Judged by woman at church

[Chococat]

I had a bit of a "meltdown" at my church Luncheon Club a few weeks ago when I was under a lot of stress. I started crying and saying I was angry at God because He obviously does not care about me. Yes I KNOW that was a stupid thing to do and say but while most people there were understanding there was one lady who started preaching at me and talking down to me saying "I was sulking at God" because "things weren't going my way". In the end I left early in part to get away from her as she was making me feel worse.

Since then I get the distinct impression that she is avoiding me and when I managed to get to her to apologise last week she just said rather caustically "it was quite a rant wasn't it but let's put it behind us". She then asked another lady to come and sit between us both which I suspect was so she wouldn't have to sit next to me. I may add I don't think she even likes this other lady much from what she has said about her in the past!

Now I know I should not have behaved in this manner and don't need anyone to tell me that. I still feel ashamed of it but what this holier-than-thou woman said and her behaviour towards me has made me feel worse. It's like she thinks I'm crazy and that if she just sits next to me she will catch whatever I have! Before all this I used to get on well with her.

Has anyone else ever had this problem? Also how should I deal with my anger and bitterness towards this other person as I know it is not pleasing to God and the last thing I want is for Satan to use it for his purposes.

If God, the person who I hurt the most with my words, can forgive me ( I told Him I was sorry) why can't other people?

 

[pdudgeon]

it sounds to me like she's a bit embarased by what she said, knows that what she said didn't help the situation, and is also a bit embarased by her failure to handle the situation in the right manner. Thus she would rather forget it.

Her inviting another person to sit down could have been a ploy to change the subject, but the fact that she inserted the other person into a place between you was also an effort on her part to distance herself from further conversation.

Were i in your shoes, i would probably respect her embrassement and not bring up the conversation again.

If you do see her, make an effort to talk about something plesant with her in passing, and then move on to talk to someone else. Do it nicely, (not in a way that snubs her) and she will see that you don't appear likely to bring up the old topic again.

make this sort of a 'catch and release-type' of an encounter; perhaps you could give her a compliment, smile at her, and then move on around the room, talking briefly with others.
If you do this often enough at similar events she will learn not to move away from an encounter with you.

 

[Chococat]

Thanks for your advice. However I suspect this church lady thinks she acted like a "good Christian" with me. Still if she's like that with me she's probably like that with other people too

 

[pdudgeon]

Thanks for your advice. However I suspect this church lady thinks she acted like a "good Christian" with me. Still if she's like that with me she's probably like that with other people too

that is possible, and i've known people like that who don't realize that what they are saying comes off as being different than what they had intended.
Still, i would cut her some slack and show her some grace.

Chances are that she just needs someone to model grace for her, because she might not have experienced very much grace before she met you.

Think of the time in the Bible when the church elders caught a woman in adultery and wanted to know what Jesus would do. He forgave the woman and modeled grace for those elders (who were also not without sin in their own lives.)

 

[Chococat]

Well it has gotten worse with this woman as the past couple of times I've been at church she has said things in front of the others like "there is someone who is really trying my patience" and "that people who blame God should leave the church" (not her exact words but that was the gist of it.

I tried having a few words with her and told her I'd told God I was sorry but that didn't make it better. She just said that she was really upset with me because I'd said I hated God (which I probably did as I don't remember exactly what I said) and that was why she had been avoiding me. I said "well that's between me and God anyway" to which she replied "no it isn't" because other people had to listen to me. I don't think she believed me about repenting, despite the fact that I was one of those who recommitted my life to the Lord just over a week ago at that church (so did she I may add) and in the end she walked off in a huff.

Thanks to her I now feel dirty and worthless even though I told God yet again I was sorry. I no longer want to go to that church because of her but I do have some good friends there who think she was out of order in treating me that way. I'm so scared of going back and facing her as I don't want to come home from church depressed and crying because of something she has said.

Again I know I behaved badly but why can't this woman just accept I am sorry for what I said instead of implying that God won't forgive me because I have not repented. I really suck at being a Christian though I do try to please God and serve Him but even if He loves and accepts me it seems some others do. Plus the way this woman is treating me is making me feel like God has not forgiven me. I keep wondering if God is using this woman to punish me for what I said

 

[pdudgeon]

people who try our patience have always been around.

Even Jesus had people around Him who tried His patience, and there have been times when the patience of God Himself has been sorely tried so this lady is in excellent company if she finds that her patience is being tried. After all, we already know that both God and Jesus didn't choose to ignore such people, so she doesn't have a leg to stand on if that is her chief complaint.

That being said, it is not fair of you to put the blame on her for how you feel. Your feelings are yours by choice. Whether they are good feelings or bad feelings, you alone are responsible for how you react to such feelings.
She has a right to voice her opinions, but that doesn't mean that you have to either accept them or entertain those thoughts in your own head.

Being scared to go back to church gives her words way too much power over you and your own actions. Be brave. Go to church and keep your mind on the sermon and don't let it wander off onto other people and what they say.

 

[DaisyDay]

It's no use blaming her for what you're feeling. Literally, it is not useful to you - anger is a trap. Have some compassion for her personality defect - judgmentalism - and forgive her. It's good that you've already apologized to her, but there is no point in explaining if she doesn't want to hear it.

Can you accept that she doesn't like you? You can't make her, sad to say. Can you accept that she is a jerk and won't act better? Probably if you are soft and gentle around her and don't supplicate, she may stop being mean to you. Greet her cheerfully and move on. Maybe she'll come around, maybe she won't, but that is on her. Treat her kindly, treat yourself kindly - that's about all you can do except to have a sense of humor/perspective about it.

Let it go.

 

[Chococat]

Thanks to all who posted. Well this lady came and apologised to me a couple of days ago at church which made me feel so much better and, hopefully, made her feel better soon. Praise God it was an answer to prayer