I met a Christian girl from another European country last year, and in January I proposed her and she agreed.
Then later I learnt about some temporary money problems and realized that I cannot be 100% sure it will be possible to have money for all the wedding celebrations and pay the sudden expenses and live and travel comfortably all same time with such a tight schedule we had.
But then I got an idea, because she is from a lower income country, where all is 2-10 times cheaper, maybe if we would live there first year instead of her moving to my country immediately, we could do all we wished very comfortably and easily pay all and even have good opportunities for my business to find cheaper suppliers in her country and enjoy this in the future too. Also she has always lived with parents and said it is for her hard to be away from them, so I thought it is perfect plan to not make such a big leap for her and get used to being away from family but still have possibility to meet them as often as she will feel necessary, and learn to live as a married couple and also learn the language of my country with me and I would learn her language in her country and this would make us also closer to not have only a foreign language for both as the only way of communication.
But some weeks after this, she told me that we are not ready for marriage, and she doesn't care about money problems but for her too hard that plans changed and she would not move to my country. And wrote that I shouldn't wait all life if she will be ready, and she already planned if we don't marry she will move to Germany or USA to have higher quality life. And said sorry, people have to think what is best for them.
it was a huge shock for me after all promises. And we talked and I tried my best to explain all my intentions and she changed her mind and we got married officially in March in the civil registry.
But now when I arrived here, after I got all finished in my native country and had sold and given away all my belongings, she has been distant. Even told one day that she has thought it was a mistake to get married and has been thinking about this last 2 months. And that she doesn't feel happy about the church wedding and celebration which is scheduled to be within a month.
I still have never visited her home, I don't even know where she lives. I have told how strange it is, and since winter she has told that maybe next time I will be invited, but now I am already living here but still it is postponed, later I will be invited.
We are legally married and all but I cannot touch her and meet only in weekends in daytime. I told I was planning to go to take a couple of language lessons to feel more comfortable here, but she asked why I should learn her language, it is not necessary, maybe later after church wedding but not now, it's not necessary.. all this very strange to me, why a woman doesn't want her husband to learn her language if we are not even living together and I just have time now here..I tried to ask for some explanation for this and she finally just said that ok I can decide myself.
also I cannot stay here without a temporary residency permit. And about this she said too that she thinks I should get it only after church wedding and honeymoon trip, not before. And here necessary to register officially that I live in some address and it is a tricky thing to do here, and normally spouses register to their homes, but first she told that better that I will do it myself all and pay hundreds of dollars to someone offering this service and not with her help, even if it is for free to register to their address.
Later said that her family agreed to register me AFTER the honeymoon..I wonder why all has to happen after that, when I arrived a month early to get nicely prepared all and we have these documents, well she has, marriage certificate she has not given me, and according to law I should register marriage in my country too but she says later..she would have gotten a free visa to our honeymoon country as my spouse, but rather prepared all documents and payment than let me register our marriage in EU.
So, I find this very hard, I have tried since meeting her, to make ALL that I can, for her and our best. I am older and more experienced than her and try to understand somethings from her being natural since always living with parents, but really, I have promised her to love always when I proposed, I have agreed in the official registration place to take her my wife, and I left all and jumped here because of her and to make best options for our family. But it is a little bit hard situation when,depending on her mood, she calls me her husband and other times says we are not really married, it is only a paper. We are both Christians, evangelical protestant church and met priest with her family to talk about our engagement, visited church and people there prayed for us and got this official marriage and still I feel that I am being kept on my toes all the time. She just says she understands that I am a very kind man but... seems she doesn't love me anymore! And for me hard to feel romantic feelings too, when she behaves so distant, and has behaved so many times here now, something I could not imagine doing to her if she had arrived my country, I mean, we didn't meet almost for 2 months, and now she is not interested to even meet except when she has a holiday from work, feels tired. And we had our monthly anniversary of marriage and it was like a peck on the cheek when meeting and when I walked her to her station to go home in the evening a peck on the cheek, that's how close I feel with my wife.
So I don't know, what to think about this all and MAIN THING, how to make things better! It doesn't feel good now for either of us I think!
