Hi Rivulet,
I'm sorry you're going through that.
While I can't relate with the particluar problem (because we haven't tried)
I CAN relate very much with the "I feel like something's wrong with me and I'm a failure" thing.
You might ask yourself "why can't I have babies?"
and other women around you might be asking the same kind of question,
but about something else very dear to them.
"Why can't I have a husband?"
"Why can't I keep a relationship?"
"Why can't I find a job?"
"Why can't I heal from my cancer?"
Many of us have something that's amiss, a hole in our heart and in our lives,
that we feel inadequate because of.
Especially when we are standing juxtaposed to lots of other women
who have whatever it is.
For me, until a year ago,
it was marriage.
All through college I dated the wrong men.
They hurt me, used me, left me to bleed out (figuratively).
Meanwhile, a girl younger than me came along to my school and church
and got a "perfect" man within a few months of being here,
paraded their perfect life around everywhere,
and really rubbed it in my face that I was ... broken.
Then I met my hubby.
But we still had to be together off and on for 5 years before the wedding
because HE was broken.
She had already been married for a few years and had a sickeningly sweet
facebook profile full of thousands of happy photos,
and she was pregnant with baby #2 by the time we got married.
But God gave me a hubby in HIS timing and all that hurt didn't matter anymore.
And she moved away.
Now, it's my stagnant function in the workforce.
I've been "just a teller" for nearly 4 years,
while other tellers come and go because they get promoted.
I didn't use the college degree my parents paid for.
I feel like a moneypit.
I don't know what God is trying to prove there,
but I can relate with feeling broken because I can't seem to
go anywhere in my career.
Maybe it's not as intense or sentimental as wanting a baby,
but it's definitely been grounds for many tears, angry outbursts
and days of feeling sorry for myself.
A few months ago, a woman from my church posted this link to this blog:
http://natashametzler.com/but-why-does-she-get-babies/
It's not hers, she found it and liked it because she had infertility for many years
before finally having her 2 boys a little later in life.
I saw it on the news feed, read it, and remembered it.
Even though I haven't concerned myself too much with having a baby,
I appreciated this author's point... this sobering reminder "what it's all about"
"My business is simple: To follow Him.
And your question, friend? Jesus answers yours as well.
Why does she get a husband who actually works at their marriage? Why does she have a husband who is faithful? Why does she get a husband at all?
Why does she get a job that she loves? Why does she get to stay home? Why does she have extra spending money?
Why does she have extended family that helps her? Why does she have a mother who cares?
Why does she have good health? Why… Why…
“What’s that to you?” He says, “You follow Me.”
following christ takes guts and faith but I was glad they reminded me
because when I think about my unanswered questions,
I just feel anger.
I forget.
Not saying you forget, but I liked that this advice was spot-on.