In God's eyes, what constitutes a marriage?

[tuliplane]

The Bible talks of marriage, but doesn't imply that you need a ceremony, a reception, or a license. What is it that makes the marriage? Is it the vows? The Bible doesn't really seem to discuss marriage vows either. Is it the consummation that makes people married? If a man and woman are in a committed relationship and tell each other they'll never leave each other, does that equal a marriage? The Bible talks of a man leaving his parents and cleaving unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. So according to that verse, what if a man has left his parents, entered into a relationship with a woman, they live together, and say they'll never leave each other, is that what a marriage is?

 

[jbearnolimits]

Marriage is a contract between two people. That is why you need a written bill of divorce to get out of it. Have you noticed in the Bible that the parents would give their daughters in marriage? It is like they transferred ownership. This is more than a simple statement saying I won't leave you. It is a binding covenant.

Most binding covenants require a witness and a token of the agreement. There is a difference between entering into a marriage and entering into fornication.

 

[tturt]

Studied ancient Jewish wedding customs previously and it was very interesting. Some points were –

The groom’s father selected the bride. If she agreed, they were bethrothed (married) at that point so it was a binding agreement. This contract included the bride price and the terms of agreement for both sides/parties. Then the groom would return to his father’s home to prepare a place for them to live while the bride readied herself for his return. The groom’s father decided when things were ready, then the official ceremony would take place with a wedding supper.

Even though it’s been a long time since I read this infor, I can remember it because it’s patterned after the plan of salvation and the return of Christ.

 

[theophilus777]

The Bible talks of marriage, but doesn't imply that you need a ceremony, a reception, or a license. What is it that makes the marriage? Is it the vows? The Bible doesn't really seem to discuss marriage vows either. Is it the consummation that makes people married?

But that would be a marriage of the flesh. You are supposed to be in the spirit

No seriously, some of the older Biblical texts have no more than you mention here. Isaac's marriage, for example. We are flesh, the body is significant; even to God. The Gospel doesn't do away with our body, but should teach us what to do with it.

Marriage is a Blessing of God. Not a piece of paper, created by people. I think Christians need to take a stand on this in these crazy times in which we live.

If a man and woman are in a committed relationship and tell each other they'll never leave each other, does that equal a marriage?

I don't think so, no. Scripture also tells us to obey the laws of the land. Having a witness doesn't mean needing to have a big Greek wedding, but it should be done in the open, so people can know about it.

 

[seeingeyes]

There is always a social context to marriage in the Bible. A man and a woman live as husband and wife publicly.

 

[revrobor]

I don't think so, no. Scripture also tells us to obey the laws of the land. Having a witness doesn't mean needing to have a big Greek wedding, but it should be done in the open, so people can know about it.

There is no law in any state REQUIRING a couple to apply for a marriage license to live together as husband and wife. A wedding ceremony CAN be held in the open without a marriage license from the state. I have performed such a service.

 

[RBPerry]

So according to that verse, what if a man has left his parents, entered into a relationship with a woman, they live together, and say they'll never leave each other, is that what a marriage is?

This to me is a very interesting question. The marriage covenant is made between the couple and God. If a couple have made that covenant, why is a witness necessary? I also agree we are to live by the law of the land as long as that law doesn't conflict with our Christian beliefs. The one problem I see in not having a contractual marriage, is if the marriage should fail their is no alimony protections available, there of course would be child support protection.
As for me, I think I would stick with a traditional marriage agreement.

 

[seeingeyes]

This to me is a very interesting question. The marriage covenant is made between the couple and God. If a couple have made that covenant, why is a witness necessary?

I would say that a witness is necessary. Not in an "official" capacity, but because marriage has a social component, it should be public.

So say your vows, then call your mother and tell her. Everyone will know by sundown.

I also agree we are to live by the law of the land as long as that law doesn't conflict with our Christian beliefs. The one problem I see in not having a contractual marriage, is if the marriage should fail their is no alimony protections available, there of course would be child support protection.
As for me, I think I would stick with a traditional marriage agreement.

There are a lot of benefits to having a government-recognized marriage. But if two people are willing to forego those benefits, I wouldn't consider them any less married. Just my two cents.

