just kiddin'

ron4shua

" ... each in our own order " , Hallelu-YAH .
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You're A Redneck When ... 2002 Edition
  • You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
  • You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
  • Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
  • Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
  • You burn your yard rather than mow it.
  • You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
  • The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
  • Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
  • You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
  • You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
  • You come back from the dump with more than you took.
  • You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
  • Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
  • Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
  • You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
  • You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
  • You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
  • You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
  • Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
  • You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
  • You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
  • You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
  • You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
  • You have a rag for a gas cap.
  • Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
  • You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
  • You can spit without opening your mouth.
  • You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
  • Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
  • You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.
  • You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
  • The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
  • Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
  • You thought the Uni-bomber was a wrestler.
  • You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
  • You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
  • Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
  • A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvement.
  • You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
  • You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin?"
  • You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
  • You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
  • Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.
 
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ron4shua

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A redneck women had a flat tire...

So she pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then she got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the women what the problem was.

The women replied, "I have a flat tire."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The Women responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back!"
 
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ron4shua

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Bubba applied for an engineering position at IBM in Raleigh.

A Yankee applied for the same job. Both applicants had the same qualifications and at the completion of a skills test, both men had only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Bubba and said, "Thank you for your interest but we've decided to give the Yankee the job."


Bubba asked, "And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being North Carolina, and me being a Southern boy I should get the job!"

The manager said, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed."

Bubba then asked, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

The manager replied, "Bubba, its like this, on question #4 the Yankee put down 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.
 
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ron4shua

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In West Virginia, you don't see too many people hang-gliding ...

Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge--into the wind he goes!

Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!

"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.

Paw raises up," Git my gun, Maw."

She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.

"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.

"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of Bubba!"
 
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ron4shua

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Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting.

They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.


They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind."

One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied the other Redneck. "Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!"
 
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ron4shua

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You're An Extreme Redneck When.....
  • You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
  • The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
  • You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
  • You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
  • You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
  • Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
  • You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
  • Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
  • Your junior prom offered day care.
  • You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
  • You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
  • The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
  • You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
  • One of your kids was born on a pool table.
  • You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
  • You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
  • You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
 
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ron4shua

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Bubba & Betty sue had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years.

To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel. She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning."

"But, madam!", replied the bellman.

"Don't 'But madam' me," she continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager."

"Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the elevator!"
 
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ron4shua

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Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob said ..

... "Ya' know sumthin', Luther,I reckon I'm 'bout ready fur a vacation, only this time I'm gonna' do it little different this time.


"'Last few years," he said, "I took yur advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii, and Earline got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti, and durned if Earline didn't get pregnant again." "I ain't gonna do THAT agin."

Luther asked Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna' do this year that's differnt?"

Billy Bob replied, "This year I'm taking Earline with me."
 
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ron4shua

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A South Carolina redneck passed away and left a sizable estate to his beloved widow ...

... However, she can't touch it until she turns fourteen.


Folks in Georgia now go to the movies in groups of 18 or more since they were told that in some theaters "17 and under are not admitted".

The minimum drinking age in Tennessee was raised to age 32 in an attempt to keep alcohol out of high schools.

Reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi are considered documentaries.

You know you are in Kentucky when you call the front desk from your motel room and tell the clerk "I've gotta leak in my sink", and he says, "go ahead...you paid for the room".

You can tell if a West Virginia redneck is married. There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.

A new lottery system is in effect in Florida. It pays out $3,000,000 to the lucky winner. That is, $3 a year for a million years.

The governor's mansion in Little Rock was almost destroyed by fire.. In fact, the entire trailer park was almost lost.
 
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ron4shua

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You might be a Redneck if your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens ...
  • Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
  • You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.
  • You have a relative living in your garage.
  • Your neighbor asked to borrow a quart of beer.
  • There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.
  • You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.
  • None of the tires on your van are the same size.
  • You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.
  • Your idea of getting lucky is passing the emissions test.
  • Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.
  • Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.
  • Your doghouse and your living room have the same shag carpet.
  • You've ever slow danced in the Waffle House.
  • Starting your car involves popping the hood.
  • Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.
  • You whistle at women in church.
  • You actually wear shoes your dog brought home.
  • You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale.
  • You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the back seat.
  • You think people who have cell phones and e-mail are uppity.
 
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ron4shua

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A good-ole-boy staggered home late after another evening with his drinking buddies.

