- Dec 29, 2012
- 13,959
- 7,532
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Engaged
My medical doctor suspects AS, but I have to see the psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis.
Later I will cover my social and work life.
Home/Personal Life:
I'll start with textures and sounds. Certain textures and sounds are very distressing for me. For example, I can't walk across a carpet barefoot. The feeling of the carpet is unbearable. If, for some reason, I do walk across a carpet barefoot, I'm forced to either get my feet wet to take away the nasty feeling or stand on a smooth surface, or both. Other examples include the inability to touch certain fabrics, such as clothing, which limits what I can wear. Hoodie strings and the feeling and sound they make when being adjusted are horrifying. Construction paper, wooden pencils, rough wooden surfaces, cardboard boxes, yarn, paper towels, certain furniture, and many other everyday things make my list of untouchables. If I touch something like this, I have to lick or lightly spit on the area that was affected so as to wash the feeling away, or again, touch a smooth surface. As for noises, loud noises are unsettling. They cause me to lash out and retreat to privacy. As a child the worst noise was vacuum cleaners; as an adult, screaming and yelling people, as well as lawn mowers are the worst noises. Certain textures that I dislike also come with noises that I cannot handle, and the combination of feel and sound is temporarily crippling. For example, wooden pencils. I hate the feel of wooden pencils, but also the sound they make when being used on paper. It causes my mouth to twist up and my body to shiver.
I'm married with three children. Despite this fact, I spend most of my time alone. I don't like being near people; no, not even my own family a lot of the time. I love them with all my heart and soul, but it's just simply impossible for me to be around people for too long. I prefer my privacy. I find people annoying and difficult to understand. If my wife tries to show too much affection, especially at the wrong time, I get flustered and upset and irritated; I feel like my space is being violated. If my children act like children and ask too many questions or pester me too much, I get upset and tell them to leave me alone. I then retreat upstairs to be by myself. My wife gets upset with me when I can't force myself to leave the house and go places. The world just isn't for me; I like my world, alone. I often think of divorce so I can just be alone. If my wife doesn't tell me at least one day in advance about plans to go somewhere, it's so upsetting. I didn't have any time to mentally prepare.
I make hardly any facial expressions and I'm usually monotone; that is, of course, until I get angry. I have sudden fits of unexplainable anger. Eye contact is difficult for me. If I can make it, I can't keep it. I'll be talking to the floor or the wall behind the person, rather than to the person.
My opinions are extreme. I love something or I hate it. I don't have many interest, but the couple I do have are obsessive and consuming. When I was a child it was ancient Egyptian history; as an adult it's Christianity and church history, as well as scripture and theology. I spend hours and hours researching and reading. I don't have any interest in objects and things. My area in my bedroom is bare; decorations and material objects and novelty items are nothing to me. I simply don't care for things. I want to, but I don't and can't. My clothing is the same bland clothing: black, white, or gray t-shirts and jeans. That's it. I hate formal attire, or dressing up of any kind.
I love reading and writing. What is interesting, though, is that I've always been highly advanced in reading and writing. As an eighth grade student, I had the reading and writing level of college freshman. Let's use the bible for an example: it's easier for me to read and understand the KJV, than, say, something like the NLT. I'm a perfectionist in most things. Let's use writing for an example: if I'm writing and I so much as cross a t or dot an i imperfectly, the whole sheet/paper is trash and I have to start all over.
This goes for all people, but since my wife is my primary contact, I'll use her here: I have a difficult time listening to what my wife is saying. She will have my attention, but soon I drift off into my own world and miss what she is saying. It makes me look careless and insensitive, but it's not the case at all.
I repeat conversations I have with people hours after I have them. I also repeat sentences I say. Not always, but I do. I'll say something and then find myself muttering the sentence again under my breath, sometimes over and over again. I also make clicking and whistling noises in my throat at all times of the day. I have a "tick" I guess, in that I'm constantly moving my eyebrows up and down, or bringing them together.
I can ramble on about history or topics I like, but I get upset when someone tries to share that interest with me. I feel ownership over my interests, and it makes me feel like people are trying to take them from me.
I have difficulty with sleep. My mind won't stop racing, making it hard to drift off. I wake up all throughout the night, causing me to get up earlier than I should. I think a lot of the problem is, I can't stop thinking about my obsessions.
There's much, much more. As I find time, I will also cover my social life and the anxiety I feel, and the difficulties I have in the job field. I suppose the point of this thread is for me to share what is happening in my life, and to see if anyone connects with my struggles at all, and if this sounds like Aspergers. Thanks for reading.
