First, I want to thank you ALL for posting.
Made me smile and say, thanks God!
I need to talk. I need help.
Yes, having marital issues. My "husband" and I are more like roommates,
than husband and wife. We've been like this for quite a while. We've slept
in the same bed all these years, but, I decided I can better distance myself
from any burdens of expectations, blame, etc. These past two nights have
actually been pretty nice to be brutally honest!
He has friends he wants to be with, trusts and spends a lot of time with.
Three years ago, he opened different financial accounts, savings, checking
and credit cards. He stopped depositing his paycheck into an account we
shared for all of our married life. I contacted an attorney, he contacted
an attorney, we continue to live in the same house. We have no children
together, but, I do have a son from a previous relationship.
I sought out counseling and have learned a lot! When I have been around
his friends, there is a lot of drinking, debauchery and I have no clue where
he is or what he is doing. I have found some women around who are like me
and we spend quality time together, but, some have fallen out of the group.
I talk with one in particular on the phone, I just love talking with her! Her
husband is one who mine says he trusts like a brother. Our lives are almost
identical. I have told her she is Jesus to me b/c she has spoken out about what
is going on when the group gets together, and through her, God is making
me take ownership of what I do.
I AM SCARED OF HOW OUR LIVES PARALLEL AND THE TRUST MY HUSBAND HAS
PLACED IN NOT ONLY HER HUSBAND BUT THE OTHER MEN IN THE GROUP!!!!!!!!!!
THEY ARE A BUNCH OF DRUNKS!!!!!!!!!!!
Last year, he announced that "we" were starting a new eating plan, which, is
good for the most part. I've been the cook all our married lives and that in
of itself has been an a constant burden of going back and forth, back and forth.
I'm done. It's been nice just taking care of what to eat for myself instead of
having to figure out what he wants to eat, how he wants it cooked or if he
wants to eat!
I work two jobs, read some good books about securing my future as far as
retirement and am looking into taking care of funeral and burial arrangements
for myself. After seeing two of my best of friends not get what they wanted has
lead me to assure this for myself. I don't know if I trust my husband/roommate
to make sure what I want gets done.
Is there a word for husband/roommate? Legally we are still married, but as
Barbara Mandrell sang in a song, "married, but not to each other."
He doesn't want to move out, says I owe him b/c he has been the major money
maker all our marriage and this is "his house!" His family feels that I have been
a burden on him, especially since I brought a child into the marriage. I
have always worked, done my best to make sure my son was not a financial burden
on the marriage, paid for my own education, etc. The attorney I retained said
to do my best to stay, if he gets abusive, I can take other legal measures. I have
good rapport with my neighbors and know many law enforcement officers, so, for
the most part, I don't feel afraid. He refuses counseling, says it's a bunch of ****
and makes fun of me for "constantly" reading self help books, praying, etc.
I have suffered with depression all my life, but, amidst the chaos, God has placed
the best of people in my life and God keeps me safe.
Thanks ahead of time for reading.
Best,
t11