Shoes in left hand to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].


A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing to suppress a yelp, he sprung up, pulled down his pants and examined his lacerated and bleeding cheeks in the mirror of a nearby darkened hallway, then managed to find a large full box of band aids before proceeding to place a patch as best he could on each place he saw blood. After hiding the now almost empty box, he managed to shuffle and stumble his way to bed.

Morning, he awakens with screaming pain in head and butt to find his wife staring at him from across the room, and hears her say: "You were drunk again last night!!!"

Forcing himself to ignore his agony, he looked meekly at her and replied: "Now Hon, why would you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," she said, "there is the front door left open, the glass at the bottom of the stairs, the drops of blood trailing through the house, and your bloodshot eyes but, mostly....it's all those band aids stuck on the downstairs mirror!"
 
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ron4shua

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A farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm ...

and knocked on the farmhouse door. A young boy, about 12, opened the door.


"Is yer pa home?" he asked.

"No sir, he sure ain't," the boy replied. "He went to town."

"Well," said the farmer. "Is yer ma home?"

"No, she ain't here either. She went to town with pa."

"Well, then, how about yer brother, Joe, is he here?"

"No sir, he went with pa and ma."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I kin do fer ya'?" inquired the young boy politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one; Or maybe I could take a message fer pa."

Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer pa. It's about your brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to pa about that," he finally conceded. "I know that pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Joe.
 
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ron4shua

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You might be a Blueneck (a northerner - the opposite of a Redneck) if ...
  • Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
  • You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
  • You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY.
  • You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the side of the road. (e.g., boiled peanuts) .
  • You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
  • For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to grits.
  • You don't know what a moon pie is.
  • You've never had an RC Cola.
  • You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or pickled.
  • You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
  • You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
  • You have no idea what a polecat is.
  • You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog.
  • You don't have bangs.
  • You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than at Six Flags.
  • You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
  • You drink either "Pop" or "Soda"- instead of "Cokes."
  • You've never eaten and don't know how to make a tomato sandwich.
  • You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-'n-knife show.
  • You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach
  • You don't even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
  • The last time you smiled was when you blocked someone from getting on an on-ramp to the highway.
  • You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
  • You have more than one professional sports team in your home state.
  • The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
  • You call binoculars opera glasses.
  • You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
  • You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice)
  • You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie)
  • You don't have Maw-maw's & Paw-paw's.
  • You've never been to a craft show.
  • You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
  • None of your fur coats are homemade.
  • You have no idea who the Allisons or Pettys are.
 
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ron4shua

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A man came home from work and found his three children outside...

... still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
 
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ron4shua

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Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity...

... "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees."

The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads, "No."

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But now, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something."
 
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A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf.

He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang.

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.

He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... Then he remembered his wife.

Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!"

"I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care, and you will be her care giver!"

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.

The doctor snickered and said, "I'm just messing with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"
 
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ron4shua

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Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and frequently humorous.
  • Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
  • Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
  • We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
  • War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  • I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify I put 'DOCTOR'.
  • Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
  • You do not need a parachute to sky dive. You only need a parachute to sky dive twice.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure..
  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit "the target."
  • Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  • You're never too old to learn something stupid.
  • I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one.
 
