Is it unchristian to ask my mother to leave my home?

[Zenia]

Am i wrong? So for many years my mother and I have never gotten along. This has been since I was a little girl. And as far back as I can remember she has always favored my sister more then I. Well my mom need or wanted a place to stay. After live with her boyfriend of 17yr she decided move out of his house and because she is my mother I agreed to let her stay with me and my family. After about a month everything just went totally wrong. She was always complaining about every thing my children did right or wrong. She started being mean to my step-son ( who I have always treated as he was my flesh and blood child). My husband and I have had some problems. And I put him out. But when I told my mom that we were working out our problems. She got angry. So long story short. Me and my children took a road trip To see my sister who lives in TX( I live in MD) during the who trip I was unhappy so were my children. On the way home she just stared an arument about driving home. Then latter during a discussion my mom stared bad mouthing my husband. And by this time I had had enough. So after tell my mother how she was wrong and that she was being a hypocrite.( I felt this way because everything that my husband had been doing to me was wrong and she had anything to say about it but my sister was doing the exact same thing to her husband but worse and my mother had a justification for it it was ok and her eyes.)
After saying this she began to curse at me and even threaten to fight me all while driving home. And she is the one that is always quoting scripture telling people what's right and wrong in God's eyes and what people should and should not do. Yet she is using profanity and threatening violence. At that point I ended the conversation and we have not said anything to each other since we have been back. I don't like the tension in my home. And I feel like if she stays any longer the relationship will just be worse I feel like our relationship is what it is and I have to love her from afar. That being said I don't really want her here anymore I got all the warning signs that it would be like this but I tried to give it a chance because she is my mother. But now I'm feeling like it was the biggest mistake of my life. I'm at a lost.....Help I don't want to be disrespectful but she got to go.

 

[RC1970]

No, it's not unchristian to ask my mother to leave your home. Be sure she takes all her stuff with her so she doesn't have an excuse to come back.

 

[HondaMan]

If she is in your house, she needs to respect your family, your ground rules. If she acts as if she's the queen of the house, then she's in the wrong place. I wouldn't want that kind of person in my home unless he or she appreciates the roof over their head and follows the rules. No, it's not unchristian. She can't be in your house, sleep in your bed, eat your food, and abuse you verbally and physically. Like you said, she's gotta go.

 

[Matt_FiF]

Agreed with both posts above.
I feel like a lot of people get caught up in the "honor your father and mother" idea - and misinterpret it to mean "put up with whatever they throw at you because they're your parents".
Not the case at all. In fact, Romans 16:17 tells us to mark those who cause division and avoid them.

 

[SoldierOfTheKing]

When you get old, and maybe you have trouble getting along with your children, you want them to throw you out? If that happens to you, you'll know they got it from.

 

[HondaMan]

When you get old, and maybe you have trouble getting along with your children, you want them to throw you out? If that happens to you, you'll know they got it from.

When you get old, can you act as you please, yell, abuse, fight your kids and grandkids and have the right to live with them? I'm sorry, but that's not the definition of a christian godly woman. You failed to see where she's verbally abusive and unappreciative.

 

[Zenia]

Thank you for all your feed back. And I appreciate all your options. I have a lot to pray about to night.

 

[Zenia]

When you get old, and maybe you have trouble getting along with your children, you want them to throw you out? If that happens to you, you'll know they got it from.

I think you misunderstood she is being mean to me and my children. And because I stood up for my family she wanted to get physically violent. How to I teach my children that is wrong but they see my own mother doing the opposite? I don't want to be mean or disrespectful and I don't want to disappoint GOD but I can't live were there is no peace..... You only get peace at home and in the grave.

 

[keith99]

I think you misunderstood she is being mean to me and my children. And because I stood up for my family she wanted to get physically violent. How to I teach my children that is wrong but they see my own mother doing the opposite? I don't want to be mean or disrespectful and I don't want to disappoint GOD but I can't live were there is no peace..... You only get peace at home and in the grave.

This is a difficult decision.

If I understand correctly you have problems in your marriage also and it seems to me your mother is making those worse. One could certainly argue that your Christian obligation to your husband comes close to obligating you to get mom out.

There are lots of passages in Scripture that say you should be forgiving, but in a sense those only apply if it is just you and her. It seems you have to choose, your husband and children or her. As best I can see the children are the true innocents in this situation and the ones where influences today will have the largest impact. I'd choose them. But do try to make the departure as non-confrontational as possible, again for their sakes.

