I'm losing my faith

[adnan007]

One time in life I was very depressed. I used to cry every day. I used to get so sad while crying that I could hear my heart pounding. Then I started getting dizzy because of it. I got dizzy next day every time I cried two or three nights. I had no choice. I had to choose stop crying and cursing my life and me. There wasn’t any benefit for me crying and cursing.

I’m a disabled person. I have no training or education. I have no job. If I study and practice everyday, then I’ll be able to get a job and improve my life. But I get dishearten, choose wrong things, and waste time and energy in fantasies.

Most of children who went to school with me couldn’t complete the basic education. I was one of the bright students when I was in grade two. My friend hadn’t memorize the tables. You used to get beaten with sticks for things like that. I showed him that you can write table by adding numbers together. He learnt it and he was so happy that he was nonstop writing tables, checking tables, and showing it to me. A lot students were very weak in studies. With a little right help they could learn a lot. I’m a poor person. I leave in in a poor area. I fantasize that I have a lot of money and I have opened a free tuition centre for children in my area. We help children in homework and other problems.
I can see that it’s a very good thought and it can help a lot of children. But this fantasy hurts me. I don’t have money and there’s no I can help like this. In fact, I need help at this time. If I give more time to studying and practicing, I could help my family and some people. I’m sure. I must choose to think and do what is beneficial for me.

Yesterday it was my cousin’s mehndi ceremony. Everyone was outside. I didn’t go outside. There was a lot of guests and their children. A small girl came in and went back when she saw me. She brought another girl with her. They stood in door. She pointed at me and said ‘Look him’. And they ran back giggling and making noises. Then it happened few times with other children. One of the children called me names one time. I had no idea how to handle it but I was thinking that crying and cursing my life for few days will only worsen it. Before in incidents like this, I always cursed me and my life, but this time I haven’t done it. I think it’ll be beneficial for me to have some strategy for situation like this instead of cursing my life. I’ll be glad to have thinking like this

.


I know two brothers. Both have physical and other problems. Both want to help their family. Older one don’t work and say’s his life has been ruined. Four years younger one goes to work and hasn’t said anything like this. One has to choose to think and do what is beneficial for them.


In my eyes, I am a loser. I’m 30 years old. I no education or job or money and I think I have lived most of my life. I don’t think I’ll live more than 40. I have club feet. My left leg is short because it broke many years ago and didn’t heal the right way. I can’t walk without someone’s help. My health is decreasing with each year. I’m not persistent. It hurts when I hear that my this friend is getting married or that friend is getting married but I can’t get married. But sometimes I still think I’m lucky because I still have a chance to improve. In my eyes, most of you have a lot. You have education, job, good health, and hope. I believe life will get better, if you think and do what is beneficial for you.

 

[EvangelistMusgrove]

Also, to add now, I remember watching this video, the first I've ever seen by Clayton Jennings (Evangelist), which gave me a new perspective on Hell:

I've followed him ever since I've watched that single video. But now, even a man so truly pursued in the word of God, feels torn apart, as shown by the video he just released today:

In your weakness, in your loss, you need to turn to God. When life gets going great, we dwindle from the path he's provided. As doubtful as you may be, he's crying out to you, all you need is to listen, and to realize that he is there.

 

[Cis.jd]

God heard your prayers and answered them befor the world was formed. "Faith" is understanding that.

Now, if you had "Faith" that God would do things like help you avoid hard times, then that faith will surely fade over time. God doesn't "answer" prayers on demand. He already planned your life. Your task is to hear His voice and follow His lead.

I thank you for sharing your point of view.. and i admit, it's rather hard to have faith after a number of years. It just gets confusing as to whether god is present or if I am ignored or maybe the understanding of the God of prayer isn't exactly as popularly taught

 

[Alter2Ego]

For so many years i've prayed for God to lead my life, however for so many years i have been growing in anger, loneliness, and now pure doubt. I have prayed for my life to go some where for so long, but nothing.

Cis.jd:

I am curious as to how you want Almighty God to "lead" your life. It is important that we all understand that Jehovah will only answer prayers that are in harmony with his will and purpose. We also should understand that we can only approach Jehovah through the mediator, Jesus Christ, and expect that our prayers be heard. Prayers offered to Jehovah by means of saints, etc. will not reach the Almighty.

"For there is only one God and one Mediator who can reconcile God and humanity--the man Christ Jesus." (1 Timothy 2:5 -- New Living Translation)



Alter2Ego

 

[Alter2Ego]

Many people have betrayed me and had no regrets doing so, and to many i had the reputation of being a loser. For years i've prayed and clinged on to faith that God is at the midst of it all, but instead of my life progressing it seems they ended up getting blessings than me. This has lead me to sin, sins i've also been praying for strength to get over.. but nothing. I am powerless. No matter how many times i pray, go to church, attend my prayer groups ever Wednesday... i just can't help but feel the growing of doubt and anger towards God.

Cis.jd:

It sounds like you are a very trusting person, which is how people were able to betray you. Sorry to hear about your bad experiences with others, but we cannot blame Jehovah for the wrongdoings of others. Just cut those people out of your life and try to find friends that are genuine.

I will address the remainer of your opening post in a different message.

Alter2Ego

 

[SkyWriting]

I thank you for sharing your point of view.. and i admit, it's rather hard to have faith after a number of years. It just gets confusing as to whether god is present or if I am ignored or maybe the understanding of the God of prayer isn't exactly as popularly taught

Your prayers from the past have been heard as well as your
future prayers have already been heard and answered.

