Hello, I am new here, and hopefully I am posting in the right place! I have been married for 9 years, and in the last 3 years, my husband has had 5 affairs that I am aware of. I discovered all of them, and although two of them he claimed to be in love with the other women, he was remorseful, and says he wants to stay married. We also have three young children. Aside from the affairs, he obsessed with inappropriate content, and dating sites. At this point, I have left several times, only to come back to him. He always has the best intentions, yet he gives in to women very easily. He is now being medicated for bipolar disorder, which he attributes the sexual addiction to, and will begin attending SLAA this week. My question is this...Most of the influences in my life, that are Christians themselves, tell me that God continuously opens the door for me to go, and it is evil that keeps me coming back. I have also been told that my husband possesses a spirit of manipulation that makes me unable to see him for what he is. I feel as though it is quite the opposite. I feel that God has shown me that he can be a wonderful husband and father, and that I have a duty to stand by him. This has been a hard road for me, but somehow I think I am strong enough to handle it, which is why I believe God wants me to "lead" my husband to him. Am I completely wrong? Being blinded by evil? I love my husband and want him to learn to trust in Jesus, but I can't help him if I toss him out on his own. I would love any insight on my situation, because everyone that knows me only tells me to forget him and eventually find a new husband - something I can't even fathom.
Is God telling me to persevere?
- Thread starter Hymnsong05
- Start date
Of course there's no biblical command to divorce because of adultery, but it is permissible. Your reaction to his affairs is quite different from what mine would be, but since you still love him and "can't even fathom" leaving him for good, your being a good mother to your children is something you can focus on. I guess I'd ask myself if I'm doing more harm than good sticking it out with someone who apparently has no respect for his wife or his wedding vows. 'Nuff said.
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Your husband is going to show your children by example how to be fornicators, unfaithful....he has most likely become a carrier of STD's even if there are no active symptoms as HPV and herpes are carried by over 50 percent of the population and can be passed while the diseases appear to be dormant, and AIDS is similar...herpes and HPV are regional and not stopped by any latex barriers, and HIV virus is much smaller in diameter than the microscopic holes in latex. HIV can be passed through latex barriers, and those things have something like a 5 percent tear failure rate anyways. You are setting an example of permissiveness for your children, and they will continue in this self destructive pattern which spreads confusion and disease as your husband is doing while you are being supportive of him. Of course your husband has mental problems like bi-polar when he is allowing sin to control his life. If it were only you and your husband with no children involved, I would say go ahead and stay with him if you feel like you should risk contracting diseases from the adulterous women he entertains for the altruistic desire to help the man, but for the sake of your children you need to separate from him and sue for custody of the children. Finding a different spouse is not part of that decision. You need to do what is right for your children or your children are going to play out the patterns they are learning.
Contact the Hope for the Heart ministry....led by a godly woman, I believe her name is June Hunt, amazing in her patience and understanding for people who come to her for help.
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BrokenWarrior
Just a Messenger
- Dec 29, 2014
- 245
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- Christian
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- US-Republican
Here is a passage that speaks for itself.
You be the judge.
Concerning Married Life
7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Concerning Change of Status
17 Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. 18 Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. 20 Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
21 Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22 For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. 24 Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
Concerning the Unmarried
25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
29 What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; 30 those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31 those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
36 If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37 But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.[c]
39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40 In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God
-1 Corinthians 7:1-40
Hope I helped!
-Your Brother In Christ
You be the judge.
Concerning Married Life
7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Concerning Change of Status
17 Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. 18 Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. 20 Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
21 Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22 For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. 24 Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
Concerning the Unmarried
25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
29 What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; 30 those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31 those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
36 If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37 But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.[c]
39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40 In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God
-1 Corinthians 7:1-40
Hope I helped!
-Your Brother In Christ
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USCGrad90
Seeker
For information - I am a married man of 23 years and father of 3 children. I consider Divorce not to be an option in my marriage. Like all marriages, we have faced ups and downs, but have never have strayed in our commitment - despite the opportunities to do so. As a man, I am faced daily with the temptations of sex. inappropriate content addiction is a very common issue with men, who are visual in nature of temptation.
