living in the real world

[Goodbook]

One of her other friends rang me and said just be strong cos she was worried that she would ask me to give her a ride to where she's staying out of town. I said its ok, you said not to worry and I think I can handle this friend now.

Last night she rang asking things again but I think she knows what I can help with and what I can't. I know she is persistent and can be annoying which...I think I just learned the parable of the friend asking for bread at midnight. Maybe she might wear me down and I will cave (if she keeps giving me treats like chocolate chip cookies) but I'm not going to drop everything just to give her a ride right now.

 

[Goodbook]

This friend now says she may come to writers group this weekend sat after all and she usually either gives me a ride or I give her one from my house.
But im thinking..its too much already and i think i will drive and make my own way this time and say Im not going straight home after the meeting.

She then asked if I wanted to go to a cafe with her on sunday but Ive got church lunch after, so, not going to that either although she then said...afternoon tea?

I have sneaky feeling that if I say yea. It will then give her more opportunity to ask favours.
That im not prepared to do. So how do I face up to this problem, by avoiding her or limiting my time with her. Or by running away and not answering the phone.

Or maybe I should have a big confrontation.
Should I just be straight and say, hey, it really looks like to me that you cadging off others and its not on. Stop it. Spend a bit of money on yourself and dont be so tight.

It sort of reminds me of the annoyijg christians who are forever asking for money to fund their short term mission trips when everyone else has to work.

 

[Goodbook]

Onggoing saga...
Friend has now said another of her friends who used to go to our groups family are willing to have her stay plus her house on their property

I am pleased but also apprenhensive she may wear out their welcome and kindness. I warned her to make sure its all kosher regarding council regulations and its like shes living 20 years ago and hasnt realised council amalgamated and she may encounter the exact same problems as she did at her last dwelling place if she isnt careful.

She has asked me to go with her to check it out but i said wouldnt it be better for that friend to go with her after all its her family and i dont know them.

So...who knows. ?! Lord have mercy, shes still at the motel, shes coming to writing group plus shes still wanting to shout me cheesecake on sunday when im already going out for lunch with other church members and prolly cant fit it in.

 

[Goodbook]

update

I just received a nasty phonecall from a partner of the guy I asked to help or visit this lady, like weeks after I asked. I was thinking what??? I said in my email it was fine if he couldn't help, just pray.

She said it was inappropriate, but she sounds like a mother hen hacking into his emails. Its not like they are married or anything they are just going out. arrrgh. I knew something was up cos he was going to come but at the last minute he cancelled but I didn't really question why. it was the jealous new gf.


Anyway she did get help and another guy who knew her actually came all the way from up north to help her and we did all go out on her birthday so its fine. I thought the other guy would be ok because she knew him from the writers group.

Lord have mercy. I'm really considering quitting the writers group if this drama goes on. its not as if the lady has designs on this guy. Maybe she thinks that, I don't know. She ended up making the writers group and the his 'partner 'was there anyway but joining in with the writing but I'm like whatever. How was I supposed to know if you have a gf that you can't go anywhere without her permission.

Now apparently I'm not meant to email him at all.
Well hello, she's not his keeper. grr.
I just cut the phone call short because this new gf tried to get me to call on the mobile and she wouldn't even bother to call me.

also the lady did say, if there was a guy I knew that could help that she knows him and I be there as well, not some random stranger. It wasn't like I was trying to set them up!!!!

 

[Goodbook]

ok.
this was annoying me so I prayed cos I wasn't at peace, but I just sent a txt since he did give me his mobile (of his own free will) instead of emailing since it seems his GF is hacking into his emails which is how she got my number cos I gave that to him.

I just sent a message saying 'im sorry but your gf was incredibly rude to me this morning on the phone. It is ok that you couldnt help as **** got the help she needed anyway and bless you for offering.

I suspect that his gf made him change his mind because he put an excuse like 'I already promised a charity' but that wasn't the case in the previous day when he seemed all prepared to come even if it was the day after she actually moved.