 

[parsley]

Expectations changed through history. Think about the years before the Law -- there was not much writing about any sort of religious structure at all. People worshiped God out of their homes, with their families. To say that one formal way is right denies a marriage between Adam and Eve, who bore children.

Look at how quickly the marriage of Moses to Zipporah was described:

"He (priest of Midian) said to his daughters, "Where is he then? Why is it that you have left the man behind? Invite him to have something to eat." 21Moses was willing to dwell with the man, and he gave his daughter Zipporah to Moses. 22Then she gave birth to a son, and he named him Gershom, for he said, "I have been a sojourner in a foreign land."

Ex 2

Omission from scriptures can imply that God doesn't micromanage these things.

It was important for children to have providers and caretakers, and also for women during times society was male-dominated, and also for couples to make firm commitments to each other for obvious reasons. The scriptural rules were more about equity and human concern than religious ritual.

Add on what was said above -- if two people in a community commit to each other, the other people need to know. Imagine an old boyfriend returning and the woman not mentioning she'd made a commitment.

 

[tturt]

posted: -- if two people in a community commit to each other, the other people need to know. Imagine an old boyfriend returning and the woman not mentioning she'd made a commitment.

That's funny and makes the point.

We're open about other important decisions in our lives. There's a verse about telling someone when you become saved. Baptism is usually public.

Seems that if someone wanted to keep it their marriage a secret, they might be a problem being committed.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

There is no law in any state REQUIRING a couple to apply for a marriage license to live together as husband and wife. A wedding ceremony CAN be held in the open without a marriage license from the state. I have performed such a service.

It is not a legal marriage. I don't believe that God would not want a marriage to be legal. In the OT it talks about a 'decree of divorce', that would be a legal document.

What kind of marriage ceremony do you speak of that you perform? Why call it 'marriage' and not a 'shacking up' ceremony?

 

[revrobor]

It is not a legal marriage. I don't believe that God would not want a marriage to be legal. In the OT it talks about a 'decree of divorce', that would be a legal document.

What kind of marriage ceremony do you speak of that you perform? Why call it 'marriage' and not a 'shacking up' ceremony?

You're talking about a "civil" marriage not a Biblical marriage. The Bible does not require civil marriages. You're right it is not a "legal" marriage as defined by state governments. But to be married Biblically a couple does not have to have a marriage license from any state. There were no marriage licenses issued in Biblical days. After a marriage celebration (such as the one at Cana) what made the couple husband and wife was sexual intercourse.

 

[parsley]

When people go through the formalities, they commit to "for better, worse, richer, poorer, sickness, health." While those vows don't tangibly hold people to putting up with everything, they're a good reminder when times get tough. People do a lot of insane things to each other over the years.

 

[theophilus777]

What kind of marriage ceremony do you speak of that you perform? Why call it 'marriage' and not a 'shacking up' ceremony?

Ha, a shacking up ceremony, lol. I think this gets to the heart of the OP's question?

 

[retlaw]

In biblical times whenever someone wanted to do something legally he called the town elders together to "witness" the agreements.

My guess is any wedding ceremony/meeting/gathering held with respect to God where a man and a woman pledge themselves to one another for life in front of "meaningful" witnesses is a marriage. I don't think God cares about The "state" having documentation but Paul told us to try to follow the local laws whenever possible so Christian couples should do what steps are necessary to codify that with the state. but the marriage begins when the two make the pledge.

It's also useful to understand that in Israel a woman was often pledged to a man long before they "got married" she was considered his wife from the pledge, not the ceremony or consummation. For her to be with another man was already considered infidelity. Remember how Joseph was going to divorce Mary quietly so she would not be stoned for the crime she would have been accused of. I always felt like Joseph was a man of true strength, certainly until the Angel visited him he assumed Mary was guilty but he still acted to protect her.

 

[Norah63]

It used to be if a woman would live with a man without benefit of clergy(marriage),
then she was called a common law wife. Dont know the legal rights, or if that is still the case.

 

[theophilus777]

That varies by State, as does the time living together for that to kick in. In some States its not til after 7 years. Here its never.