Losing my "Virginity"

[Alexander1982]

What if God is calling you to cellibacy, are you willing to follow Him even there?

The question is, what happens if we don't want to submit to his calling? Would God be disappointed?

If He is calling me to celibacy then I htink it's a cruel joke and goes against our free will

 

[lunalinda]

I personally think that if God called anyone to celibacy, then a desire for a mate wouldn't be there at all. I dunno how one would deal with it otherwise. *cringe*

 

[Sketcher]

The question is, what happens if we don't want to submit to his calling? Would God be disappointed?

If He is calling me to celibacy then I htink it's a cruel joke and goes against our free will

Maybe it's a blessing. There are many downsides to marraige. Ask about it in the Men's Forum.

 

[TriptychR]

I mentioned this before on the Men's Forum, but for us virgin guys it can feel like the only one who really is happy that we're virgins is God. When you're out in the world--among Christians or not--you can still feel like a loser. Either:

1) The "world" finds out you're a virgin and thinks something is wrong with you. And most certainly they find you inferior.

2) The married Christians give you an encouraging pat on the back and tell you that you're strong for waiting--but you still know that they get to be intimate when they go home at night and you wonder if somewhere in the backs of their minds they wonder if there's something wrong with you, too. You still feel inferior. And then you begin to discover that a high number of these Christian couples actually did have sex before marriage and you wonder if you're really just being duped and just where are those other vrigins around you, anyway? You see a few on the Internet that tell you they find virginity attractive, but you certainly never hear that out and about.

And while lunalinda has touched on some of this and I have no doubt it is very real for her, it seems to be amplified for us guys. Virgin women still have at least this slight stereotype of purity and nobleness about them; even beauty. Guys don't get that. We're, well... we're that guy from The 40-Year-Old Virgin (the saddest part about that is that he plays the euphonium in that movie-just like I do).

So it's indeed a struggle trying to hold your head up with all of this going on around you. But like it has been said before, if we weren't committed to this, we probably would've done it by now. I think the problem, though, is that we get the attitude that we're doing this just so that we can be rewarded for being good little boys and girls. And that's where we fall most into disappointment, I think. I don't look at it that way, anymore--keeping my virginity is just another duty.

 

[bella_song]

I am a virgin, and very happy to be one. I personally can't wait for the day that I get to marry a guy who is also a virgin. There are those of us out there who are waiting for those of you who have waited.

Thank you for not giving up that gift, your future wife will be very happy. Thank you for valueing your sexuality enough to see why waiting for marriage is worthwhile. Thank you for not seeing women as just objects to fulfill your sexual desires. These things mean alot to me and girls like me. God WILL bless you for your current suffering. It will be beautiful.

 

[chemica]

Honestly, it sometimes seems more acceptable to both the church and rest of the world to be homosexual than an older virgin. At least they write books on that.

I personally think that if God called anyone to celibacy, then a desire for a mate wouldn't be there at all. I dunno how one would deal with it otherwise. *cringe*

I agree with you and hope for our sakes that you are right. *cringe*

I definitely feel the same way lunalinda, I feel like I have had time stolen from me. Why didn't I have these desires before. Why now when I have missed out on so much and it is so hard to get started at this age.

To TriptychR:

You are right, there is so much hypocracy among married christians on this issue, that you are better off not seeking their advice.

BUT I stay commited to my purity for hope, even if it is a false one.

 

[joanna1]

My relationship status is weakening my faith. Perhaps God hates me. Or maybe God really does love me, but he's not the one telling me to wait. I'm confused.


I can see how I might have regretted losing my virginity at 18, with the possibility of meeting my spouse several years later (and I'm sure you will meet someone... most do). But at 30, I wonder if I'm just holding onto false hope. Being this single for this long makes me wonder if I'm even worth being committed to. Sure I was, say, 7 years ago... but today?

mrkguy, you give women like me hope. I was strongly starting to doubt in the existence of christian men aged over 20 who had waited. I know of countless women who have waited until their thirties and beyond, but all men's testimonies seem to beging with "when i was a student i did "some things" that i deeply regret....
You're a total gem - one that's going to make a woman happy beyond belief. I don't think there are many christian women your age who still hope for a guy who has waited. You're going to be a very special present for someone very special.

 

[Princess Pea]

Be strong, men! I truly admire you for not having given in, and even more so now that you've explained what you're dealing with out there as men that goes way beyond the messages women get. The pressure on you must be tremendous.