And plus our group meets in someones home that is way further than **** or my place. But his GF, we've only seen her twice as she just started coming, seems like the possessive type. **** and him have known each other for a lot longer than I have.

How can it be inappropriate to ask someone you know to visit or help.

anyway the friend that did come down actually lives much further away and even stayed at the same motel as she did and lent a hand. I know ppl have family and stuff but that doesn't mean they might not be able to help out a friend, and many hands make light work.

Now I just feel stink for even asking. Remember I thought this lady was being a bit unreasonable but I just did as she asked cos she wanted a male helper that she knew or at least I would be there with him. He was the only one I could think of and hes a good guy...oh but the new GF! I thought she was nice at first but she soon showed her true colours hacking into his email and everything.

 

[Goodbook]

and she did get church helpers so ..her issue shouldn't be with me she should have taken it up with **** who was the one asking for help. Either way it wouldn't have been easy whoever came to help her since she's single that shouldn't mean that, all married or couples are automatically unavailable to help. I am single and I could help out when I could but even if I wasn't I don't think it would mean I couldn't or wouldn't. I just can't lift a lot of things that a man can thats all.

or maybe this lady is just being inappropriate asking ANYONE to help. I don't know. I thought and prayed that God would send the right helpers but clearly some people are just mean spirited about it or clingy I don't know. Why do I get the blame? How am I supposed to know who to ask? Weeks after she's already moved? What if this never ends?

arrgh. she was thankful for my help and even gave me some compensation. (I didn't ask for any) but yea I don't know what you do when you move house maybe you supposed to just pay professional movers, I've never moved an entire house on my own before.

 

[Goodbook]

I just need to put this to rest since im going to be on holiday tomorrow and want no more problems, if you reading this bear with me.

It was weird that she called me weeks after I had asked him so I figure that she jumped to wrong conclusion and thought I was asking a favour for like today. I hope thats the case cos I cant see any other reason she would ring me. Plus she prolly didnt see the rest of the emails when he said he couldnt make it and I said it was fine.

Its not nice to be yelled at over the phone and not being able to explain anything. So I pray God does something cos if i have to go to the group and she gives me dirty looks just cos i asked 'her' partner to come visit a mutual friend I dont think I can handle this.

These ppl are meant to be adults.

 

[Elliewaves]

Why is that an update? It's not even about the original woman in your thread...... Honestly, I think you crave drama. So, some guy's gf got mad at you. It makes no sense and you would be better just ignoring it and letting it go instead of stirring the pot. Be the bigger person. If she wants to be mad over something silly, then let her be mad. And you don't know if she was hacking into his emails or not; maybe he had her read over them b/c he thought it was inappropriate. Maybe he thought you were trying to get him together with the original lady. It really doesn't matter. Stop responding to the man and his g/f unless you can discuss it rationally in person. Because that's what adults do.

 

[DawnStar]

Why is that an update? It's not even about the original woman in your thread...... Honestly, I think you crave drama.

Have you not heard that this is not the Christian Advice forum any longer? It is now The Drama Blog.

 

[Goodbook]

Dont think i will go to anymore writing group meetings or workshops well not this weekends anyway. Got other stuff to think about and dont want the dramas.

If God REALLY wants me to go He will have to drag me out of bed and pay for the seminar...and provide transport.

 

[Goodbook]

Update she rang me last night as shes back in town and asked if i was going to the workshop but i said probably not.

She said shed ring again the night before but, it might be she wants a ride but that means if we go together I have to spend the whole day and wait around with her, plus she was talking of seeing a movie that same night as well. She really wants to see the movie, im not really keen on it.

Am pondering what to do.
As this time it doesnt need to be prebooked so ppl can just show up.
Maybe just go in afternoon on my own? Theres only two workshops a year but they not compulsory.

Lord help me know what to do.

