1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting after you have posted 20 posts and have received 5 likes.
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

  2. Please check out our two newest forums, the "Buy, Sell or Trade" forum in the Society Category, and the "Conspiracy Theories" forum in our Discussion and Debate Category.

Is my husband saved?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Lyn1955, Oct 4, 2011.

  1. Lyn1955

    Lyn1955 Newbie

    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Christian
    I married my second husband just over 2 years ago. I had only known him 2 years before that time.

    I believed that he was a born again Christian. He is very knowledgable about Scripture and has studied theology, however, there is no Spiritual fruit in his life. He is a good and loving husband, but acts and thinks carnally. He doesn't even try to defend his canal beliefs and actions. It's as if he really doesn't care what God or His word says.

    This is grieving me terribly and I can only imagine how it must be grieving God. I am really concerned about his eternal savalation and I don't know what to do other than pray.

    Can anyone glean any thoughts on this?
     
  2. Pal Handy

    Pal Handy Irregular Member

    Messages:
    3,850
    Likes Received:
    3
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Non-Denominational
    You are giving us such a vague and general description that it
    would be very difficult to give good advice.

    What specifically is your husband carnal about?

    You say he is a good and loving husband and we know that
    love is a fruit of the spirit so what are you saying when
    you say he has no fruit?
     
  3. Lyn1955

    Lyn1955 Newbie

    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Christian
    You ask what he is carnal about. I wrote above: 'It's as if he really doesn't care what God or His word says.' He has a worldly perspective on everything and doesn't want to live as a Christian.

    Yes, I understand that love is a fruit of the Spirit, but the love that is talked about in Galations is the agape love of God. The love my husband has is conditional as many 'loves' in the world are.
     
  4. Fulltruthministry

    Fulltruthministry Newbie

    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    0
    Faith:
    Christian




    If you knew him for 3 years; and thought he was Christian: Then he may be;-You may have met him at a time of his life when he was in a continues state of backsliding: It happened to me; I back slid so hard; that I can see myself in his shoes; BUT: I was alone; and i wasnt making someone else carry my weight; so God could deal with me without hurting someone else:
    With me; I came to the Lord strong; Sought Him hard; loved His Word and i new it well; BUT when you get to that place in God; and a person continues to sin against the conviction of the Spirit; then they can become hard hearted; and they wont feel the Spirit convicting them of the things they do as someone that was holding on to their faith more; so you seem to have become unevenly yoked due to his lack of faith; and he has hurt his mind by continuing to live life on his terms; because he is not feeling the conviction of the Spirit right now:

    I think thats important in regards to how you pray for him; and the things you may say around him; hinting to him that the Spirit is not convicting him as it convicts you;

    I dont think you should worry about judging the end now:
    Dont worry yourself about something that God has to do. If God has to finish a work in Him, then we trust God now for that work being done; and when we rejoice with a person, and when we tell them when they are pleasing God. Loving them in spite; showing them the mercy God shows us, BUT not just by keeping silent and taking the pain; but rather by focusing on the good for a time; and speaking on the good; and in his heart he will see it as a light of mercy. He will see it as a void of judgment, he will see that you are loving him in spite of himself when you speak to him the good things that he does for God. Or reminding him out of the blue of the good things he has done for Christ: Not really focusing on the bad for a time; just trying to lift him in the Lord; or at least lift the bit of the Lord you still see in Him. And to him this will be reflected as the mercy and love of God. And he will remember that light and come home. thats what i pray for you and him; God bless you; in Jesus Name: Amen
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2011
  5. Fulltruthministry

    Fulltruthministry Newbie

    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    0
    Faith:
    Christian
    And just on another note; not really directed at you; because you may be living for God at the moment:
    But for me; when with a person that has allowed things ungodly to enter his heart; the other person with them must live HOLY in the Lord; or the enemy will hurt both: I think we know this; the Spirit lets us feel this: And we can see the changes in the relationship according to how WE are living; BUT: It can help both if even one holds on TIGHT to faith; SO when we love; we ask ourselves what Jesus asked peter:

    Do you love me? Feed my sheep:
    Sometimes loving Jesus is loving others so much that we live for them. Since love is following Gods command; and we know that when we live in the Spirit we have power in our prayers and all around and within us; then we love Jesus by living in Him so that we can have the power to help those around us. Gives you a high calling; I am sure you know this: There is no male or female in Christ Jesus: Keep holding on to your good faith; and break down the walls in your life; and watch the glory of God lift your house: Its what we WANT: God puts us in situations that brings about what we desire for the good: AMEN
     
  6. Johnny Todd

    Johnny Todd Newbie

    Messages:
    371
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Christian
    I'm sorry but if your asking this question, you already know the answer, he has a head knowledge of God but has never made spiritual contact, he's never been spiritually born again
     
  7. Lyn1955

    Lyn1955 Newbie

    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Christian
    Thank you FTM. Your seem to understand completely what I have (poorly) been trying to say.

    I concur with everything you say and yes, I try to live my life according to 1Pet3, that he would be 'won over' as a non-believer. (Whether he is or not!)
     
  8. Lyn1955

    Lyn1955 Newbie

    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Christian
    Johnny, I know it looks that way, but as FTM said, she went though a serious period of back sliding, so it is possible that my husband is too.
     
  9. Aibrean

    Aibrean Honest. Maybe too Honest.

    Messages:
    6,286
    Likes Received:
    3
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Politics:
    US-Constitution
    Faith:
    Lutheran
    Ask the Lord. He's the only one who knows.
     
  10. Lyn1955

    Lyn1955 Newbie

    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Christian
    On the contrary Aib, I much prefer folks to be frank, but I can't see where you have posted before!

    I am new to this, so I may have missed your reply somewhere.
     
  11. Aibrean

    Aibrean Honest. Maybe too Honest.

    Messages:
    6,286
    Likes Received:
    3
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Politics:
    US-Constitution
    Faith:
    Lutheran
    It's part of my signature.
     
  12. Pal Handy

    Pal Handy Irregular Member

    Messages:
    3,850
    Likes Received:
    3
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Non-Denominational
    Couuld you sit down with your husband and ask him where he
    is at with his walk with the Lord?
     
  13. Lyn1955

    Lyn1955 Newbie

    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Christian
    Pal

    I have asked several questions when the opportunity has arisen, but I don't think I have specifically asked this one.
    I suspect he will ignore or divert the answer like he has to the other questions, but it's worth a try. Thank you.
     
  14. LilLamb219

    LilLamb219 The Lamb is gone. Supporter

    Messages:
    26,913
    Likes Received:
    44
    Marital Status:
    Private
    Faith:
    Christian
    Then ask the easy question of whether he believes that Christ is his Savior who has died on the cross for the forgiveness of his sins. If he rejects the Christ, then he has damned himself.

    You can't just look at some of his sins and automatically assume he's not a child of God. We all sin. We all struggle in some ways with certain ones that we cannot shake. Maybe he needs professional counseling...or maybe not? I don't know the specifics, only you and he know this.
     
  15. Lyn1955

    Lyn1955 Newbie

    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Christian
    Lil

    I don't look at his sins ~ I look at his relationship with Christ ~ or in this case, the absence of it. Without asking him outright, (which is something I will consider), there is definite evidence that he does not want to be Christ-like. He wants to do it his way.
    It's not that he is struggling with sin, he isn't even trying.

    What I don't know is has he been saved and now back-slidden or was he ever truely saved in the first place?

    Of course this also raises the question; once saved, always saved ~ or not? Of that I am not sure. I can find scripture to back both.
     
  16. LilLamb219

    LilLamb219 The Lamb is gone. Supporter

    Messages:
    26,913
    Likes Received:
    44
    Marital Status:
    Private
    Faith:
    Christian
    How can you know his heart though by only looking at his actions? You cannot.

    We aren't Christians because of what we do or don't do.