 

[HondaMan]

I think what you need to do is to sit down with her and lay it on the table first. Tell her what's going on, the rules, and a take it or leave it.

 

[SuperCloud]

Consult God, Zenia, in prayer. And you can pray for your mother as well as yourself and your husband and kids too.

 

[whois]

Am i wrong?

depends.

my mother . . .
and I have never gotten along.
was always complaining about every thing my children did right or wrong.
She started being mean to my step-son
She got angry.
just stared an arument about driving home.
began to curse at me
threaten to fight me all while driving home.
she is using profanity and threatening violence.
I don't really want her here anymore
I got all the warning signs that it would be like

yep, i guess you did.
like someone up there said, make sure she takes ALL of her stuff with her.
if she doesn't, then YOU are legally responsible for it.
this means you CANNOT throw it out on the curb.
OTOH, you cannot keep her stuff because she owes you money
for example, you can't say i'm keeping your TV because you owe me such and such.

man, i feel for you.
may god bless your soul and bring you peace.

 

[suzeequeue]

i think you should have a heart to heart with her, outline the rules and tell her she is getting another chance because you love and care about her. unless, and this is the only reason i think would justify you making her leave, if you feel she is capable of the violence she has threatened, then you need to help her find another place right away, and explain why. as Christians, Jesus said we are to turn the other cheek, go the extra mile. what good are we if we only love those who love us? don't even the heathen do that? pray about it. i will pray also. God bless you and your dear family.

 

[pdudgeon]

since you have a sister I would talk to her and see if the two of you can work some arrangement out so that each of you are contributing to your mom's living arrangements.
honoring your mom doesn't necessarily include her living under your roof. it does include helping her to be as independent as possible.
the next thing to do would be to get with social services and see what financial help they can offer your mom to help her be independent.

after all that, would come some counseling for her to understand what her role is now in regards to her family.
transitioning in family roles is not only necessary and natural,
it's vital to the survival of everyone involved.

 

[bburakk]

 

[fat wee robin]

When you get old, and maybe you have trouble getting along with your children, you want them to throw you out? If that happens to you, you'll know they got it from.

I think you misunderstood she is being mean to me and my children. And because I stood up for my family she wanted to get physically violent. How to I teach my children that is wrong but they see my own mother doing the opposite? I don't want to be mean or disrespectful and I don't want to disappoint GOD but I can't live were there is no peace..... You only get peace at home and in the grave.

Your mother is a very spoiled woman, from the evidence .She is coming between you and your husband, spoiling your peace . If she loved and respected you she would
step back and give you space.

Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man /woman shall leave his /her father and Mother, and hold fast to his wife" .

 

[fat wee robin]

When you get old, and maybe you have trouble getting along with your children, you want them to throw you out? If that happens to you, you'll know they got it from.

I am getting oldish and I expect nothing from my family as it should be .When they are willing to help me I show my gratitude, as one should with all generosity .
This is a generous person who is being exploited .

 

[SoldierOfTheKing]

I think you misunderstood she is being mean to me and my children.

I don't misunderstand. My understanding is limited because I've only heard your side of the story. This is why I'm going to avoid being too harshly judgemental of your mother, who is not here to speak on her own behalf. What is clear is that the two of you are not getting along. Appaerntly you didn't get along well even when you were a child. Did she throw you out of the house?

And because I stood up for my family she wanted to get physically violent.

I'm assuming you're younger and stronger than her. If not, well that's what the police are for.

How to I teach my children that is wrong but they see my own mother doing the opposite?

By being a better example. In particular, how you treat your mother is going to set an example to your children as to how to treat you. Treat your mother the way you expect your children to treat you. The Golden Rule in action. In all likelihood, that's how they will treat you. Remember also, your mother won't be around forever. The day will come that you will no longer have to put up anything from her. The example you set for your children by how you treat her will still remain after she's gone.

I don't want to be mean or disrespectful and I don't want to disappoint GOD but I can't live were there is no peace.....

You're conflicted between doing what is easy and doing what your concscience tells you is right. Yes, throwing out your mother will be the easier choice, at least in the short run. One day it will catch up with you though.

You only get peace at home and in the grave.

