Kids get clingy when it's just Mom

[akmom]

My husband has a job that often involves travel for several days at a time. This has been the case for several months now. On days when he comes home after work, our evenings are pretty relaxed. Sometimes we sit together and talk or do stuff, and sometimes we retreat to separate hobbies. The kids usually meander among us, alternating between playing together, playing by themselves, or joining us in what we are doing. We eat dinner together, do one concerted family activity together (walk, bike ride, board game, movie, etc.) and then we put the kids to bed.

On days when my husband is away, none of that happens. The kids seem to lose their ability to play or entertain themselves at all. Instead, they pretty much dogpile me. Today I was trying to pay bills online and all four of them decided to sit by me, but that wasn't good enough, so it progressed to two in my lap, one leaning against me, and one pretty much sitting on my head. I just let them be until I got tired of my hair getting pulled. They don't sit on my head when their dad is home. They don't even try.

Dinner is similarly botched. They will sit at the table for an hour but apparently forget to actually eat their food. Instead they constantly ask me to refill their water or cut up their food or any number of things they are perfectly capable of doing on their own, but they never actually get the job done of eating it. Meanwhile I am spoon-feeding a baby that screams every time I get up to accommodate one of the other children. I swear this doesn't happen when my husband is home. It's like they all forget how to function and they just whine at me all evening. Bedtime is a matter of dodging a million questions and excuses to get up. They do that when Dad is home too, but not as persistently. When it's just me, the bedtime dodging escalates to "I'm gonna throw up" and "I'm choking" and other dire problems. Every time.

I like to just enjoy my kids, but I can't do that when they're sitting on my head and screaming at me. I finally resorted to sending them all to their rooms and calling them up one at a time for a story. That's the only way I can get any quality time with them. What gives?

 

[JAM2b]

It could be anxiety or insecurity with your husband being gone. Kids can act in unusual ways when they are scared. It can effect their mood, patience, and ability to function in their normal routine. Changes in normalcy, even good ones that benefit the family, can really affect children in huge ways. I know that my boys get very clingy when there are changes or things that make them afraid.

It could also be a testing of boundaries because dad isn't home. There is just something about the presence of a father that changes the attitudes and behaviors of kids, even subtly.

It could very well be a combination of both.

BTW, the picture made me laugh! It really can feel that way.

 

[Dave-W]

It could be anxiety or insecurity with your husband being gone. Kids can act in unusual ways when they are scared. It can effect their mood, patience, and ability to function in their normal routine.

I agree with Jam. Dad being gone is upsetting and they feel insecure so they grab on to you - in an attempt to hold on to the piece of security that is left.

It sounds like either separation anxiety or abandonment issues.