Kink in christian marriage

[keith99]

There is one potential issue I see that few think of.

Over the course of history the Church at times has put great emphasis on penance and floggings are often a part of that.

That a Christian couple is now engaging in a very similar practice to get their rocks off does have the potential for significant cognitive dissonance.

And if one is part of those parts of Christianity where a husband disciplines his wife there are huge problems with bringing the same acts to the bedroom for pleasure.

 

[Rocmonkey]

Why isn't anal allowed? I don't recall any mention in the Bible that says that.

I tend to think that particular spot was 'designed' for something to come out of the body- not go in it. It seems, to me, to lead to more perversion and, possibly- tho as likely not I suppose- to other kinks that could be or are wrong, harmful or sinful. BUT, as long as it is between you and your spouse it is your choice. The Bible tells us what we condemn in our lives is sin (paraphrasing). So if you're both willing have at it. Just be careful cuz someone can get hurt in other ways besides the obvious- one thing tends to lead to another.

 

[Rocmonkey]

God designed the bodies of men and women with sex as one of the natural functions of marriage. Like anything, sex can be misused. If self-gratification is the ONLY motivation of a particular act, there has to be some caution as to whether God would approve. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that we need to ask whether a particular sexual act falls within the natural use of the body of a man/woman. God designed man/woman to fit together perfectly well and I can't see how the use of "toys" etc need to be added to the creation of sex by God.

I am NOT saying it is definitely wrong as the Bible is silent on this type of thing. I would just caution against saying that anything goes - this is a judgment call for each Christian couple. I also think a good test for any type of Christian behaviour is to ask ourselves if we would be comfortable doing any given act in the presence of God and this is certainly a good test in area of sexual activity...

Totally agree! Good post!! Let me ask a question you may not have thought of. First- sex has become a big deal in modern times. More than ever before it seems (and I have read history's and the Bible accounts). With that thot in mind we tend to make things (sex) more important than they really are (what 30-45 minutes daily or a couple times a week or...?). So, what if something happens to your spouse and they don't enjoy it as before or can't because of illness, disease or injury? What does one do then? Toys? What does God think of that? I have even heard of 'proxy' partners- mutually agreed upon bcuz of that or bcuz 'one thing led to another' and it seemed like a good idea. No harm, no foul, right? So what then? Go without bcuz of injury, illness etc? Idk the answers to any of those except what the Bible states. And it is pretty clear. I'm just saying/asking.

 

[KitKatMatt]

I tend to think that particular spot was 'designed' for something to come out of the body- not go in it. It seems, to me, to lead to more perversion and, possibly- tho as likely not I suppose- to other kinks that could be or are wrong, harmful or sinful. BUT, as long as it is between you and your spouse it is your choice. The Bible tells us what we condemn in our lives is sin (paraphrasing). So if you're both willing have at it. Just be careful cuz someone can get hurt in other ways besides the obvious- one thing tends to lead to another.

What is the hurt that can occur "in other ways"? Just out of curiosity.

 

[Joykins]

I was discussing with a few friends the concepts of sex in a christian marriage when the concept of kink came up and whether or not it was acceptable. NOw we are talking BDSM, dom/sub, toys, etc.

What do the rest of you think about this?

As long as it's consensual and no one's getting hurt, it's not my business. Have at it, don't show me any pictures...

 

[apache1]

I was discussing with a few friends the concepts of sex in a christian marriage when the concept of kink came up and whether or not it was acceptable. NOw we are talking BDSM, dom/sub, toys, etc.

What do the rest of you think about this?

I sure ain't got no problem with it. Slightly paraphrasing "Dick" Vitale, bdsm yeah, baby.

 

[apache1]

its all beautiful and wonderful to express yourself to your partner in sex

I say go for it and then some!

WHAT ABOUT BARE-BOTTOM SPANKINGS (within the context of marriage, of course

 

[Fenny the Fox]

I am going to go with the majority here it seems. So long as the couple are enjoying it together, enjoying each other, both consent, all that, then I see absolutely no problem. I don't feel that any particular kink or quirk, so long as it doesn't hurt people (umm...hurt in the overall and bad sense, not the "good" kind of hurt for those S&M folks out there...) is forbidden between a couple.

 

[Tony Conrad]

As long as it's consensual and no one's getting hurt, it's not my business. Have at it, don't show me any pictures...

Precisely. This should be private between man and wife. No pictures and if talked about it should be done with respect to others not to tittilate which can cause lust in others, which we see all over the internet.

I find that once someone arouses my lust through the way they express it then the discussion is dead for me and finished. If one wants to be titillated then there are thousands of bdsm sites discussing the subject, but getting nowhere because of the way they discuss it.

 

[Joykins]

Precisely. This should be private between man and wife. No pictures and if talked about it should be done with respect to others not to tittilate which can cause lust in others, which we see all over the internet.

I find that once someone arouses my lust through the way they express it then the discussion is dead for me and finished. If one wants to be titillated then there are thousands of bdsm sites discussing the subject, but getting nowhere because of the way they discuss it.

Titillate or repulse...your kink may turn others on or off, either way we probably could do without the prospect of seeing it. Some people are going to get turned on and the rest of us will be wanting to scrub our brains clean or develop aversions to hotel bedspreads...

 

[MehGuy]

I was discussing with a few friends the concepts of sex in a christian marriage when the concept of kink came up and whether or not it was acceptable. NOw we are talking BDSM, dom/sub, toys, etc.

What do the rest of you think about this?

I'm not sure if God would approve of all aspects of BDSM play..