It seems you aim to find peace by putting people you find yourself in conflict out of your life. First your husband. Now you want to do it to your mother. What happens when your children start getting on your nerves, will they be next. Or will they grow up to be like you and throw you out. That's the peace of solitude. Is that how you want to live? Is that how you want to die? Being loved by your family "from afar"?

You can't control how your mother behaves. You can control how you behave. You can look at what you can do to make your home a more peaceful place. It may make your mother's behavior easier to deal with. Beam out of your own eye before you try to take the speck out of hers. At least, get some input from someone you know who can look at your living situation objectively.

 

[Blank Stair]

No, it isn't un-Christian. Her behavior is un-Christian.
Stand up for yourself. Maybe you'll help her to realize where she's wrong.
But in the meantime, you don't have to suffer her abuse anymore.

Am i wrong? So for many years my mother and I have never gotten along. This has been since I was a little girl. And as far back as I can remember she has always favored my sister more then I. Well my mom need or wanted a place to stay. After live with her boyfriend of 17yr she decided move out of his house and because she is my mother I agreed to let her stay with me and my family. After about a month everything just went totally wrong. She was always complaining about every thing my children did right or wrong. She started being mean to my step-son ( who I have always treated as he was my flesh and blood child). My husband and I have had some problems. And I put him out. But when I told my mom that we were working out our problems. She got angry. So long story short. Me and my children took a road trip To see my sister who lives in TX( I live in MD) during the who trip I was unhappy so were my children. On the way home she just stared an arument about driving home. Then latter during a discussion my mom stared bad mouthing my husband. And by this time I had had enough. So after tell my mother how she was wrong and that she was being a hypocrite.( I felt this way because everything that my husband had been doing to me was wrong and she had anything to say about it but my sister was doing the exact same thing to her husband but worse and my mother had a justification for it it was ok and her eyes.)
After saying this she began to curse at me and even threaten to fight me all while driving home. And she is the one that is always quoting scripture telling people what's right and wrong in God's eyes and what people should and should not do. Yet she is using profanity and threatening violence. At that point I ended the conversation and we have not said anything to each other since we have been back. I don't like the tension in my home. And I feel like if she stays any longer the relationship will just be worse I feel like our relationship is what it is and I have to love her from afar. That being said I don't really want her here anymore I got all the warning signs that it would be like this but I tried to give it a chance because she is my mother. But now I'm feeling like it was the biggest mistake of my life. I'm at a lost.....Help I don't want to be disrespectful but she got to go.

 

[patricius79]

Am i wrong? So for many years my mother and I have never gotten along. This has been since I was a little girl. And as far back as I can remember she has always favored my sister more then I. Well my mom need or wanted a place to stay. After live with her boyfriend of 17yr she decided move out of his house and because she is my mother I agreed to let her stay with me and my family. After about a month everything just went totally wrong. She was always complaining about every thing my children did right or wrong. She started being mean to my step-son ( who I have always treated as he was my flesh and blood child). My husband and I have had some problems. And I put him out. But when I told my mom that we were working out our problems. She got angry. So long story short. Me and my children took a road trip To see my sister who lives in TX( I live in MD) during the who trip I was unhappy so were my children. On the way home she just stared an arument about driving home. Then latter during a discussion my mom stared bad mouthing my husband. And by this time I had had enough. So after tell my mother how she was wrong and that she was being a hypocrite.( I felt this way because everything that my husband had been doing to me was wrong and she had anything to say about it but my sister was doing the exact same thing to her husband but worse and my mother had a justification for it it was ok and her eyes.)
After saying this she began to curse at me and even threaten to fight me all while driving home. And she is the one that is always quoting scripture telling people what's right and wrong in God's eyes and what people should and should not do. Yet she is using profanity and threatening violence. At that point I ended the conversation and we have not said anything to each other since we have been back. I don't like the tension in my home. And I feel like if she stays any longer the relationship will just be worse I feel like our relationship is what it is and I have to love her from afar. That being said I don't really want her here anymore I got all the warning signs that it would be like this but I tried to give it a chance because she is my mother. But now I'm feeling like it was the biggest mistake of my life. I'm at a lost.....Help I don't want to be disrespectful but she got to go.

Maybe help her find another place to live. You and your sister and any other relatives can help support her if she can't get social services.

I think that would be a better option than having her live with you in an unmanageable situation.

You are obligated to do what is reasonable not only for your mother, but for your own health (mental and physical), your marriage, and your children.

So it probably isn't going to work to have her there. Just my thoughts.