In your 40s, with young children!

[QueenMommy]

Hello everyone

I was wondering if there were folks here in their 40s, who had young kids. Do you feel like your kids have encouraged you to have a "young" perspective about things?

Do your kids build up reservoirs of energy for you, or do they leave you exhausted?

Have you experienced unusual or uncalled-for comments from others about your age and your kids' ages?

(My children are 6 and 4, and I would like to adopt a child. One of my friends just had a baby at 43. She also has a 10 and 8 year old. And my best friend, also 43, has an adopted 2 year old, along with an 18 and 12 year old.)

Looking forward to hearing from others!

 

[BrazilianGenX]

It depends what you mean by 'young' My kids are 9 and 12. I am young at heart, so I think that, if anything, I have them rolling their eyes most of the time when I'm out in public with them: especially my youngest, who is a 9 year old going on 15

 

[blackribbon]

Mine were 9 and 7 when I crossed into my 40's. I remember thinking that when they were born (in my 30's) that I understood why God gave most babies to young women. I didn't have the same level of energy but I did have extreme amounts of patience.

Now, I am 46 and they are 13 and 15. I think it keeps me young because the parents I hang around are younger. I think there is a fine line though because the older we are as parents, the younger our children will be when we leave them in death and the more likely they will be having to care for us while they are also caring for young children.

If you are considering adopting an unadoptable child, then I don't think it matters because the fact each child deserves to be loved takes priority. If a younger couple would want this child, then make sure you are picking what is best for that child.

 

[blackribbon]

I also would like for you to consider your husband. As women and mothers, we tend to place our marriage on the backburner while raising the kids. This is fine and healthy if done with balance. However, most men (even men who love their kids) long to be the center of their bride's attention again. By adding young kids to the mix, you postpone the years where you get to be a "couple" again. The longer you put it off, the more likely you are to not be healthy enough to enjoy it.

I love being a mother...but as I moved into my 40's, I also was looking forward to the day when we could just be sweethearts again. We had made it through the tough times and come out more in love. We were starting to dream about retirement and spending more time together. Life is about stages...and I think families that never move out of the parenting stage miss out on something special. I didn't get that opportunity because my husband died of cancer when I was 43 (and he was 41). Be careful not to value motherhood over being a wife...parenting is only supposed to be for a season but marriage is for the rest of your life.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Hello everyone

I was wondering if there were folks here in their 40s, who had young kids. Do you feel like your kids have encouraged you to have a "young" perspective about things?

Do your kids build up reservoirs of energy for you, or do they leave you exhausted?

Have you experienced unusual or uncalled-for comments from others about your age and your kids' ages?

(My children are 6 and 4, and I would like to adopt a child. One of my friends just had a baby at 43. She also has a 10 and 8 year old. And my best friend, also 43, has an adopted 2 year old, along with an 18 and 12 year old.)

Looking forward to hearing from others!

Nice thread!

My oldest is 9 and the youngest just 7 months old. I found out recently that one of my old school friends just had twins at 43 so her two are around the same age as my youngest.

On some days I'm full of beans and look and feel younger but equally there are other days when I truly feel my age .

Thankfully those who know me are very complimentary as to how I look with young kids and those who don't really know me assume I'm younger as a result of the kids ( this must be on the high energy days).

I have no regrets about having children older - I was quite irresponsible when I was younger and feel the Lord blessed me with motherhood when He knew I'd be a better mother for my kids.

 

[Lime Flower]

My second oldest is 8, and the seventh and eighth aren't yet born! Yes, I do think I'm very young for my age!

blackribbon, my condolences. I married later than most, and my husband and I both wanted a large family. I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[bobbyking]

Do your kids build up reservoirs of energy for you, or do they leave you exhausted?
Looking forward to hearing from others!

Hi

I am 47 this year; I have 3 girls, age 17, 15 and 13. My wife and I are very involved in their lives, e.g. we coach them in their school work, play tennis seriously every week and even watch selected movies and TV dramas together.

Being close to them is great but I also experience unnecessary & unfounded fears that I will lose them one day . My wife said once that I will have problem letting them go (when they get married and move out). I think this is true. :o

However, I have read many articles that many households which lack a father figure at home face child-growing up problems, so I am quite happy I am able to spend time with them (at least I know they are not tired of him yet!).....

 

[Th1rt33n]

The problem with being 40 and a parent of young children. You still think you can do what you could in your 20's and then your body lets you know otherwise. (OUCH)

Example: There was a counter about stomach high that I jumped on by backing up to it, putting my hands on the counter, then pushing with my arms to get my behind in the sitting position on the counter. Then spin around with my legs up to get to the other side of the counter. No problem. The return trip back over the counter, same maneuver but as soon as I lifted myself to the counter, PAIN shot through my entire body mostly in the shoulders front and back and radiated down the arms. I sat there for a good 3 minutes praying the pain would subside.

"You think you can do these things but you just can't Nemo" was the thought that rang through my head.

