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Inappropriate to be alone?

Discussion in 'Conservative Christianity' started by mcuestas, Nov 17, 2012.

  1. mcuestas

    mcuestas New Member

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    My fiance and I got into a discussion, it was in reference to him taking a women friend home. From my perspective, as a great women of faith. Not that I don't trust either of them.

    I don't feel a Christian man should be taking a Christian women home alone. I feel that someone else should be present or that a Christian women should be taking her home. Am I wrong for thinking this?

    I feel it is just inappropriate. For both their sakes....

    Please give me your thoughts?
     
  2. saskcanada4christ

    saskcanada4christ Saskatchewan Canada

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    Taking a women home?..... I wouldn't unless i knew the person well and yes maybe they should have someone present because it just opens the doors for the "what ifs..." its not a matter of trusting, its a matter of respect for each other i guess... also nieghbors or someone see that happens, things can soon turn into something harmless as that to something that blown way out of proportion.... that my opinion anyways
     
  3. mcuestas

    mcuestas New Member

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    Thanks it was a great reply!:)
     
  4. desmalia

    desmalia sounds like somebody's got a case of the mondays

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    Even if it's not a temptation issue, it's still inappropriate. And for that matter, not just in taking her to his home, but being alone with any woman (other than his mother, sister, etc.) for an extended period of time, period. And that's whether he is married, engaged, whatever. Further, you two should not be spending time alone together in his home either. Both for how it looks to others, and for the obvious issue of temptation. I don't say that from some high-horse position. When I was engaged, we did spend way too much time alone and constantly battled temptation. In hindsight we did not act as we should have. It's not a good way to go. Better to spend time together in public places and/or with friends and family.

    Another example: a couple of years ago I had to take a long trip to attend a course, and a family friend was attending as well, so he drove us there. It was, of course on the up and up, but we both realized along the way how odd and uncomfortable it was. On the trip back he saw one of his neighbours and realized he now needed to explain to her why he was on this trip with another woman, and that was not even an "alone" situation. These things do matter, and we should be aware of them.

    The music director at my church cancels practice on days when everyone calls in sick except for one of the women. He won't be alone in the building with just another woman. It's not that he's afraid he will stumble, it's just inappropriate and could start any number of rumors, etc. Same when any of us women are leaving his Bible study if his wife is not there. If I stay late to continue a discussion, I stand outside the door so we're not inside alone together.
     
  5. Purge187

    Purge187 Former Prodigal.

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    If the two of them have no ungodly intentions, I don't see a problem with it.
     
  6. lismore

    lismore Legend

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    Hello:)


    In 1 Thessalonians 5:22 the bible says to avoid even the appearance of evil. No matter if something is innocent and pure, if it can be seen as something inappropriate then it should not be done.

    IMO this is a safety mechanism to avoid allegations and gossip. Just as desmalia said.

    Mud sticks. There are some allegations that will hang over your heard for a long time, even if found to be untrue.

    Amen:)
     
  7. jehoiakim

    jehoiakim Servant

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    It probabaly isn't the wisest idea, unless this woman is close to both you and your husband for instance we have a lot of couple friends and a short ride home or whatever, I don't think there would need to be any concern. If it was a one time kind of think I also don't think it wise but not something to worry about, if it became a regular thing that would be something that would raise some red flags
     
  8. Wagonmaker

    Wagonmaker Newbie

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    This is an interesting question, the answer of which can be incredibly malleable depending on your own personal value system and background.

    I'll explain.

    I was born and raised in a conservative Christian environment, and my mom's parents were raised in an even MORE Fundamentalist environment (KJV was the only true Bible, etc).

    In this environment, it would be frowned upon for an unmarried man and woman to spend time alone. But the question is why not?

    The Israelites were given 613 rules to live by. Pretty specific guidelines, I would say. But Jesus came to fulfill the law, that is, to say "Look, here's the key.... Love God and love people. That's the gospel."

    Being sticklers for rules just because you feel like "God said so" is silly. Should an an unmarried man and woman have an affair? NO WAY! That's the point. Should they spend time alone together? It depends on their character, motive, and strength under temptation.

