Wow, all of you. Your posts all cause me to think a lot, which I was doing anyway, but I wante the input of others too. I want to go back to each one of your posts and reply to them properly, but the blindness makes it hard. I am going to though, but it may be later this evening.
OK I will just tell you about that link to Lourdes that Colin posted. I am using my voice recognition now so I hope my post comes out okay. Like I said it was almost midnight and I could not sleep and for some reason I felt to click on that link. I was so surprised to see a mass going on. It was about halfway through and I watched it to the end. As I was watching it the thought came to me that I did not have to be there to find any kind of healing, either spiritual or physical. It was like all I had to do was touch the hem of his garment. I could watch the mass and to be healed there and then if I stretched out my hand. This was an odd thing for me, But as I watched, something told me to focus on the picture with both eyes. Normally and naturally I focus with just my right eye because it is the stronger one. Even doing that I still cannot see but I can see in a kind of white Blai because it is the stronger one. Even doing that I still cannot see but I can see in a kind of white blur. I found that I could focus with both eyes with difficulty but I managed to do it all the way through the mass. I was convinced that by the end of the mass I would be able to see a little clearer. But I could not. I wondered what had happened. It did not matter to me that my site has not returned. I was happy just to see the mass.
However I remembered that next Tuesday our priest is holding a healing mass for disabled and sick people. I had had no intentions of going. However something now said to me that I might go. I still do not know whether I will go or not as I do have a commitment that day. But I am thinking about it.
After watching the mass I started to think about gods will and that priests words that my blindness was the will of God and I wondered whether I should simply be going to that mass for strengthening rather than for physical healing. For me is it a miracle takes place inside ou is it miracle takes place inside of us and does not necessarily have to be physical. I struggled most of the night with thoughts about gods will and whether it is his will for me to have physical site or whether it is right for me to simply receive inner strengthening.
I had a lot to think about because there are many ways in which my blindness has been a wonderful blessing to those myself and others. My priest would say that it is gods will for me to be blind. Yet this is the priest who is doing the healing mass. During the night I wrote a letter to him because I needed to express all these thoughts and struggles to him. I did not give him the letter because he is a busy priest. And so these thoughts and struggles are still going on inside of me and I decided to pose the question to my fellow Catholics for discussion.
I may go to the mass next week or I may not. It all depends on whether or not I can cancel my previous commitment. But I found it very interesting what happened to me as I was watching the mass from Lourdes. I hope that I have expressed this properly because speaking into the iPad tends to stop my brain working properly.
I would like if you would all please continue to discuss this with me, not that we will get any definitive answers but I feel the discussion could be good and helpful. Thank you all so much.