Have you talked to a Pastor or otherwise qualified counselor - AND - have both of you attended marriage counseling together? You need someone to advise both of you on the nature of the issues and evaluate what he is doing and how you are reacting to it. They will be able to give you insight on whether you are being manipulated and what needs to change.
For the sake of your children, I commend you with staying with him - as you are well within your rights to divorce him. Divorce should be a last option and if you are willing to perservere, I think God will honor your choice. You sound like you already are committed to your marriage and are looking for someone to affirm your choice. People may say you are stupid to do so, but I think you are doing what God wants.
As far as his inappropriate content and dating website addicitions - there is accountabilty software for this, which I think he should install if he is serious about being accountable to you for his actions. Covenant Eyes is one that I have heard good things about and can be applied to all devices. It will allow you to see the choices he is making.
Internet Accountability Software for Windows, Mac, and Mobile
ALSO - he may attribute his inappropriate content addiction to the Bipolar disoorder, but unless you are being told this by a qualified physician or counselor - do not allow him to make excuses for his actions. Even with chemical imbalances, he needs to take personal responsibility for his hurtful actions and show remorse for the hurt he has caused. He needs to be committed to you in his efforts to find treatment and eliminate the sinful actions in his life. He must put you and his children ahead of himself.
I pray that God will work in your marriage and continue to provide you the strength to perservere. Always remember that when you don't feel you are strong enough - God provides all that you need.
Have you talked to a Pastor or otherwise qualified counselor - AND - have both of you attended marriage counseling together? You need someone to advise both of you on the nature of the issues and evaluate what he is doing and how you are reacting to it. They will be able to give you insight on whether you are being manipulated and what needs to change.
For the sake of your children, I commend you with staying with him - as you are well within your rights to divorce him. Divorce should be a last option and if you are willing to perservere, I think God will honor your choice. You sound like you already are committed to your marriage and are looking for someone to affirm your choice. People may say you are stupid to do so, but I think you are doing what God wants.
As far as his inappropriate content and dating website addicitions - there is accountabilty software for this, which I think he should install if he is serious about being accountable to you for his actions. Covenant Eyes is one that I have heard good things about and can be applied to all devices. It will allow you to see the choices he is making.
Internet Accountability Software for Windows, Mac, and Mobile
ALSO - he may attribute his inappropriate content addiction to the Bipolar disoorder, but unless you are being told this by a qualified physician or counselor - do not allow him to make excuses for his actions. Even with chemical imbalances, he needs to take personal responsibility for his hurtful actions and show remorse for the hurt he has caused. He needs to be committed to you in his efforts to find treatment and eliminate the sinful actions in his life. He must put you and his children ahead of himself.
I pray that God will work in your marriage and continue to provide you the strength to perservere. Always remember that when you don't feel you are strong enough - God provides all that you need.
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This is far to important,to seek advice from people who do not see the whole picture of what is happening
In your home.
There are forums here that help by hearing others speak on similar issues.
Seek wisdom from God in prayer,and staying in his Word.
Cry out to the Lord he never fails or has forsaken his Children,he will make a way when all seems impossible.
Your answer will come either by circumstance,or His still small voice.
One thing is for sure ,God will either change your husband or will change you to the right path.
In all things God's purposes will prevail.
May your joy be restored and God's hedge remain around your family and you during this time.
Will pray for your being healed.
In your home.
There are forums here that help by hearing others speak on similar issues.
Seek wisdom from God in prayer,and staying in his Word.
Cry out to the Lord he never fails or has forsaken his Children,he will make a way when all seems impossible.
Your answer will come either by circumstance,or His still small voice.
One thing is for sure ,God will either change your husband or will change you to the right path.
In all things God's purposes will prevail.
May your joy be restored and God's hedge remain around your family and you during this time.
Will pray for your being healed.
Upvote
0