Prayer changes you to line up with God, not the other way round.
I'm explaining your experiences and observations.

 

[GoldenKingGaze]

For so many years i've prayed for God to lead my life, however for so many years i have been growing in anger, loneliness, and now pure doubt. I have prayed for my life to go some where for so long, but nothing. Many people have betrayed me and had no regrets doing so, and to many i had the reputation of being a loser. For years i've prayed and clinged on to faith that God is at the midst of it all, but instead of my life progressing it seems they ended up getting blessings than me. This has lead me to sin, sins i've also been praying for strength to get over.. but nothing. I am powerless. No matter how many times i pray, go to church, attend my prayer groups ever Wednesday... i just can't help but feel the growing of doubt and anger towards God.


How can you have faith in praying? I've seen so many people, in real life or stories around the world that have had it 10x worse than i did. People who have been tortured to brutally murdered, people who are starving or have died due to domestic abuse. They may have prayed to be saved from it, but no answer. If God wouldn't answer theirs, why would i believe that he would answer mine? How do we call God a loving Father? Do we always have to read the Jobs, Psalms, the life of Jesus over and over again?

Maybe you should see a Christian counselor and drop into the Catholic Charismatic Renewal, and look into Elijah House. Expand your fellowship circles. Pray for the gift of a word of knowledge so you can hear from God at home.

 

[Tinyarch]

The Bible is filled with accounts of believers having a dark night of the soul. The valley of the shadow of death. The moment where Job's wife implores him to curse God and die. Habakkuk wondering why God fails to rebuke the ungodly. Elijah running from Ahab. And...Jesus in the garden.
Faith is believing that in spite of the momentary sorrows, there is much gain in trusting God.
One of my favorite quotes comes from Spurgeon: "I have learned to kiss the wave that tosses me onto the Rock of Ages."
That is a great lesson to learn and it comes through the crucible of suffering. God tells us in Hebrews 12 that the child he has called is disciplined by the Father. Christ went through the dark night. We can expect that in following, we too shall pass through the dark night.

 

[Emmy]

Dear Cis.jd. In Matthew 22: 35-40: Jesus tells us: "Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
This is the first and great Commandment. The second is like it: love thy neighbour as thyself." In verse 40, we are told:
On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." God is Love, and God wants loving sons and daughters. In Matthew 7: 7-10: we are told: Ask and you shall receive. We ask for Love and Joy, then thank God, and share all love and joy with our neighbour. God sees our loving and caring, and God will Bless us. ( loving and caring is to love all we meet and all we know as we would love to be treated) The Bible tells us to "give up all our selfish wishes and wants, and start loving and caring." We simply treat all we meet as we would love to be treated. Jesus our Saviour will help and guide us, Jesus will lead us all the way: JESUS IS THE WAY. Love is very catching, and soon we will be as God wants us to be. I say this with love, Cis. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[Balugon]

For so many years i've prayed for God to lead my life, however for so many years i have been growing in anger, loneliness, and now pure doubt. I have prayed for my life to go some where for so long, but nothing. Many people have betrayed me and had no regrets doing so, and to many i had the reputation of being a loser. For years i've prayed and clinged on to faith that God is at the midst of it all, but instead of my life progressing it seems they ended up getting blessings than me. This has lead me to sin, sins i've also been praying for strength to get over.. but nothing. I am powerless. No matter how many times i pray, go to church, attend my prayer groups ever Wednesday... i just can't help but feel the growing of doubt and anger towards God.


How can you have faith in praying? I've seen so many people, in real life or stories around the world that have had it 10x worse than i did. People who have been tortured to brutally murdered, people who are starving or have died due to domestic abuse. They may have prayed to be saved from it, but no answer. If God wouldn't answer theirs, why would i believe that he would answer mine? How do we call God a loving Father? Do we always have to read the Jobs, Psalms, the life of Jesus over and over again?

While I can't say that I fully know your experience, because only you and God know that, many of us are suffering with you. At the same time, many of us have seen great blessings happen too- I could have ended up like many high school kids- getting someone pregnant at an early age, dead end job, unhappy relationship, involved with drugs... but I don't have any of those situations happening in my life. I've also seen God move so I could have housing, have seen people walk into churches with canes and walk out without them, and have seen God heal the deaf.

While none of this necessarily takes away your pain, I will say, I found a lot more freedom when I started pursuing the dreams and talents that I had a heart for. The Bible says: "14 For it is like a man, going into another country, who called his own servants, and entrusted his goods to them. 15 To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one; to each according to his own ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 Immediately he who received the five talents went and traded with them, and made another five talents. 17 In the same way, he also who got the two gained another two. 18 But he who received the one talent went away and dug in the earth, and hid his lord’s money." Matthew 25:14-18

It may be that God has already placed some gifts and desires into your life that could eventually help to enrich your life, but God may be waiting on you to use them. The Bible also says: "14 What good is it, my brothers, if a man says he has faith, but has no works? Can faith save him? 15 And if a brother or sister is naked and in lack of daily food, 16 and one of you tells them, 'Go in peace, be warmed and filled,' and yet you didn’t give them the things the body needs, what good is it?" James 2:14-16. This appears to show that it isn't just a matter of asking. Jesus said to seek and knock as well- to go after and actually pursue things (Matthew 7:7-12).

What are your thoughts on all this?