    Like I and a few others have said...ask him about what he believes. There lies the answer.
     
  17. BFine

    BFine Seed Planter Supporter

    Messages:
    6,663
    Likes Received:
    56
    Gender:
    Female
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Calvary-Chapel
    *Love is a spiritual fruit...I don't know very many people who truly
    love unconditionally...everyone I've ever met have had some sort of "expectations".

    Prayer is a powerful tool... be a living bible, your spouse needs to see
    you displaying the godly character you would like to see "blossom" within him.

    Practice hospitality often.

    Speak encouraging words/praise him for the good that he does.
    Let him see you reading the bible, praying and showing agape toward
    those who are in need.
    Do you have a prayer partner or another Christian friend that can come along side you?

    Has your husband stopped attending church?
    Does he still read his bible and pray?

    How much TV viewing and internet interaction does he have on a daily basis?
    What other negative media is he taking in? ungodly: music, books, movies, friends?

    Whatever he is "feeding" himself will affect his outlook, thoughts and actions.
     
  18. Pal Handy

    Pal Handy Irregular Member

    Messages:
    3,850
    Likes Received:
    3
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Non-Denominational
    Keep him in your prayers and believe that God wants to awaking in him
    a renewed zeal and love for relationship with Himself more than you do.

    God acts on our prayers, so pray.

    A bible study or small group would be helpful to draw him
    out and cause him to face his own spirituallity or lack of it.

    Small groups of caring people that share their hearts and pray for
    one another can cause tremendeous spiritual growth in a person
    without them feeling like a second class Christian.

    When people get together and take their church masks off
    you will be amazed at how often many others are going through
    the same things that you and your husband are going through.

    I hope that the two of you find some very real and loving Christians
    to hang with and who will help the two of you over the rough spots.

    Pray about it and ask God to cause your husband to become hungry
    for more and that God would open up an opportunity to meet with some
    other Christians in a smaller, more intimate group.
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2011
  19. Lyn1955

    Lyn1955 Newbie

    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Christian
    BFine

    You are so right, none of us can have the agape love of God in perfection, especially me! I know that I can only do my best to work towards it and hold a short account with God when I get it wrong.
    Doing our best to live for God is all He desires of us; the problem arises when there is no desire to live for Him at all. This is where my husband is at the moment.
    I love him with all my heart. I admire him and appreciate him. I encourage him and try always to build him up. I know he knows this and loves me in return for it and for who I am.

    However, I know from experience that this would not be the case if I did not work hard at our marriage. He has major problems with forgiveness with most members of his family and will only return what is given physically and emotionally ~ even with his children.

    The only folk I have shared this with is my son and his wife. They became aware of it themselves and spoke to me. I don't feel right talking about my husband to anyone because he is not able to have a reply and you are only hearing one side of it. This is why I am so grateful to be able to share here, where nobody knows him.

    He doen't read his bible or pray.
     
  20. Lyn1955

    Lyn1955 Newbie

    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Christian
    Pal

    I am praying for him faithfully and I have seen God move ~ both in my life and my husbands. God is challenging me to be a Godly wife and I have made a lot of changes in my life through this. I know this has impacted my husband positively.

    Small groups, spiritual people, and anyone getting too close chase him away. I found a wonderful wee church where all the things you suggest were there. It would have been perfect for him, but he wouldn't go. He then stopped me going. (I believe he is still the head of our house).

    I believe that he has a great deal of pride in his head knowledge which is binding him from being close to others because the heart knowledge is not there.

    I have asked him to do a wee Bible study (just the two of us) at home. He said no. He will hold my hand as I pray, but he wont pray. He has refused to go to a Marriage Group and a Freedom in Christ group. In fact he wont go to anything that will even slightly challenge him.

    I have still to get the opportunity to ask him direct questions about his faith. It will be Saturday now due to his work commitments. I would appreciate prayer for that time.

    Thanks to you and the others here for sharing your caring thoughts.
     
Loading...