Later I will cover my social and work life.
Home/Personal Life:
I'll start with textures and sounds. Certain textures and sounds are very distressing for me. For example, I can't walk across a carpet barefoot. The feeling of the carpet is unbearable. If, for some reason, I do walk across a carpet barefoot, I'm forced to either get my feet wet to take away the nasty feeling or stand on a smooth surface, or both. Other examples include the inability to touch certain fabrics, such as clothing, which limits what I can wear. Hoodie strings and the feeling and sound they make when being adjusted are horrifying. Construction paper, wooden pencils, rough wooden surfaces, cardboard boxes, yarn, paper towels, certain furniture, and many other everyday things make my list of untouchables. If I touch something like this, I have to lick or lightly spit on the area that was affected so as to wash the feeling away, or again, touch a smooth surface. As for noises, loud noises are unsettling. They cause me to lash out and retreat to privacy. As a child the worst noise was vacuum cleaners; as an adult, screaming and yelling people, as well as lawn mowers are the worst noises. Certain textures that I dislike also come with noises that I cannot handle, and the combination of feel and sound is temporarily crippling. For example, wooden pencils. I hate the feel of wooden pencils, but also the sound they make when being used on paper. It causes my mouth to twist up and my body to shiver.
I'm married with three children. Despite this fact, I spend most of my time alone. I don't like being near people; no, not even my own family a lot of the time. I love them with all my heart and soul, but it's just simply impossible for me to be around people for too long. I prefer my privacy. I find people annoying and difficult to understand. If my wife tries to show too much affection, especially at the wrong time, I get flustered and upset and irritated; I feel like my space is being violated. If my children act like children and ask too many questions or pester me too much, I get upset and tell them to leave me alone. I then retreat upstairs to be by myself. My wife gets upset with me when I can't force myself to leave the house and go places. The world just isn't for me; I like my world, alone. I often think of divorce so I can just be alone. If my wife doesn't tell me at least one day in advance about plans to go somewhere, it's so upsetting. I didn't have any time to mentally prepare.
I make hardly any facial expressions and I'm usually monotone; that is, of course, until I get angry. I have sudden fits of unexplainable anger. Eye contact is difficult for me. If I can make it, I can't keep it. I'll be talking to the floor or the wall behind the person, rather than to the person.
My opinions are extreme. I love something or I hate it. I don't have many interest, but the couple I do have are obsessive and consuming. When I was a child it was ancient Egyptian history; as an adult it's Christianity and church history, as well as scripture and theology. I spend hours and hours researching and reading. I don't have any interest in objects and things. My area in my bedroom is bare; decorations and material objects and novelty items are nothing to me. I simply don't care for things. I want to, but I don't and can't. My clothing is the same bland clothing: black, white, or gray t-shirts and jeans. That's it. I hate formal attire, or dressing up of any kind.
I love reading and writing. What is interesting, though, is that I've always been highly advanced in reading and writing. As an eighth grade student, I had the reading and writing level of college freshman. Let's use the bible for an example: it's easier for me to read and understand the KJV, than, say, something like the NLT. I'm a perfectionist in most things. Let's use writing for an example: if I'm writing and I so much as cross a t or dot an i imperfectly, the whole sheet/paper is trash and I have to start all over.
This goes for all people, but since my wife is my primary contact, I'll use her here: I have a difficult time listening to what my wife is saying. She will have my attention, but soon I drift off into my own world and miss what she is saying. It makes me look careless and insensitive, but it's not the case at all.
I repeat conversations I have with people hours after I have them. I also repeat sentences I say. Not always, but I do. I'll say something and then find myself muttering the sentence again under my breath, sometimes over and over again. I also make clicking and whistling noises in my throat at all times of the day. I have a "tick" I guess, in that I'm constantly moving my eyebrows up and down, or bringing them together.
I can ramble on about history or topics I like, but I get upset when someone tries to share that interest with me. I feel ownership over my interests, and it makes me feel like people are trying to take them from me.
I have difficulty with sleep. My mind won't stop racing, making it hard to drift off. I wake up all throughout the night, causing me to get up earlier than I should. I think a lot of the problem is, I can't stop thinking about my obsessions.
There's much, much more. As I find time, I will also cover my social life and the anxiety I feel, and the difficulties I have in the job field. I suppose the point of this thread is for me to share what is happening in my life, and to see if anyone connects with my struggles at all, and if this sounds like Aspergers. Thanks for reading.
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