I heard in a recent sermon (and have been experiencing it) that the Christian life isn't always a bunch of noble, exciting adventures. Sometimes it's just a long walk on a flat boring path - a daily grind - choosing to do the right thing day after day after day even when there's no reward in sight and people might think you're weird. I've been experiencing this with my job. The newness has worn off, and even though it's a great fit for me there are still times when I feel bored and unappreciated and sick of the people and ready to consider a new line of work. I think about how many years I have before retirement and get sort of depressed - is this what I'll be doing year after year after year? Of course, a career change isn't a matter of purity or sin, but the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes I really have to remind myself that God gave me this job to do today, and He wants me to do it and do it well, even when it's hard or boring or frustrating and the sun is shining and there are 20 things I'd rather be doing. And the same is true for keeping my purity. I'm no angel - I'm a healthy young (sorta) woman whose clock is ticking pretty loudly. I can relate to every word Lunalinda wrote. However, this is the life God has provided me right now, and I need to make the right choices day by day - sometimes moment by moment. It's not glamourous. I don't think it's supposed to be.

To all of you guys who have been fighting this battle and want to give in: You've made it this far. Please don't give up now.

 

[Tuffguy]

I hear ya man. I can see exactly where you are coming from. I went down quite a few different paths, and strayed from my Christian roots.
If you do decide to go down this path, how do you know the regret will not be 100x greater then the reward? Sex is great and all, but you after all is said and done, you're right back where you started 24 hrs later. Nothing has changed. You'll get up and go to work in exactly the same way you did the day before. Food tastes the same. Working pays the bills. Life is the same.
I thank God every day i don't have some stray kid out there and i'm stuck with some white trash girl for the rest of my life. From the outside, i got off scot free! But i know that its only by the grace of God.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

1. The world's opinion on virginity is not the one that matters.

2. Life is not the same after sex. See, before one has sex, one wants to have sex really bad. After one has sex, one wants to have sex even worse than before. And because of that, a person is quite likely to say to oneself, "well, the deed is done, I might as well do it some more". And then you just proceed deeper and deeper into the pit.

3. Before a person loses their virginity, their self esteem may be low because they are a virgin and well, everyone else doesn't seem to be. If you lose your virginity to a hooker or on a one night stand with some random woman, your self esteem is *not* going to get any better.

4. No one on here is guaranteed a husband, or a wife, or kids, or a great life, or even an "OK" life. Only God knows what is in store for us.

I personally do not expect to get a husband. I definitely do not expect to have kids because I have a medical condition that would probably make it real hard for me to have children. Would I like to get married and have kids? Oh yeah. But if God has a life of celibacy planned for me, then I am OK with that. And I am glad I am OK with it, because when I wasn't OK with it, I was miserable.

It is OK to feel angry when life isn't going your way; that is natural. If you haven't talked to God about what you're going through, then talk to Him.

It is OK to be angry, but it is not OK to stay angry. Being angry just tears you up inside. If you let it go, and tell God you're alright with whatever He has in store for you, and you MEAN it, you will feel so much better.

 

[TriptychR]

To TriptychR:

You are right, there is so much hypocracy among married christians on this issue, that you are better off not seeking their advice.

I wouldn't go so far to say that married Christians are hypocritical; they just don't really know what to say. If things had worked out differently and we were the married ones by now, I suspect we would do exactly what they do.

EDIT: Oh, you're talking about the ones who had sex before getting married, I bet. Yeah, no matter how much they say they regret it, it still doesn't really help our desires. But still, many weren't Christians before they did it and those who were, well... I guess we all stumble in ways. We probably should be glad that they do regret it.

 

[Echoespeak006]

So, why not? Can anyone offer a convincing reason why I shouldn't scrap this "male virgin" BS and just get on with my life?

Because the feeling you'll get from the respect of the woman you'll marry will outweigh any of the trials and tribulations you garnered being a virgin up to that point.

And to be honest, as someone who had has engaged in pre-marital sexual behavior, I would give anything to be "out of the loop" than in. But that is the consequence of sin, once you participate in something you have no right to participate in, you have to deal with the aftermath. And honestly, its a lot harder to stay celibate when you've crossed that line than when you haven't, because I KNOW exactly what I'm missing.

 

[Hope_0004]

I haven't read all of the other posts, but I don't think that your problem is really that you are a virgin.

Just try this on. Could the problem be that you have totally overanalyzed everything to the point where perhaps it has had an effect on your personality when with others, particularly women? Could that be it?

I get from my very limited knowledge of you (i.e., your post) that you are a nice guy. However, this is a "safe" place to say all of this. If you're telling a new potential girlfriend all of this, I'm guessing it freaks her out. At the time time, if you aren't saying any of this but are still so acutely concerned with the status of the "relationship" at its initial stages, you are also freaking her out.

The answer? I don't think it's having sex. You have built up your virginity to a point that I think you'll just overanalyze what the sex meant. Or you'll feel like this horrible person. Or something else will become this giant deal. I don't think, in any case, that you would be doing it for even a semblance of a good reason. And that would make you feel like crap no matter who or what you were.

I think you need to focus more on just having a good time. And that doesn't really include a one-night stand in Vegas. If you were that kinda guy, you already would have done it, and done it, and done it, pun intended I suppose. And you don't just can't turn into that kinda guy.