 

[BrazilianGenX]

I was playing basketball with my 9 year old just before Christmas. I was backpedaling too fast and lost my balance, resulting in my first broken bones in my 43 years of life!

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

...
"You think you can do these things but you just can't Nemo" was the thought that rang through my head.

Amen! Absolutely

 

[VincentHChough]

This is my first post on CF and the topic caught my eye! Married with 5 boys between 5 and 17. So I have to deal with it all. Very hard to shift gears because you not only have to deal with each age but also with each personality.

The hardest part for me is staying centered. I mean listening and responding thoughtfully. My wife (at home mom) has it even harder since she deals with them all day (especially now - we are in summer vacation here in Buenos Aires).

A prayerful life helps me tremendously.

As far as the age thing, I think it is pretty common these days for us 40 somethings to have young kids... the raised eyebrows I get here are from seeing a mixed marriage (she - Argentine, me - Korean) with 5 boys trolling about! Not common at all in our neighborhood.

 

[kerrysue]

I was playing basketball with my 9 year old just before Christmas. I was backpedaling too fast and lost my balance, resulting in my first broken bones in my 43 years of life!

Hey, I know this Brazilian GenX and you aren't even old Fun to find you on here! I am 47 and my two youngest kids are 8 and 10. I think having kids this age now is great--I am always prepping them to take care of me

 

[Samson0423]

We have an autistic 5 year old daughter, and she keeps us hopping, Me 39 and my wife 43, Just don't have the energy some days. My Wife wants another child very badly, but she had her tubes cut when the girls were born, so that's a no go. We are thinking of adoption, but the CAS wants us to wait a year of our daughter passing before we can apply.

 

[Biblefreak]

To me the 40's with 2 young boy's means that I am blessed to weigh the same I did in high school. I'm 6' 3" 179lbs. So it's easy to keep up with them . Part of God's mercy!

 

[VincentHChough]

Dear Biblefreak,

I weighed 105 pounds in high school at one point... I was on the wresting team and that was the only spot on the starting line up that wasn't occupied!
Of course I did it to impress a girl.... didn't work out the way I wanted it to though.

I still fit into my wedding suit today

Blessings!
Vince

 

[DreamingLikeSarah0423]

We have an autistic 5 year old daughter, and she keeps us hopping, Me 39 and my wife 43, Just don't have the energy some days. My Wife wants another child very badly, but she had her tubes cut when the girls were born, so that's a no go. We are thinking of adoption, but the CAS wants us to wait a year of our daughter passing before we can apply.

Clarifying, I gave birth to twin girls when I was 37 and we lost one of them to cancer last July and I had no more excuses to not have my tubal ligation reversed. Yes my OB took a procedure past what I had given him permission to do so we can't have another naturally. But we are being told we cannot adopt for one year after the death of a child although I don't know where they get that assumption from. Life will never be the same without our daughter and I do not want to replace her in any way, but would love to add to the fun in little foot numbers in our home. Each child is a blessing and although I made a foolish decision 5 years ago, I am hoping to add to our number here through adoption. I've loved being around children my whole life and am used to large families. As long as I am able to, I have no intention of slowing down and sitting in a rocking chair anytime soon; I still love extreme sports.

 

[VincentHChough]

Clarifying, I gave birth to twin girls when I was 37 and we lost one of them to cancer last July and I had no more excuses to not have my tubal ligation reversed. Yes my OB took a procedure past what I had given him permission to do so we can't have another naturally. But we are being told we cannot adopt for one year after the death of a child although I don't know where they get that assumption from. Life will never be the same without our daughter and I do not want to replace her in any way, but would love to add to the fun in little foot numbers in our home. Each child is a blessing and although I made a foolish decision 5 years ago, I am hoping to add to our number here through adoption. I've loved being around children my whole life and am used to large families. As long as I am able to, I have no intention of slowing down and sitting in a rocking chair anytime soon; I still love extreme sports.

Sounds like a house full of life and love!

Grace to you,
Vince

 

[Biblefreak]

Dear Biblefreak,

I weighed 105 pounds in high school at one point... I was on the wresting team and that was the only spot on the starting line up that wasn't occupied!
Of course I did it to impress a girl.... didn't work out the way I wanted it to though.

I still fit into my wedding suit today

Blessings!
Vince

Nice! The funny thing is it's not because I don't eat enough..... Just ask my wife .

 

[RedTulipMom]

I am 42 and have 4 children ages 23 yrs, 7 yrs, 4 yrs, and the youngest is 16 mos. It is tiring running after small children. ...

 

[makeitwork]

i don't look my age, i look much younger than 42, and even if i did look my age who cares.
my children are teaching me. they are so carefree, always on the go, loving, they make me laugh all the time, and they have me look at things in a different way.
my friends and relatives say oh your kids are so lucky to have you and your hubby, but its the other way around i am the one that's blessed to these 5 beautiful children.
they know that they came from mommy heart and not mommy stomach.