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ron4shua

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Late Night humor
  • Sarah Palin has been hired back by Fox News, and she only left five months ago. She has now effectively quit quitting. She can’t even commit to being uncommitted. - John Oliver
  • President Obama is now in Ireland for the big G8 summit. Security for the overseas presidential trip is unbelievable. He has 14 limousines, trucks loaded with sheets of bullet proof glass to cover the hotel windows, and fighter jets flying in shifts. That’s to protect the president. Joe Biden gets a pair of running shoes and a can of pepper spray. - Jay Leno
  • Edward Snowden is the guy who leaked all of the NSA secrets. He had a 98-minute press conference today and yet they can’t find the guy. This is the biggest manhunt since Martha Stewart started online dating. - David Letterman
  • This day marks the 42nd anniversary of the war on drugs. Today our partners in Mexico observed it with a moment of silence followed by hours of laughter. - Jay Leno
  • The Taliban is now recruiting women to become suicide bombers. And it’s not easy to qualify. The women must be able to push a car loaded with explosives because, as you know, they’re not allowed to drive over there. - Jay Leno
  • The NSA whistleblower revealed himself – Edward Snowden, a 29-yer-old high school dropout computer nerd with a pole-dancing girlfriend, who says he can wiretap anyone in the world, including the president. I find this shocking. A computer nerd with a girlfriend? - Bill Maher
  • Ever since the government’s spying scandal was exposed, sales of the novel ’1984 have jumped 6,000 percent on Amazon. Yeah, ’1984 shows how scary it would be if society tracked everything you do. And if you want to read it, just buy it on a website that tracks everything you do. - Jimmy Fallon
  • Superman is played by Henry Cavil, who is British. I’m not sure why all our iconic American figures are being played by foreigners. We’ve got a Superman from Britain, a Batman from Britain, a Spider-Man from Britain, and a president from Kenya. - Craig Ferguson
  • Last night the White House staff played softball against a team made of marijuana lobbyists. Which explains why there were 20 hits before the game even started. The on-deck circle was a drum circle. - Jimmy Fallon
  • During the summer all scandals will be reruns. That's a programming reminder from the White House. - David Letterman
  • Yesterday the FBI admitted they do use drones on U.S. soil for domestic surveillance. The FBI's Robert Mueller told Congress that he does sometimes use drones, but he said the good news is that these drones are made in America, by Americans, to spy on Americans. - Jay Leno
  • Bad day on Wall Street – the stock market dropped over 350 points today. See, I knew O'bama shouldn't have come back home. I knew this was going to happen." - Jay Leno
  • This week a man was arrested for jumping over the White House fence and trying to spray paint a political message. If that guy really wanted to get a message to the president, he could have just written it in an email to literally anyone. - Jimmy Fallon
  • The big story continues to be 29-year-old Edward Snowden, the man behind the leaking of the NSA spy scandal. Speculation is that Snowden is hiding in Hong Kong and could be working for China. Hey, let’s get real. Aren’t we all pretty much working for China? - Jay Leno
  • A recent report finds that by the year 2043 white people will no longer be the majority in America. And by 2050 people will be saying, ‘I’m not racist. One of my best friends is white.’ - Conan O'Brien
  • President Obama's approval rating has dropped eight points over the past month, down to 45 percent, his lowest rating in more than a year and a half. But Obama is vowing to find out whose approval he's lost, track them down using their email and phone records, and personally win them back. - Jay Leno
  • The latest search for Jimmy Hoffa has been called off. The FBI now says they called off the search because the NSA said it would be too difficult to find Jimmy Hoffa because he hasn't made a phone call since 1975. - Jay Leno
  • President Obama is in Berlin, Germany. It was 97 degrees in Berlin today. I haven't seen Obama sweat like that since, well, yesterday. And the day before that. All this week, in fact. - Craig Ferguson
  • A new survey found that 70 percent of Americans admit to 'going through the motions' at their jobs. And the other 30 percent blah, blah, blah, punch line. - Jimmy Fallon
 
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ron4shua

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Signs You Are Getting Old
  • Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
  • You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
  • 6:00 a.m . is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
  • You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
  • You watch the Weather Channel.
  • Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
  • Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
  • You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
  • Older relatives feel comfortable telling whoopee jokes around you.
  • You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
  • Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
  • You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
  • Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
  • You take naps.
  • Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
  • Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
  • You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
  • A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
  • You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
  • "I just can’t drink the way I used to" replaces "I’m never going to drink that much again."
  • 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
  • You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
  • When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh no what the heck!"
 
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ron4shua

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What happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence?

Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died. Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured. Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War. They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

What kind of men were they?

Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well educated. But they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.

  • Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.
  • Thomas McKean was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.
  • Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.
  • At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.
  • Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.
  • John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished. A few weeks later he died from exhaustion and a broken heart.
  • Norris and Livingston suffered similar fates.
Such were the stories and sacrifices of the American Revolution. These were not wild-eyed, rabble-rousing ruffians. They were soft-spoken men of means and education.

They had security, but they valued liberty more. Standing tall, straight, and unwavering, they pledged: "For the support of this declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other, our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor."

They gave you and me a free and independent America. The history books never told you a lot about what happened in the Revolutionary War. We didn't fight just the British. We were British subjects at that time and we fought our own government!

Some of us take these liberties so much for granted, but we shouldn't. So, take a few minutes this year while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these patriots. It's not much to ask for the price they paid.

Remember: freedom is never free, and the Fourth of July has more to it than parades, beer, picnics, and baseball games.
 
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