Anyway, my point is this - whether you have this one-night stand or not, it's not going to solve the root problem, which is apparently that you are alone. Having sex, especially a one-night stand, is highly unlikely to result in a loving relationship, much less marriage.

 

[sang72]

Mrkguy75

I hear what you are saying, and I think I know how you feel. I was divorced 4 years ago and have made a commitment to remain a "born again virgin" until I find the one I want to have and hold till death do us part. (easy to say, hard to do).

Just this weekend I was really really really struggling with my pledge, in fact I was so lonely and frustrated that on Saturday night I was planning to go out to a nightclub with a few non-Christian friends and, I believe that in the back of my mind I knew that I was going to have impure thoughts and if I just so happened to run into a woman who wanted to "hook up" I might have allowed myself to sucumb to Satan's temptation.

Interestingly enough Saturday afternoon my coolant pump on my truck decided to spring a massive leak, which for logistical and financial reasons completely destroyed my plans. At the time, I was angry, upset and wanting to know why my truck had to break down when I was already feeling so lonely, depressed and unloved. What I didn't realize was that God had put into motion His plan to give me even greater strength.

Sunday morning, I drove to church on a wing and a prayer, spilling coolant all over the road and watching the temp gauge climb ever higher into the red zone, however the day was to be full of miracles.

A friend of mine came to church on sunday AND he brought another friend with him, and that afternoon, my friend confided to me that though he is a believer, he had never been baptized, and that he wanted (needed actually) to be baptized. , so we talked to some staff members and hopefully I will be able to witness his salvation in the near future .

Then, later that afternoon at the Christian bookstore my friend showed me a book that I am convinced was put before me by God. "Every Man's Battle" I can't post a link, but you can find a review on christianteens dot com. It's basically a frank look at sexual immorality and a plan for winning the war against sexual temptation, one battle at a time, starting with the eyes and the mind.

there is also a book called "Every Young Man's Battle" by the same authors, which is better for the unmarried/never been married group

I'm already halfway through it and I absolutely love it, I have already begun to clean my spiritual "house", which included deleting a lot of bookmarks I had managed to convince myself were 'acceptable' as they didn't really display nudity.

So take heart my brother and know that what you are feeling is part of being a man. Denying those feelings are part of being a Christian.

Remember Paul said that it is better for man not to marry 1 Corinthians 7:1-9, but so that the passions of the flesh will not overtake our bodies we should marry

Oh and a final thought for those of you who think that the married guys have it easy, well unfortunately there are many many many times that the man does not get sex just because he desires it and is married. So then, that man has to make the same decision that you do. Do I honor God and my committment to remain pure, or do I go to that racy website and allow my sinful desires to run free.

"But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultry with her in his heart" Matthew 5:28"

So for the married guys (of which I was one) looking at a woman lustfully (i.e. the quick peek down her blouse, letting your eyes linger on her body) is in God's eyes adultry against our wives.

Above all else, have faith. Faith that you are God's beloved child and that He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are capable of bearing. Have faith that He will bring you the woman of your dreams.

It's not a cakewalk for anyone, but with God' help and faith you will get through it.

Good luck and God Bless, I will pray for you.

 

[joanna1]

Reading this thread i'm surprised everyone's offering advice rather than just pointing out that you're amazing - I mean how many other guys past 25 on this forum can claim to be virgins..... I've said it but i'll say it again: you're a rarety, a gem that the dozens of waiting women that i know would love to meet. I don't think you grasp just how happy you can make someone, someone your age who has probably lost all hope of meeting a virgin. If God has kept you this way it's for someone extra special - i don't usually say the "don't worry you're going to meet someone " thing because i know i can not work out that way but here, well, i just feel led to say it. Because you are a great encouragement to me and the proof that God does have a "special reserve" of special men for those waiting women.

 

[Alexander1982]

Because you are a great encouragement to me and the proof that God does have a "special reserve" of special men for those waiting women.

Ah see now that's the hope we need! And I really hope that is the truth.

 

[Princess Pea]

Ah see now that's the hope we need! And I really hope that is the truth.

Yes, it is the truth.

 

[2LivIsChrist]

Edit: never mind

 

[~HopeFloats~]

This is like many things-- we do what we are called to and alot of times we finish last in our eyes.



Sure I do not understand why when we do everything right, and even wait for our wife/dh to share the "v" with and it does not happen it seems liek we are wasting away and nothing"good" is happening.

But the thing is I have 100% respect for a man or women who stands tru to what God commands and MarkGuy from all you have posted in the time you ahve been here-- you are a True Man.




Not many true men out there.. but it is AWESOME to hear about YOU!

 

[Chaan Stines]

MrKguy, Alexander1982, and all the others who are frustrated with waiting with no forseeable end in sight, I'm right there with you.

This thread, and the responses in it, are just the kind of encouragement I needed to read. Thanks.