods eyes and the minute the Christian girl you're dating finds out you're not a virgin, bam, that says something huge about you.

I truly believe it is less of a concern to males if their gf is a virgin than it is to a girl if her guy is. I believe this to be true for about 90% of single Christian women.

God forgives, but there is no promise that He removes the consequences of your sin. The consequences of sex is that it bonds you to your partner for life. That's something everyone who marrys a non-virgin will have to deal with for the rest of their lives on one level or another. It's not a matter of forgiveness, it is a matter of looking out for yourself.

 

[vjaine]

Twisted sketch,

I disagree with your thought that a person is bonded to their sexual partners "for life". A bond does occur, but does God release us from guilt, make us free? Or do nonvirg's have to pay a heavy penance of guilt for the rest of their lives?!

I believe that God forgives and restores. He rarely gives us amnesia about past partners, but the memory of the past has absolutely no power over the present, unless someone, either the nonvirg or the virg, gives it more power thant it deserves.

God usually doesn't protect us from the consequences such as diseases, having a child, or choosing to abort, etc. However, I imply from "for life" is that a nonvirg must pay penance for years, feeling of guilty or worthless, for having sex. Is my Lord not risen or not? He releases from guilt if we repent.

I personally wouldn't care if my husband had slept with 0, 5, or fifty women, as long as they stay in his past, i.e. he is not bonded w/him through his heart, their children, or memory. I can completely respect someone who doesn't want to marry a nonvirg. I assume that they are virg's themselves, not a problem, I completely understand.

Virgin of nonvirg, you always have to deal w/something in the past. Many virgin men are hooked on inappropriate contentography, and that's a major problem in keeping the marriage bed pure. What about those clear and present memories of the inappropriate content? (no, I don't think looking at inappropriate content makes takes your virginity)

But I refuse to accept that I must carry the guilt and shame, even after repentance, for the rest of my life! Sheeesh! I think that those emotions can be major burdens in seeking God - and if someone is still carrying those after repentance, it's not of God, but torture from either our own minds or the devil.

 

[lunalinda]

I dunno, I think even if one is forgiven of past sexual experiences, the sexual bond is still there somehow. Isn't that what "one flesh" is all about? At least that's what my friend says, who's had sexual encounters in his past. He regrets it and wishes he would have waited, of course. But anyway, he claims that he can inexplicably "sense" when the one girlfriend he's had sex with is in town, even when they haven't spoken nor seen each other in years. Not to long after the funny feeling he had, he ended up bumping into her since she really was in the area. It's like that bond, no matter how "unstuck" we may think it becomes, is still there somehow. *shrug* But oh well...I don't intend to find out if that's true or not. That's why I don't want to have sex with anyone but my husband. I wouldn't want him, nor I, to deal with what's past, even if it really is just in the past.

 

[Audiomechanic]

Twisted sketch,

I disagree with your thought that a person is bonded to their sexual partners "for life". A bond does occur, but does God release us from guilt, make us free? Or do nonvirg's have to pay a heavy penance of guilt for the rest of their lives?!

I agree with this. I can relate from my own life, I have had sex with 3 of the girlfriends that I've had. However, the strange part of it is, I am still drawn and still dream about the one I didn't have sex with. She is still the one I miss. The only one.

 

[TriptychR]

I guess I don't understand why a man being a virgin late in life is "unattractive"? The first thing that popped into my mind was how is this even coming up in conversation when first meeting someone?

Ask a not-as-Christian-minded group and you'll see that many are terrified of being inexperienced or having an inexperienced partner. "If we don't have sex befor marriage," they summarily seem to say, "what are we going to do if we marry and then discover that we're horrible together in bed?" Thus, experience can be seen as a plus.