I'm not sure if God would be too fond of sadism and masochism might be on sketchy ground. Depends on the type of sadism I guess.. It's a crude definition, but I wouldn't say finding beauty and even sexuality in another pain is always bad. Context of sadism and masochism can vary wildly. Some types of sadism are more rooted in aggression while others have a more nurturing tone to it.

This was my view on it when I was a Christian at least. Funny considering I viewed pain almost as a Christian virtue in other contexts.

As an atheist my answer is whatever is safe sane and consensual. Although what qualities as safe and sane is debatable.. lol.

 

[Tony Conrad]

Ha Ha I think you are right Joykins. There should be a kind of respect present. Sexual subjects are very difficult to talk about on a forum as it is. It takes trust. It is rare for a subject like this to be discussed in a relevant deep way without someone coming along and letting it all hang out and then you leave with nothing, although someone might get a momentary thrill from it and others can be affected in a negative way.

We all know what kink is. One doesn't have to keep being specific about a specific act. That is immature discussion to my mind. It is a private matter between the couple. It can be mentioned in context where it would fit in but I think it is better resisted until it has to be mentioned.

 

[Tony Conrad]

I'm not sure if God would approve of all aspects of BDSM play..

I'm not sure if God would be too fond of sadism and masochism might be on sketchy ground. Depends on the type of sadism I guess.. It's a crude definition, but I wouldn't say finding beauty and even sexuality in another pain is always bad. Context of sadism and masochism can vary wildly. Some types of sadism are more rooted in aggression while others have a more nurturing tone to it.

This was my view on it when I was a Christian at least. Funny considering I viewed pain almost as a Christian virtue in other contexts.

As an atheist my answer is whatever is safe sane and consensual. Although what qualities as safe and sane is debatable.. lol.

I think sadism is an absolutely awful thing. I don't see how a christian can ever entertain that. I speak as a christian here this being a christian site. There is a difference between that and taking pleasure in giving a spouse pleasure in that realm as you know it is consensual and it switches them on, within their threshold of course. Yes one can even sexually enjoy that if that is the case.

Real sadism and masochism though is a sickness I feel. I don't include in that those who are not masochists but do experience sexual pleasure in that area, within marriage of course. There are those who feel they should be punished because of a very low self esteem which I think is very unhealthy personally. I make a dichotomy there although lots don't understand it. Generally if it makes you feel closer to your spouse then it is a good thing I think.

 

[MehGuy]

I think sadism is an absolutely awful thing. I don't see how a christian can ever entertain that. I speak as a christian here this being a christian site. There is a difference between that and taking pleasure in giving a spouse pleasure in that realm as you know it is consensual and it switches them on, within their threshold of course. Yes one can even sexually enjoy that if that is the case.

Real sadism and masochism though is a sickness I feel. I don't include in that those who are not masochists but do experience sexual pleasure in that area, within marriage of course. There are those who feel they should be punished because of a very low self esteem which I think is very unhealthy personally. I make a dichotomy there although lots don't understand it. Generally if it makes you feel closer to your spouse then it is a good thing I think.

Yeah, the terms sadism and masochism is too open ended. The term should really be split into several different ones. So far I haven't really seen a real attempt to do this, although I've come up with a few terms myself.

 

[Joykins]

It's kind of like the difference between playing something that is mutually enjoyable with certain limits and actual cruelty or torture.

 

[Rocmonkey]

What is the hurt that can occur "in other ways"? Just out of curiosity.

once we open a door, even a tiny bit, someone will rip it off the hinges. My concern would be the 'possible' desire (not the best word) to bring something or someone else into the bedroom. I've heard stories but never known about or experienced it personally. I know a marriage can quickly self-destruct if/when that happens. Not always, I'm sure, but the potential is so scary to me that... well, that's what I meant by other ways. I'm sure it is a very easy thing to justify once all other norms are crossed or broken down. noi to anyone.

 

[Rocmonkey]

the rest of us will be wanting to scrub our brains clean or develop aversions to hotel bedspreads...

Not sure you meant that way but I laughed. Funny and true. Where's the bleach? haha

 

[Fenny the Fox]

once we open a door, even a tiny bit, someone will rip it off the hinges. My concern would be the 'possible' desire (not the best word) to bring something or someone else into the bedroom. I've heard stories but never known about or experienced it personally. I know a marriage can quickly self-destruct if/when that happens. Not always, I'm sure, but the potential is so scary to me that... well, that's what I meant by other ways. I'm sure it is a very easy thing to justify once all other norms are crossed or broken down. noi to anyone.

I would argue quite simply that just because someone (or a couple, as a whole in this discussion) is interested in or enjoy BDSM, anal, etc., that does not mean they would be interested in or willing to try a threesome or something.

And as for "something else", I think that would just depend, I guess. So long as it was not being forced or pushed by one partner while the other doesn't want/like/enjoy it, then again, I see no issue between couples from doing so. I don't think it would implode the relationship or such.

Again, so long as both actually want it, are interesting, are willing, consent. Otherwise...yeah, it is asking for trouble, obviously.

 

[Joykins]

Not sure you meant that way but I laughed. Funny and true. Where's the bleach? haha

Oh yes, it is funny but also true. I once had the misfortune of seeing some pictures on another forum--let's say I never let my kids touch hotel bedspreads now, and I refuse to wear socks while having marital relations.

 

[savedgirl10]

Great Thread....this has been discussed in my own marriage...I agree that if two loving, married adults have a mutual desire to bring some of this into the marriage bed..then I do not see a problem. I know that it has brought my husband and I closer....after 23 years together we needed some spice...lol