    I left the confides of dogma and "churchianity" to explore, for me, a more meaningful relationship with my Creator and his will for my life, and a lot of these questions began to answer themselves. The more I learned about myself, the more I understood what rules I needed to have in place for myself and what rules I could throw out.

    I am now in a serious relationship with a very liberal woman who was not raised with religion, and yet she has impeccable morals. I would generally not find myself spending great amounts of time alone with other women, mostly for two reasons: 1) respect for my own intimate relationship with my girlfriend, and 2) because I'd rather spend time with the one I love. But would I give someone a ride home if the circumstances warranted it? Of course not. I am not afraid that I will somehow act inappropriately, and my girlfriend certainly would share my feeling.

    I hope you resolve this issue soon, and trust in your own intuition on the issue. The bottom line is that this is an issue of motive and intention above all else. Best to you and your husband.
     
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2012
  9. Ad4m

    Ad4m Newbie

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    Definitely inappropriate. I won't even touch a woman unless I know her (my wife, a friend or one of my fellow church-goers here) or if I have to (shaking hands) etc.
     
  10. LionofJudahDK

    LionofJudahDK New Member

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    This, right here, is one of the many problems of America's puritan heritage.
    It has its upsides, too, but the downsides more than outweigh them.

    If you can't be alone with someone of the opposite gender without trying to sleep with them, then you have got some serious problems. Nuff said.

    THIS!!!

    All of this can be boiled down to:
    "Some people will gossip, so you shouldn't.". Well, using that logic, we can forbid everything: You shouldn't drive a car, because some people might say that they saw you speeding, and no matter if it's true or not, the accusation is there.
     
  11. LionofJudahDK

    LionofJudahDK New Member

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    1: There were 613 laws...let's not make the Torah MORE difficult than it already is ;)

    2: Actually, He said: "This [what you said] is the Law and the Prophets" ;) But you're right!
     
  12. lismore

    lismore Legend

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    It's what the Apostle Paul said, avoiding even the appearance of evil.
     
  13. LionofJudahDK

    LionofJudahDK New Member

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    But spending time with a friend does not appear evil in the slightest!
     
  14. Wagonmaker

    Wagonmaker Newbie

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    The more restrictions one has on their behaviors, the less freedom. With freedom comes great responsibility (Spider-man?). I'm thankful that my friends don't automatically assume I'm up to no good at every turn. I think I would go nuts living with so many rules.

    On the other hand, if you are in a fundamentalist environment, one's personal character might be weaker than someone who exercises more freedom, therefor, more prone to fall into evil. This is just a theory, but I heard an example of this once...

    You're walking down the sidewalk beside a wooden fence. The fence has a knothole in it at eye level. You think nothing of it and keep walking. A while later there's another knothole at eye level, but this time there's a sign above it that reads: "Do Not Look Through Knothole". Now the temptation to look through is created, simply from the forbiddance not to.
     
  15. iamauthentic

    iamauthentic Newbie

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    Paul says that we are no longer slaves to sin, but we are not slaves to righteousness.

    also, how many times does paul rebuke the Corinthians for taking their freedom for granted?
     
  16. lismore

    lismore Legend

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    To you it doesn't, indeed.
     
  17. Wagonmaker

    Wagonmaker Newbie

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    This is obviously a good example of situational ethics. Everyone's relationship with God is unique. Some people cannot allow themselves to be alone with a person they are not married to without causing a problem on some level. For others, the issue isn't even a cognitive realization, much less a moral concern.
     
  18. Faith.Man

    Faith.Man Senior Veteran

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    If it bothers you, he should have been more in-tune with your wishes and feelings. Just my opinion.
     
  19. LionofJudahDK

    LionofJudahDK New Member

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    Indeed, just as it doesn't appear evil "to me" to use public transportation, drive a car (ok, I don't have a licence yet, but if I did....), go to the library, etc.
     
  20. Wagonmaker

    Wagonmaker Newbie

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    That was a typo I will correct. I knew that! ;)
     
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