 

[Goodbook]

Well went to workshop on my own rahter than with her and left early cos had headache.
And that was fine, she was there.
But she rang after and said come with me to check out a property tomorrow.

So, well. Im going to do that, she will pick me up. I supposing it might be fine, but I just had no boundaries so wasnt even sure if it was appropriate since the owners dont even know me, but it will just be a short visit and I am to be like a sounding board.

Im praying that, if its where God wants her to be. He will let her know for sure.

 

[Goodbook]

Funny, I got in the seminar for free this time. Thanks to student card.

Maybe this might make a good story one day. It will be called: Friends. The Most annoying thing you have when you become a christian.

 

[Goodbook]

Slept most of the day today and couldnt even go to church, the headache wouldnt budge so when She rang I said I wouldnt make a good companion.
I dont know if she will go check it out without me though she said it wasnt like i was her babysitter, im just hoping that she finds it ok and the friends dad is ok with her. (And that its all kosher)

I got the feeling that, since its in an unfamiliar area she might not even go. But i invited her to watch the dvd of the movie she wanted to see at my place instead later this week.

I guess even though shes quite a needy friend and I feel sort of bad not being able to help her with everything its also at the same time relief, to know I dont have to all the time and God will look after her.

 

[Goodbook]

update.
She said she went on Sunday and it was just as well I didn't go as she said it would have been boring for me.

Seems like they are all keen to have her, her home is going to be put on a trailer, she would need a fence plus she said they are not asking for much rent, AND they are willing to help her getting it all fixed up with power and water etc.

Only downside is its near the industrial area so..would not be that quiet plus no trees.

well, shows you what one phone call can do. I'm really glad that they offered it was a mutual friends parents who I said to get in touch with her and pray...as long as God is in it, then its ok.

And trees and plants can always be planted. I mean better there be no trees than overgrown ones that need to be cut down.

 

[Goodbook]

Invited friend over to watch the movie on dvd.
I think her place is sorted now and she knows the next step to take.

Phew.
Shes staying with another friend up north next week I gather, her op has been put to sometimes in november, and her cabin home is going to be put onto a trailer. She wont be going to the next writers meeting.

I dont know why God placed her in my life cos it wasnt easy, but im glad He did.
Maybe its to teach me some friends in need do become friends indeed.

Hes got plans for another friend now..as one door closes, another opens.

 

[Elliewaves]

I don't think you've been that great of a friend to her. You have repeatedly called her annoying, bemoaned that she asked you anything, considered ending the friendship, tried to present her as a bad person and a bad christian on this thread (and I think other threads you posted about her), and didn't really want to help her at all. Fair-weather friends are when you only want to be a friend to people who have no problems.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

She is attempting to use you plain and simple. If you stand up to her you are doing the right thing. Don't feel guilty about taking a stand. Letting her live off you would be inabiling her to be lazy.

 

[Goodbook]

Update...went to visit her at the motel and she we talked about the movie and life. I think as I got to know her better and she got to know me theres more understanding. And we can laugh about stuff. Theres things she probably doesnt get about me and things I dont quite get about her but its like God put her in my life for a reason and we actually have lots of things in common even though our life experiences are so different.

She said I ought to buy a tiny home or campervan and go squat at her new place as I have nowhere to put it. Lol.
Im like..um. I'll just bring my tent in the summer.

 

[Goodbook]

Friend took me out and i shouted her lunch.
Wont be going to next writers meeting though she will. I think shes in a much better space now and able to move forward.

She did ask me to pray for her about this place if its really where God wants her to be.

I dont know what better offer there could be. Her knee op is pushed to November now. But I think it will be ok. Found out she was in a car accident when she was 13 (the whole family was, her dad was driving, and swerved to miss a motorcycle, she got concussion) so..aha that explains it. Well kind of.
Bit ironic she was in another accident that changed her life when she was on a motorcycle herself.

Nz roads. I just know so many ppl that were in serious accidents on them...its a wonder most of us manage to survive each day.