Then later I learnt about some temporary money problems and realized that I cannot be 100% sure it will be possible to have money for all the wedding celebrations and pay the sudden expenses and live and travel comfortably all same time with such a tight schedule we had.
But then I got an idea, because she is from a lower income country, where all is 2-10 times cheaper, maybe if we would live there first year instead of her moving to my country immediately, we could do all we wished very comfortably and easily pay all and even have good opportunities for my business to find cheaper suppliers in her country and enjoy this in the future too. Also she has always lived with parents and said it is for her hard to be away from them, so I thought it is perfect plan to not make such a big leap for her and get used to being away from family but still have possibility to meet them as often as she will feel necessary, and learn to live as a married couple and also learn the language of my country with me and I would learn her language in her country and this would make us also closer to not have only a foreign language for both as the only way of communication.
But some weeks after this, she told me that we are not ready for marriage, and she doesn't care about money problems but for her too hard that plans changed and she would not move to my country. And wrote that I shouldn't wait all life if she will be ready, and she already planned if we don't marry she will move to Germany or USA to have higher quality life. And said sorry, people have to think what is best for them.
it was a huge shock for me after all promises. And we talked and I tried my best to explain all my intentions and she changed her mind and we got married officially in March in the civil registry.
But now when I arrived here, after I got all finished in my native country and had sold and given away all my belongings, she has been distant. Even told one day that she has thought it was a mistake to get married and has been thinking about this last 2 months. And that she doesn't feel happy about the church wedding and celebration which is scheduled to be within a month.
I still have never visited her home, I don't even know where she lives. I have told how strange it is, and since winter she has told that maybe next time I will be invited, but now I am already living here but still it is postponed, later I will be invited.
We are legally married and all but I cannot touch her and meet only in weekends in daytime. I told I was planning to go to take a couple of language lessons to feel more comfortable here, but she asked why I should learn her language, it is not necessary, maybe later after church wedding but not now, it's not necessary.. all this very strange to me, why a woman doesn't want her husband to learn her language if we are not even living together and I just have time now here..I tried to ask for some explanation for this and she finally just said that ok I can decide myself.
also I cannot stay here without a temporary residency permit. And about this she said too that she thinks I should get it only after church wedding and honeymoon trip, not before. And here necessary to register officially that I live in some address and it is a tricky thing to do here, and normally spouses register to their homes, but first she told that better that I will do it myself all and pay hundreds of dollars to someone offering this service and not with her help, even if it is for free to register to their address.
Later said that her family agreed to register me AFTER the honeymoon..I wonder why all has to happen after that, when I arrived a month early to get nicely prepared all and we have these documents, well she has, marriage certificate she has not given me, and according to law I should register marriage in my country too but she says later..she would have gotten a free visa to our honeymoon country as my spouse, but rather prepared all documents and payment than let me register our marriage in EU.
So, I find this very hard, I have tried since meeting her, to make ALL that I can, for her and our best. I am older and more experienced than her and try to understand somethings from her being natural since always living with parents, but really, I have promised her to love always when I proposed, I have agreed in the official registration place to take her my wife, and I left all and jumped here because of her and to make best options for our family. But it is a little bit hard situation when,depending on her mood, she calls me her husband and other times says we are not really married, it is only a paper. We are both Christians, evangelical protestant church and met priest with her family to talk about our engagement, visited church and people there prayed for us and got this official marriage and still I feel that I am being kept on my toes all the time. She just says she understands that I am a very kind man but... seems she doesn't love me anymore! And for me hard to feel romantic feelings too, when she behaves so distant, and has behaved so many times here now, something I could not imagine doing to her if she had arrived my country, I mean, we didn't meet almost for 2 months, and now she is not interested to even meet except when she has a holiday from work, feels tired. And we had our monthly anniversary of marriage and it was like a peck on the cheek when meeting and when I walked her to her station to go home in the evening a peck on the cheek, that's how close I feel with my wife.
So I don't know, what to think about this all and MAIN THING, how to make things better! It doesn't feel good now for either of us I think!
